- Gaz's POV -
I'm glad Dib didn't follow me upstairs, he would have tried to 'reason' with me. he'd probably defend Dad or something, maybe even try to get me and Dad to 'talk'. Talking with my Dad wouldn't do anything. Dad hates me, and no chat with him can change that.
I can't help that I didn't turn out how he wanted me to be. I'm just me, and that's all I can be. I can't change the way I am. I don't want to change the way I am. I like who I am, even though I am a disturbing, rude teenager. It's just the way I am.
I was surprised when Dib began to yell at me. Am I changing? Why did Dib suddenly think he could yell at me? I suppose he must have been pretty angry with me. I knew he was angry since Dad didn't pay much attention to him, but I consider him lucky. He thinks Dad is spoiling me, but the only attention he gives me is when he yells at me.
Why is Dad so upset anyway? Sure, he got fired from his job, but that couldn't possibly be the reason he's so depressed now. When Dad was in the basement all day, I tried to get him to talk to me, but he just told me to go away. Was it because we always argue? Did I upset him? I know I blamed it all on Dib, but I just want answers. I hate this sad vibe in the house. I wish everything could go back to normal.
I think Dib is hiding something. He's been acting really weird lately. Now a days when he comes home from school, he just locks himself in his room without saying anything to anybody. I was thinking about going upstairs and ask him what was up, but the TV distracted me.
After I went upstairs to my room, after Dib yelled at me, I just kind of thought everything over. Then I decided he'd try to come upstairs after me to try to 'talk' with me. I hate that. I don't need his help. So I escaped through my bedroom window to take a walk. I thought maybe if I sit in the park by myself, I could gather my thoughts without any interruption. But I was wrong.
It was a cool, breezy day. I should have taken my jacket, but I kind of left without thinking. When I got to the park, I could tell it had changed a lot since I last went there, which was obviously a long time ago considering I don't get out much anymore. The grass was a dead, pale yellow. Leaves were scattered everywhere, no one bothered raking them into a pile. Most of the sunshine was covered by white clouds. Not a bad day... Until I found Zim sitting on the park bench.
He was smoking. SMOKING. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, now I saw an alien invader smoking on an earthling cigarette. I wasn't really disgusted since I considered smoking myself a few times, but it was such a strange sight seeing Zim smoking. I honestly thought he'd think smoking was disgusting. But by the looks of that empty cigarette box that was sitting next to him, I'd say he's been sitting there for awhile. I don't know why, but something forced me to go over there. Possibly yell at him.
And that's just what I did. I walked right up to him. He glanced at me for a second, then looked away. He took the cigarette from his mouth and puffed a cloud of smoke. He looked at me. "What's up?" He asked casually. Now believe me, I was ready to punch his face in. But instead I sat down. Whatever forced me to come over here told me to shut up and sit. So I slowly sat next to him on the old, yellow wooden bench. I pulled my legs up to me chest and wrapped my arms around them, staring forward.
Zim never took his eyes off of me. I could tell he was wondering what was going on. But all he did was put his cigarette back into his mouth and just enjoyed the park's quiet environment. He lifted his right lef off the ground and rested it on this left. He leaned back and folded his arms. He kept glancing at me. He obviously wanted to ask his questions. So did I. I sighed.
"What are you doing, Zim?" I finally asked. He still didn't look at me. I felt like I was talking to my dad, he never really gives me an answer. Zim removed the cigarette once more and puffed another cloud of smoke. I looked away. Did he feel superior now that he held a cigarette in his hand?
"What do you mean, 'what am I doing'? You are the one who is unexpectingly sitting next to Zim." His eyelids covered up half of his eyes, making him look like he just woke up from a nap. He finally looked at me.
"What I mean is, why are you smoking? Idiot..." I whispered under my breath. Zim looked at me angrily, but the expression suddenly passed. He looked up into space. Seems that some other people have asked the same question.
"I told myself I'd only use one, maybe more if I continued to stress. But it seems these cigarettes have a good effect on me. They make me feel good." Zim stared at the cigarette butt he held in his hand, then tossed it away on the ground. He looked disappointed when he grabbed the box next to him, finding it empty. He tossed it along with the cigarette butt.
"You know that stuff can kill you?" I said. I stared at my feet. "It could have a stronger effect on your sqeedly spooch." Zim chuckled, then his face was serious, his eyes hazy.
"Zim doesn't care anymore." I looked at him. He sounded...like me. I knew he could tell I wanted an explanation. "Zim knows the Irken armada is not coming. Zim knows the Tallest lied to him. Zim knows..." He paused. "...Zim knows he is defective." A hurt expression entered his face. I knew he despised that word. I really didn't feel that bad for him, but I could tell he knew what I was going through. I felt like a defective. I felt like I was hated by my dad.
"I know what you mean." I said, realizing I was thinking out loud. He turned his head toward me, just as surprised at me as I was myself. I had never really related to anyone before, and I never thought I'd ever relate to someone like Zim. I could tell he didn't believe I understood.
"LIES. There is no way you could possibly understand what ZIM is-"
"My dad hates me." I interupted. I already knew what he was going to say - There's no way you could understand what I am going through. Ugh... Even though Zim's an alien, he's still acts like a typical teenager. Anyway, I could see the confused look on his face. He was obviously curious of why my dad hated me, since I never really talk about him at all.
"I not anything he wanted me to be. I hate science, I'd only be supporting this doomed world if I became a scientist. I want to be a graphic designer, maybe a multimedia developer. My grades have dropped. My dad recieves calls from my teachers because I bisbehave in class. I'm not motivated to learn, and I'm not smart. I'm just not what he wants me to be. To him, I'm defective."
Zim didn't respond. He just gave me this strange look, probably thinking of something to say. Finally, he asked, "Why does Gaz human disbehave in class? Why are you not motivated to gain information?" I shrugged. I didn't really know why. Maybe I was distracted?
"I don't know."
I answered. "I guess I think about other stuff."
"Like
what?" He asked.
"I don't know!" I was frustrated. I hate it when people try to 'search' me. Trying to get answers, while trying to give myself answers at the same time. To my surprise, Zim twitched a small grin.
"Gaz human feels alone." He said. I looked at him, surprised. I think that was the first time as we sat there when we actually looked at each other. Zim didn't stop grinning. I was confused. "Think about it. You feel you are defective, and when you come to this human 'park' thing, suddenly you decide to sit next to me for no reason at all. You are lonely."
I growled. I didn't feel loneliness. I didn't feel anything. Why would I feel lonely? Sure I really didn't have any friends, but I didn't care. I hated everyone. I didn't want anyone. "I am not lonely." I protested. "I don't need anyone."
Zim studied my face carefully. I turned away. "That is a lie, human. You do need someone. You think about your female parental unit, and your male parental unit has no interest in you. Am I correct?" I held my legs tighter. I did not think about my mother. I thought it over. ...I didn't...I..
My head was full of thoughts. Zim stared at me, waiting for a response. "..you might be right." I said quietly. I looked up at the sky, realizing it was dark. I could tell Zim was satisfied with my answer. I glared at him.
"You're right that I do think about my mom. But I'm not lonely." I said quickly. Zim shrugged. "You were lucky to have one." He said. I stared at him, realizing he never had a parent. Once again I looked away from him.
"Though lucky for Zim, I am not lonely. Right now I have Dizzy recovering at my house." He said. I raised an eyebrow curiously.
"Recovering form what?" I asked. Zim frowned. I looked at the empty box of cigarettes laying on the ground next to his side of the bench, wishing he had another one, but he looked away.
"Someone beat her the other day," Zim said with an angry expression. "she's now hurt badly. I really don't understand you humans, Gaz. Why do you hurt your own species for no reason?" Gaz thought of her father. She wondered the same thing.
"Another reason I hate people, I guess." I said, not really knowing what else to say. I never really knew Dizzy personally, she mostly hung around Dib and Zim. "Is she okay?" I asked anyway.
"Yes. She should
recover fully. She's just... not responsive. She's not talking much."
Zim answered. He stood up. "Anyway, I should return to my home.
It's not a good idea to leave her alone at this dark hour."
"Can I come with you?" I asked. I almost slapped myself,
realizing I sounded really stupid for asking such a question. I
continued. "Dib will probably be waiting for me when I get home,
and I'd like to avoid him as much as possible. Plus, I'd like to see
Dizzy." Zim shook his head.
"It's probably not a good idea.'' He said. "I worry Dizzy will find it uncomfortable with someone unfamiliar like you being in the house." I quietly nodded in agreement. Maybe I am lonely... I thought. I knew that excuse for following him home was a complete lie... Well, part of it was.
Zim noticed I was deep in thought. "But hey, Gaz human, Zim offers his company at his lunch table." I gave him a strange look. He twitched another grin. "Yep! Right next to me! You must feel honored!" I rolled my eyes, but then grinned.
"Eh.. Sure, Zim." I said. He carefully waved, then disappeared from the park gate. I sighed. I uncurled my lages and lifted myself off of the bench. The stars twinkled in the blackened sky. It was an even more beautiful night than it was daylight.
When I got home, of course Dib was all over me. He kept saying, 'we need to talk', and 'are you okay?', stuff like that. Dib bugs the crud outa me, but sometimes I feel lucky to have someone who actually cares about my feelings.
I was thinking about trying to talk to Dad again, but honestly, I was afraid to. He hadn't come out from the basement all day long, so... Maybe it wasn't a good idea to try to talk to him... Especially if it was me trying to talk to him.
Right now I am sitting on my bed, watching those twinkling stars again. I managed to slip away from Dib while he was in the kitchen grabbing a drink. He said after he got a drink he would 'talk' with me, so at that point I decided it was best to get the heck out of there. He hasn't come up yet.
I wish my dad would talk to me.
-
And there ends another chapter! SEE, it is longer than the last one! I kind of enjoy doing POVs, it helps get inside the characters head. AND GUESS WHUT? Dr. Membrane's POV is coming up in the next chapter! You don't want to miss that, now do you?
!DENUT YATS (Read backwards)
