Nnnkay, part thra is finally done! If you think we're on crack, you may be right! LOLZZZZZZ!!!!! Anyway, for the few who have read this: PLEASE, in the name of all that is holy, REVIEW! We're on our virtual knees!

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Late, late that night, Grissom lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. For some reason, he couldn't get the image of Hermione Granger dancing the hokey pokey in a frilly red dress out of his mind. Her performance really had been memorable.

Sara had gotten up earlier because she could no longer stand the idea that her beloved Grissom might very well be sneaking out to see some adolescent ho, and Sara was missing it! It was inconceivable!

She went into the kitchen to prepare a Magic snack of Magic. She could really get used to this whole magic thing.

There was a loud knock on the door (which was invisible, making privacy difficult). Sarah looked up, surprised. It was two in the morning; who could be knocking? She looked up to the inconveniently invisible door

A gorgeously scruffy hunk of man-candy peered back at her. It appeared that his head was on fire. Along with his hot bod.

She left her snack on the counter and went to open the door. She was almost blinded by his radiance. She couldn't even tell what color his eyes were, so bright was his smile. It seemed to her a light from heaven. She opened the door, and was finally face to face with her angel. Now that she could see him clearly, she could tell that he was a little young for her tastes. Actually, he was quite young for her tastes. He wasn't even older than her, much less 15 years older. But he was gorgeous, and she was slightly desperate.

"Hayyy-yaaay," Sara cooed, wiggling her fingers. The boy looked confused. "Hi, I guess," he said. "I'm looking for my girlfriend. Have you seen her?"

Sara sighed. They always had girlfriends. "Stupid hormones," she muttered angrily. "Well, who's your girlfriend?"

The boy looked euphoric. "I scored an older chick," he said confidingly.

"I find that extremely offensive," Sara said, preparing herself for another futile feminist rant.

Catherine emerged from her room. "Hey, beau!" she squealed, and threw herself at Ron.

"Hey baby!" He…growled? It sounded like an attempted growl, but the voice crack in the middle kind of ruined the effect.

Sara raised her eyebrow. "What about the sisterhood?"

"Screw the sisterhood, I got me a boyfriend!"

The next morning, after another round of musical rooms (everyone wanted Hermione to stay with them; Dumbledore appeared and informed them that it against the rules for a student to stay with them, so, much to everyone's chagrin, she left), the CSIs gathered in their common room to meet with Dumbledore to discuss the reason why they were there.

After six hours of waiting, the CSIs had already gambled with pretzel sticks and cigarettes ("But none of us smoke…" mused Grissom), made out with each other, terrorized some students, written four collective romance novels, and grown a partridge in a pear tree. In short, they were bored, and Dumbledore still hadn't shown up.

Finally, he strode in the door, looking flushed and very disheveled. He elbowed Grissom knowingly.

The other CSIs looked at Grissom, confused. It appeared that he was using the same bad makeup as Sara; he was the same sickly shade of green. Sara wondered why Grissom had to steal her makeup when he already had so much of his own.

There was little time to dwell on this however, as Dumbledore promptly whisked them away to a bathroom somewhere in the castle. There was a banner sealing off the door that seemed like a type of police tape, except it was purple, with sparkly silver writing that scrolled along the tape. And, instead of "Police Line, Do Not Cross," it said "Happy Birthday Shmookies".

"It was left over from my birthday. I thought that it looked similar to the type of banner that you muggles generally use to tape off crime scenes."

"It looks just like the tape I use! I feel so at home!" Nick began to cry, homesickness washing over him like waves and filling him with black despair, despite the fact that they had only been gone for half a day.

They crossed the tape and entered the bathroom. Everything seemed to be in order…everything, except for the bloody corpse in the middle of the room. The group pulled their kits out of their pockets, and set to work documenting the scene.

The body lay on the floor in a pool of blood. There were footprints everywhere, and it seemed like a sort of dance had been done around the body. Furthermore, the body was covered and surrounded by cutlery. Knives, forks, spoons, whisks, tongs, sporks, spatulas, and a garlic press. And finally, the victim's head was bashed in.

"Looks like blunt force trauma," Sara commented. Way to go.

"Got some hair here," Greg said, another brilliant observation as the body was completely covered from head to toe in stray pieces of hair.

While Sara and Greg were stating the obvious, Nick was snooping around in the stalls. "Hey, guys? I think I found the murder weapon." He held up something wooden and floppy. The other CSIs gathered around to see what it was.

It was a puppet, mangled, and very bloody. In its uncommonly lovely, pale hands, it held a blow torch. It had light blond hair, matted with blood, and an aristocratic sneer that made Nick, Greg, Sara, Catherine, Warrick, and Grissom go weak at the knees. Whoa. Nice puppet.

"That looks just like my other boy-toy," Dumbledore supplied helpfully.

There was a loud knock on the door of the Slytherin Common room, and Crabbe and Goyle stopped making out (who didn't see that coming?) long enough to open the door.

Six CSIs and a perverted old man holding a puppet burst in, guns at the ready. Immediately, there was a rush towards the dormitories as people tried to hide the various illegal substances that they were smoking, injecting, inhaling, snorting, and swallowing.

After this mad dash, the only person left in the dormitory was Draco Malfoy, sitting in his usual armchair, grinning slightly at the scene before him.

During the invasion of the Common room, several events had transpired:

1. Grissom had spotted a spider and was now curled in the corner, talking to it softly.

2. Sara had tripped over her own feet and was in a pile on the floor, sobbing, because Grissom was paying more attention to the spider than her. What else was new?

3. Warrick had spotted an unfinished game of poker on the table and was now carrying on a taunting exchange with himself over who was going to win the 'jackpot of a lifetime.'

4. Nick started punching things

5. Greg found a hair on the floor and was trying to convince it to 'put its hands in the air and hand over its DNA!'

6. Catherine went on a furious rant because the hair Greg had found was red, the color of her sweetie's own luscious locks, and she was now convinced that Ronniekins was cheating on her with Greg. It wouldn't have been the first time.

7. Dumbledore, in the midst of all this excitement, had fallen into another one of his 'episodes' and was carrying on a spirited game of I-spy with 'Freddie.'

In short, Draco Malfoy was witnessing the mania of a lifetime. He couldn't decide whether to be terrified or enthralled. He desperately wanted to go hide somewhere, but he couldn't tear himself away from the sight of the muscular Texan railing on an armchair, or the dulcet tones of the beautiful blonde screaming at the spiky-haired hottie, whose assertiveness when dealing with the strand of hair was totally sexy. Then there was the beautiful man (whose eyes were almost, but not quite, as green as Harry's), playing a lonely game of poker. Draco wanted to join him more than anything. Well, almost anything. The real triumph of the room was: her.

Nothing sexier than a klutz. Especially a sobbing, brunette klutz on the floor in a pile. Not that he ever would have admitted it.

Draco clapped loudly. "People!" he shouted. "Get a hold of yourselves."

Sara stopped crying. Nick stopped punching. Greg stopped extracting. Catherine stopped ranting. Warrick, amazingly, stopped gambling. Grissom continued talking to the spider.

"That's better," Draco said. "Now. Are you all here for a reason, or just to make my mouth water?" He froze. Did I actually say that?

Fortunately, no one seemed to notice, because, at that very moment, the spider bit Grissom and the room was plunged into chaos once more.

"Come on! Just ten more dollars!" Warrick pleaded to an imaginary money-lender.

"Wh-why don't you love meeeeeee?" Sara bawled.

"I expressly forbade you from going near him! I know we've shared in the past, but Ronniekins is mine!" Catherine told Greg, who ignored her.

"I spy with my little eye, something…red," said Freddie.

"Come on! The DNA, or there are going to be consequences—"

Crack. Everyone stopped in their ranting and looked up. Nick had punched the chair too hard and it had collapsed pitifully. Draco made a mental note never to trust law enforcement. What a bunch of lunatics.

Grissom gave Nick a stern look and then they all went back to their babbling. Draco concluded that he was the only sane one in the room and, after a furtive glance around, slipped past Warrick and out the door.

About four hours later, Sara stopped crying long enough to search through the foggy contents of her mind, trying to find a reason why they could possibly be where they were.

"Hey guys," she said slowly. "Wasn't there a perp we were supposed to be after…?"

It appeared that God was at it again with that darn pause button. The entire room froze. Dumbledore stopped punching Freddie, Catherine stopped chewing on Greg's ankle, Greg stopped offering the hair a reduced sentence in return for information, Warrick stopped sobbing over his lost money, Nick stopped shooting rounds into the fireplace, and Grissom stopped his conversation with the spider over a candlelit dinner and nice glass of merlot. They all looked at each other with the same stunned expression.

"Oh DAMN."

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Newsflash: Contrary to popular belief, we like reviews! We really do! We will not come after you with a rake and a torch if you review! We will welcome your reviews with open arms! We can't promise you a cookie…but still!

P.S. Flames will be used to light Grissom's candles for his romantic dinner with his new spider friend, so don't be shy to throw some our way!