Now things start getting tense...

If he'd thought that nothing in the world could break his euphoria, he was wrong.

Dead wrong.

As he burst into the lair on light feet, he found all three of his brothers exactly where he'd left them: in front of the television, but they didn't look disinterested or bored out of their minds. They were all leaning forward, their eyes fixed on the screen, Donny paying special attention, Raf ponderous, and Mikey pale.

Without a single question, he crossed the room to see what they were so consumed with. All he could gather from the television reporter was a garbled bunch of gibberish, so when Donny switched off the TV, he crossed his arms over his chest as his brothers turned to look at him, realizing that he was there because of his reflection in the blank screen.

"What's going on, guys?"

If he had been human, you could say Donny looked a little green around the gills. But, as he wasn't human, and he was already green, that witty expression was absolutely worthless. But he didn't look good.

"Two other girls have been found," he said hoarsely.


"Their bodies were discovered here," said the purple-masked turtle, pointing at two different locations on a map of New York City he had pinned to the wall of his lab. "And here. The first was found about a week ago, in between a couple of dumpsters, and the second was just last night. Once again, signs of sexual assault, starvation, and physical abuse. Cause of death: gunshots in the shoulder."

"I feel like I'm on an episode of CSI," said Mikey, shuddering. Seeing his brother upset, Leo put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Mikey. Calm down."

He could feel the muscles of his shoulder quivering under his palm, even as he said this. Mikey had always been the least brave of the four of them, but he didn't think he had ever seen him this genuinely chilled before. He didn't blame him. Even the Shredder hadn't been this bad. Maybe he would have been, if he hadn't been crushed by an overturned semi truck first, but at least his plans to control the world hadn't been put into effect. This was much different. This was an operation that was already under way, and if something didn't happen soon, every woman in New York City was going to get nabbed off the streets, no matter how old she was or her race or ethnicity, only to turn up dead about three months later, starved and beaten almost beyond the point of recognition.

"She's so lucky she survived," he said softly, and no one asked who he was talking about.

"Dudes," said Mikey. "What if the guys who are doing this figure out that she's alive? What if they come for her and…" he gulped. "…finish the job?"

They looked at each other, and they could tell that the thought hadn't even crossed any of their minds until now. And now that they thought about it, it was a danger that was as real as the shells on their backs. If indeed, those responsible for the Orphan Train got suspicious because her death wasn't being reported on the news, then A.J. could be in serious danger. Leo felt the balloon of happiness that had been welling up inside him deflate rapidly, and be replaced by a deep ache of fear, while a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Still, he tried to get a grip on himself.

"What else was in the story? Anything about receiving information from an inside source, or a police report?"

Donny shook his head.

"The cops working on this case are smart. Whatever A.J. told them, they're keeping secret. There also wasn't anything about her, either."

Mikey and Leo let out a small sigh of relief.

"So she's safe."

"For now," said Raf, his eyes dark with worry. "But I think we oughta keep an eye on her, just in case."

"I think that's the first time I've ever seen you care about someone other than yourself, Raf," said Leo coolly.

Raf started, and a slight blush crept into his cheeks.

"Don't want nothin' to happen to her," he said hotly. "And you should be doin' the same thing, at least until we shut these guys down."

Though he hated to admit it, it was a good idea, and definitely one of the precautions they should be taking. But Raf's words had wounded his pride, and that was a crime he wasn't going to forgive easily.

"I bet these guys don't know anything about her still being alive. I'm sure she's fine," he said. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll warn her, just to put her on her guard. She's not stupid, and if she's on the alert, she won't let herself get caught that easily. So, Donny, how are we doing on the face matches?"


In the time that he had been seeing A.J., Leo had been wrestling with some feelings. Feelings that he didn't understand, nor could he identify. He had debated asking his brothers, or maybe Master Splinter about it, but decided against both. First, his brothers would probably laugh at him, and he was afraid of what Master Splinter would say if he told him. So he kept these feelings to himself, unsure of what they meant, or what would come of them.

But they were enough to drive even him crazy. Every time they were together, especially when they kissed, heat flooded through his body, through his veins like blood. He got a strange tightening somewhere deep in his belly, an ache in his chest that he couldn't explain, and it made him want her all the more. It was especially bad when he was alone, without her and without anyone to see him, because it made him toss and turn in his bed, driving sleep from his eyes, the pain in his heart all but unbearable. Meditation usually helped, but the relief was only temporary, and soon, it was starting all over again.

Early one morning, when he should have been resting, he decided he'd had enough. He had to get a handle on the situation, before it got out of control and made him do something he would regret. What it might make him do, he had no idea, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be good for either one of them.

He decided he would look at this logically. First, he would describe how he felt, get it out so he could actually see it, and then maybe it would be easier to think about it and come up with an answer.

He got out of his bed, went to the desk in his room and turned on the lamp, lighting a few candles as well, once he'd located the matches. He opened his desk drawer, and pulled out the notebook and pencil he used when Master Splinter gave them their lessons. Aside from being their ninja instructor, he was also their teacher, giving them a few basic lessons in history, mathematics, grammar, and sciences. These had gradually faded out when their training began, but some things were hard to forget. Leo got his thoughts in order, licked the end of his pencil, and began to write…


An hour or so later, he stared at the lines he had written, making some revisions here and there, then he set the pencil down. He had written it down to a nub, and his hand hurt. As he shook it out, relaxing the muscles, he took a deep breath. When he let it out, he found he was feeling much calmer than he had for a while. He was also feeling very tired, having stayed up several hours past his normal bedtime. He turned off his lamp, blew out the candles, and lay down on his bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin, feeling himself drift away, bit by bit. The writing had helped him let off some steam, and now that it was out of his head, if for only a little while, he could sleep, undisturbed by strange feelings that were out of his control. In a few minutes, he was deep in a dark and dreamless sleep.
A.J. flopped onto Leo's bed as soon as she entered the room, glad to at last be off her feet. Running around school from class to class, and then running around the store where she worked without a single moment to sit down was doing murder to her feet, because she had spent the entire day in her high-heeled school shoes. One would think that a Catholic private school would disapprove of such footwear, but not her school. She had no idea why they made their female students wear them, but they did, and all she could do was call them ugly names in the back of her mind. It was a very rare occasion that she cursed, just because she didn't think such words were necessary to the English language. It was only when she was deeply upset, like the night she had to relate her story to the boys, that she ever let a curse word pass her lips.

She took off her shoes, throwing them on the floor beside Leo's bed and groaned as she rubbed her feet.

"You all right?" her boyfriend asked, his eyes touched with concern.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," she said. "My feet just hurt, that's all. It's those stupid shoes." She smiled. "Makes me wish I were a guy sometimes. Then I wouldn't be expected to wear high heels ever. Unless I was a drag queen."

"Just be thankful you aren't a runway model," he said, trying to be helpful. "Then they would make you wear those really high ones."

"The ones that you could stab someone's eye out with? Yeah, that's true. How the heck do they walk in those, anyway?"

He shrugged his broad shoulders.

"I have no idea. Practice, I guess. Is there anything I can do?" he asked, noticing her looking rather uncomfortable as she rubbed her legs.

She stopped her self-massage and frowned, tapping her finger against her chin.

"Well, do you have any milk?"

"I think so. You want some?"

"Yeah. A glass of milk sounds good."

"Okay, I'll be right back." He meant to drop a kiss on her lips, but missed and hit her nose. "Don't go anywhere."

She rolled her eyes, but she smiled.

"Oh trust me. I'm not."

She resumed rubbing her legs as he left the room, letting her hands work the soreness out of her muscles. If she had been wearing jeans or a longer skirt, she might have asked Leo to do it, but because she was wearing her short school skirt, she hadn't mentioned it. Not only was she uncomfortable with it, but she didn't want to make him uncomfortable with an unintentional game of Nervous. Though she trusted him, she just wasn't ready to have him touch the bare skin of her legs yet.

She looked around the room. It was a small place, probably no bigger than her own, furnished only by his bed, a desk, and a chair. On this desk was a notebook that lay open with a pencil on top of it. At first, she thought it might have been schoolwork, but she didn't see any other books lying around, and her curiosity was aroused. She knew she shouldn't be snooping, but it was too great a temptation to resist. Besides, knowing Leo, it probably wasn't anything bad. She got up off his bed and crossed the room to pick it up. Sitting down in the chair, she began to read the words written on the page in Leo's rough but clearly legible handwriting.

What is this feeling

I'm feeling for you

Whenever I look into your eyes?

What is it that makes me want to touch you

Do nothing but touch you?

Run my hands over your soft skin

And entwine my fingers in your beautiful hair?

Heat like liquid silk

I can't resist you

What does it mean?

What does it mean?

What is it that makes me pull you close

And hold your body to me?

What makes me want your heart

To beat next to mine

Now and forever?

Why do your pink lips hypnotize me

Every time you speak?

Why do I blush and feel my blood boil

Whenever you are near?

What makes me want to spend eternity in your arms

And never let you go?

Do these forces that drive me to you

Also drive you to me?

Do you feel the way I do

When you look into my eyes

And hold my hand in yours?

Do you find yourself lost

Without a thing to say?

Except the very words

That you're afraid to speak?

Do you also feel this feeling

That I'm feeling for you?

She felt her cheeks burn and cold sweat run down her back as she read these lines. It was beautifully written, nearly sweeping her off her feet with its elegant, yet simple language, and there was no doubt it had come from the very bottom of Leo's heart. She had never known him to have such a talent, and believed he meant every word he said.

Which was exactly what she was afraid of.

The subject he was writing about. He may not understand his feelings, but she did. She knew exactly what he was talking about, and exactly what he was feeling. It was a thing that haunted her dreams; the thing that drove her to awaken sometimes in the night, screaming.

She shivered, even though it was warm in his room, and she was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't hear Leo come back, two glasses of milk in his hands. When he spoke her name, she was so startled she all but jumped out of her skin. She did jump out of the chair, the notebook still clutched in her hands. Her eyes were as wide and terrified as they had been the night Raf came up and grabbed her from behind, and her voice was a shaky whisper as she said, "I know what it is, Leo."
At first, he was confused.

"What?"

Then his eyes fell on the notebook, and they dropped to the floor. He flushed deeply as he began stammering apologies.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to see that…I didn't mean…should have put it away…I forgot it was there."

He set the glasses down on his desk and reached forward to take the notebook from her hands. But her grip tightened, and she looked him in the eyes as she repeated, "I know what it's called. That feeling in your writing."

He let go of the notebook, his interest peaked, and his brown eyes met her green ones when he asked, "What is it?" At last, the mystery of his unknown feelings would be solved. He was excited but her pale face and frightened eyes, not to mention the quiver in her lower lip, told him he was not going to like what he heard.

"Lust."

Her voice was so soft, so scared, it struck a painful chord on Leo's heartstrings, even as the shame came crashing down on his shoulders like a landslide of bricks. So that was what lust felt like. He knew about it, from television and from the lecture Master Splinter had given them two years ago, but he'd never known exactly what it felt like to lust for anything, especially a girl. It was a perfectly natural feeling from he had been told, as long as it wasn't abused, but that was exactly why he felt ashamed, for it was the very feeling that had driven the four operators of the Orphan Train to do the things they had done to her: a cruel, unforgivable lust to cause pain and humiliation. He had wanted to protect her, and now he'd come to find that he was feeling the exact same way her tormenters had.

But was he? he wondered even as he hung his head. Wasn't there a kind of lust that everyone felt at least once in their lives, the kind that wasn't used in a harmful way? The kind that made people think of their partners as much as themselves? Wasn't that what he felt for her? Causing her any pain was the furthest thing from his mind. All he wanted to do was make her happy. Would he ever convince her of this?

"A.J.," he began, pulling the notebook out of her hands so that there was nothing in between them as he took her into his arms. "Lust, sex, what does all that mean to you?"

He was afraid of the answer he would hear, but he had to start somewhere. Best way to handle this problem was logically, hopefully without causing her or himself any unnecessary disturbance.

But her eyes were already filling with tears as she answered.

"Pain…shame…worthlessness…helplessness…powerless to do anything…unable to control your own fate…"

"I don't want to make you feel those things," he said gently. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"Then why are you afraid?"

"It's all I know," she said after a pause. "That's all I can think of when the subject comes up."

"You don't have to be afraid, not with me."

The tears began to fall, and she pulled out of his arms.

"I'm sorry, Leo."

She put her hands up to her face to wipe her cheeks. Sniffling, she tried to compose herself as he stood there, frozen, his arms held out as though to welcome her back, if she would come back. But she didn't. In fact, she brushed past him to where the milk glasses were sitting, still on the desk. She picked one up and drank it down, not speaking as she paused for breath in between gulps. Leo could only stare at her as she did this, completely lost for words. Absentmindedly, maybe because she was doing it, he took the other glass and drained its contents, finishing before she did, even though she had started before him. Finally, after she had finished her milk, she went to her purse and pulled out her cell phone, looking at it as she flipped it open.

"It's late," she said firmly. "And I'm really tired. I think I should go home.


Half an hour later, they both dropped onto the ledge outside of her window.

"Thanks," she said when he set her down. She started to push up the window, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back, slowly and gently so as not to frighten her. She wasn't strong enough to resist him, and she came easily, but he could feel the stiffness in her body as he gave her a hug. Because of this stiffness, he didn't hold her for long, and when he released her, she opened the window, threw her backpack and purse in first, then climbed through herself. She waved, then closed the window and the drapes without a kiss goodbye, leaving Leo alone on the ledge, alone, confused, and upset. He thought about knocking on the glass to apologize again, and maybe explain himself, tell her he didn't know, he didn't understand, but he knew that was useless. The thing she needed most right now was time to herself, and what was the rule Master Splinter had always taught him?

There were no excuses when you were the leader.

Maybe these feelings he was struggling with were normal for everyone else, but as a trained ninja, he should have had better control of himself. Maybe putting those ideas out on paper was not a very smart idea, and he had better destroy it before someone else, like one or more of his brothers, found it.

Unknown to Leo as he left the ledge and headed for home, A.J. threw herself onto her bed, buried her face in her pillows, and burst into tears.

There's always the time in the story when everything sort of falls apart, and my friends, this is that time. Things have been going so well for our boys, I just had to shake things up a little. I kind of like the sort of dimension with Leo as a writer, though I understand that in the comic books Mikey's the one that ends up the writer. anyway, I thought it added a nice side of Leo's personality, and maybe how he would deal with these certain... feelings.