Hey guys, its Rori again with another update! Huzzah!
I really should be doing homework, but you know, when the writing bug strikes… something… happens –sweatdrop-
I think I'll make Temari the only sane character in this story, I like her and anyway, she seems sane and sensible, everyone else is just… crazy.
Disclaimer on the front page.
Currently a crack story.
I STILL NEED A BETA READER! Heh, -insert smiley face here-
On with the show.
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It was a lovely morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the bees were making honey and the butterflies were flying around looking pretty. Akamaru was going crazy whenever he saw a butterfly, Kiba's lack of bacon this morning was making him very irritable, Naruto insisted on copying Gaara's every move, Lee and Gai were conversing heatedly about youth, Sakura and Ino were arguing about who had the greatest hair, Choji was littering everywhere, Kakashi was reading his perverted books, Sai was moaning to Shikamaru about the amount of noise, TenTen was spearing bees with her kunai, Neji was trying to steal Hinata's hair products (again) and Shino was talking to his bugs.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't such a lovely morning.
Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were at the end of their tether, they had endured precisely 5 hours, 45 minutes and 23 seconds of this so far. Temari only hoped they could reach the outpost town soon, then maybe she could enjoy the peace and quiet of being alone in the hotel.
"Hey Tems…" Kankuro started off by calling Temari by her dreaded diminutive name which almost immediately sparked off her annoyance like a fuse and dynamite.
"Temari." She growled her full name back at her sibling who just grinned.
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, we should be at the outpost town in 15 minutes or so, you might want to scout ahead seen as you're pretty much about to burst." Kankuro shrugged and relayed his idea, besides, if Temari got lost in town, Kankuro could watch Neighbours without his sister reprimanding him over his shoulder.
Temari of course, missed this. "That's a good idea," Temari leaped into the treetops to assure a quicker route to the said destination. "I'll be waiting at the gate, be quick." With that she took off.
"Hey where did Temari leave for?" Shikamaru asked Kankuro and Gaara suspiciously. Shikamaru had taken to be suspicious of everyone who wasn't from Konoha and that included Gaara, Kankuro and Temari.
"She went ahead." Gaara explained simply in his creepy voice. Shikamaru decided against pursuing the matter further after all, Gaara's creepy voice made Shikamaru remember the time Gaara tried to kill Lee in the hospital, it was the same voice.
Temari at the gate.
Temari arrived on the top of the gates that lead to this bustling outpost town. It was almost the epitome of Techno Town. Neon lights were supplied at almost every store, massive television screens here, there and everywhere flashing adverts that had some scantily dressed skank of a woman drinking a specific brand of cola. Basically, it was everything that Temari hated.
Temari was the type of person who liked the beauties of nature, but there absolutely nothing natural about this town. The town could have been the single biggest contributor to global warming with the amount of electricity it was burning off. Cue Eco-Temari, this town could really learn a lot from the Wind Country.
It didn't take Temari long to get to the gates. She had taken approximately ten minutes to get through the trees and make it to the town so in theory, the Expedition Team should make it in five minutes, but knowing the Team, something probably had happened.
With the team
"Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeease? PLEEEEEASE!!!??? I HAVE COOOKIES! DATTEBAYO!" Naruto's attempts to get Gaara to let him wear his hat were dwindling, the chances were one in twenty thousand, but even so, Sakura was taking bets from the other members of the team.
"Who're you betting on Neji?" Gai and Lee asked the Hyuga prodigy simultaneously. Both the bowl cut boys had already placed their bets for Naruto.
Of course, Neji was a very practical person; he saw no sense in losing money to something that probably would yield the same results every time. "Hn. I don't gamble."
"Gee Neji, you're so boring. Akamaru already bet on Gaara." Kiba came into the conversation and was quick to insult Neji, but Neji was Neji, he hardly noticed.
With Naruto.
Naruto. Wanted. Gaara's. Hat.
He wanted it. He wanted to wear it and that friggin' son of a bitch, no disrespect for the dead of course, would not let him even touch it. Not even for instant ramen, or Naruto's puppy dog eyes or anything. Gaara was like and immovable rock that would not let Naruto touch his Kazekage hat.
Naruto hung back while the group walked on forwards, sulking like a little boy that didn't get his lollipop. He was fixated on that hat and his inner demons were emerging. All of a sudden Mini Evil Naruto appeared on his left shoulder and Mini Angel Naruto appeared on his right shoulder.
Mini Evil Naruto was the first to speak. "Why that no good bastard, he shoulda let you try that hat, it's only a hat after all, dattebayo."
"But but but Naruto, it's his special hat dattebayoooooooooooooooooooo!" Mini Angel Naruto was kicked of Naruto's shoulder by Mini Evil Naruto and vanished with a poof into the air.
"Right, now this is what we'll do, dattebayo."
Later at the outpost town gates.
"What took you?" Temari said lazily from her position atop the gates looking at the team and more specifically, her brothers. Gaara had a very definite scowl on his face while Kankuro was checking his watch. Some of the members were slightly disgruntled by the fact that Naruto didn't get to try Gaara's hat on and a few –cough- Lee –cough- Gai –cough- had lost quite a lot of money to the others.
"Less talk, more movement, Neighbours starts in fifteen." Kankuro grabbed Gaara's arm and half-dragged, half-ran to the supposed hotel with the rest of the team following in close succession. Who knew that Kankuro was that fast under all that fat? By fat, I mean muscle, ahem.
And so our band of intrepid explorers wove their way through the streets of Techno Town, as Temari had aptly named this bustling city, in a slightly crazy fashion, earning them many disapproving glanced from the townspeople, but none of it mattered when they reached their spectacular five-star hotel. Gaara had good taste in these kinds of things.
The front of the hotel was embellished and the décor seemed to consist of colours red, gold and cream, which Ino noted as a winning combination by using her fabulous sense of colour co-ordination and fashion, which ultimately resulted in Sakura retorting that Ino had no such sense.
Kankuro wasted no time in getting the keys. "Right, rooms." The group turned to face Kankuro. "TenTen, Hinata, Temari, Ino and Sakura, you are sharing Room 207." Kankuro handed Temari the keys and let her leave with the other four girls. "Naruto, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji and Shino, you are sharing Room 208." Kankuro handed Shikamaru the keys and they (minus Naruto) presently left. "That leaves, Me, Gaara, Neji, Sai, and Lee, we're in Room 209, and you two," Kankuro handed Kakashi and Gai two separate keys. "Get your own rooms. Now, where is the Plasma Screen?"
-----
Some time later in the girls' room.
"I swear! My Mom put that in there, I do not wear things like that seriously!" Sakura was protecting herself from peals of laughter from the other girls as they unpacked their bags, TenTen had somehow found Sakura's woollen bunny rabbit cardigan which caused the owner of such a hideous garment flush bright cherry blossom pink.
Temari subdued her chuckling long enough to think of something good to do while they were stuck in this hotel. "Hey, we could treat this like a pamper party, after all, the mini fridge is stocked and I have my make up and stuff."
The girls nodded in agreement; after all if they had to stay in this boring hotel, they might as well have some fun. Ino added another idea to the mix. "And we could play the best game ever," Ino's eyes took on a crazy twinkle much like Tsunade's. "TWENTY-ONE DARES!"
The girls all started talking and nodding again when Hinata broke the chatter. "B-b-but what if we g-g-get d-dared something that we d-don't want to do?"
Temari, TenTen, Sakura and Ino gave Hinata withering looks. Seriously, Hinata was seventeen years old, a chunin, a HYUGA, and she looked like she couldn't say boo to a goose. Ino was the one that answered the question. "Hinata, you can't back out of it. You know what lets just start playing the game now and we can do everything later, just before Hinata gets cold feet."
The girls arranged themselves in a circle on the carpet, gathering crisps, popcorn, chocolate, fizzy drinks and a whole lot of junk food. Each girl excluding Hinata grinned and started to count.
"Eighteen, nineteen, twenty." TenTen finished counting her numbers as she, Temari and Ino looked at Sakura deviously.
Sakura flushed again and muttered "Twenty-one." Under her breath as the girls exploded into laughter. Sakura crossed her arms and growled. "Just give me a dare already, it's not like being first isn't bad enough."
"Ooh ooh, confess your undying love for Gai-sensei for the whole world to hear!" Ino was as cruel as ever and even though Ino herself would never ever ever do that, she didn't see why Sakura couldn't.
"Ino, don't be so heartless." TenTen told the younger girl who simply smirked back.
"Here's a better one." Temari said gulping down a mouthful of mint chocolate chip cookie. "Steal one item of Kakashi's, something big that he will notice, and plant it in Gai's room." Temari grinned ingeniously, "I'd like to see their reactions."
Sakura also grinned and stood up. "I'll be right back." Sakura wasted no time in getting to the door. And it wasn't long before she was back.
The other girls looked at Sakura expectantly, waiting to hear. "I took his Icha Icha Volumes and put them on Gai's mantle piece." Sakura was praised with doing this, no-one but Naruto dared touch Kakashi's precious Icha Icha Volumes, there would be hell to pay.
But there was still a matter of the other dares.
"I really am sorry Hinata, but twenty." Ino said apologetically to her best friend, who promptly turned beetroot red and whispered "Twenty-one." Very quietly indeed, so quietly and shyly that the other girls almost felt sorry for her.
Almost.
"Wait, wait, wait. I have the best idea ever." Sakura was using her cruel side to think up something excruciatingly embarrassing for the Hyuga heiress. Sakura gathered the girls around her and relayed her idea.
Hinata went very pale. Very, very, pale.
"Can't back out of a dare Hina!"
"Off you go, and don't come back without anything!"
And so Hinata was pushed out of the room and begin her incredibly embarrassing dare.
-----
The private lounge (with the plasma screen).
Naruto, Gaara, Kankuro and Kakashi were all sitting on the sofa of the ridiculously over furnished private lounge watching the television with wide eyes. Blink and you could miss something crucial. Naruto was so focused on the soap that he forgot he was meant to be using this time to steal Gaara's hat. Kakashi had left his precious Icha Icha books to watch this drama and Gaara and Kankuro were almost falling off the sofa, as they both inched closer and closer to the television.
However, Neji and Lee were sitting on the floor behind the sofa, playing Go Fish. Lee took a break and sighed before looking over to the three boys and the man who were transfixed to the television screen.
"You would never guess they were ninjas." Neji put his cards down to look at the four too.
"Hn. Soap operas are gripping stuff when you get into them." The taijutsu specialist put forth his words very matter of factly. "I gave up watching television when I almost got hooked to that daft program Emmerdale."
Neji picked his cards up and looked at them again. He did want to use his Byakugan to see through Lee's cards but he had promised on not doing that, Lee said it was unfair and un-youthful. Pfft. As if.
Lee also picked up his cards but almost dropped them when a sudden, loud and simultaneous gasp arose from the men sitting at the sofa.
"I can't believe she just did that, dattebayo!"
"I thought she would, the rumours were true."
"Oh, but that leaves such a gap in the story!"
"What brilliance in the plot though."
"OOH OOH! HOLLYOAKS IS NEXT!"
Excited squeals came from Kankuro, Naruto and Kakashi as they got comfortable on the sofa once again while Gaara smiled a small smile. Neji and Lee however, were most disgusted. They suppressed their shudders and continued playing cards; it was probably one of the things that could take their mind of the four guys on the sofa and their soap opera fetish.
That is of course until Hinata pushed the door open. Neji and Lee immediately turned to look at her while the rest just plain ignored her. Neji noticed that Hinata was using her Byakugan, and was quite red in the face, but for Hinata that was normal.
"Is there a problem, Hinata-sama?" Neji asked suspiciously, what was Hinata trying to do exactly?
"Would you like to play the card game of youth, Go Fish, with us Hinata-san?" Lee noticed that when Hinata looked at him she started shaking profusely.
"N-n-n-o, I-I-I'll p-pass, t-thank you, L-Lee-san. I, I just w-want t-t-t-to know w-where e-everyone is." Hinata's stuttering was more prominent than usual, and she quickly moved over to see Gaara, Kankuro, Naruto and Kakashi, but of course at that moment, Gai burst into the lounge.
"I AM BACK FROM MY SHOPPING TRIP OF YOUTH!"
"Oh please, you threw a strop when you found out that the department store didn't sell green spandex." Shikamaru, Choji and Kiba emerged from behind Gai and seated themselves on chairs at the other side. Hinata promptly turned beetroot red and started shaking very hard again.
"Hinata-sama? Is there a problem?" Neji stood up in concern.
"No!" Hinata ran out the door in double quick time, confusing most people.
"It's probably PMS."
-----
Girls' Room.
"CHEW! CHEW! CHEW! CHEW! CHEW! CHEW!"
Temari was doing the impossible. The blonde from the sand had previously stuffed three very large mint chocolate chip cookies in her mouth and was trying to eat them all in one go. She was almost at choking point, but Sakura had said that should something happen, she would be on stand by. Eating three biscuits at the same time was not an easy thing. Especially large mint chocolate chip ones. Temari successfully finished her mouthful and immediately demanded some cherryade, her mouth had gone very dry.
Then Hinata rushed through the room and slammed the door behind her, gasping for air and shaking very, very badly. Her already pale skin was now paler than usual and glistening with sweat. She looked like she had been put through intense mental trauma.
Of course, the girls hardly cared. TenTen pulled Hinata onto the floor and immediately they all started talking.
"Ooh! Ooh! What does Kakashi-sensei wear? I bet it's really weird." Sakura suggested as the girls looked expectantly to Hinata.
"W-w-w-white boxers' w-w-with red hearts." The girls excluding Hinata immediately cracked up laughing while Hinata still looked in a disturbed state.
"Neji! What does he wear!?"
"TenTen, you perv! He's your team mate!"
"B-b-b-black s-silk C-calvin Klein boxers'."
"Damn, the Hyugas' can afford everything!"
"Oh! Kiba! I bet he goes commando!"
Hinata automatically started shaking again. "N-n-n-no, t-that w-w-w-would be G-Gai-sensei and Lee."
There was one long period of silence.
"Oh my god."
And cue chaos while all five girls had an attack of very disgusting mental images.
-----
Later that day.
The Team had just finished dinner in the Hotel Restaurant. Choji however was having an extended dinner all by his lonesome on a nearby table. His barbeque fetish was driving some people up the wall, so he had been given his own table. This meeting was not entirely recreational; Gaara still had to discuss what he had found out and where they would be going. The cleared table had notes and a large map pinned to it.
"I'll get right to it; we can deduce several things about Kemuri from the ninjas they send." Gaara said in his low creepy voice, everyone listened but some couldn't help but flinch. "The ninjas have a strange mix of genjutsu which seems to be the primary in most, and ninjutsu which is second, followed by taijutsu. The ninjutsu they used his sometimes water based, earth based." Gaara stopped to take a breath.
"The water based ninjutsu leads me to believe that Kemuri must be a town situated near water, otherwise things like that just would not work. Also, smoke is a by product of fire, so naturally, Kemuri is in the Fire country. But!" Gaara stopped at the 'but' and pointed to two places where the Fire Country was met by water. "As there are two places I thought that just that was too broad an answer. In the late Chunin exams in Suna, I approached a rather gullible young Kemuri kunoichi and asked if the child had any hobbies. The child said that when she wasn't practising, she liked surfing but couldn't do it much in Kemuri because the waves are too small."
"The water around the Fire Country is usually quite rough, that means that Kemuri cannot be in Fire Country." Gai said in a low baritone, thinking deeply, no one had interrupted Gaara so far.
"On the contrary, that kunoichi's comment made this very easy. There is one place." Gaara pointed to a dip in the map showing a large cliff that sheltered a sandy beach. "Here the water is calmer than most parts. This leaves us quite a wide area to search but we should be able to do it in a day or two."
"That place isn't that far from here, a day's walk should get us there." Kakashi leant forward to take a closer look at the map.
Kankuro stood up quickly. "Yeah, yeah, then we'll leave tomorrow, hurry Gaara! Who wants to be a Millionaire starts soon."
And so the great Expedition Team dispersed, with the exception of Neji and Lee.
"You know, I never knew he was that smart." Neji said to Lee who returned an overly horrified look.
"I cannot believe you just said that about the Kazekage-sama Neji!"
-----
That evening.
Everyone was preparing to go to bed that night. Kankuro, Gaara and Naruto however, were still transfixed to the television watching Quiz programs and Kankuro and Naruto were shouting at the answers to Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Kakashi had long left the sofa to go and shower, then possibly read his Icha Icha series books again. Kakashi's perverted mind was thinking of all the things he could read again in the shower and he really was looking forward to it. This 'expedition' was more like a holiday than he could have thought, and Kakashi was determined to enjoy it. After all, how much spare time does a ninja get?
The girls were reclining on their beds swapping stories and eating enough candy to last a lifetime. They had somehow recovered from those horrid, horrid thoughts. Hinata took a little longer than everyone else, after all, she had seen those 'sights which should never be seen' and her personality and shy, innocent disposition left her in a state that was almost beyond repair. But when you have a skilled medical ninja, who also happened to be a good psychiatrist, even the most traumatised of people should be okay.
In Naruto's room, which Naruto wasn't in, Shikamaru had challenged Kiba to a game of Shogi, which happened to be a very bad idea since Kiba was a very dirty player. Kiba used all the tricks in the books to keep Shikamaru from winning but the Nara pulled it all off in the end leaving Kiba in a very bad mood, again. Choji was eating everything in the mini fridge, everything was almost gone but no one really cared. Shino was writing a letter to his parents like a good boy.
Neji, Sai and Lee were in their rooms too. Lee was staring at himself in the mirror and perfecting his nice guy pose, without saying much, for the slightest word could anger the Hyuga prodigy who was currently meditating on the bed, after some time Neji got up and took a hairbrush from his bag and proceeded to brush his hair and counting to a hundred for each side. Sai was doing detailed drawings of the décor of the room; it could come in handy, should Sai want to build a swanky restaurant some day.
Kakashi emerged from the shower fully clothed but with sopping wet hair. He turned and unlocked the door of his room and went in. A few moments later a loud scream was heard from Kakashi's room. All the ninjas assembled outside the room and opened the door to reveal a very upset Kakashi turning his room topsy-turvy.
"They're gone! Someone's stolen them! When I find that bastard, son of a bitch…" Kakashi continued to rant as he searched the entire room. The girls shared a secret smile that Neji and Gaara seemed to notice.
Neji leaned over to the red head. "I'll bet they had something to do with it." He said in a low voice while Gaara just gave a curt nod.
"I will help you find your perverted books! The Springtime of Youth is all about helping! Just as soon as I've got my chunin vest." Gai said in his overly cheery voice and unlocked the door to his own room and went in.
"So no one told him it was summer, eh? Dattebayo." Naruto exclaimed to Sai and Kiba. Sai remained expressionless while Kiba gave a fanged grin.
All of a sudden a high pitched scream erupted from Gai's room too. Kakashi and a few others went inside. Kakashi's eyes almost immediately fell on his precious books that were on the mantelpiece. "YOU DID IT! YOU STOLE THEM!" Kakashi held the books protectively and glared daggers at Gai. However Kiba interrupted.
"Anno, Kakashi-san, your books smell like Sakura." Kiba denounced, using his fabulous sense of smell. All eyes turned to Sakura who had just gone a little bit pale.
"Busted." Ino whispered in her 'rivals' ear while Kakashi turned his glare to his student.
"Explanation please, Sakura."
"IT WAS TEMARI, SHE TOLD ME TO."
"WHAT THE HELL! YOU LANDED ON TWENTY ONE!"
"BUT WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PLAYING IF INO-PIG HADN'T SUGGESTED IT!"
"LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS BILLBOARD BROW!"
"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT INO-PIG!"
The ninja's left Ino, Sakura and Temari to be dragged back to their own room by Hinata and TenTen. This really wasn't the expected outcome. Damn that Kiba, damn him.
------
The next morning at the Outpost Town Gates.
The group assembled outside the gates. Temari breathed a sigh of relief. She never wanted to see this Techno Town ever again. The amount of electricity used here made her shiver. Eco-Temari never liked to waste. There were frayed tempers between Ino and Sakura but Kakashi had seemed to have forgiven Sakura fully.
"Well then, a day's walk it is." Kakashi stretched his arms and prepared to start moving.
"No, we shall make it in half a day!" Gai punched the air and smiled.
"Sensei, you are too soft on us. QUARTER OF A DAY!" Lee also put forth 'predictions' of how the trip was going to start.
"YOSH, let's go!"
Gai and Lee hadn't noticed that everyone had already gone ahead.
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Next time on the Hidden Leaf Supersonic Expedition Team; Tents, Trouble & … Kemuri?
I'm awfully sick at the moment. But I promise I'll update faster from now on!
