"They called Gideon. God Spence it must be worse than I thought. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I should stop talking to you at least out loud." JJ looked around the room wondering if Hotch had room for another book on his shelves when the door opened.

"JJ how are you?" He asked it even though he knew the answer. She knew he wanted to hear it from her.

"Gideon," she stood and walked across the room to him. "I don't know how to do this."

"Do what JJ?"

"Not be okay. I don't know how to do this, how do I exist when he doesn't. How do I wake up every morning and come here and smile for the camera and tell parents that their children will be fine. How do I look at the victims and tell them it's over when I know it isn't and that they still may not survive and if they do they may wish they hadn't. How do I do this Gideon?"

"I don't know." He was looking in her eyes but JJ could see that he was looking through her to all the people he couldn't save. Why Hotch had called him, as grateful as she was that he did, was a mystery to JJ.

"Did you know Spen…Reid kept a Journal?" She knew Gideon would notice her calling him by his first name, her discomfort with anyone knowing that she rarely called him Reid when he was still alive. Most of all he would see that she wanted to change the subject just slightly that talking about this with him would be pointless.

"No I'm surprised that he never told me but…then again I guess there is a lot Spencer didn't tell me about his personal life." There was sadness in his eyes and she could tell that Hotch had told him that she and Reid were more than teammates.

"I have it. He kept your letter in it. He would want you to have that I think and he wrote about you Gideon you should see what he wrote." She smiled weakly as she stood and walked to the door.

Rossi, Emily, Hotch, Garcia and Morgan looked up when she opened the door. They looked at her as if they were unsure of who she was anymore and she realized they were not the only ones.

"Morgan I …" She looked at the floor wondering if Reid had ever looked at this exact spot of the BAU and in her silence Morgan walked up the steps to her wrapping his strong arms around her as he had done the day before.

"JJ we all loved him. We just didn't know how much you loved him." Morgan stepped back and JJ continued walking to her office closing the door behind her.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Garcia asked as the door closed.

"Of course, Mama she has to be."

"She'll be fine as long as we make sure she is." Hotch looked up as he said it.

"It is not any of our faults that Reid died." Gideon did not take his eyes away from Hotch as he said it knowing that the young supervisory agent was doubtful of his ability to lead this team.

"How the hell did we not see that they were together?" Emily spoke for the first time in an hour.

"How did we not see a lot of things?" Morgan ran his hands over his head.

"Because Morgan we do not profile each other." Rossi's voice was that of reason.

In her office JJ watched the video obtained of the Georgia incident. The video was of Spencer being tortured, with his pained image flashing across her computer screen. After watching it hundreds of times she no longer saw it as his end, to her it was one of the last times he had really been Reid. Even seeing him beaten and breaking was better than not at all or seeing him in her mind where he was always broken.

"JJ, you okay?"

"Yeah, Emily, I'll be right out." JJ said glancing down to the blinking light on her phone that indicated messages to be heard. In her line of work JJ knew that these messages would contain the pain and suffering of the latest case. She picked up the phone anyway.

"Yes, Agent Jareau this is Sheriff." JJ stopped the message moving on to the next this could wait she prayed.

"Agent Jareau My name is Chief Williams of the Rockford police department I faxed you" Again she moved to the next message.

"Jennifer it's your aunt please call me back. The family is starting to worry dear" Laughing she thinks you should as she goes to the next message.

"Miss Jareau this is Michelle from Dr. Carpenter's office, we have your test results in and need you to call us back. We have extended office hours and will be here until 9 tonight." Strange was all JJ could think as she realized that was the last of her messages.

Calling back JJ was promptly put on hold. Glad she had used her cell she walked out to where the rest of her team was sitting in the bullpen holding Reid's journal.

AN I think I may be able to update more tonight if there is an interest. Not quite sure where to take this Suggestions are appreciated. Reviews make me HAPPY.