The Tracy boys and Thunderbirds are the wonderful creation of Gerry and Sylvia Anderson and remains to this day the best TV programme that was ever made.
Author's Note: Thanks again for all your kind acknowledgements and for hanging in there with Scott throughout his ordeal, I know he appreciates it and Jenna promises to pass on all your good wishes.
Chapter 19
"You've gotta be kiddin' me, right," Scott asked incredulously.
Virgil and Gordon eyed each other worriedly, wondering what kind of reaction they were going to get from their eldest brother. Mindful of the fact that Jenna had told them Scott shouldn't get upset and that he should allow his memory to come back piece-by-piece they felt he should know the truth. They knew their father hadn't yet got around to an appropriate time to tell him so they took it upon themselves to inform him. After all, he could hardly remember something that didn't happen and this was the best opportunity so far, with Jenna being away.
"No, Scott, we're not," Gordon answered tentatively but on seeing a disbelieving look creep across his brother's face added "look, it could have happened to any of us. It was an accident."
"You mean to tell me I've been beaten up, blown up, been buried under rubble, been shot at, heck, I've even crashed my ship," Scott continued disbelievingly.
"That wasn't your fault," Virgil interrupted him "you were shot down."
Scott gave his brother a look that said 'what did it matter what the reason was, the result was the same'. "And I wind up like this because of a knock on the head, because I got careless," he laughed ironically. "Well, ain't that a kick in the head, huh," Scott said sarcastically, laughing at his own appallingly bad joke.
His brothers looked at each other, unsure of what to make of his reaction; knowing it wasn't a natural laugh but rather that born of despair. His laughter was such, though, that he started to choke. Gordon was immediately on his feet to raise the bed into a more upright position and supported his brother until he had managed to calm down.
"I'll get you a glass of water", Alan offered, wanting to be of some help and not knowing what else to do.
"Can't Al," Scott rasped, breathing heavily and slowly in an effort to relieve the panic he had felt from choking and being unable to lift himself. Alan then offered to get him ice chips and promptly hurried to the Prep Room. After a few moments pause Scott voiced the obvious, "So there was no climbing accident." His brothers shook their heads. "And Jenna doesn't know," he continued.
"Well dad thought," John started to say.
"Oh yeah, the rules, the damn rules," Scott interrupted, being all too aware of 'the rules'. "Keep International Rescue a secret at all costs," he added coldly.
"We all agreed Scott," John replied, aware that Scott was sounding a little bitter.
"Yeah we did, didn't we," Scott responded dejectedly. Maybe it was just because he was feeling tired and had time to brood or maybe he felt life was starting to pass him by that he realised at 30 years old these secrecy rules were making him miserable and lonely.
He thought he had found someone he could have been happy with until she started to press him on what he was keeping secret. He had asked her to trust him but she ended up giving him an ultimatum, his secret or her. Thinking he was seeing someone else she had a casual affair and was not one bit sorry when he found out saying, that if he could have a secret then she could have too. It had hurt him badly and he vowed never to leave himself open to that kind of hurt again. As it turned out he realised he was better off without her but he wondered if he would ever find someone he could trust completely, someone who would ask no questions and accept him for who he was.
"Well, now dad's got something else he can keep secret," Scott said, his voice full of bitterness.
"What do you mean, Scott," Virgil asked, puzzled by what his brother meant.
"His embarrassment of a son," Scott replied.
"Why would he be embarrassed?" Virgil asked, wanting to reassure his eldest brother. "He's proud of you, Scott. We all are," he added as his brothers all nodded and spoke their agreement.
"What is it he's proud of, Virgil," Scott responded coldly. "I'll tell you. He's proud of his eldest son having been in the USAF, his hero son, the medals of honour. That's what he's proud of. What use am I to him or International Rescue now, just a disappointment, an embarrassment that he's gonna have to hide away," he went on, becoming more bitter and dejected.
Scott remembered all the times when he was young that his father had held him responsible for the antics of his younger brothers. What had hurt him most of all was his father telling him how disappointed he was in him, that he should know better because he was the oldest.
"Scott, it's not like that," John answered, looking around his other brothers for support.
"Not like what? What use am I gonna be to International Rescue," Scott continued, daring his brothers to tell him.
"You'll always be a part of International Rescue, Scott," Alan spoke up, hardly able to bear hearing his brother like this. "Dad'll find something for …," he added but trailed off when he caught Virgil trying to give him a 'don't even go there' look.
Scott shot his youngest brother 'the look'. That was not what he wanted to hear. "Find something for me to do, Al. Is that what you were gonna say?" Scott snapped viciously, causing Alan to wince under his brother's withering look. "And what exactly is it you think I'll be able to do?" he added with a cynical smile.
"Leave him alone, Scott," Gordon intervened, ready to protect his nearest brother from Scott's growing onslaught. "He was only trying to be helpful," he added.
"Well, he wasn't," Scott replied, feeling drained by the bitterness of his emotions.
"You could still man mobile control," John said, hoping to encourage him.
Scott laughed causing his brothers to look at each other in a worried fashion. "And who's gonna set it up for me, pack it away?" he asked sarcastically.
"We'll all help, won't we guys," Alan offered, desperate just to have his eldest brother back to the way he used to be, not wanting to believe things would change.
"You just don't get it, do you guys?" Scott thought to himself. He didn't want to be treated like that, like an invalid, everybody having to do things for him. "You think I'm gonna be able to watch you guys do things I can't," Scott continued, trying to make his brothers understand how he was feeling. "And how I am supposed to get around? Be a damn passenger in my own ship. Watch someone else fly her," he added angrily.
Virgil could well understand his eldest brother's feelings; he could see Scott was suffering real deep emotional pain. No one spoke, each lost in their own thoughts, wondering what it would be like to have that reality thrust on them.
"Bet you think this is all my own fault?" Scott asked accusingly, rounding on Virgil, knowing his brother so well and knowing his own stubborn streak.
Virgil was momentarily lost for words as he thought of how he had suggested Scott should get his injury checked out.
Before Virgil could answer, though, Scott went on, "Bet you're just dying to say I told you so."
"Of course not, Scott," Virgil replied, aghast that his brother should think that.
"Come on Virg, take a pop at me, take you're best shot," Scott added, unable to stop the hurt that was flooding to the surface.
"Just stop it, will ya Scott. Nobody's takin' a pop at anybody," Virgil responded, getting slightly annoyed.
Scott, now unable to stop the full flood of his tirade proceeded to insult his brothers causing Alan to get up. "Well, I'm not staying here to be insulted," Alan retorted indignantly as he got up and headed for the door.
A sneer of a smile spread across Scott's face. "Yeah, go, why don't you and the rest of you, just leave me alone," he said defiantly but yet with utter despair in his heart.
Virgil had had it. He rose to his feet, turning his attention first to Alan and then Scott. "Alan, sit down, you're not going anywhere," he spoke with a note of irritation in his voice "and you Scott, that's enough." "Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do," he continued, knowing Scott as well as Scott knew him.
"And just what is it that I'm trying to do, Virg," Scott replied cynically, daring his brother to know him that well.
Virgil stood his ground and stared him down, unfazed by his brother's increasingly aggressive attitude. "You think if you can make us hate you then we'll leave, well, that ain't gonna happen buddy," Virgil assured him. His brothers nodded in agreement. "We're here and we're staying. We're not gonna leave you alone, Scott," he added, growing in confidence and determined to make his brother listen. "You've always been there for us and now it's our turn. Don't think we don't know what you've sacrificed over the years for us cus we do and we love you for it and we're proud of you, damn proud that you're our brother and so's dad, I know that for a fact and it's not just because of all you've achieved either, it's because of who you are," Virgil went on, wanting Scott to know just how much they thought of him. He went on to list his attributes finishing with, "…..you're determined, brave and between us we keep these two little punks in line," he grinned, wanting to bring a smile to Scott's face and indicating Gordon and Alan who pretended to frown and pout. "Don't you know that we love you, you big dope," Virgil said reassuringly. His brothers all backed Virgil's sentiments with nods of agreement.
Scott drew his brows into a frown, feeling his mouth quiver and the muscles in his face twitch but it wasn't anger he was feeling it was very deep, raw emotion. Emotion that threatened to break through that hard wall he had built around himself like flood waters breaking through a dam; that wall he had built up over many years to protect himself was about to come crashing down. He fought against it, not wishing his brothers to see him like this; they were used to seeing him be the strong one and he just didn't know how to be anything else.
"Let it go, Scott, just let it go," Gordon urged encouragingly, getting up to go and stand beside his brother, knowing what was about to happen.
He drew in deep breaths and closed his eyes, hoping it would all just go away and he wouldn't have to deal with it but he couldn't stop the tears that stung his eyes from rolling down his face. What was worse, he couldn't wipe away those tears with not being able to lift his right arm more than a few inches of the bed. For once, Scott Tracy allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of his brothers. Gordon and Virgil were first to embrace him as his body heaved with wracking sobs, helping him expel all the emotion he had buried so deep for so long. John and Alan also took their turn to embrace their brother as he continually apologised for hurting them.
It was a long time in coming and Virgil, Gordon, John and Alan were prepared to stay with him as long as it took. Eventually his emotion subsided and he fell back onto the pillows totally exhausted. "I'm sorry, Virg, …didn't….mean…it," Scott sighed wearily.
"We know, buddy," Virgil reassured him. After some moments, though, Virgil became worried, "Scott, what's wrong?"
"Aghhh, Virg, it hurts. It hurts bad," Scott groaned, shifting in the bed and pushing his head back into the pillows in an effort to find some relief.
Virgil knew the pain in his head must have, indeed, been hurting him, for Scott to admit it, knowing his brother could tolerate pain. "Do you want us to get Jenna back for you?" Virgil asked concerned, hoping they hadn't been the cause of his now obvious distress.
"Yeah,…please," Scott all but cried out, knowing she was able to relieve his pain even before the medication kicked in.
John was on his feet to the com-link, accessing the kitchen where Jenna said she would be. Kyrano answered, "Yes Mr John."
"Yeah, Kyrano, would you ask Jenna to come down to the infirmary, please. Scott needs her," John replied, trying to sound calm so as not to alarm her.
"I'm sorry Mr John but Miss Jenna isn't here," Kyrano apologised.
"Well, where is she?" John asked, trying to remain calm but feeling himself become a little more frantic as he watched his elder brother writhe in pain.
"Tin-Tin took Miss Jenna out a little while ago to show her around, Mr John," Kyrano explained.
