Thunderbirds and the Tracy Family are the creation of Gerry and Sylvia Anderson
Author's Note: Although reference is made to the World War 2 hero pilot, Douglas Bader's life in a book called 'Reach For The Sky' by Paul Brickhill, the name of the book is not mentioned, neither are there any direct quotes from the book used in the dialogue. All facts about Douglas Bader and how he met his wife, Thelma, as related to Scott by Jenna are true.
Chapter 46
He watched her intently for a few moments before she looked up from her work and smiled lovingly, warming his heart and giving him hope.
"Did you get a good rest?" Jenna asked softly with that same gentle concern she always had for him, crossing the room to his bedside.
"Yeah…..yeah I did, thanks," Scott replied, studying her face as he tried to put his thoughts together.
"Do you want me to have something sent down for you to eat? You slept through dinner and I didn't want to wake you," she asked tenderly as she reached across to the panel to access the kitchen on the comm.-link.
Food was the farthest thing from his mind right now and it was funny, he didn't feel hungry at all. He just shook his head, indicating he didn't want anything to eat, not wanting anything to interrupt this moment, not wanting anyone else to come down here this evening, knowing that if one person brought food, before you would know it, the whole room would be full again and alive with chatter. It wasn't that he didn't welcome his brothers' visits and banter, and especially now after what they had done, it was just he had worked himself up to this moment and he needed to be alone with her, even though he hadn't yet decided how he was going to broach the subject. He desperately hoped no one would come down this evening for he really didn't want to be rude in telling them to leave but such was his determination now to tackle this. He knew there was a risk he could end up being disappointed or even hurt but, at least, he would know.
"All right," she responded with a warm smile and getting the very distinct impression that he had something on his mind, as though something were troubling him. She surmised he was still feeling emotional from the afternoon's events, perhaps dwelling on what his father had shared with him. "Is there anything I can get for you….or do for you?" she asked tenderly.
"Yeah….Read to me Jen," Scott suddenly asked of her, wanting to listen to her calming, soothing voice as he tried to formulate his thoughts. He had always found her voice to be reassuring, a source of comfort to him so perhaps he would find the inspiration he needed.
"Scott, are you okay?" Jenna inquired, somewhat puzzled by his strange request.
"Please Jen…..just…read to me," he asked again with a slight irritation in his voice, though he wasn't annoyed with her, more himself for not being able to come right out and say it. He didn't know whether to ask her first how she felt about him or tell her how he felt about her. Why was this so hard? He wasn't like this out on a mission, so indecisive. On the contrary, he was confident, authoritative, opinionated even, used to making snap decisions; peoples' lives depended on him, his brothers' lives depended on him assessing the situation and putting a plan into action without any hesitation. He should broach this in the same way…..shouldn't he? He was confident enough of his decision that he loved her, his assessment of the situation was that he should tell her how he felt and find out how she felt about him, it was just the putting of the plan into action he was having the difficulty with. Ask him to co-ordinate a rescue plan and he could talk to anybody about anything, yet ask him to speak openly of love and he was like a bumbling wreck.
"All right," she said gently, realising that something serious was playing on his mind.
"Aw Jen I'm sorry….I didn't mean to snap," he apologised as he realised how he must have sounded. There was no way he would want her to think he was annoyed with her.
"I know you didn't," she smiled understandingly, making him feel bad but at the same time filling his heart with even more love for her. She picked up the murder mystery novel she had started a while ago, never having gotten to the point of finding out 'who did it'.
Instinctively Scott shook his head. "No…not that one. The other one," he requested, not really knowing why, but perhaps subconsciously thinking he could draw inspiration from his hero's courage.
Jenna was a bit unsure of his choice, still not wanting to remind him of his disability, as the book was about a disabled pilot who had lost his legs and had longed to fly again more than anything. She could see he was sure of what he wanted though and so set the novel down to take up the other book.
The book in question was about a famous World War 2 pilot by the name of Douglas Bader, who, as a young pilot badly damaged his legs when his plane crashed, flying too low to the ground, the result of which, he had to have his legs amputated. There followed after that a long and painful rehabilitation, his being fitted with artificial legs. His determination and courage was such, though, that he persuaded the Royal Air Force to let him fly again at the outbreak of WW2 and he went on to become a hero, commanding a Squadron and was even a prisoner of war in the infamous Colditz castle.
"Do you want me to start from the beginning again, Scott? You were unconscious when I started reading to you," Jenna asked, wanting to give him the option of hearing the whole story but he shook his head that it wasn't necessary. Instead, she gave him a summary of the story so far and picked up from where she had last left off.
Scott was deep in concentration, staring ahead of him at the wall as he listened to the sound of her voice. Jenna, though, got the impression he wasn't entirely concentrating on the story but she continued anyway, getting to the point where Douglas Bader was in rehabilitation and getting used to his artificial legs. Scott was genuinely impressed with the man's courage and determination to make the best of life, learning to walk without the aid of a stick or any other such means, which Scott knew would be incredibly painful, and also teaching himself to drive.
Jenna had now gotten to the point where Bader and his friends made a visit to a lovely English riverside pub one afternoon, and here she hesitated, feeling suddenly, almost shy as she smiled to herself.
"What!" Scott exclaimed, with puzzled amusement, turning to her when he no longer heard her voice.
"Well…it's sweet really," Jenna sighed, having scanned a little farther down the page to see how it turned out and always pleased when someone deservedly found true happiness. "He was taken with this young woman who was a waitress and was determined to ask her out," she started to explain, "but he was kinda wondering if she would go out with him because of his disability."
Suddenly Scott became very interested in this story, seeing similarities to this guy who longed to fly again and himself enduring a long and painful rehabilitation. "Did he ask her out?" Scott enquired, feeling his heartbeat rise just that little bit as he realised that, even though generations separated them, the turmoil of feelings and questions asked of oneself were still the same.
"Yes…he did," Jenna smiled assuredly, "he liked her too much to let the opportunity slip by."
"And….what..was her answer?" he asked hesitantly, on tenterhooks, as if he had just become the character awaiting her answer. Perhaps this was a sign, the opening he had been looking for. He held his breath, waiting to hear what she would say.
"She said she would….and she did," Jenna laughed lightly, happy herself for the couple in the book, her own heartbeat rising as she caught faint similarities and longing that Scott wouldn't let this opportunity pass. "And……," she started, feeling strangely coy and hardly able to look at him for she had already read on a little to find out what would happen to them.
"And what?" Scott asked, bemused at her expression and yet almost afraid that it was bad news, so much was he into this part of the story.
"They…they fell in love, deeply in love," she told him with such a warmth in her voice, as their eyes met and held. "And…she became devoted to him," she added, knowing exactly how this girl felt. "They ended up getting married and lived happily for 37 years until she passed away," she finished off, smiling warmly at the fact they had spent a lifetime of happiness together.
"They…did!" he exclaimed emotionally, catching the note of love and warmth with which she spoke and still locked in an intense gaze.
"Yeah…they did….very much in love," she said with all the love in her heart. The tension in the room became almost unbearable as Jenna started to read again but Scott could no longer keep his mind on what she was saying.
With his heart pounding in his chest and unable to look at her now he asked cautiously, "Would you go out with a disabled guy, Jen?" He held his breath waiting for her answer.
She stopped reading and smiled gently, knowing now that this was what had been playing on his mind all along and her heart went out to him for she knew he was finding this incredibly difficult. "Well….I would no more go out with just any old disabled Tom, Dick or Harry just because they're disabled than I would go out with just any old Tom, Dick or Harry who wasn't," she answered truthfully.
He winced and swallowed hard. He hadn't been specific enough, he knew that but he just hoped that her cautious answer wasn't an indication of how she felt about him. She started reading again, an excitement rising in her, hoping against hope he was not going to leave it there and be put off by her answer, her love for him making her extremely patient.
The atmosphere in the room became so thick and heavy with anticipation you could have cut it with a knife.
"Think you could….ever want a disabled guy?" he asked, feeling himself being drawn to what he wanted to know by her loving patience and her willingness to let him take his own time about this.
Again Jenna stopped reading. "That would very much depend on the guy, what sort of man he was," she said gently, drawing him tenderly and patiently to open up to her and speak of love.
After another few moments contemplation. "Think you could ever…love a disabled guy, Jen? Think you could love a guy with one arm?" Scott asked, getting more to the heart of the matter slowly but surely and concentrating hard on the bed on which he was resting, unable to bring himself to look into her face in case he would see a reaction he didn't want to see.
Jenna set the book down and smiled lovingly. Now he's getting there, now he's changed from 'want' to talking about love. Rising from the chair beside the bed, in which she had sat to read to him, she now sat down on the bed facing him on his left side. Placing her hand on his chest over where his heart would be she could feel it pounding strongly, even through the white V-neck T-shirt that he wore, and observed it was racing somewhat more than normal as though he were anxious or excited.
"I would say that would depend on what went on in here," she replied softly and tenderly, watching his chest rise and fall and acutely aware he was hanging on her every word. "If that guy had a tender, loving heart, if he was kind and caring and affectionate. If that guy had integrity, was decent and honourable, if he had determination, will and was passionate about everything he did, and of course, he would have to have a dry wit and enjoy a little verbal sword play," she added, her warm smile changing to a wry grin, sure that she could feel his heartbeat rise in intensity. "Yeah….I could love a guy like that….whether he had two arms or one," she finished and glancing to his face she saw he allowed himself a faint smile, his face having previously been taut with anticipation.
His heart filled with more hope than ever as he looked to where her hand rested on his chest. Covering her hand with his own and curling his fingers around hers, he squeezed her hand gently and began playing with her fingers as though they were a fascination to him. It was time to 'bite the bullet', 'take the bull by the horns' and whatever other phrase you might think appropriate. "Think you could love…this guy with one arm, Jen?" Scott finally asked, closing his eyes briefly and holding his breath for what seemed like an eternity as he awaited her answer.
Her own heart beat faster at the realisation he wanted her to love him and as she looked into his anxious waiting face she knew she could never hurt him. "Oh Scott, I already do," she told him with all the love and tenderness in her heart, feeling him let go that breath of emotional relief.
He brought his eyes up to meet hers for the first time since broaching the subject, the relief and pure joy that she saw there causing her heart to ache for him. "You do?" he responded, almost unbelieving of the fact that it was possible.
With their eyes locked now in an impossible to break hold, she gave him her warmest smile. "Yeah….I do. I love you with all my heart and soul," Jenna added, wanting him to know the depth of her love.
Almost overcome with emotion he lifted her hand to his mouth and tenderly kissed the palm of her hand, closing his eyes in the ecstasy of her touch on his face. Her eyes moistened at this sweetest of gestures, not realising how much it really meant to him to know that she loved him.
"Jen, how can you want this? How can you want me like this?" Scott began to agonise, indicating his arm and how he looked, wanting so much to believe that he wasn't dreaming and that he hadn't misheard what she said, all the time keeping a tight hold of her hand, unwilling to let her go.
Her heart went out to him for he really did seem to have a hard time accepting that he could be loved as he was, unconditionally. "Oh Scott…I've told you before what it is I see when I look at you, that's what I love about you, all of those things," she said gently to reassure him. "It's not about what you look like, or whether you have two arms or only one and it's not about what you can or cannot do. It's about the man you are, in here," she responded, this time putting her right hand over his heart, as he still had a firm grip of the other. "I love you….Scott Tracy….pure and simple," she added tenderly, hoping he would really believe and accept what she was saying, as their eyes met once more.
Her words made his heart soar with joy and happiness, higher than his Thunderbird could ever take him, so much so that his feelings and words just came bubbling out at long last, unable to bottle them up any longer. "I love you, Jen. I love you," Scott responded with a short laugh, his whole face lighting up, as though in saying the words he had suddenly been set free, like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "I love you…with all my heart and soul, Jen. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love, more than I ever thought I could love," he continued with this newfound freedom of release his declaration of love gave him. "I love you for your gentle compassion, your infinite patience. I love you for your spirit and determination not to let me give up, for your encouragement. You're generous and giving…and not afraid to stand up for what you believe is the right thing…no matter who you come up against," he smiled wryly, referring to the confrontations with his father, making her smile. "And I love you for your warm heart and the fire you light in me," Scott told her enthusiastically, causing her to redden a little at his last remark.
"You do?" Jenna said tenderly, thankful that he had finally expressed his feelings for her.
"Yeah….I do," he replied with warmth and sincerity, as he once more lifted her hand to his mouth, pressing his lips into her palm.
There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to know that it was hard to know where to begin now that he knew how she felt about him. "This is crazy, Jen….I know we haven't known each other that long but I've known I wanted you from when I woke up and found you were real. It's hard to explain….but when I was asleep I heard you, you were with me….I thought I had dreamt you, and then when I woke up…I thought I was still dreaming because you were there. I didn't intend to fall in love, it just happened," Scott tried explaining, as if trying to make sense of it all himself. "I tried to fight it….told myself I was just a job to you….that you couldn't possibly want me…not with this but I couldn't deny how I felt," he confessed and still barely able to believe she could love him.
"I know, it is crazy," she admitted, knowing exactly how he felt. "I didn't intend to fall in love either and I tried to tell myself you should be just a job to me…but the more I got to know you…even when you were asleep…the more I was falling in love with you," she confessed, though couldn't help but smile at the similarities of how they felt about each other and when they felt it.
The overwhelming love that he felt for her now made him feel it would be unfair to tie her to him as he was and yet he didn't want to lose her or be without her, making him feel almost sick with turmoil, unable to see any solution to his dilemma. Had this been a rescue plan he would have had no bother coming up with a solution but this was the game of love and, as such, was a whole other ball game; the way of love never being a smooth road to travel withchoices needing to be taken, as Scott Tracy was about to find out. "Aw Jen…I love you so much but how can I ask you to share this with me," he agonised, wishing there was a simple answer.
So, he had already been thinking of the next step their relationship should take, she thought, smiling to herself. She felt for his agony, being touched very deeply by his concern for her happiness and what he thought was best for her but at the same time she needed him to know her love would stand by him.
"Scott…that's not your decision to make. When I fell in love with you I fell in love with all of you and my love for you hasn't diminished just because you've haven't the use of one arm….it's grown, so I've already made my decision…by loving you. I want to share it with you, that's my choice," Jenna responded warmly. "Now you have a decision to make. You can walk this road alone and be unhappy and lonely….oh..and you know I'm not talking about your family, Scott…you'll always have their love and support but they won't be able to love you the way I will…or you can choose to let me walk it with you. And you know I'm not just talking about the duration of this recovery or as your nurse either….I want to be your friend and companion in life, your lover," she added with all the love in her heart, determined to break down all the barriers and sweep away all the obstacles he was putting in his path to finding true happiness, the happiness she felt he deserved. "Whatever you decide, I'll always love you….you can't change that," she finished, determined to fight for him should he choose to be noble and think he had to go it alone.
Now it was Jenna's turn to patiently await his response and for him to give her his answer.
