Sculpting for Dummies:

Spoilers!!

AN: So, chapter 364…wtf? If Tobi's an evil mastermind, then, well…I'm pretty sure the apocalypse is near. I still think he's Obito, though. When I was reading, I interpreted 'Uchiha Madara's power' as possession of the Mangekyo sharingan. But whatever. There are so many evil-Tobi plotbunnies in my head now…but not for this story. I guess it's officially AU now (if the pairing wasn't enough to qualify it before).

/Spoilers!!

Chapter 4

For a moment, Deidara didn't react. He blinked, then blinked again, not quite believing that Tobi would have the audacity to pull a stunt like that. When the moment passed and Tobi hadn't undone the seal and begged Deidara's forgiveness, the artist realized that this wasn't some ill-timed prank. He grabbed a handful of Tobi's dark hair and twisted harshly until the other ninja was whimpering. The angle he pulled Tobi's head forced him to crawl off of Deidara or cracking his neck.

"Sempai, I can explain!" Tobi wailed. Deidara gave the fistful of hair another rough jerk.

"I don't want an explanation, un. Release it, now!" he ordered.

"The seal stays if you want to escape from here, sempai. I have to use a jutsu, and it won't work if your chakra interferes." Deidara growled at the other man, but it didn't seem to shake Tobi's resolve. And, if he couldn't use his final jutsu here, Deidara did want to escape…

Another tug of his hair had Tobi's creepy, mismatched eyes staring straight into Deidara's. "As soon as we're on the outside, you release this seal, un," the blond commanded.

Tobi nodded. "Of course, sempai."

"And if you're lying to me, Tobi," Deidara paused dramatically, "I won't just kill you, un. I'll invent new methods of murder for you, and I'll make it last for hours. Is that clear, un?"

The dark-haired man shivered. "I believe you, sempai," he said.

………………………………………………………………………………

After years of devoted service to Zetsu-san, Tobi had learned a useful jutsu or two. One of his most prized was the jutsu that allowed the plant-man to phase through …anything. It had taken Tobi months to master it under Zetsu's tutelage.

"You understand that every atom is made up of mostly empty space. The way this works," he explained to Deidara-sempai, parroting the lecture that Zetsu had give him years before, "is by pushing the atoms closer together with chakra to make the space between bigger. By rearranging this wall and by compressing the atoms in our bodies, we can pass through."

Deidara gave a vague nod. He obviously didn't care about the method, as long as the result was freedom. "If it takes chakra, how am I supposed to get through, un? Thanks to you, I can't control mine." The blond gave Tobi a nasty glare.

"Sempai, this jutsu is very dangerous. If you push the atoms together too quickly or apply too much pressure, you can cause an explosion." Deidara's eyes widened when Tobi said the 'e' word. The dark haired ninja quickly shook his head. "I'm definitely not letting you use this jutsu, sempai. Besides, even if I could trust you not to blow us up on purpose, if you falter even for a second, you can end up mingling your body and the wall. Zetsu-san said people have lost limbs and even died when attempting it."

There was a moment of silence. Deidara snorted and looked away, and Tobi shivered a little when he thought what could happen if his sempai attempted the jutsu. It was about that time that he remembered that he was still naked. He slipped back into his baggy shirt and pants, and soon the blond reached for his clothes too. He glared at Tobi until the other turned around and let him dress in privacy.

"So, if I'm not allowed to use the jutsu, how exactly am I getting out of here, un?" he asked at last.

Tobi turned back around to face the Iwa shinobi. He held up his Akatsuki ring. "When Zetsu-san and I phase through objects, we take inanimate objects, like this ring, with us. We pour our chakra into it and manipulate its atoms just like we do to the wall and too ourselves. I should be able to control your body too, as long as your chakra isn't interfering."

Deidara's face paled instantly. Ninja didn't let other ninja mess with their chakra. Not only was chakra a highly internal, private power, a ninja with any skill could instantly kill another if they gained access to their chakra channels. For his sempai to allow Tobi to go through with his plan, he would have to, quite literally, trust Tobi with his life. And Tobi kind of doubted that Deidara had ever trusted anyone that much. He waited for Deidara to come to some sort of decision.

"No," the blond said at last. "I'm not doing it. Find another way."

Tobi crawled closer to Deidara and held his hands up together. "Please, sempai. There isn't another way. Trust me," he begged.

"Trust you? Like hell I will, un! I trusted you to stay away from my battle, and you showed up and wrecked the jutsu I've spent my whole life preparing for! Then, then I let you touch me, and don't think I'll ever let that happen again, and look how that ended!" He made a frantic gesture at his stomach where Tobi had placed the seal. "Trusting you has left me fucked over, Tobi. Give me back my chakra and I'll get out of here on my own, un."

Tobi looked away guiltily. He could understand how his sempai could feel betrayed. He wished Deidara could understand that Tobi cared about him, and was only trying to help him. 'I wonder if anyone's ever cared for him before?' he wondered sometimes.

"Sempai, if I undo the seal, you'll try to blast your way out of here, right? But if you do that, Sasuke and his group will hear you and you'll get captured again. We have to sneak out, and to do that, you have to let me help you."

Tobi leaned forward and tried to put a comforting hand on Deidara's shoulder. The blond's foot shot up out of nowhere, and made contact with his face before Tobi's hand ever reached its destination. The maskless ninja sailed through the air and landed with a thud.

"I meant what I said about not touching, un," Deidara hissed. He drew his leg back up towards his body and sat curled up in an almost-ball for a full minute. Tobi rubbed his aching head, but stayed silent. He let Deidara mull over his options.

"Fine," he told Tobi at last. His body language made it clear that he wasn't happy with the idea; his eye twitched and his clenched fists shook with rage. "Do it quickly," he ordered. "The sooner I can get away from you, the better."

……………………………………………………………………………….

Having another's chakra flowing through his system, manipulating his cells, was incredibly invasive; it felt like the feeling of a bug crawling along his skin, only on the inside, and everywhere. His body screamed to him to expel the foreign energy, but he couldn't protect himself even if he wanted. His own chakra lay dormant beneath the seal, a useless, stagnant pool. Deidara hated it.

He had consented, after a whispered argument, to let Tobi hold his hand. The jutsu required physical contact, and Deidara had relented. Both ninja could sense their time to escape running out, as if a clock ticked away each passing second. He was still murderously angry, though, and he squeezed Tobi's hand hard enough to bruise before the taller man could begin his technique.

Deidara watched as Tobi pressed his other palm flat against the planks that formed the walls of their cells. The wood rippled gently and soon a hole appeared and widened to the size of the hand. Tobi took a step forward, pulling Deidara along behind him. As the idiot's hand passed through the hole, it narrowed to the size of his wrist, enlarging as needed as Tobi pressed more of himself through.

"When you start to pass through, close your eyes and breathe out as much air as you can, sempai. I'll squeeze your hand when it's safe," Tobi whispered. Soon his head and body were disappearing into the wall, and Deidara was left holding a hand that dragged him along with it.

If having Tobi's chakra in him was weird, the cellular manipulation made it seem like a standard practice by comparison. At first it only affected the hand that Tobi grasped, condensing like an invisible arm was crushing it, only without the pain. The strange sensation spread to his arm as he was hauled further in, and he barely had time to force the air out of his lungs and screw his eyes shut before the rest of him passed through the planks.

Traveling through the wall was…cold was the closest description that Deidara could think of, though it didn't seem right. Tobi's chakra burned inside of him as he stumbled along blindly. He didn't trust that moron to lead him, and the compulsion to open his eyes was almost too much to resist. Only his fear of loosing his sight kept his eyelids firmly over his eyes.

There was a jerk upwards. His hand felt weird again, only this time it was being stretched out. His arm ballooned up, his shoulder swelled, and soon his whole body was out of the cellar and back to normal. Tobi squeezed his hand and Deidara opened his eyes. He took a breath. Nothing happened. His lungs wouldn't respond. Cool night air surrounded him for the taking, but try as he might, Deidara couldn't draw it into himself.

His eyes widened and he turned to Tobi. This was his fault, he was sure. What the hell had that idiot done to him?

"Sempai, what's wrong? Take a breath! Sempai?" Tobi hovered over him, and the blond batted him away. He wanted to tell the man what a moron he was, but he couldn't force his voice-box to cooperate with no air.

The world swirled and Deidara staggered. Tobi grabbed him and held him up instantly, completely ignoring the fact that Deidara had told him expressly not to touch him, the bastard!

Floating black spots obscured his vision, so he didn't see Tobi's lips seeking his own until they were there, forcing his mouth open and blowing air in. That one long breath filled the artist's lungs, making them swell up and work again. In a flash, Deidara was breathing and yelling and pushing Tobi away from him.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you, un?" he yelled at the other man.

"No, I swear I didn't sempai! I miscalculated and I condensed your lungs too much. I'm sorry!" Tobi whined. "I would never try to hurt you."

"Hmmph. Just release this seal, dumbass."

Deidara waited. Tobi shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and suddenly made a dive for the ground.

"I need to get supplies for us, sempai! Be back in a flash!" he called as he sank into the soil. Deidara started brainstorming new and exciting ways to kill Tobi.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Tobi phased through the wall and landed on the floor of the cellar with relief. There had to be a way to convince Deidara-sempai not to kill him. He just hadn't thought of it yet.

He folded the tattered blue blanket and tucked it inside his shirt. Then he climbed the ladder and pressed his ear to the ceiling. When he heard no noise in the room above, he phased through the trapdoor. The kitchen offered little nonperishable food, but there was an abundance of water bottles that he helped himself to. He wandered carefully through the house, pilfering anything he thought might be useful. He only sensed people in one room, which he avoided, but he couldn't find his and Deidara's possessions. 'Whoever is in that room must be examining our things still,' he decided. Once he found what he needed, he tiptoed back to the kitchen and used his jutsu to climb back into the basement.

He wrote a quick note in a stolen scroll with a borrowed pen. Then, he summoned two shadow clones and gave them their orders.

"Deidara-sempai and I are escaping from here," he explained, "and I need our captors to think we are here for as long as possible. When they do come down here, give them this scroll, and then disappear. Understood?"

The clones nodded. The one closest to the real Tobi pocketed the scroll.

"What should we do to keep them fooled?" The second clone asked.

The original Tobi blushed. "I need one of you to henge into Deidara-sempai, and then you have to…" Tobi made some vague hand gestures and looked away, flushing. The two clones stood in shocked silence.

"You don't have to really do it, of course. If you just make noises-"

The clones cut Tobi off as they tackled him and gave him the biggest hug he had ever received.

"We will follow your orders 'til the end!" they promised together. Then they turned to one another.

"I'll be Deidara-sempai first, but we have to switch places after the first time," Clone One said.

"Ok, as long as we keep switching. And we'll have to be fast. We won't be able to fool them for too long, and we both want to spend as much time with Deidara-sempai as we can!"

The clones continued plotting. Tobi was glad Deidara-sempai wasn't around to hear them talking. Despite being summoned by Tobi, his clones were not good boys…

………………………………………………………………………………

Deidara resisted the urge to kick Tobi's head as soon as it began to emerge from the ground. After all, if the idiot got distracted and released his phasing jutsu too early, he could end up stuck in the ground and then Deidara would never get the elemental seal taken off.

Tobi rose from the earth, brushed himself off, and turned to Deidara. "We need to get out of here before Sasuke notices we've left," he stated. He walked into the forest surrounding the house and beckoned for Deidara to follow.

"Take this seal off of me, bastard!"

Tobi held his finger up to his lips. "Shhh! Sempai, we need to escape. We don't have time for undoing jutsus right now."

Deidara shook with anger. That, that incompetent barbarian was trying to weasel out of his promise.

"I'll be able to escape faster when I can use my chakra," he growled. Tobi shook his head and kept walking.

"Undo it now, you son of a bitch, un!" Deidara yelled. He dove at Tobi, who danced just out of his reach. The ninja sped up, forcing Deidara to follow.

"Get back here, un!" the Iwa shinobi panted. Running without chakra was harder than he remembered. Usually, he could just direct energy to his legs to boost his speed or allow him to leap from tree branch to tree branch. Relying solely on his leg muscles was tiring. "I'll make you regret this!"

"What's wrong, sempai? Can't catch me?" Tobi taunted. The dark-haired man led Deidara further and further away from Sasuke's hideout. The blond decided that Tobi's murder wasn't going to last for mere hours; he'd let that bastard roast for days for what he'd done!

………………………………………………………………………….

Sasuke stumbled back to his headquarters in the wee hours of the morning. He'd had to travel halfway to Suna and back setting up a false trail for Naruto to follow. All he wanted to do now was get his information from his prisoner, then curl up and sleep.

Suigetsu and Juugo followed him to the kitchen.

"Karin, you bitch!" the mist nin shouted suddenly. "You stole my water bottles again, didn't you?"

The red haired kunoichi appeared in the doorway. "I did not. I've been researching, just like Sasuke asked. Maybe they took your water," she gestured down at the trapdoor. "They've certainly worked up a sweat down there."

Suigetsu smirked. "How long have they been at it?"

"Off and on since you left. They're like a couple of bunnies!" she giggled.

Sasuke didn't want to catch them in the act again, so he listened through the floor before he opened the trapdoor.

"Up for another round, 'sempai'?"

"I'm exhausted. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, but we're not gonna last much longer. We've gotta make our time count!"

'What the hell?' Sasuke wondered. He opened the hatch and peeked inside.

Tobi and Deidara were tangled up together, much like before. This time, though, they formed hand seals, and with a little puff of smoke, Deidara was Tobi and Tobi was Deidara. Damned clones!

The Uchiha flung the trapdoor open. It crashed against the kitchen floor, startling the two clones. They broke apart guiltily.

"Here," said the Tobi-clone, and fished a scroll out of his discarded pants. The clone gave the Deidara-clone a quick peck on the lips and both of them dissipated.

His subordinates peered down into the cellar.

"Oh, shit!" Suigetsu whistled. Karin cringed. Juugo sat calmly by.

Sasuke unrolled the scroll and read Tobi's note. He flipped it over and gasped.

"Sasuke…this wasn't my fault!" Karin whimpered. Sasuke reread the scroll.

'Sasuke,

Many thanks for your hospitality. Deidara-sempai and I are leaving a little early, and we would appreciate it if you didn't follow us. I've left the coordinates of your brother's location on the other side of this scroll. We don't plan on rejoining the Akatsuki, so we won't meet again.

Tobi'

"They can't have gotten too far, with the blond one injured. We can still catch them, boss." Suigetsu offered.

Sasuke shook his head, and then looked up at them with a rare grin. "There's no need," he told them.

"So you're not mad at me?" Karin asked shyly.

"Not if you can confirm this information for me by sunrise," the Uchiha replied. He climbed the ladder and handed the scroll to the redhead. As his subordinates mused over the note, Sasuke headed up to bed with a satisfied look on his face.

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AN: Sorry this chapter is a little short. I had planned on it being longer, but I wanted to get it up before I leave for vacation. The rest of what would have been in this chapter will be in the next one, though. Don't expect an update for at least 9 days, though, as I will be out of town. I'll be brainstorming, of course, but I rather doubt I could ask my missionary brother if I could borrow his laptop for a while to type up a yaoi fanfic. Alas.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, by the way. I love hearing what you think of the story so far!