Sculpting for Dummies

AN: I shouldn't be writing right now…I should be learning Hiragana for my Japanese 101 class… but I like writing better. Oh well, now is here and exam time is later, ergo I shall write another chapter of fan fiction for your reading pleasure.

Chapter 8 (Holy hell, eight already…how the chapters fly)

A cool wind blowing toward the south rustled the leaves in the trees surrounding Market village. Squirrels chattered, birds sang, and bright rays of sunlight warmed everything it touched.

Tobi awoke to this majestic display of natural beauty. He had just enough presence of mind to rip his mask off before he vomited all over the sun-warmed grass. The retching sounds scared the birds off their perches and made the squirrels mew angrily at him. The pale man ignored them and kept puking his guts out.

'Ok, not my guts,' he rebuked himself when his stomach finished emptying itself for all of Market village to see. He knew his guts were still attached only because he felt them churning even after the throwing up ended.

"Finally woken up, un?" a voice asked from behind. Tobi couldn't find the strength to turn and face it. His arms shook from supporting his weight as it was.

"Sem…pai," the ninja croaked, "please…kill me. Put me…out of my…misery."

Deidara snorted. "Don't tempt me, Tobi, un," he said, and came closer. The Iwa ninja's shadow blocked out the sunlight from Tobi's sensitive eyes. The blond crouched down beside Tobi, and the suffering man flushed with shame when he saw his sempai's nose wrinkle at the awful smell of his vomit. He tried to push Deidara away; he didn't want him to have to see it too.

"Damn, you reek, Tobi. Rinse your mouth out, un!" his sempai reprimanded. He couldn't…his head was throbbing so hard he could barely see, and even thinking about moving made his stomach flip with nausea.

"Pathetic, un," the artist murmured, and pressed something hard against Tobi's lips. Water poured past cracked lips and tasted blessedly cool on Tobi's tongue.

"Spit it out. You can drink in a minute, un," Deidara ordered. Tobi wanted to swallow, but if he didn't listen, sempai would be angry. He swished the water in his mouth and parted his lips. Spitting took too much energy, so he just it trickle from his mouth.

"Again," Deidara ordered. Once again, cool, clean water swirled around his mouth, and he spat it out, even though he was thirstier than he'd ever been. At least most of the vomit taste was gone.

The bottle left his lips, and Tobi whimpered.

"Shh," Deidara whispered, probably disgusted with how pathetic he was acting. Tobi was surprised Deidara hadn't left him while he was passed out. God, his head hurt too much to wonder why.

"Drink," the blond ordered, pressing another bottle to Tobi's mouth. Tobi parted his lips. Deidara tilted the bottle up, and before Tobi could even register the fowl-tasting liquid, the artist clasp a hand over Tobi's mouth and nose and jerked his head so he was facing the sky. The disgusting drink trickled down Tobi's throat, and he had to swallow it or choke.

When the last distasteful drop snaked down his throat, Deidara released him and Tobi curled up on the ground, coughing.

"Sempai…why…did you…do that…?" he panted. Deidara stood up and wiped his hand on Tobi's shirt.

"Quit your whining, idiot. It was medicine, un."

Tobi didn't move for a few minutes, until the forest stopped spinning like a pinwheel. His head didn't pound nearly as hard now. He groaned and crawled over to his canteen. The first sip he took was obstructed by fabric, but he removed whatever it was and tossed it aside. The water wasn't as cool or as clean as Deidara's, but it tasted heavenly to his parched throat.

His vision was still a little hazy, and the sun was shining much too brightly, but he could make out Deidara's shape if he shaded his eyes with his hand. He thought if he could crawl into some dark cave and sleep for a few weeks, he might recover to his normal self.

"Breakfast?" Deidara asked innocently. At the mere thought of food, Tobi nearly gagged, and he knew, he just knew his sempai was smirking at him.

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Tobi's suffering made Deidara's breakfast taste so much sweeter. The medicine was helping the moron; Deidara could tell because the pale man was finding the energy to roll around and moan and clutch his head melodramatically. He'd be well enough to travel by noon. If he suffered until then, the bastard deserved it for getting himself that drunk in the first place. What had he been thinking? He could have gotten them both killed.

A Tobi doll met its demise by being dragged along the rough stone wall until its cloth face frayed and the stuffing started falling out. Deidara tossed it away and leaned against the wall. He was tired; he'd stayed awake all night because Tobi was too incapacitated to take his watch, and Deidara wasn't going to risk the rogue ninja stumbling onto them unprepared.

Deidara crawled a little ways away and curled up in the grass with what was left of Tobi's blanket. He decided he could risk a few hours of sleep now. Tobi was awake, at least, even though he wasn't in any condition to defend them from an attack.

The blond closed his eyes and basked in the sunlight. The birds sang once more, and their twittering song lulled Deidara into a doze. He sighed, turned over, and wrapped his arms around…

…Tobi?

Deidara's eyes snapped open, and Tobi was there beside him, yawning and burrowing himself further into the artist's side.

"Tobi, get the hell away from me, un!" he hissed, and pushed the masked man away. He turned over so he was facing away from the hung-over ninja and surrendered himself to drowsiness…

…until Tobi wormed his way back to him and plastered himself around Deidara's body. Deidara kicked his leg with a sandaled foot.

"Tobi, get away from me and keep watch!" he ordered. Tobi groaned.

"'m tired, sempai. Head huuuurts. Wanna stay here," he whined, sounding half-asleep.

It took too much energy for Deidara to pry Tobi off of him, especially when he knew the taller man would just come right back, so he just closed his eyes and tried to ignore his partner's presence.

"You can stay, but you'd better stay awake, un," he instructed.

"Yes, sempai," Tobi yawned.

The last thing Deidara heard before he fell asleep was Tobi's snoring.

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"…obi…"

Tobi heard the voice, and sleepily ignored it.

"Tobi." There was a familiar, crackling quality to the voice, a blurriness that couldn't quite mask the flat, arrogant tone. Tobi pulled his mask over his face and rolled over to face the speaker.

A flickering, transparent image of Uchiha Itachi stood at the edge of the forest, beckoning Tobi. The masked man brushed a lock of Deidara's hair tenderly from his face and stood. The walk from the wall to the forest seemed more ominous than it did the last time.

"For shinobi, you both sleep very deeply," the Uchiha remarked. Tobi immediately jumped to Deidara's defense.

"Deidara-sempai had a tiring day yesterday, and he stayed up all night! I'm the one who fell asleep on my watch, not him," Tobi proclaimed. Itachi, either surprised by Tobi's acceptance of the blame or perhaps just by the bold way he spoke, raised an eyebrow.

Remembering himself and his manners, Tobi coughed nervously. "Is there something you need, Itachi-san?"

Itachi's mouth curled into something that might have been a smirk, except that Uchiha Itachi didn't smirk. "You might be interested to know, we had visitors last night. My little brother Sasuke somehow found his way to the Akatsuki lair."

The masked ninja froze. "Oh?"

"And one of his subordinates mentioned learning the location from a 'pumpkin-face' and a 'hot blonde,'" the Akatsuki member continued.

"How strange," Tobi said with a hollow laugh.

"Strange indeed. So strange that the Leader sent me out to retrieve your rings." Itachi let the implications sink in. In asking for their rings, Pein was, in essence, ordering Itachi to confirm whether they were still alive, and if they lived, to finish them off and relieve them of the Akatsuki status.

Tobi backed away. The apparition of Itachi wasn't real, only a projection of his chakra. The ghostly figure couldn't hurt him, but it could lead Itachi to him to do the job.

"Hello, Tobi-kun!" a second shaky voice called. An image of Kisame flickered beside Itachi's. "I'm glad you survived."

Tobi took another step backwards. "T-thank you, Kisame-san, but I d-don't think it's going to make a difference now."

Kisame smiled, showing rows of sharpened teeth. "Oh, Itachi-san is teasing!" he said with a chuckle. Tobi didn't think Itachi was the teasing type.

Itachi glared at Kisame with whirling red eyes. Kisame stopped laughing and looked away, chastised. The Uchiha turned back to Tobi.

"My orders aren't to kill you, Tobi. The leader only said to retrieve the rings."

Tobi blinked. "You…you're letting us go?"

"It's a waste of time to travel all that way to dispose of you," Itachi stated without feeling. "We have better ways to occupy our time."

"Like leading little Sasuke-kun in circles," Kisame clarified. He seemed delighted at the prospect.

"You didn't kill him?" Tobi asked incredulously. Kisame shook his head. Tobi wasn't sure why, but the news made him glad.

"I don't kill without a reason," Itachi murmured, frowning.

"But…your clan…?" Tobi asked.

"I had a reason, and it's none of your concern," the Uchiha stated. "Bring me the rings or I'll come and get them myself."

At that, Tobi nodded his head and held out the ring on his thumb.

"Deidara-kun's too, Tobi-kun," Kisame reminded him. Tobi crept quietly over to Deidara, who slept on, oblivious to the rest of the world. He slid the ring carefully off of his sempai's finger and tiptoed back to the ghostly pair.

He held the rings out to Itachi, who stared at them with transparent eyes. Oh, right. They were illusions. They couldn't hold the rings.

Itachi formed hand seals in rapid succession. With a flare of chakra, he summoned a weasel, which jumped into Tobi's hand and swallowed the rings in a single gulp. The rodent disappeared in a puff of smoke, and another summoning jutsu later, Itachi held to shadowy rings in his immaterial hand.

"You are no longer part of the Akatsuki. You are dead to us," Itachi said. He formed a hand sign that Tobi knew would dissipate the silhouette in front of him.

"Thank you, Itachi-san," Tobi called quickly. And, because it seemed important, "And I'm glad you didn't kill Sasuke-san."

"Why would I kill my little brother?" Itachi asked. Tobi shrugged.

"I thought that was what you did. Uchiha are impossible to understand."

Itachi gave him a strange, unreadable look. Then he released the jutsu and disappeared.

Kisame stayed for a moment. "We won't mention to the leader that you are still alive. He thinks you both died in the explosion."

Tobi nodded. "Thank you, Kisame-san."

The blue man gestured to Deidara. "You two are going to stick together?" he asked.

"I don't know," Tobi admitted. "I hope so."

The shark man nodded. "Good. Deidara needs a good boy like Tobi. The most stable relationship he'd had was with a man who became a puppet so he wouldn't have to feel." Kisame paused for a moment, lost in thought. At last, he leaned close to Tobi and whispered to him, "He needs someone to take care of him."

Tobi nodded. "I can do that, Kisame-san."

"I know, Tobi-kun. Take him far away from here and teach him how to live."

Kisame straightened up and gave Deidara one last look. He turned to Tobi and gave him a toothy smile. "Good luck," he said, and disappeared.

Tobi sat down on the ground right where he stood and held his chin with one hand; but, he couldn't concentrate sitting still. He flipped himself up and did a few handstands and cartwheels. He finished with a summersault. "Aha!" he exclaimed when an idea finally came to him. He grabbed his pouch of emergency money from his pack and ran through the gates of Market village.

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AN: OK, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but for the sake of getting it out in a timely manner, I'm breaking it up into a few short intervals. (and Itachi wasn't showing up at all, originally, but he and Kisame wormed their way in. I'm such a sucker for the Akatsuki; I can't say no to any of them!! They'll appear more in the side fic eventually.)

Anyways, next chapter: What does the future hold for our duo? Where will Tobi lead, and will Deidara follow? Find out soon!!