CHAPTER 2

"Time for lesson six young Terrence. How to shit and pee," Ruby explained. They couldn't find Prof. Birch anywhere so Terry was stuck with this complete moron.

"I'm-a pretty sure I know my natural bodily functions as well as you do."

"I know you do. But I'm gonna show you how to make it funny. Ahem..." Ruby cleared his throat. "If you're going up a ladder and you fell something splatter, Diarrhea, Diarrhea! Now you try!"

"Okay, um... if you're taking pity and you feel something-a shitty, Diarrhea, Diarrhea!"

"You got it! If you're walking down a hall and you feel somethin' behind your balls, diarrhea, diarrhea!"

"If you're playing with putty and you feel something muddy, diarrhea, diarrhea!" Ruby lead them to the outskirts of town whilst still rhyming about diarrhea.

"If you're eating a pie and you let one fly, diar- HOLY CRAP!" Ruby spotted Gold and Sapphire out in the distance. He dragged Terry behind a bush with him.

"Hey-a wasn't that the girl that whoop-a-ded your ass this morning?"

"She sure is. I've got the scars to prove it..." Gold and Saph were arguing over the imminent death of the Treecko Gold just ran over.

"Daddy! Why the hell didn't you look where you were going?"

"It was a freakin' accident! And why the hell do you care?"

"I don't know... I was thinking of capturing it..."

"Well, you can't capture it now can you? Wait... that thing isn't dead!" Gold picked it up and found that it was still breathing. "This little guy's faking it!" Gold laid it back down on the ground. He stomped on its tail.

(HOLY FLYING CRAP!) The Treecko screamed as it literally sprang back to life. Gold tossed a pokeball at it while it was still in the air. The ball fell to the ground. It rocked back and forth three times before finally coming to a rest.

"There. Now could you please stop whining about this? I really don't see why you're so interested in a runt like that..."

"OH THANK YOU DADDY!" Sapphire picked up the ball and then hugged her father.

"Oh thank you daddy," Prof. Birch said in a voice that was supposed to mock Sapphire's. He was looking pretty displeased "Hey daddy, could you please pay me for that Treecko you just stole?"

"Pay you? Aren't you the guy that gives out the starters in Hoenn?" Gold asked remembering the other man's face from a magazine.

"The one in the same."

"But don't you give these things out for free?"

"Hell no! What's the point of being a researcher if you can't make a profit?"

"WHAT!? When I was a kid Prof. Elm never charged me for my starter!"

"That's because Prof. Elm is a little bisexual nerd who doesn't have a pair of nuts between his legs!" Gold got taken aback by that last comment. "Now if your daughter is taking my Treecko, the minimum fee is fifty bucks." Gold grimaced at Sapphire.

"Just pay the man daddy!"

"Why don't you pay him? It's your Peecko!"

"Treecko!"

"Whatever!"

"I don't have any money. And as a parent it is your responsibility to ensure my happiness and well being. So if I'm not happy I'll jump off a bridge! GOT IT!?" Gold had finally given it. Sapphire always got her way...

"Spoiled little brat..." Gold muttered to himself as he handed Birch his hard earned cash. Professor Birch got into his own car and sped off without a word.

"Okay, so let's go home dad- WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?" Gold had also left in his car. Saph may have always got her way but Gold always got revenge. He was gonna leave her to find her own way back. "OH COME ON! I'M SORRY DAMN IT! COME ON DADDY! I'LL PAY YOU BACK JUST SLOW DOWN DAMN IT!" Sapphire called as she chased after her father. When all three of them were gone Ruby and Terry climbed out of the bushes.

"Ruby! Your fasha li-ed to me! He said pokemons were free!"

"I know. Dad can be such an asshole sometimes... Don't worry dude. I gots us a plan!"

"Uh-oh... if it's one of your-a plans I better bring band aids..."

"No time my simple homosexual friend! We must go now!"

"Ok. I-a can deal with you calling me foreign and a Muslim but when you call me a homo, that's just crossing the freakin' line! Where I-a come from homosexuals are stoned to death!"

"Even lesbians?"

"ESPECIALLY LESBIANS!" Ruby grabbed Terry by his collar and pulled him towards him. He (quite unexpectedly) kissed Terry on the lips. Terry pushed him away from him. "WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? YOU'RE A FRIGGIN PSYCHOPATH! AND YOU'RE CALLING ME GAY!? ME!?"

"What the hell are you talking about young Terrence?" Ruby asked apparently forgetting what he just did.

"WHAT-A ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? YOU JUST KISSED ME!"

"Eww! That's nasty! You're such a homo dude!" A vein popped in Terry's temple.

"I hate you so much..."

"Whatever. Come on, we gots to steal that pokemon from dad." Terry had no chose but to follow his clearly insane friend to Professor Birch's lab. The lab's owner still wasn't around. Ruby opened the front door with the key from his pocket.

"Okay-a we're in. Now what Ruby?" Ruby used another key to open Prof. Birch locker full of lab coats. He pulled one on.

"When I'm wearing this coat I'm not Ruby. From now on address me as Colonel Sanders."

"The Kentucky Fried Farfetch'd guy?" Ruby pimp slapped Terry across the face.

"Colonel KFF guy, damn it! You hear me private!?"

"Yes, Colonel Sir!" Terry said in fear of getting smacked again. Ruby led them to the middle of the room. A pokeball sat on top of a podium. Infrared beams zigzagged across the room, blocking their way.

"Ok. Just let me handle this. Go Ninja!" Ruby released his first pokemon, a Ninjask. "Watch how a real man handles business my homosexual friend-."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Terry lunged at Ruby who ducked in the knick of time. Terry accidentally hit one of the beams of light and set off the lab's security alarms. He collided painfully into the podium.

"OH SNAP! WE ARE SO DEAD NOW! GRAB THE POKEBALL AND LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Terry did what the Colonel said and sprinted towards the door. Ruby didn't follow him however.

"I HEAR POLICE CARS COMING! WHAT ARE-A YOU DOING!?" Ruby flat out ignored him. He pulled out a can of spray paint from his pocket. In big red letters he wrote 'The Laws of Pokemon Aren't Set in Stone, Bitch' on the lab's back wall.

"That'll show that old man who's boss... LET'S GO!" And with that the two semi-sane duo ran for their lives towards the edge of town. "TIME TO START THE JOURNEY BITCHES!" Ruby shouted into the night sky.

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I know. I've been extremely late. If you're new to the party then you should know that I'm not supposed to be on the computer. It's a complicated story that involves porn and my eighth grade teacher that I don't want to get into... It's been extremely hard to get on the computer long enough to write a chapter so I can't update for a while. But don't fret! Like Ruby, I gots a plan as well. Just wait until sometime after Christmas for the next chappie. SORRY!!