CHAPTER 4
Before we begin, I have to take back what I said about atheists in the last chapter. I was going a little out of line with that one. Not all atheists like public places to be politically correct. Just like how ninety percent of Muslims aren't terrorists or not all Jews are obsessed with money (tee hee). I have nothing against atheists, I was just frustrated about not being able to write a full chapter (and sniffing a whole bunch of markers before writing didn't help either...). I actually get where atheists are coming from. I mean, who hasn't questioned their religion at least once in their life? It's sometimes weird to think that God sent his only son to save us from ourselves or some fat guy named Buddha sat under a tree for twenty years and suddenly achieved enlightenment. In short, I (and my story) have no problems with any religion or lack thereof. I bid you farewell my minions- I mean readers...
"Ruby Birch and Terry...uh... how do you say this kid's last name?" Sapphire was watching the new TV her parents got her along with Pancakes. The news anchor couldn't pronounce Terry's last name. "Th-mn-plof-dty-go-meni-yu-pkrfgithenhdl? Uh... whatever. Anyway, they stole a Mudkip from Professor Birch's house yesterday and are now wanted men. The reward for their capture is 5 million poke-."
"HOLY FUCK! Those idiots are worth a fortune! I gotta bust their asses!" Sapphire grabbed Pancakes by the neck and ran downstairs. She didn't stay to let the man finish the sentence.
"-cents. This only adds up to five pokedollars. Damn. That Birch is a real tight ass..."
(Choking! Not breathing! World becoming dark...) Pancakes croaked as it struggled to get out of her grasp. Gold and Crystal were trying to eat breakfast but Saph tossed Pancakes into Gold's food for no apparent reason. (The world is dark and it smells like bacon! MAKE IT STOP!)
"MOM! DAD! CanIgoonajourneyformonthsonendtocapturetwoconvictsbutinsteadofturningtheminwe'llturnintofriendsandthenconquertheworldwithourindestructiblepowerandhavegoodtimesandbadtimesandsavetheworldacoupletimesjustlikeyoutwodidwhenyouwereyounger!?" She said extremely fast.
"You lost me at dad. You're her child until noon..." Gold muttered as he picked Pancakes by its tail out of his bacon.
"I'll handle this one dear. ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Crystal barked.
"Why not?" Sapphire asked.
"Because of what happened to me and your father. Our journey's started out great but in the end I ended up pregnant with you and he ended up twice as stupid as he started out."
"That can't be true... Dad! What does 7x+29ab equal?"
"There is no clear cut answer for that because X, A and B are all variables. Combining like terms in impossible so the answer would be an infinite array of random numbers," Gold said tossing Pancakes back to Sapphire.
"Daddy... you spoke math..." Sapphire said in awestruck confusion. "See Mom? He isn't a complete moron! I'M OUT OF HERE!"
"Wait! I never said you could- DAMN IT!" Crystal cursed as Saph left through the front door. "This is all your fault!" She then took a spoon and smacked Gold in the hand with it.
"OW! What the hell woman?"
"Don't woman me! Get our daughter back or else!"
"Or else what?"
"NO SEX EVER AGAIN!" Crystal stormed her way back upstairs.
"Oh snap! Hmm..." Gold decided to weigh his options. "I know what to do! PRIVATES GOLD AND SILVER JUNIOR! FRONT AND CENTER!" Gold and Silver came out of nowhere and stood before their father, their chests pushed out and their hands to their foreheads in salute.
"Reporting for duty, sir!" They said as one.
"Go bring your little sister back here on the double! And don't come back until you do!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" The terrible twosome sprinted out of the house without another word.
Let's pause the story for a second. In my last story I always showed change in point of view by going like Story change: Golden Flames or Silver Ice or whatever. I decided to change it up a little. Since the story's called Sapphire Stories, the point of view changes will be based on parts of a story book. They go like this:
Sapphire- Sapphire Stories
Ruby- Ruby Fantasies
Terry- Terry Tales
Gold Jr.- Golden Chapters
Silver Jr.- Silver Chapters
And if it's about someone from the old story, I'll use what I used to do. For example:
Gold- Golden Flames
Crystal- Crystal Leaves
And if you steal this idea like they did with my last story, I WILL FIND YOU DAMN IT! Okay... un- pause!
Story Change: Ruby Fantasies (see, that's how it works)
"3-2-1!" Ruby counted. He dropped his pants and farted right in Terry's sleeping face. Terry jumped out of his sleeping bag and immediately started tearing from the smell.
"SON-A OF A BITCH!"
"Ha! You just got ASS-assinated nigga!"
"Did you just call me the N word? Listen-a you fruit cup, I am not black, Muslim OR GAY! And-a why did your fart smell like lilacs?" The lilacs thing wiped the smile off Ruby's face.
"My farts smell like flowers? But I'm not wearing dryer sheets..." He farted again and Terry bent over to sniff it.
"Now it smells-a like pencil shavings..." By now Sapphire had walked in on them. To her it looked like Terry was sticking his face in Ruby's butt.
"Uh... am I disturbing something homosexual here?" Terry jumped out of fright this time. "No! Nothing gay happening here-a! Nope!"
"Right... Now hold still so I can tie you up, rape you and then turn you in to the police!"
"Is there a second option?" Ruby asked pulling up his pants.
"No."
"RUN FOR IT JERRY!" Ruby screamed while running towards Oldale Town.
"It's-a Terry!" Terry said sprinting after him.
"Your asses are mine!" Sapphire screamed. And so the hunt began. Ruby and Terry had just became the Bugs Bunny to Sapphire's Elmer Fudd.
