CHAPTER 7

"Gratuitous acts of violence happened here in Oldale Town today. Five young trainers, who were all possibly mentally unstable, began to tear the pokemon center for reasons unknown for now. Their names are Sapphire Ryu, Gold Junior Ryu, Silver Junior Ryu, Ruby Birch and Terry... uh... Thmnplofdtygomeniyupkrfgithenhdl... Did I get that right? I did? Sweet! Anyway... there was no sign of their bodies after the explosion so they're presumed alive. They are all wanted; Gold and Silver are charged for the murder of Nurse Joy, Sapphire did irreparable damage to our beloved pokemon center and Ruby and Terry are wanted for- DAAAAAAH!" The same guy on the news from before was detailing what happened in yesterday's struggle until Ruby crashed a stolen car through the news studio. He was trying to get him, Terry and Sapphire to Petalburg City faster but since he didn't know how to drive he just kept driving into buildings.

"LIFE IS A SON OF A BITCH AND YOU GOTS TO STAB IT BEFORE IT STABS YOU! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!" Ruby shouted before driving through the other side or the room. Gold and Crystal were watching everything that just happened on their TV.

"HOLY MOTHER HUMPING SISTER OF JESUS!" Crystal exclaimed. She managed to pull out an entire chainsaw from her back pocket. "GOLD! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"What did I do? And how'd you fit a chainsaw in your pocket?" Crystal answered by slamming the chainsaw right down the middle of their couch. "HOLY SHIT!"

"I'M RICK JAMES BITCH! I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!" Crystal's rage had brought her into a semi- insane state of mind. Gold started to run away but Crystal came after him, slicing up everything in her way.

"RTJ (that's me) CHANGE THE STORY! CHANGE IT, DAMN YOU!" Gold pleaded with me. Being the just and merciful author god that I am, I granted his request.

BUYAKASHA!

STORY CHANGE: Sapphire Stories

"RUBY! STOP THE CAR!" Sapphire ordered. Things weren't going too well on her end either. Ruby was going ninety-five miles an hour towards Petalburg. So far he's run over three trees, five Zizagoons and almost every trainer on the road. He stopped abruptly, causing Terry to smash his head into the dashboard. "Thank you!" Sapphire said climbing out of the back seat. She kissed the ground outside. "I've never been so happy to see the ground again!"

Ruby got out of the driver's seat, leaving Terry alone and unconscious on the floor of the car. He pulled a dead Zigzagoon out from under one of the tires.

"What idiot would leave a whole bunch of dead things in the road for us to run over? Inconsiderate!" He tossed the flat Zigzagoon corpse into a nearby lake. "Why'd you make us stop? We were making good time!"

"I made you stop because I want to live to have more time! Damn, I feel like I just had four heart attacks at once..." She said putting a hand to her heart. "We're walking now. Get the other moron up, She ordered while getting back to her feet."

"Hey, you can't tell me what to do! We are driving!"

"I OWN YOU! You do what I say and I say we're walking!"

"Driving!"

"Walking!"

"Lesson time!" Ruby said abruptly. He ignored Sapphire and pulled Terry out of the shotgun seat.

"What-a do you want?" Terry said groggily. "I was dreaming about lonely supermodels..."

"Time to sing about innuendos kiddies!" Ruby said jumping up and down.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Sapphire asked.

"He still thinks I'm an ignorant foreign exchange student that he thinks he should tutor on-a almost everything. Just run with it..." After Terry stops talking, music starts playing from nowhere. "What-a the hell?"

Now listen all you people and you better listen well

If you don't, I'll make sure you go to hell

I'm gonna teach something really swell

If it's narcotic or erotic or possibly psychotic

It's a freakin' innuendo for you and me!

Ruby sang and skipped away into the forest. He came back carrying a pretty freaked out chick in his arms who in turn was carrying a skitty.

Watch me! This pussy is so furry and it's so very clean

You say that normally but with innuendo it's obscene

Pussy means kitty, but with innuendo I ain't talkin' bout the skitty

If it's narcotic or erotic or possibly psychotic

It's a freakin' innuendo for you and me!

And if you find yourself with some hot, young, sexy thing

You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing...

Cuz' you don't say penis!

Instead of getting annoyed at being taught another stupid lesson, Terry started to get caught up in the moment.

Terry: I think I-a get it! If you go up to a girl and ask if you want to see my friend Dick-

Ruby: That is no Richard; you're trying to hit it quick

Terry: It means that I am-a trying to show my magic stick!

Ruby: If it's narcotic or erotic or possibly psychotic

It's a freakin innuendo for you and me

Ruby and Terry grabbed each other's hands and skipped farther into the forest.

"God hates me..." Sapphire complained to herself. "RTJ! I know you're up there so change the freakin' story!" She shouted at the sky. Damn, I'm being busy today aren't I?

SHAZAM BITCHES!

STORY CHANGE: Golden Chapters

Somehow, Gold and Silver had made it to the next city before Sapphire (again) even though she left before them. But then again, Ruby was driving Sapphire and Terry into random buildings all night... Anyway, Gold and Silver had hijacked a little girl's lemonade stand. They crossed out 'Lemonade' with 'Recruitment'. They also taped three pictures of Sapphire, Ruby and Terry next to the sign.

"Gold, I want you to get some stuff from the market over there," Silver said giving him the grocery list. Gold read the list out loud.

"Eggs, pokemon food, flour, any freakin' kind of cereal, milk, condoms- CONDOMS?!" Gold looked at his brother inquisitively.

"What? Dude, this isn't Johto anymore. We are now able to bang every freakin' chick in Hoenn and I want to be prepared."

"Uh... how big is your penis?" Gold asked. Silver just looked at him as if he was out of his mind. "What? These things come in sizes, colors and FLAVORS! If you want me to get these things then I need to know how big your hoo-hoo is!"

"Dude... we're brothers, but I am never telling you how big my thingy is... unless we're banging the same girl at the same time-."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Let me finish! How about I go to the store and you run the recruitment stand."

"But I'm not as charismatic as you, what if no one signs up for Team GS?" Silver looked around for somebody. He saw a girl coming down the street.

"If you get her to sign up I'll let you use the first condom. Yes, older brother, you get to lose your virginity first if you get her."

"But-."

"Dude! Stop worrying already! Just look at her! Her hair's dyed green, she wears a black cloak, she looks kinda foreign and she's SMOKING HOT! If she's not perfect for our group, she's either an emo or a vampire! Now go!" Silver ran off towards the store, leaving Gold all by myself. Gold was almost going into a panic attack.

"Don't blow this, don't blow this, don't blow-."

"Um-a... don't blow what?" The girl had made it to the stand and thought he was talking to her.

"My penis- I mean- I-well- with- the-thing- with Silver and- Hi?" Gold was stumbling for the right words. "Um... hi. Well, I- uh I mean we, are looking for new people for Team GS. We're a semi- terrorist group trying to take over the world. You wanna join?"

"I'm sorry but I'm supposed to be doing something-a really important- and-," she stopped as she looked up at the wanted signs next to the Lemonade- I mean Recruitment sign. She got very angry when she saw Terry's picture. "What is your business with that one?" She said pointing to Terry's picture.

"He pissed us off the other day so now we're out to get him. Why, what's wrong?" She grabbed him by the collar and brought his face close to hers.

"I want-a that one too. Sign me up. Now," she threatened. Gold gulped. She was starting to scare the shit out of him.

"Uh... sure, just tell me your name."

"It's Emerald."

"SWEET! I lose my virginity first! Take that Silver!" Gold thought to himself.