CHAPTER 8
Time for another side note from RTJ! I just want you to know Vhid and Chico... YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN' RIGHT! Anyone who steals my insane brilliance should die! But I kinda like not being in jail... I may not get as many reviews as the other stories around here but I do get a lot of hits. Sapphire Stories only has seven chapters and already has over six hundred hits. Golden Flames 1 just had its ten thousandth hit yesterday. I find it incredibly endearing that someone would go back like sixty pages on the site just to read the old story (or take the pussy way out and go to Sapphire Stories, click on my name and seeing what stories I authored). Either way, I love you people (in a non- homosexual way, I love the vagina) and just like it says in the summary... REVIEW OR DIE!
"Oooh! Chocolate flavored condoms!" Silver marveled at the huge shelf full of condoms. He took a chocolate one and put the entire thing in his mouth. He immediately spat it out in the face of the guy next to him. "Tastes like someone took a piss in my corn flakes!" The guy next to him tossed the half eaten condom off of his sunglasses.
"Little dude, I don't know if you know this but..." The man took a large intake of breath. "FLAVORED CONDOMS ARE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO BE PLEASING TO WOMEN! MEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EITHER EAT OR SPIT THEM YOU LITTLE DOWN SYNDROME INFECTED SON OF A BITCH!" The man's voice echoed throughout the store. Everyone stared at him as if he was both crazy and gay.
"Dude, you just blurted out nonsense about flavored condoms in front of this conveniently placed megaphone in my hand in front of the whole store. If anyone has Down syndrome here, it's certainly not me!" Silver snatched a pack of condoms off the shelf and stormed off, leaving the man fuming with rage.
"I'll get you kid! I swear as long as my name's Scott, I'll get you!"
"Yeah, yeah, noise, noise," Silver let Scott's warning slide past him. Silver's pokegear started ringing. He picked it up to hear Gold on the other line.
"I WIN BITCH!" Gold shouted indirectly into Silver's ear.
"OW!" Silver said grabbing his now punctured ear drum. "Are you trying to make me deaf? And what did you win?"
"Our bet! You said I get to use the first condom if I got that girl sign up and I did! Who's the best? I IS THE BEST!"
"You mean I am the best."
"Don't lecture me on grammar right now dude! I'm too happy!"
"Dude, you're not serious are you? I thought she would have kicked you in the nuts! I didn't expect you to actually do it!"
"Well I did," Gold said triumphantly. "Oh yeah... Before I forget, Emerald says that she wants you to pick up some tampons before you leave. Bye!" Gold said hanging up on him.
"NO! NOT TAMPONS!" Silver thought to himself. He ran a simulation of what would happen in his mind. He would grab a pack of tampons. Then every woman in the store would stare at him angrily. Then one would shout 'PERVERT' and then he would get mauled to death by angry feminists. A chill ran through his spine. Luckily, there was a lady nearby with a cart full of tampons.
"Uh, excuse me but... uh... can I have some tampons? "I'm... um... building a tampon gun?" He said remembering back to his father's tampon gun. The lady was too busy to deal with dirty perverts like Silver so she gave him a pack and walked off without a word. "Uh... thank you for your patronage?"
So long story short, Silver had no trouble getting the other things he wanted. But that was until he got to the sellout line. The cashier couldn't get the price on the tampons. Silver ran another simulation through his head. The guy would call out 'Price check on tampons' into the microphone thingy. Then the angry feminists will come back and maul him again.
"Uh... price check on tamp-."
"NO!" Silver tackled the cashier guy to the ground and started strangling him. Unfortunately, Scott (who was still looking for vengeance) cried out...
"PRICE CHECK ON TAMPONS FOR THE PERV IN FRONT!" The angry feminists that Silver was dreading this whole time had suddenly appeared.
"PERVERT! GET HIM!"
"Damn you Scott!" Silver screamed before running for his life.
STORY CHANGE: Emerald Epics
"Where's Silver with my condoms?" Gold asked pacing across the lemonade- damn it, recruitment stand. Emerald was too deep in her own thoughts to pay attention to Gold. All she could think of was Terry.
"Hey-a Gold? Can I ask you something?"
"Uh... sure. What's on your mind?"
"If you had to kill someone close to you, let's say-a Silver, to save your race, would you do it?" Gold stopped in mid-step. He wasn't expecting such a serious question.
"Uh... well, um... I don't know... I guess that depends on the race... well, uh... since this fic is half anime there's no telling from one race to the other, so let's pretend I'm black. Without black people, there'd be no hip-hop music, traffic signals, crack, breakdancing, and a heck of a whole lot less AIDS victims. I mean, use a freakin' condom for RTJ's sake, it won't kill you-," Gold began to become less focused. Emerald smacked him in the back of the head. "OW! What was that for?"
"YOU'RE MISSING THE WHOLE POINT ENTIRELY!" Gold saw that there were tears shining in her eyes. She turned around and ran away from him towards the same route Sapphire and company were traveling on.
"Emerald, wait! I'm sorry!" Gold said chasing after her. "Don't go! If you leave then Silver won't give me his condoms! Come back!"
