CHAPTER 12

"RTJ! WAKE UP YOU BASTARD!" Sapphire screamed. She had climbed her way through my computer to talk to me in person. Too bad she had to come at four in the morning.

"How dare you?" I said sitting up in my bed. "I am the one who answers only to I am who am! The Alpha and Omega! I'm-."

"A powerless misguided teenager in his pajamas who will die by either gun shot or painful Treecko bites if he doesn't listen to me!"

"Shutting up..."

"Good. NOW WHAT'S THE FRIGGIN' DEAL WITH THE STORY!?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"There's almost never anything about me anymore! Shouldn't I as the semi-insane, rage controlled heroine, have more chapters to myself?"

"Uh... I get where you're coming from but you're not the only person in this fic. And furthermore, you don't tell me what to do. I'M A GOD DAMN IT!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "In this fic I can do whatever I want. I can kill your grandpa with a snap of my fingers!" I immediately snap my fingers. "There's he dead!"

"YOU KILLED GRANDPA WALT!?" Sapphire screamed disbelievingly. "Who'll give me presents and tools for world denomination now?"

"Beats me... GET OUT OF MY REALITY!" I said pushing her into the computer screen. She like so many others disappeared into the computer, back in her rightful place. "Now that that's done... STORY CHANGE!"

STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames

Gold (senior) had just found out that I killed his father. In a tenth of a second (under my power) he assembled all the people his father knew and brought them to the funeral in Johto. All of Gold and Crystal's friends from the old story had gathered there as well.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we lay you now in the earth's-." Gold was already screwing up the funeral. Crystal nudged him in the arm.

"You're supposed to do the eulogy first stupid!" She whispered in his ear.

"Oh snap... where was I... Oh yeah! What can we say about Walter Jeremiah Ryu? Some called him a maniac and they were right. Some called him a genius and they were right. Some called him a man whore and oh were they right! I however, called him a father along with two others. Daddy's journey was a twisted one. He was a struggling pokemon trainer who after many failures, had sex with every woman he saw. His first son Red was wiped out of existence by yours truly. His daughter Karen turned evil and was never seen again. And then there was me... and you all know how fucked up I am... Desperate to find me and Red, he and Karen formed the evil organization P.O.O.T. His involvement in P.O.O.T deleted whatever sanity he had left and instead used P.O.O.T to try to burn the world into oblivion.

"Then... why? Why should we be mourning the death of a maniac? I'll tell you why. Because not only was he a maniac, he was a friend, father and fucker to each one of us... but not all at once cuz' that would be creepy... He may have once been an enemy or accidentally turned you into a Ninetales- that was kind of funny actually. Hey Hiro! You remember that time he turned you into a Ninetales a second time and then told that chick we were doing a donkey show and we released you on her? She had black fur in her vagina for a week!" Gold reminisced completely forgetting about his father.

"I remember Gold but wasn't that your mother we did that to?" Hiro asked.

"Yes..." Gold said removing the smile on his face. "I can't help it if my mom's a 49 year old slut..."

"Baby, you're not focusing again..." Crystal warned.

"Oh sorry... In short, we had generally good times with daddy. His spirit continues to live on through his grandchildren Gold Jr. and Sapphire... but not Silver Jr. because they share no blood relation. Let his soul rest in peace... and just in case there is no afterlife let his existence be shattered for all eternity ... um... what do I do now honey?" Gold asked Crystal.

"The ashes to ashes thing..."

"Right. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we lay you now in the earth's crust." They finally dropped his father's tomb into his grave. "Okay... um... what the fuck do you people want? Get off my property bitches!" Gold chased everyone who wasn't one of his old friends away. Gold didn't feel like spending any money so they buried his dad in the backyard of his gym.

"HIRO!"

"GOLD!" Gold and Hiro jumped up and hugged each other. The two best friends/ gym leaders haven't seen each other in years.

"You guys finally decided to be homosexual?" Hiro's wife Tit (yes her name is Tit) asked. Gold and Hiro let go of each other immediately.

"Screw you Tit," Gold said. He then turned to Hiro. "How's life been treating you dude?"

"Not bad, but Tit still won't let me have sex anymore..."

"Crystal won't let me do her too! What's your excuse?"

"I accidentally got her pregnant."

"But that was 10 years ago..."

"Please don't remind me..." Hiro said looking depressed at his own penis.

"Well, I lost Sapphire somehow and then I sent Gold and Silver after her but they never came back. Now I'm stuck with just internet porn now and-." Gold was interrupted by Copper. Copper grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the gym.

"Gold! I've found Silver!"

"Really! Does he have Gold with him? If so, then I can finally start hittin' that shexay ass again!" Out of sheer happiness he started doing the Dutty Wine dance (if you don't know what that is then I suggest you go to youtube... I have a weird taste in music...).

"Gold you don't understand-."

"Fuck in the water, fuck in the sea

Fuck in the bushes, fuck in a tree

If you fuck on the bed you're not fucking me

Fuck on the floor, fuck on the T.V

Fuck on the dresser, break up the figurine

Fuck on the fan, no chick ever fingers me

When I see a gal that triggers me

Fuck anywhere, LET FUCK BE FREE!" Gold sang, completely ignoring Copper.

"GOLD STOP! I meant the original Silver!" Upon hearing this, Gold punched Copper in the mouth. "OW! What was that for you ass munch?"

"I CAN'T BANG SILVER YOU ASSHOLE!"

"And you better not even try lest something terrible happens to your manhood," Silver said stepping out of the shadows. Silver was a train wreck to say the least. All of his clothes were ripped and dirty. He smelled like the toilet on a bad day and he had hair growing down to his shins.

"HOLY CRAP! Silver! What the hell happened to you? Where'd you find him Copper?"

"He was out in front eating from the garbage can."

"Wait... the tattered clothing, the sweat stains, the strange odors, the mass of battered hair... you've either replaced Goku from Dragonball Z or you're a hobo..."

"I-um-well-I," Silver stuttered.

"YOU'RE A HOBO! HOLY SHIT! THIS MEANS I HAVE LED A MORE SUCCESSFUL LIFE THAN YOU!"

"You don't have to rub it in..."

"Yes I do! You told me thirteen years ago that I would fail at everything I do and you'll be ruler of the world. But now I'm the leader of a successful gym and you're a homeless bastard eating out of my trash cans! OH THE IRONY!"

"Yeah... um... Gold... uh... can I live with you guys until I get my act together?"

"Silver... you've tried to kill me on numerous occasions, mocked me and took Crystal's virginity before I did... OF COURSE YOU CAN STAY WITH US!"

"Huh?"

"You're also our friend dude! This is beautiful! It's like the old gang is coming back together again! And all it took was the death of somebody we all cared about! INSANITY ENSUES!"

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You guys didn't honestly think I forgot about you did you? I've had a lot on my mind lately and I've been having problems at home but it's okay now. I've talked to my mom and I finally convinced her to let me use the computer freely. OH YEAH BITCHES!