CHAPTER 14

Silver Junior was reclining in the back of his cage when Roxanne came in to check in on him. She had given him a Playdude magazine to jack off to so they could fulfill her evil plan to some extent.

"Are you done yet?"

"Let me answer you with my own question. Were you high when you came up with this plan or is RTJ incredibly stupid?"

"What's wrong with my plan?"

"You expect me to pull a Peter Griffin and fill an entire sperm bank?! I'm just one dude! And too much masturbation at one time can cause you to piss out your own blood!"

"Eww..."

"And another thing! Playdude is utter bull shit!" Silver tossed the porn magazine through the bars and into Roxanne's arms.

"What the hell's wrong now?"

"Just because a picture of a naked girl is in a magazine doesn't make it good porn. I DEMAND VIDEO PORN!"

"What?! I can't get a computer in here!"

"The little white soldiers aren't gonna march unless one of you or your lackeys get naked – RIGHT HERE; RIGHT NOW!" Roxanne sighed and started unbuttoning her shirt.

"Fine..."

"Oh snap! I didn't think that was gonna work," Silver thought to himself. "Yay! Big titties are mine!" Sorry all you horny bastards out there, can't describe any nude stuff at all. I don't want to this to be rated M. Nothing personal.

STORY CHANGE: Ruby Fantasies

"What the fuck did you guys do to piss that crazy little girl?!" Ruby screamed as the three of them ran into Petalburg woods. Marie was chasing after them in a purple and black cloud of ghost pokemon. They could still hear her shouting, 'GIVE ME BACK MRS. NESBIT!' "And who the fuck is Mrs. Nesbit?"

"No time to explain, keep moving!" Sapphire ordered. It was not long before the tree tops completely blocked them from Marie's view. They stopped to catch their breath.

"Now-a where are we?" Terry asked.

"Crikey! Young negro, how could you not know about the famed Petalburg Woods?" Ruby asked in an Australian accent.

"One, why are you talking like Steve Irwin (rest his soul) and two, why do you still-a think I'm black?"

"You mean you're not?"

"YES!"

"I guess this means you're not going to black heaven..."

"What? There's no-a distinctions between heavens due to race. There-a is no black heaven or white heaven or-."

"There is a white heaven and black heaven! They're called heaven and hell!"

"RASCIST BASTARD!" Terry tackled Ruby to the ground. Sapphire on the other hand, has been trying to fight off a rogue Slaking while Terry and Ruby were fighting each other.

"WOULD YOU TWO SONS OF BITCHES HELP ME?!" She screamed as the Slaking chased her and Pancakes up a tree. They climbed higher so the Slaking couldn't see them among the leaves. Slaking reared it's fist back to punch the tree down. Before it made contact, Sapphire jumped out of the tree and drop kicked it right between the eyes. The Slaking fell on to its back, holding its face in pain.

"QUICK ATTACK!" Pancakes zoomed out of the tree and tackled Slaking right in the nuts. "Bull's eye bitch! Hmm... What did Daddy tell me to do when I've overpowered a pokemon...? First a kick to the face, then a blow to the nuts... what was that third thing...? Oh yeah! A pokeball to the poke-balls!" Sapphire pulled a pokeball from her pocket and tossed into Slaking's jewels.

Slaking couldn't resist getting captured. It was to pre occupied with holding it's now shattered testicles.

"I CAUGHTSTED ME A POKEMONS!" Sapphire shouted joyously. She looked around for the others. Ruby and Terry had stopped fighting and were now checking if Ruby's farts still smell like flowers.

"Nope. Still-a smells like lilacs," Terry said.

"Damn! Why does this keep happening?" Sapphire, overwhelmed with fury, punched each of them in the nose. "OW! What was that for?"

"I was fighting a gorilla thingy for my life and you two are smelling each other's farts instead of helping me!"

"What's-." They both started at the same time.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT A GORILLA IS EITHER! Come on you idiots..." Sapphire said finally giving up on her friend's stupidity. "I need to get smarter friends..."

The rest of the path was pretty uneventful except for when they reached the middle of the forest. A middle aged man was being pushed around by a man in a blue bandana with a weird symbol on it. The bandana guy released his Poochyena.

"Give me the goods and no one gets hurt bitch!"

"If you want the goods then its twenty bucks and if we're gonna do this then you have to rent a hotel."

"What? What're you- EWW! I'M NOT TRYING TO RAPE YOU IDIOT! I'M ROBBING YOU!"

"Oh... HEY KIDS!" The middle aged man said to Sapphire, Ruby and Terry. "I'LL PAY YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM THIS GUY!" The gang huddled up first.

"I say-a we do it," Terry said.

"Let me handle this," Ruby said. He walked up to Poochyena and pats it on the head.

"What are you doing?" Sapphire asked.

"UNHOLY DOG KICK OF THE DEVIL!" Ruby shouted before kicking the Poochyena over 50 feet away. The bandana guy went chasing after it.

"Wow-a I could have thought of that..."

"But you didn't. Now give me my money," Ruby demanded. He turned around to find that both Sapphire and the employer gone. "HOLY MICHAEL JACKSON'S PUBIC HAIR! HE LEFT WITHOUT PAYING ME!"

"And-a he kidnapped Sapphire!"

"Do you honestly give a ratatta's ass about what happens to her?"

"Nope..."

"Then it's settled! Go after the money!" Ruby and Terry went running farther into the forest. In reality, Sapphire just went behind a tree to take a piss. They were leaving without knowing she was behind them.

"Where the hell is everybody? Did I miss something?" Sapphire asked to no one in particular.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay I admit it, I'm a lazy bastard. I've been doing nothing but sleeping for the past week. I haven't forgotten about you guys and gals out there. I'll have something when I feel like writing again.