CHAPTER 14

Team GS plus Silver senior were finally about to leave the Petalburg Woods when Gold's pokegear started ringing.

"Hello you have reached Gold Jr., AKA Mr. Sexiliscous- OW!" Emerald smacked him in the back of the head. "Damn! Who's callin'?"

"Hey bro!"

"Silver? Is that you?"

"Sure is. Oh and there's been a mistake. I win!"

"Huh?"

"Remember that deal we made about you losing your virginity first? I win!"

"WHAT!? We already agreed that I won! The deal was whoever recruited Emerald first would win! I WON! ME! NOT YOU!"

"Well... I just changed the rules because my baby Roxanne here has just been fucked out of her mind. Isn't that right babe?" Gold heard a far off feminine voice say 'That's right' on the other side of the line.

"You can't change the rules if I already wo- ROXANNE!?"

"Yeah... what about her?"

"Isn't she the bitch that kidnapped you?!"

"Yes and don't call her a bitch, dick sucker!"

"Let me get this straight... she kidnaps you for some sick and twisted plot... then you wind up doing fourth base with her- WHICH GOES AGAINST OUR DEAL ENTIRELY! IS THAT RIGHT!?"

"Pretty much."

"How the fuck did that happen?"

"In the last chapter she was just gonna strip for me but she thought this way was better and so do I..." Silver said seductively.

"But- but- she's just using you! You're her toy! We're coming to rescue you!"

"So? I like being a toy! I'm staying here forever!"

"QUIT BEING RETARDED! YOU'RE A SLAVE TO YOUR OWN PENIS AND ROXANNE'S HOLDING THE CHAINS! AS YOUR BROTHER/ FATHER, I ORDER YOU TO STOP!"

"KISS MY JAPANESE ASS! GO SHOVE PICKLES UP YOUR ASS YOU MOTHERFUCKING MAN-GINA!"

"I- you-she- YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE! AND WHAT THE HELL'S A MAN-GINA!?"

"ANATA MOCHIMASU KO SANA PENISU!" Silver shouted in Japanese (translation: You have a tiny penis. I spent a little time off from this to learn how to speak Japanese...). Silver got fed up and hung up on Gold.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gold screamed before tossing his pokegear into a tree in a fit of rage. "That does it! I don't care how much free sex she's giving him! That son of a bitch is mine!"

"Gold are-a you alright?" Emerald asked.

"NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT! Me and Silver vowed a long time ago that we will grab the world by its balls and then eat them! He and I are supposed so lick the world's crusty balls together! I'M COMING FOR YOU SILVER! THAT FREE SEX GIVING SKANK WILL NEVER BREAK TEAM GS!" Gold shouted before running out of the forest.

"You shouldn't have asked..." Silver senior said to Emerald.

"I-a realize that now..."

STORY CHANGE: Ruby Fantasies

Ruby and Terry were still in pursuit of the man Ruby rescued. The man still was out of sight and they were just about to give up when they found a small lake in their path.

"Shit! How-a are we gonna catch up to him?"

"Hmm..." Ruby said out of deep thought. "This looks like a job for-."

"Oh no... Please don't say laser-."

"LASER TESTICLE MAN!"

"God hates me..." Terry sighed. Ruby had already shoved the pen up his butt and in a matter of seconds, two laser cannons sprouted from you know where.

"Time to laser up some stuff!" Ruby shouted before shooting a couple of rounds in random directions. Terry had to hide behind a bush to avoid getting hit. In a matter of minutes, Ruby had shot down nearly a quarter of the forest.

"Is it-a over?"

"Yes. Once again laser testicle man saves the day!"

"That accomplished nothing!" Terry shrieked as he glanced at the carnage. "You-a annihilated everything within a fifty foot radius! Thank-a the golem of the sand that you didn't hit me!"

"I am pretty awesome, aren't I? PEN EJECT!"

"Wha- OW!" Ruby had dropped his pants and ejected the pen out of his butt and into Terry's eye.

"Holy crap! Are you alright dude?"

"NO-A! I'M NOT-A ALRIGHT! A FRIGGIN PEN JUST FLEW INTO MY EYE!"

"Uh... this will probably be insult to injury but... you do remember where that pen just was right?" Terry took a couple of seconds to figure it out.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THERE'S-A DOO-DOO IN MY EYE!" Terry ran into the lake to wash his eyes out. Ruby had lost interest in Terry again and started scouting around for the exit.

"Looks like we can walk around this lake to leave the forest- DAAAAAAAAH!" Ruby turned back to Terry only to see Terry's horrible death. A Feraligatr sprang out of the lake and swallowed the unsuspecting Terry whole.

"BARRY! NO! Why must the foreign die young? Why couldn't you have died honorably on the crapper like Elvis? Who will tell me what my farts smell like next? Dearest friend- my heart shall grieve for you for all eternity- I'm over it..." Ruby quickly stated before leaving for the exit. He wasn't gonna grieve for or remember Terry for a while.

Don't worry about it. Terry will be back, trust me. He was swallowed whole, remember?

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I realize that I'm a dirty ol' bastard. I told y'all that I came back and then I don't submit anything for weeks. I'm sorry but I have an intention span lower then Ruby's.