The Akatsuki Stories II:

Akatsuki Reborn

Disclaimer: Elmo has a brother that slits himself with Elmo's baby teeth.

Chapter VII

Retrieval

Part IV: Kakuzu

After driving for two hours, the JacksonMobile was outside " Our Seniors Have All Gone Bonkers" retirement home.

" Old OSHAGB!" said Orochi, taking a deep breath, " This place brings back old memories!

OROCHI'S MEMORIES

Orochimaru was rolling through the halls in his new wheelchair when suddenly, the Third Hokage appeared in front of him.

" Hi, Sarutobi-sensei!" yelled Orochi, waving.

" Drop dead, creep." said Sarutobi as he passed by.

" I miss you, too!" waved Orochi, saying goodbye.

But Sarutobi appeared again, holding... A RIFLE!?

" Is that for me!?" asked Orochi, flattered.

" Yes."

BANG!

Sarutobi walked by Orochi's dead body, unaware his spirit already took over a nurse before dying.

END

" Ahh. Good times." said Orochi, " Good times."

Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Kabuto, Hidan, and Sasuke sweatdropped as they piled out of the crowded vehicle.

" Let's just get MoneyBags and get out." said Itachi, " Retirement homes creep me out."

" They've creeped him out ever since we visited Grandpa Uchiha and a nurse thought he was Grandma Uchiha." whispered Sasuke to Kabuto, snickering.

Kabuto laughed, whispering to Kisame, who whispered to Sasori, who whispered to Hidan, who whispered to Orochi, who whispered to-

AAH!

Itachi snapped Orochi's neck, causing his 3rd death in the story.

" NEW RECORD!" cheered Orochi, dropping dead again.

" NOT AGAIN!!" Kabuto leaned down and casted Curaga.

Not enough MP to revive Micheal Jackson of Animes

" NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Kabuto sobbed near the dead snake man, only to be shot in the head by Sasori.

" Sorry, " he said, " but that guy just keeps on annoying me!"

" Let's just go." said Itachi, entering the door.

" Wait a minute." said Sasuke, " If Orochi's REALLY dead this time, I CAN KILL ITACHI!"

" Uh oh." Itachi sprinted through the halls of the retirement home until he reached the door of " Mr. GreedyOldGuy the Third".

" WAAAH!!!!!" Itachi raced around the room, circling the " old man" in the wheelchair.

" Get out!" yelled Mr. Greedy, " Can't you read the sign!?"

Itachi read the sign, which said " Mute".

" This room is a giant TV remote?" asked Itachi dumbly, " Where's the Channel Up button?"

He searched the room, until he got his head stuck in a bedpan. BTW, it wasn't used, Itachi fangirls. Stay calm.

" DE BUTTON!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, " DEY AW ATTACKING GOVENA SHWARZENAGER!"

He ran around the room until Sasuke eventually found him.

" YOU!" he yelled, the Chidori in his arm growing, " TIME TO END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!! By the way, who's the old guy?"

Mr. Greedy turned his wheel chair in front of Sasuke.

" I am..." he began, " ... you're FATHER!"

" NOOO!!" screamed Sasuke, " IT CAN'T BE!!!! I'M MELTING!!! MELTING!!!!!!!

He melted into the floor, a bunch of munchkins appearing.

" Ding dong, the emo's dead, the- GAAH!"

Hidan had appeared, so he slayed the munchkins.

" That felt GOOOOD." said Hidan, " You know what? I should kill munchkins more often!"

Kisame and Sasori appeared behind them.

" Man, when there's blood in the air, Hidan moves faster than my cousins!" yelled Kisame.

" Quit talking, Kisame, I still haven't gotten hold of the fact you're a talking fish." said Sasori.

" YAY LIFE!" Kabuto appeared behind them, tire tracks on him.

" What happened?" asked Itachi, who finally found the Channel Up button, which was a bulletin board.

" Okay, but I'm not going to use that fancy HD flashback. Let's just stick with REGULAR flashback, kay?" said Kabuto, starting his flashback.

FLASHBACK

Sasori was standing over Kabuto, holding out a Phoenix Down.

" If I pour it, then he'll come back to life and bring that snake Jackson guy back to life too. Soo don't pour. YES! NO! MAYBE! RED SOX! RULE! ROCKIES! SUCK!"

" SASORI! WE NEED TO FOLLOW HIDAN!" screamed Kisame behind Sasori.

" AAH! Kisame!" yelled Sasori, " Don't sneak up on me! I'm not used to the fact you talk yet."

So Sasori dropped the vile of Phoenix Down liquid and it seeped up into Kabuto's mouth.

" BLEH!" he yelled waking up, " Cherry flavor? I HATE cherry!"

So he got a grape lollipop inside and skipped off to find the Akatsuki.

END

" So, why's Sasuke dead?" asked Kabuto.

" Kakuzu said he was his father." said Itachi plainly.

" Uh, WHO'S THIS KAKUZU?" asked "Mr. Greedy", " But he must be a beautiful young bachelor who is very rich and fa-"

" Drop the act, Greedy." said Hidan, " and take off the Darth Vader mask!"

" So you found out, eh?" asked Kakuzu, getting out of the wheelchair, " Well, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

He hoppped out the window, meeting his doom.

" Does he know his room is on the ground floor?" asked Kisame.

" NOO!" screamed Kakuzu from in the field, " DANDELIONS! ALLERGIES! REACTING! YANKEES! RULE! DODGERS! SUCK!"

He then bloated and turned the size of an airplane.

" Well, let's go, Mr. Greedy!" Shizune entered in a nurse's outfit carrying a sponge, " I'm so glad I got this job as a nur- WHA da heck izzat?"

" First of all, weakling, you speak EXTREMELY bad street!"said Itachi, " And this, is a poptart when you cook it too long."

" And THIS!" said Sasuke, drawing his sword, " Is a pop tart when you touch it."

POP!

He poked Hidan with his blade, making him fly in the air until he finally slammed into the back seat of the MichealJacksonMobile through the new sunroof.

" You guys have a DVD player?" asked Kakuzu when the Akatsuki finally got to the car.

" I stole it from a dying British orphan who oly had 6 months to live." bragged Orochi

" Sweet."

So they got in the car to drive of, but

DING!

Hundreds of senbon pinned against the side of the car.

" NO SENIOR LEAVES UNTIL THEY DIE!" yelled Shizune, who fired the needles.

" Um... CHOKE!" Kakuzuripped out one of his hearts and pretended to drop dead.

" OKAY! YOU CAN LEAVE!"

The OrochiMobile then drove to their next destination. Anybody have any ideas for the next place? I'm cramming!

R&R!

To Be Continued