The Akatsuki Stories:

Akatsuki Reborn

Disclaimer: Micheal Jackson is taking a dirt nap, so please, victims, come out of hiding. He's dead.

Chapter VII

Retrieval

Part V: Tobi Vorhees?

" Micheal Jackson?"

" Yeah, Itachi?"

" WHY ARE WE PARKED IN FRONT OF AN ASYLUM!?"

" Maybe they want to throw Orochi into the loony bin, brother."

" Yeah, you're right, Sasuke."

" SHAT AP OR I'LL POINT THIS LASER CANNON IN YOUR SKULL!!"

" Someone has anger issues."

" Be quiet Itachi! Lord Orochimaru has better things to do than kill you!"

" Kiss-up."

" Old man."

" Four-eyes."

" Blind man!"

" Grey hair!"

" Drug addict!"

Itachi and Kabuto growled and got into a fight, the rest of the Akatsuki and Sasuke getting caught in it.

"STOP! I CAN'T SEE!" yelled Orochi, who had smoke in his eyes after Sasuke used the fireball jutsu.

The car then tipped onto its side, crashing to the ground.

" THAT'S IT! VERY COOL THRILLER JUTSU!"

POOF!

" WHAT THE--!?"

Everybody was then caught in... A THRILLER MUSIC VIDEO!?

" I liked the Final Fantasy VII version of this better." said Sasuke.

" That's because you're a game freak." said Itachi, smirking.

" Snake Freak has gone too far." said Sasori, " VERY COOL THRILLER JUTSU RELEASE!"

POOF!

They were back in the parking lot of the asylum with the broken car.

" NO!" yelled Orochi, " I spent 30 years of my life on this car! WHY!?"

" Um, you're the Micheal Jackson of all ani-"

" SHUT UP EMO! THAT JOKES GETTING OLD!" yelled Kabuto at Sasuke's face.

" But, why are we here in the first place?" asked Hidan, who had accidently sliced the engine and oil tank in half, causing the car to explode at the end of the Retrieval chapters, but didn't want to admit it.

" We're here to get a rather... annoying member of the Akatsuki." said Orochi.

" Is it Morgan Freeman?" asked Itachi.

" Paris Hilton?"

" George Bush?"

" Barbie?"

" NO! IT'S TOBI!"

" Oh!" said the Akatsuki and others.

" So let's get him already. I'm getting tired of being called the Micheal Jackson of a-"

ZING!

Orochimaru had stood in the path of a lawnmower truck thing, which was being droven by... NEJI?

" I'M FREE!" he yelled, going at only 10 miles per hour.

" Put your hands up!" said the owner of the asylum, " Nobody leaves without eating a high-fat sloppy joe from the toilet with your hands behind your back!"

" NEVER!"

So the lawnmower was shot down and exploded, causing Neji to fly into the air and go into the path of a-

ZING!

- helicopter's blades which mysteriously had blood on them...

" Well, that was anticlimatic." said the owner, " Now, back to Oprah."

The Akatsuki all went inside the asylum, holding their noses to the smell of a toilet bomb. And trust me, no explosive of any kind was used for this. Only..eh.. natural ingredients.

" Aah. Here we go!" said Orochi, " Room 081!"

" Is this going to be like that movie where we die because this room has relation to Flight 180?" asked Kisame, shivering.

" No! That was in Thriller!" Kabuto cheered.

They opened the door and saw a freak of nature sitting in a corner with a rubber chicken.

" Eh, Tobi?" asked Sasori.

He turned him around to see the face of Obito Uchiha. AKA, Tobi.

" Da govanment took my legs!" said Obi-Tobi, waving his chicken around, " SHHH!!!! I hear the sheep! They're break-dancing!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

" Oh, Mr. Uchiha!" said Shizune, a nurse at the asylum, " you have a visitor!"

" GO AWAY, SHAMA-LAMMA!" yelled Obi-Tobi, I am communicating with the other side of the burrito!"

He pointed to a rotting burrito in the corner.

" Isn't that the bean burrito they served at lunchtime 2 1/2 years ago?" asked the girl who never had her name said right.

" SO BE IT!" Obi-Tobi pressed a remote control button and Shizune was flung into the air.

" WAAAAHH!!!!!!!!"

She landed in the blades of a helicopter.

ZING!

And landed on the lawn, where a runaway monster truck crushed her flat. SQUISH! And a giant peach ran over her. KA-SQUISH!

" Now who goes next!?" Obi-Tobi drew a machete and put on a hockey mask.

" MORGAN FREEMAN!" cried Kisame, who had been sliced in half at the machete's super-sonic speed.

"RUN!!" The group ran from Obi-Tobi Vorhees, when he got hit by a bullet. WHOOSH! Actually, OROCHI got hit.

" NOO!" he yelled, " CALL 911! THE ARMY! THE BOY SCOUTS!"

" YAY! JACKSON'S DEAD!" Sasuke turned chibi and danced around Orochi's body like a-

" MUNCHKIN!" Hidan sliced through Sasuke, dead.

" NOOOO!!!!" Kabuto cried on Orochi's dead body, and Itachi stabbed him in the back of the head.

" Loser." he said.

" I told you we'd die if we went in that room!" yelled Kisame, his bottom part running and his upper part hopping on the sword's tip.

" Stop right there!"

BANG!

Obi-Tobi fell to the ground, dead. The shooter's identity was... OPRAH WINFREY!?

" Woah!" said Sasori, " You're Oprah!"

" Yeah." she said, " I'm from the future about 15 chapters from now. The guy I just shot was going to assasinate me then take my job!"

" But, Mrs. Winfrey?" asked Itachi.

" Yes?"
" How come you shot him with a piece of MOZZARELLA?"

" An idiot only dies when he's shot through the heart with a piece of cheese. I wanted to use parmesan, but he deserved better."

Oprah then walked through a time vortex and dissapeared.

" Weird." said Kakuzu, " Well, TO THE NEW AKATSUKIMOBILE!"

They all ran to the Honda, leaving the dead bodies there. After leaving for Konoha College, however, Tsunade found their bodies...

To Be Continued...

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