The Akatsuki Stories II:

Akatsuki Reborn

Disclaimer: Tobi, Uchiha, Kabu, and Orochi aren't really DEAD yet...

Chapter IX

Retrieval

Part VI: DIAREAHMITE!

The AkatsukiMobile parked in the lot of Konoha College, where the living of Deidara ...something. I'm just trying to talk fancy, OK?

" Looks like this is the place." said Kakuzu, noticing a $1,000,000 dollar bill on the ground, " MONEY!"

" KAKU, NO!" But it was too late. The bill was fake, and the greedy member got tangled in the net of a young man, who dragged him into the building.

" HELP!" he yelled, " CALL THE POLICE! THE ARMY! THE IRS!"

" We must rescue him!" yelled Hidan, "He's paying for In-n-Out!"

So the Akatsuki followed the student into the college, chanting, " IN-N-OUT! IN-N-OUT!"

" That's what, hambuurgeerss, all about!" cheered Kisame.
Soon, they were all outside" Mr. D's" classroom. The man dropped Kakuzu on the floor in the front of the room.

" All right, class," said the proffeser, " What can you tell about this specimen?"

" He's greedy!"

" He smells!"

" He's constipated?"

" Idiots." said Kakuzu, struggling with the knots, " Wait a minute. DEIDARA?"

The proffesor looked down at Kakuzu, revealing the face of none other than, DEIDARA.

" Hey, moneybags!" he said to greedy, kicking him onto a certain blonde, purple-wearing girl's desk.

" PERV!" she smacked hi across the face and he slammed head-first into the blackboard.

"Okay class!" said Dei, " We will be practicing the ratios of an explosion! Allow me to demonstrate."

He wrote a chart on Kakuzu's left butt cheek.

" If I used 20 grams of explosive C1, with my ex-hand-mouths, how big would the explosion be? Yes, Pinky?"

" It depends how much of a douchebag the target is!" said Sakura, who had no character depth than anybody else in the story, except for Tenten.

" Exactly!" Deidara wrote another diagram on Kakuzu's right butt cheek, " So if my target was Tobi Uchiha, the explosion would be massive!"

" Hey, wait a minute!" said Sasori, " You're mouth-hands are gone!"

" Why, thanks for noticing Sasori!" said Dei, blushing, " I got regular hands at the organ shop down in the Beyond section at " Bed, Bath, and Beyond"!"

" Ms. Dei has a boyfriend!" said the class.

" You mean, the class thinks you're a GIRL?" asked Kaku, his left butt cheek jiggling as he spoke.

" SHUT UP!" He reached for his clay bag and rammed it up...well...

" Itachi, look!" said Kisame, "Kaku's about to have explosive diareeah!"

" AAAAH!!!!" screamed the class.

Smoke erupted from Kakuzu's butt. Sparks flew and hit Sakura in the eye. It glowed red-hot and farted fire to the desks, burning them and half the class. But, it suddenly pooped out a block of brown dynamite on Deidara's desk.

" IT'S GONNA BLOW!" Sakura jumped out of the classroom, forgetting they were on the 12th floor. So she got speared by a bullet. BANG! Fell in an electric eel vat. SHOCK! And got eaten by a shark. CHOMP!

" Hi, Cousin Jaws!" yelled Kisame from the window.
" Somebody get that diareeha off my desk, un!" yelled Deidara.

" But it's all sticky and smelly!" whined Hidan, " I can chop it!"

But just before he could bring down his scythe, Itachi threw him out the window.

" REMEMBER THE ALAMOOOOO!!!" he yelled as he fell into a taxi cab, " Driver, TO THE BLOOD BANK!"

" I'll do it." said Itachi, " IF, you promise to join us."

" No." said Dei, " I'm making $250 a day on this new job!"

" $250? DANG!" Kaku pooped out some more slimy diareeha onto the back wall, giving Tsunade's picture a mustache.

" OK! OK, UN!"

Itachi threw the poop out the window and it landed in the training area.

" EBISU-SENSEI!" yelled Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi as the poop splattered onto their sensei's head.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

" YAY! cheered Deidara, " I got rid of the poop!"

" Uh, Dei?" asked Sasori.

" Yes, Sasori-kun?" asked Dei.

Sasori pointed to the splattered poop on the wall that was bubbling.

" EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Sasori, Dei, Itachi, and Kisame jumped into the AkatsukiMobile just before the explosion.

SQUEEEEEEEEAK! BOOOM! FART!

" WE MADE IT, UN!" yelled Deidara.

" But didn't we forget something?" asked Kisame as they drove off to get lunch at In-n-Out.

Back on the 5th floor, the new top floor of the college, there was a piece of Akatsuki cloak with a diogram and chart written on it in chalk...

To Be Continued...