The Tracy Family and Thunderbirds are the creation of Gerry and Sylvia Anderson
Chapter 83
Extremely weakened and exhausted now by the fever as well as his torture ordeal and original physical endurance in the jungle Lieutenant Scott Tracy was just about hanging in there, drawing on every ounce of his willpower to stop his body from giving up. He slept fitfully that night and most of the next day, stirring only to be fed by Cass and so weak was he that he barely even felt his dressings being changed. The remnants of his vision still stayed with him, though gradually they became less powerful and, try as he might, he could not get back the intensity of the lovemaking experience he had enjoyed; there were so many things he wanted to know about it all, what it all meant but, right now, he didn't have the energy or the concentration to take in anything that Cass told him.
There was one visitor who had remained constant and the only one that Captain Conley had allowed daily access, apart from the odd visit by the Base Commander, Col Lauren Adams and that was his squadron commander, Major Brad Hollis. He had been in at some point during every day since his young Lieutenant had been brought in, some nine days ago, even though in these last four days Scott hadn't been aware of his presence. He had been totally shocked and stunned when he had received a call telling him what had happened to the brave young man who had already suffered an ordeal and he had hastily called the squadron together in the briefing room to inform them. They were shocked and outraged; it was unbelievable that Scott could have been tortured practically under their very noses and had they known he was likely to have been in any danger they, as his squadron, would have set up a protective guard around him day and night but who could have foreseen such a thing.
Such was their outrage that his squadron buddies promised all sorts of nasty happenings to befall Major Bauer and Captain Decker should they ever get their hands on them and while, as their senior officer, Brad could not openly condone any physical action, privately he was wholeheartedly with them in their sentiments, for the comradeship between these men was strong, bonding them together as a tight unit. As Scott's commanding officer, however, he would certainly be making his protests known and recommending this officer's dismissal.
Of course they had wanted to go and see their buddy but by the next day he was battling a raging fever due to infection and Captain Sarah Conley had restricted access to only Major Brad Hollis, who kept them informed of their colleague's progress. Now that Scott's fever had abated they descended on the hospital ward in force, putting on their best innocent-little-boy-faces and turning on the full charm that only an Air Force pilot is capable of.
"Aw come on, Captn…..you just gotta let us see him……we promise we'll be good….won't we guys!" was one heartfelt plea, followed by a united chorus of agreement.
"Yeah…..we know you're a good sport. How could ya say no to these dashingly handsome faces," was a more outright cocky remark.
"Yeah…and besides….we're leaving tomorrow…..we'll by flyin home Stateside…..our tour of duty's over …..you've just gotta let us see our buddy," came a more direct sob story of a plea. Well, if out and out charm didn't do it then throw in a broadside of heartrending emotion, though it was true, they were flying home tomorrow, the squadron's tour of duty here having been completed.
"Aw hunny…you know you're just the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on," was the next overtly flirtatious comment.
With her arms folded, standing in the corridor, Captain Sarah Conley cocked a wary eyebrow and tried hard to not laugh outright at that one; a more blatant attempt to win her round and get their way she had never seen. "Really!" she replied with a wry grin.
The next moment she was swept off her feet, literally. "Gee hunny….don't ya know….you light up my life…you're the warmest sun on the coldest day…..your smile can light up the whole world….you're……," one particular young man went on, twirling her round in an embrace. Before she knew it Sarah found herself being picked up and twirled around by every member of the group.
Now she just had to laugh and anyway, what woman wouldn't enjoy such flattery from so many handsome young men for they had all joined in the sentiments, even though she knew they were just laying on the charm to win her favor and laying it on really thickly too but a girl can dream, can't she!
"All right…all right….you can go and see him," she laughed breathlessly. "Now will you put me down."
"You're real swell….you know that Captn'. And we really mean it……you're a beautiful woman…..and we really do love ya," a young pilot enthused, followed by a smacker of a kiss on her cheek. The rest of the squadron eagerly joined in and Sarah Conley couldn't help that she found herself somewhat hot and flushed and fanning her face, never having been kissed by so many handsome and flirtatious young men before.
"Yes….I'm sure you do," Sarah Conley eyed them suspiciously. "But only as long as you all behave yourselves….and be good," she added with a mockingly stern warning while trying to maintain her professional decorum, which was kinda hard since they were all still openly flirting with her.
"Behave ourselves! Be good! You hear that guys!" one of Scott's buddies grinned, looking around the group then turning back to Sarah Conley. "Hunny….we're Air Force pilots…….we're always good! Never had any complaints yet!" he added with a distinct twinkle in his eye and a wink, his saucy comment heavy with innuendo and bringing broad grins of agreement from everyone.
Sarah could only shake her head in mock exasperation. "No but seriously guys….Lieutenant Tracy is extremely weak……I don't want him put under any undue stress….so there is to be no mention of what's happened to him," she warned now more seriously. "I know you're all pretty angry about what's happened but he is not to get upset….is that understood…..like I said….he is extremely weak," she added, understanding of how they must feel but needing them to know the extent of his condition.
The inference she projected wasn't lost on them. "He is gonna make it, though…..right….Captain Conley!" one asked with concern, followed by everyone asking the same thing. "I mean….he's a very fit guy…he's gotta make it," he added and again everyone joined in the same sentiments, eagerly awaiting her answer.
She smiled kindly at the sea of worried faces. "We hope so…..but you have to understand…Lieutenant Tracy has suffered a lot of trauma….and not only from his original ordeal. He's in a lot of pain right now. But yes….he is a very fit young man….and that should help him a great deal….and he also has a very strong will…..he's going to need every bit of that to pull him through," she continued and trying to be positive but then who knew just what a body's limit of endurance was.
They had been momentarily subdued into silence as realisation hit home. "I'm sorry guys….but I can't let you in like that….not with those long faces," Sarah Conley added with an understanding smile. "I need you to be positive for him…..he needs you to be positive…..and that gentlemen…is an order," she encouraged them.
One by one they broke into the more familiar cocky, daring-do, broad grin of the all American Air Force flyboy and, as one, gave Captain Sarah Conley their smartest salute while chorusing together, "Yes Ma'am Captain…..you got it." Once again she found herself being picked up, twirled around and kissed and Major Brad Hollis could only shrug his shoulders in apology for his boys obvious enthusiasm.
"You can't blame them too much…..this really means a lot to them. You can't really know what it means to not be flying home as a complete squadron….to be split up like this," Brad offered by way of explanation on taking her aside to thank her.
She smiled kindly. "I'm sure it does mean a lot to them….and no….I guess I don't really know what it means for you guys to be split up….but we'll do all we can to ensure he makes it….and hopefully he'll be able to rejoin you all," Sarah acknowledged sympathetically. "And I am sorry about Lieutenant Numann too….I understand they were good friends."
Brad Hollis reflected thoughtfully. "Yeah….they were a good team…..we're gonna miss Jez too," he said sadly, being realistic enough to know that with Jez's injury and the continued surgery he was going to need that his flying days were probably over.
They entered Scott's room with every intention of being cheerful and uplifting but on first seeing their once very fit and active buddy so weak and in obvious pain their macho bravado left them. They couldn't fail to be moved by the heavy bruising on his side and shoulder nor could they fail to see how much of a pained effort it was for him even to breathe and was enough to break the hardest resolve. They found themselves wiping at their eyes, as though trying to remove a speck; the way that men do when they're trying to pretend that they're not deeply affected by something emotional, with that 'I've just got something in my eye' syndrome and proving, for all their flyboy cockiness that they really were just a big bunch of softies at heart.
Cass looked up from where he was quietly working around Scott, having just adjusted the flow on his IV drip and checking, once again, his vitals, especially his temperature and gave them a welcoming smile, for he could see that they were unsure of what to do. By this time the room was as it should be again, devoid of any additional adornments, such as Medicine Wheels and sacred herbs and Cass was also dressed again in his white nursing tunic.
"Is he asleep? Look…we won't disturb him….we just wanted to see…..," one had started to whisper but Scott had heard the whispered voices and turning, cracked open an eye, to see who had come into his room.
He was suddenly overcome with emotion but fought his hardest to keep it under control at seeing his buddies, guys he hadn't seen since before that fateful reconn almost two weeks ago. He winced at lifting his left hand up to pull the oxygen mask from his face. "Hey…guys it's…good…to…see…you. Does…the…Captn… kn…know…you're…all…in…here?" Scott gasped out.
"Oh yeah…sure. She gave us special permission to see our old buddy," another responded, trying his best to be cheerful, to which the others all added similar sentiments.
"Why….am…I…dyin! Cus…I…sure…as…hell…feel…like…it," Scott groaned out in dry sarcasm.
His buddies shifted uncomfortably, looking from one to the other, slightly unsure of how to respond, as they remembered Captain Conley's words and could see for themselves how ill he really looked, not having failed to notice the dark rings under his eyes, heavy from lack of proper sleep.
"Hey Scotty….don't talk like...course you're not," one young man responded while trying not to sound too upset.
"Sor…sorry…you…guys. Look…do…don't…mind…me. Just…a…sick…guys…sick…hu…mor," he smiled weakly. "Hey…this…is…Cass…by…the…way. He's…my…nurse," Scott added, changing the subject to relieve the heavy tension that his remark had caused.
Cass made himself known to the group and they instantly took a liking to the male nurse, as everybody did, for his friendly manner put them all at their ease and, at once, the atmosphere became lighter.
Of course, the following comment was just begging to be made. "Gee Scott….that's a real bummer, man. I mean….a whole hospital full of pretty nurses….and you wind up with a guy!" one of his buddies said with feigned sadness, as he shook his head and followed by mock sympathy from the rest.
"What is it! Punishment for bad behaviour, Scotty!" another quipped, bringing laughter from the others.
Scott wearily winced a smile, seeing as it wasn't that far from the truth. "Yeah…..something…like…that. But…he's…not…that…bad…I…guess," he replied, to which Cass just raised an eyebrow in a knowing look then giving him a wry grin as he acknowledged the compliment with a little bow.
Cass remained by his side. Not that he didn't trust this group of young men to be alone with him and, besides that, Major Brad Hollis would have kept them in order, it was more that he was still concerned for his young patients condition, should he take a turn for the worse. On noticing Scott become uncomfortable and seeing his temperature rise again slightly Cass started sponging him down. It wasn't that his fever was returning it was just the remnants of the infection still in his body continued to make his temperature fluctuate.
"Say…is there anything we can do to help, Cass?" one of his buddies asked.
"Sure….you can do this if you want," Cass offered, sensing that these young men wanted and needed to do something practical for their colleague and buddy to help them feel bonded as a unit, the same way they had done for Jez in the few days before he had went Stateside. He showed the young man what to do and let him get on with it.
"And don't be thinkin you're gonna be gettin this kinda attention when you get back on duty Scotty boy," his new 'nurse' quipped, making the rest of the guys laugh, as they began to relax more.
When Scott needed a drink of water there was no shortage of volunteers to get it for him and Cass showed them how to give it to him in short doses so he wouldn't choke.
Cass had been soon integrated into the tight-knit group of airmen and made to feel like one of the guys and now that they had a real live Native American they just couldn't help all the curious questions they had ever wanted to know about his culture, which Cass was more than happy to answer.
"Say Cass….is it true you all sit around in something called a Sweat Lodge? That's like a sauna….right! And you're all totally butt naked! Hey…I wouldn't mind sitting around in a Sweat Lodge with some of them little hunny's," was one question which was inevititably destined to be asked and by someone obviously not very well informed or in tune with his spiritual side.
Cass shook his head with a wry laugh but before he could reply it was answered for him.
"You dumb klutz…..don't you know anything. That place is only for the guys….they don't let women in there. Isn't that right, Cass?" a young man by the nickname of 'Books' spoke up; so called because of his thirst for knowledge on every subject and his passion for reading.
"You are right," Cass had started to acknowledge, admiring of what the young man seemed to know, though he didn't elaborate as he could sense Scott becoming uneasy.
The questioner pulled his face into a wary frown. "You mean it's just the guys who sit in there together butt naked!" he asked, while everyone looked eagerly to Cass for his answer.
"It is just the guys. But most wear a loincloth….some do not," he informed them with a wry grin. "Oh you white boys…..you do not fully understand….you only see the physical," he laughed, shaking his head in mock exasperation.
"Say Cass….that's where you get prepared for that….eh…..Vision Quest…..isn't that it?" 'Books' asked, sure that he'd got his information right. "They say those visions are really powerful…..is that true?" he added curiously.
"Heck, if that's true I know what kinda visions I'd be having!" one of the group quickly volunteered, followed by eager agreements from the rest.
Again they all looked to Cass, awaiting his answer but Cass could see that Scott was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this topic of conversation. Cass smiled quietly, not really expecting anything else from a group of carefree young Air Force pilots who obviously had only one thing on their mind. Scott though, on the other hand, was a young man who had been through a life changing experience, had seen things, had to do things and endured things that no young man should have to see, do or endure and from which there was no going back.
"I think it's time we changed the subject guys. Lieutenant Tracy has just been through a very high fever…I'm sure he doesn't want to be reminded of being hot by talking of Sweat Lodges," Cass suggested kindly but firmly, making it clear that this topic of conversation was at an end. He also reverted to calling him Lt Tracy, knowing that his buddies would badger and pester Scott to know what the Sioux name was all about and he figured that was something Scott could well do without and Scott was glad, giving Cass a grateful wince of a smile.
Oh yeah….sorry Scotty……guess we weren't thinking," one apologised, followed by a united chorus of agreement.
"Hey……you…guys…think…you…know…some…tall…tales! Th…this…guy's…got…ya…beat. That… right…Cass? Tell…em…about…about…your…warrior…an…ancest..or. The…guy…with…the…arrows," Scott said, turning to Cass and encouraging him between painful breaths to ensure a change of subject.
Cass grinned with delight, not needing much encouragement to regale the young men with his many tales to which they responded with laughter and claps on the back while returning the favor and telling him some stories of their own. Scott smiled weakly at the many happy memories, seeming like a lifetime ago, unable even to laugh because of his sheer exhaustion and, indeed, because it was just too painful. He winced at some of the more embarrassing stories involving himself and, curiously now, he began to feel distanced from those events, alienated, as though they had happened to someone else and wondering had he ever been such a carefree young man.
As the afternoon wore on he was tiring rapidly but he was content to just listen to the happy banter with Cass keeping a wary eye on his young patient to make sure it wasn't all becoming too much for him and soon he informed them it was time to change his dressings.
"We'd like to help, Cass…..if there's anything we can do," came an immediate pleading offer.
Cass looked around the sea of expectant, anxious faces and nodded, not having failed to be moved by this groups obvious close commitment to each other, so when Captain Conley came in to ask them to leave while they attended to the task Cass told her he would take care of the dressing change, that he had plenty of supportive help. She left them to it, trusting his judgement from the reassuring nod he gave her.
It was no surprise that it was Major Brad Hollis himself who offered to support his young Lieutenant while Cass changed the dressing and Cass showed him how, to cause him the least pain. His buddies watched as the dressings were removed, wincing at the extent of his still inflamed injury. They could feel their anger rising when Scott groaned with the pain, knowing that Lieutenant Scott Tracy was no wimp and if he was groaning then it was because he was truly in agony. Cass shot them a precautionary warning look not to voice that anger and for Scott's sake they kept their silence.
Once the job was done Cass gave him some extra pain relief and they tried to keep his mind occupied by telling him who had been doing what and updating him on all the latest news to help him still feel, very much, a part of the group. They stayed as long as they could and when the evening meal was brought round there was no shortage of volunteers to help with that as well.
Eventually, though, the inevitable came and it was Major Brad Hollis' sad duty to inform them it was time to leave, that they still had last minute packing to do and preparations for tomorrow's departure.
The realisation hit Scott hard. Of course, their tour of duty was finished and they were going home, home, without him. Two weeks ago he and Jez had been looking forward to going home, going home where they would get some leave and enjoy some much needed R and R, rest and relaxation. Was it really just two short weeks ago that they had taken off on that fateful reconn mission? Two short weeks that had changed his life and yet it seemed now like a lifetime ago, everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again. Scott tried to take in the enormity of it all.
The emotional farewells and parting were hard on everyone but hardest of all on Scott. Having already said goodbye to his friend and partner had not made this any easier for he knew, once they were gone, he would be truly alone, separated from all vestiges of his former life.
His buddies had wanted to pull him into a bear hug as they said their goodbyes but knowing that wasn't possible they swallowed back their emotion and settled for grasping his left hand instead, each and every one giving him a message of support and encouragement. Last of all and not any the less emotional was Brad Hollis, telling him to hang in there and they would be waiting for him to join them back at Cannon Air Force Base. Their last and final act and emotionally heartrending enough as to draw a tear from a stone was to come smartly to attention and give their comrade an equally smart salute, acknowledging his immense courage and bravery. It was all Scott could do to hold his composure, though a single tear escaped to track its way down his cheek. And then they were gone.
Cass could sense Scott didn't feel like talking much and so didn't try to encourage him but, unknown to Cass, something else was building in Lieutenant Scott Tracy. He didn't know himself where it came from but without warning Scott felt an intense anger suddenly well up in him; angry at feeling so weak, helpless and in pain, an anger at not being able to go home when he should have been making his preparations along with everybody else, angry at the events that had caused his life to spiral out of control and an anger at not being in control. Well, he would take that control back again.
Fuelled now by that anger and crazed by his pain a crazy notion took hold in Scott's mind; except that he wasn't crazy, he no longer had a fever and he wasn't hallucinating about being back in the jungle, he knew exactly where he was and he knew exactly what he was going to do. He wasn't going to let a few busted ribs stop him or even the fact he was wounded; he was going home. He was going to fly home with his squadron, as he should have been; it was his duty and his obligation to go home with them.
But first, there was one small problem he had to get rid of. Cass! Somehow he didn't think Cass would see things his way and since Cass was hovering around like a guardian/protector he had to think of some way of getting him out of the room so he could get up, get some clothes and leave. His eyes scanned the room and lit on the perfect ploy.
"Cass. Would…you…get…me…some…water. With…ice…….please. I'm…thirsty…as…hell," Scott pleaded soulfully, as he looked at the empty jug on the bedside locker, knowing that he would have to go to the kitchenette for some more.
Cass smiled sympathetically. "Sure. Will you be all right for a few minutes, Chey'nah?" Cass asked, totally unaware of his young patient's intentions.
"Yeah……where…am…I…gonna…go…..huh!" Scott replied with a dry wit, being brazenly open with his sarcastic remark in an elaborate bluff but then, Scott Tracy had always, even from an early age, been good at poker and the art of bluff.
Completely unsuspecting, since Scott had shown no signs otherwise, Cass nodded with a smile and left the room. Now he knew he didn't have long. He could this; he knew he could do this. He had focused and blocked out his pain in the jungle and he could do it again; granted his ribs hadn't actually been broken and he hadn't had a bout of fever to weaken him but the principle was the same.
First thing, though, he had to disconnect himself from his IV drip and he was smart enough to know he couldn't just pull it out of his arm or the alarms would go off but it shouldn't be a problem, he had watched Cass change the bag and tube before. Grimacing Scott reached for the bed-panel controls with his left hand and raised the bed into the fully upright position then, focusing all his will, he reached out his hand to stop the flow on the tube going into his arm and finally disconnected it from the cannula. That would have to stay for now and he could deal with it later. Now he was free.
Pulling back the sheet Scott momentarily closed his eyes to mentally focus on his next task, to get out of bed. He knew this was going to be hard for he had been lying in bed and was severely weakened but if anything he was determined. After all, he had determined to get Jez to safety, to get him home and he achieved that; now all he had to do was complete the next phase of the mission and get himself home.
With a supreme effort and a muffled grunt Scott pushed himself up on the bed and swung his legs over the side. Despite his focused willpower this was killing him, beads of sweat glistened on his body and forehead with his effort. He realised he was going to have to find some clothes, a gown at least, until he could get to his quarters for his own clothes. Well, the obvious place to look was in the wardrobe in the far corner of the room. Fixing his eyes on the target he put his feet to the floor and almost passed out instantly with the intense rush of pain and dizziness as he stood; his taut facial muscles quivering under the strain of his absolute focus.
Just at that moment Cass came back with the jug of fresh water and almost lost his eyesight at seeing his headstrong young patient out of bed and attempting to walk. "Chey'nah! Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" he exclaimed in alarm, already on his way across the room to leave the pitcher of water on the locker and get him back into bed.
"I'm…go…going…home…with…my…squad…ron…..Cass. It's…my…duty. Sh…should…have…been…going…with…them. Now where…the…hell…are…my…clothes?" Scott informed him angrily.
His eyes widened at the young man's intentions. "So you're going home, huh. Going to fly yourself, were you!" he asked, in a way that emphasised how ludicrous the idea was. Scott scowled, not the least bit impressed with his sarcasm. "And how were you going to get past the Nurses Station? You thought we'd just let you walk out of here, Chey'nah!" he added, pointing out a few obvious difficulties to the young Lieutenant's escape plan.
Scott frowned heavily; he hadn't thought that far ahead, he would cross that bridge when he came to it, only thing was, he wasn't going to get anywhere near that particular bridge for everything was starting to swim and the room was moving around him.
"Just…let…me…go. My…duty…to…go…home…with…my…squad……," Scott began to say, taking a step forward before his legs buckled from under him and he felt himself falling. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and his world went black.
Cass was right there and caught him as he fell forward. The easiest thing and the only thing Cass could do now was to take him gently to the floor where he could support his patient since he was going to need help getting Scott back into bed. Cass couldn't risk letting him fall back onto the bed lest it should damage his ribs further and put the bone out of place, as well as the possibility of causing his wound to bleed again nor could he let him lie flat on the hard floor for breathing would be excruciatingly painful. No, he was going to have to support Scott until he could attract help.
It was at times like these Cass wished they had some sort of communication device attached to their uniforms, making it easy to call for help in any situation; perhaps some day someone would invent such a thing. For now he was just going to have to rely on the good old-fashioned method since he was unable to reach the comm.-link behind the bed.
"Somebody get in here now. This is an emergency. I need help with Lt Tracy," Cass shouted.
In the meantime Cass supported Scott's body against his own, cradling his head with his hand, in much the same way he did when the dressings were being changed, needing to keep Scott's body upright to avoid pressure on his ribs. "It's all right, Chey'nah, I know you want to go home. I'm sorry I failed you. I should have seen the signs, sensed your anger. I should have realised your determination. I will not fail you again," he said, talking to him in a quiet voice, as he waited for help. "You are, indeed, as cunning as the wolf, Chey'nah but you will not pull the wool over my eyes again," he added with an admiring little smile at the ease at which he had been sent on a fool's errand and remembering Scott's remark when he had asked Scott if he would be alright for a few minutes.
Captain Sarah Conley looked on with some concern at the scene before her, having been alerted by the commotion and shouting. Cass explained what he knew of the situation and apologised for letting himself be fooled into leaving him alone for even a minute. She smiled kindly. "It's not your fault. If he was that determined, Cass, it wouldn't have made any difference; he would probably have done the same with me," she told him, easing his guilt.
Sarah immediately went into the corridor and called up two more male nurses to help with the lift and carefully they got Scott back into bed. His vitals were checked and another scan of his ribs was done to make sure he hadn't put them out of alignment and, thankfully, he hadn't. He was reconnected to his IV drip and since he had already been given pain relief all they could do was make him comfortable until he woke up. As a precaution, though, sadly they decided to put the straps back on his wrists and secure him to the bed until they could determine his state of mind.
From the moment he passed out he was lying in her arms and she was comforting him, soothing him and stroking his forehead and face. He didn't want to be anywhere else. "Who…are…you?" was the obvious question he needed to ask.
She just smiled and put her finger to his lips. "Shhh….don't worry about that now. You know you shouldn't have got out of bed…..you could have really hurt yourself, Mr Tracy," she whispered softly. "Please…..promise me you won't do it again….not until you're well enough. I don't want to see you hurt…..please promise me, Scott," she begged him with a voice so velvety soft and seductively hypnotic he couldn't refuse.
"I…promise……but…who…are…you?" Scott asked, perplexed at not knowing her name. Mind you, so captivated with her was he I think he would have promised her anything without even knowing what he was promising. Again she just smiled her warmest smile, bent and kissed him lovingly, a kiss so loving and deep he became lost in it, a kiss that made him forget all about asking her name.
"Wait…don't…go. Don't…leave…me…..I…need…you," Scott called out, for she was starting to recede away from him. He tried to reach out for her but found he couldn't move, as though he was held fast. "Wait…you…know…my…name……how…will…I…find…you……ple…ase…wait," he begged and such was his anxiety that it showed in his heart rate and increased breathing, as he tossed and turned in his effort to get to her.
She smiled lovingly. "Don't worry about that, Scott. I'll come to you…..I'll find you….I promise. Now promise me you won't try to get out of bed again….until you're ready," she assured him.
"Just…wanted…to…go…home. They…were…go…ing. My…duty…to…go…with…them," he said, feeling compelled to tell her.
"I know you did," she responded with loving understanding. "And you've always done your duty…done more than your duty…..but it's time for you to rest now, Scott…..rest. You will go home. Just rest…and...promise... me….promise... me...promise……me……prom…ise………"
"I…prom…ise…..I…promise….," Scott kept repeating and as she faded into the distance Scott was left continuing to mumble, 'I promise' until he woke up much later that evening. Woke up to find a concerned and rather puzzled Cass looking at him.
"What did you promise, Chey'nah! Who were you talking to?" Cass asked with wondering bemusement.
"I…I…prom…ised…her…I…wouldn't…try…to…leave…again," Scott replied, as though he were talking of a real person. He tried to lift his left hand into a more comfortable position and wondered why he couldn't. Looking down he found himself restrained and pulling against them, laughed dryly which made him grimace. "What! You…afraid…I'm…gonna…escape! Where…am…I…gonna…go…huh!" Scott asked, his energy now totally spent.
Cass gave him a wry knowing look. "I seem to recall that's what you said just before you tried pulling that little Houdini routine." His reference to Houdini was to the renowned nineteenth century escapologist, Harry Houdini, who seemed to be able to get out of the most seemingly impossible binding situations with ease.
Scott gave him a resigned, weary smile; he deserved that.
"And who was it you promised, Chey'nah?" Cass asked curiously, going back to the remark Scott made before.
He only wished he knew for he had absolutely no idea who she was. "I…don't…know. But…I…saw…her…saw…her…before. She was…so…real. I'm…not…crazy. I'm…not……am…I!" Scott responded, not sure anymore what was real and what wasn't.
Cass smiled quietly to himself, realising Scott must be referring to his earlier Vision Quest. "No Chey'nah….you are not crazy," he assured him with a kindly smile, knowing his young patient had not encountered anything like the strong visions he had seen before and they were bound to be troubling to him. "Tell me….did you see her in your vision?"
"Yeah….oh yeah," was all he would say, the rekindled memories having brought a smile to his face. He tried to shake himself free from the beautiful images in his mind. "What…was…all…that? Where…was…I…..Cass?" Scott asked with bewildered curiosity, as he remembered the other strong images he had encountered.
"Only you can know that, Chey'nah…..but I can help you understand what you have seen. Would you like to talk about it now?" Cass replied with sympathetic understanding and sensing that now was a good time.
Scott thought for a few moments then nodded. "I…guess." He started telling Cass about running, feeling free, happy and contented, being able to feel everything around him, being able to smell the clean, fresh air. "I…mean….it…was…all…so…real. Like…I…was…really there," he started explaining but he became a little more tentative, not knowing quite how to say this without, without sounding crazy. "But…I…I…wasn't …me…I…mean…..I…was. I…felt…like…me…..but…I…was…a…wolf! I…wasn't…just…dreaming…of…a…wolf. Hell…..I…know…this…sounds…crazy. But…I…was…a…wolf. I…knew…what…it…felt…like…to…be…a…wolf…Cass!" he added, talking as much to himself to get his own head round it, never mind trying to explain it to someone else, for he knew only too well how it must sound.
Cass just smiled with quiet understanding. There was nothing odd or strange that he hadn't heard before. "You are not crazy, Chey'nah," he assured him. "I just wouldn't go telling the resident psychiatrists, though, if you know what I mean," he added with a wry grin. "It is not everyone who is open to understanding these things……and these guys go pretty much by the book. This will stay between you and I, Chey'nah," Cass promised.
Scott gave him a wearied half-laugh, agreeing with his analysis and guessing only too well what the resident shrinks would make of that one. "Yeah…..they…wouldn't…just…have…me…strap..ped…by…the…wrists…..would…they! It…would…be…more…like…straight…jackets…and…pad..ded…cells…huh!" he quipped, to which Cass couldn't resist a smile. "So…..what…does…it…all…mean?"
"The wolf is indeed very strong in you, Chey'nah. He came to guide you," Cass told him, sounding slightly amazed himself at the strength of his vision, for Scott not to be Native American. He went on to tell Scott that his being happy and content, running wild and free was to do with having a safe and secure family life and, perhaps, the freedom and independence he got from his Air Force career as a young man. "And did the pack answer your call, Chey'nah?" he asked, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to talk of being a wolf. Since Scott had never had an experience such as this before and wouldn't know what things were relevant Cass decided to ask gentle probing questions to draw the information from him to gain a full insight into the vision.
"Yeah…..they…did," Scott answered, not thinking there was any specific relevance to that other than it was what wolves did.
Cass smiled and nodded. "You have a strong bond with the pack, Chey'nah…..you have a strong bond with your family….and they with you….you are all close," he explained, to which Scott admitted they were. He had to admit too, that he was surprised Cass could draw that conclusion from so little information since he had not told him anything about his family, though he wasn't aware of Cass's recent conversations with his father and brother that also helped Cass form that opinion. "And it is not just your birth family, Chey'nah. You have a strong bond with the guys you fly with….they, too, are your family…..and they look to you for leadership….as do your brothers," he added with further insight, for Cass sensed a strong leadership quality in him. Of course it hadn't been that hard to deduce the strong bonding and strength of friendship with his squadron buddies, for Cass had witnessed that for himself not that long ago and from his young patient's foolhardy attempt to want to fly home with them.
He encouraged Scott to tell him what else he had seen and could tell from the young man's change in demeanour and troubled facial expression that the next scene was different.
Reliving the scene Scott winced as he told Cass about being covered in wounds, seeking the shelter of the cave and feeling like he was dying a little at a time.
Cass became a little troubled too at hearing his vivid description but he couldn't change what Scott had seen, nor could he make it sound any better than it was. "Some of these wounds will be physical, Chey'nah…but not all. Some will be mental and others will be emotional wounds…..but do not fear them…you are strong. They will not all come at once…..and you will not die literally from them…but the dying you feel is piece by piece of your heart and soul from whatever circumstances in life you have yet to encounter," Cass assured him, though sadly. "They will come about from the path you choose to follow when your Air Force career is finished," he further added, not really knowing why just that he had a strong sense of that from his own meditations during Scott's vision.
"The shelter of the cave you seek is you retreating within yourself, Chey'nah. You feel more comfortable in your own space….dealing with things on your own….dealing with your own deep emotions," Cass went on to tell him.
Scott drew a breath, wincing at the accuracy of his description and he was starting to see how relevant each and every thing in his vision was.
Cass could tell he had struck a nerve and been spot on with his analysis, prompting him to ask another question. "And did the pack come to you; to help you? Did you let them help you, Chey'nah?"
Remembering how he snapped and snarled, driving everybody away, Scott had to admit that, yes they came to him but he had driven them away. It wasn't hard now for him to work that out for himself.
Sadly Cass affirmed for him what he had suspected. "You will not let anyone in to your emotions….you will not let your family help you with your anguish. You have been so used to dealing with your own emotions you do not know how to let anyone in to help you, Chey'nah," Cass continued gently and honestly in his analysis. "Your snapping and snarling and growling shows the depth of your determination to protect your heart from being hurt. But such is your determination to deal with everything yourself you end up feeling lonely because you will not let anyone be close. If this is not the way it has been then it is the way it will be….unless there is more to your vision. But your family bond will always be strong, Chey'nah…they will always want to help you," he assured Scott. The thing with these visions was they could show what had been as well as what was to come and they followed a sequence because, in essence, it was journey, a progressive journey in what lay ahead. Cass hoped there was more to his young patient's vision because, right now, it was looking a bit depressing for him
Scott listened intently to everything Cass was telling him. Certainly Cass seemed to have him nailed as regards his emotional personality, exposing a deep down part of himself he thought he had kept well hidden and it seemed things were destined to get worse for him but then, there was more to his vision.
