Thunderbirds and the Tracy Family are the creation of Sylvia and Gerry Anderson

Chapter 84

"But that is not all there is to your vision….is it, Chey'nah?" Cass asked with hopeful expectation.

Scott shook his head and proceeded to tell him about the new visitor to his cave.

"And she was beautiful! You desired her for your mate!" Cass asked with continued hope, his face breaking into a smile at the new revelation.

Scott couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, not knowing quite how to answer, after all, having the hots for a female wolf felt more than a little weird to say the least. "I…I……damn…it…Cass! She…was…a…wolf. I...mean...how...could...I...,"he flustered with painful breaths, yet he remembered vividly how powerful the image had been.

Cass smiled kindly, understanding the young man's troubled concern at admitting such a thing, so perhaps he needed to explain a bit more how the vision worked. "But then so were you, Chey'nah. As wolf, did you not find her beautiful! Did you not want her for your mate! The wolf is your guide in this vision, Chey'nah….because he is strong in you…..that is why you are seeing things through his eyes. You are seeing only the physical…..you must open your heart and see what he is trying to show you."

Thinking about what Cass had just said seemed to make sense and Scott momentarily closed his eyes, allowing a faint smile to crease his mouth. "Yeah……she…was…beaut…iful…….the…most…beaut…iful…thing…I…ever…saw. And…yeah……I…wanted…her... I...wanted…her…so…badly," he openly admitted.

This was sounding better Cass thought. "And you allowed her to come near! You let her help you!" he asked but his heart sank a little when Scott told him he had snapped and snarled at her too. "But you wanted her, Chey'nah? Why would you try to drive her away?" he asked gently, hoping that Scott would continue to open up, without him realising it, as they delved deep into his psyche through the vision.

"I…I……didn't…know…her. I…was…a…mess…….didn't…think…she…could…want…me. Hell…I…wou…wouldn't…want…me," Scott gasped out in honest reflection.

"So you thought it would be better to drive her away…….so you would not have to take that chance," Cass surmised thoughtfully.

"I…guess. I…had…enough…wounds…….didn't…need…any…more. How…could…she…want…me…any…way. I…was…dyin. What…had…I…to…give…her!" he replied, now well into the spirit of the vision and answering from his point of view as the wolf.

Cass nodded slowly now with understanding. "You do not love yourself, Chey'nah….so you will feel unworthy to be loved by anyone else. And you feel you must always be the strong one….the one to provide….and that if you can't give then you cannot be worthy to receive love either. You will find it hard to let yourself be loved just for who you are, Chey'nah," he said with sad insight.

"No….no…..not…true," Scott protested, though it was more he was trying to fight what he knew deep in his heart to be true. Is that what this had done to him? Sure he had always had to be strong, be strong for his father, be strong to give emotional and practical support to his younger brothers but right now he didn't like himself very much; he didn't like what he thought he had become, what he'd had to do, so how could he expect anyone else to like him or love him for that matter.

"And did she leave, Chey'nah? Did you drive her away?" Cass continued with his probing questions.

Another glimmer of a smile creased Scott's mouth as he remembered. "No. She…wouldn't…leave. She…was…as…stubborn…as…hell. Just…kept…pacing…up…and…down," he replied.

Cass couldn't help a wry grin. "Seems like she has a will as strong as your own, Chey'nah…..and equally as determined. And she has patience….perhaps because she sees what she wants. And did you let her come near?" he asked, wondering how this scene was going to progress.

Scott nodded. "Heck…she…just…wore…me…down. I…had…no…energy…left…to…keep…her…away," he admitted, not that there was any sign of regret on his part.

Cass smiled and then asked him how she approached him at which Scott became a bit bemused, not knowing what he meant. When Cass explained Scott told him how she approached him in a crouching position to which Cass nodded approvingly. "So…what…does…that…mean!" Scott wanted to know.

Cass explained that in the world of the wolf approaching in a lowly, crouching position was a gesture of submission. "She is willing to acknowledge your dominance as Alpha male, Chey'nah….this is very promising," he continued with a smile to which Scott answered with an interested, 'Really!'. "Oh yes…she sees something she wants very much…..and she is willing to show you by her submissive gesture," he went on to explain, wanting to know what happened next.

Scott began to feel a bit embarrassed by the deepening progression of what he felt, still feeling a little weird at thinking of himself as animal. "She…eh…started…nuz…nuzz…ling…my…face……and…I…eh…guess…I…nuzzled…her…back…….and…we…eh…groomed…each…other's…coats," Scott told him, unsure whether it had any deep significant meaning other than remembering it felt good, it felt nice and made him feel warm all through.

Again Cass nodded approvingly, unable to keep the smile from his face, for it seemed his young patient had found a little bit of happiness amidst his pain and torment. "In the way of the wolf this is a courtship ritual, Chey'nah. She is telling you that she wants you….as you are….and you are telling her that you want her. You will be soul mates. By grooming each other's coats you are showing how deeply you will care for each other," he responded happily.

"She…does! I…am! We…will!" Scott replied, wanting more than anything right at that moment to believe him but he just couldn't let himself fully believe. "It…all…sounds…too…good…to…be…true," he added wearily.

Cass sighed but he wasn't about to give up, encouraging Scott to go on. Scott then told him how she licked his wounds, they healed and he became stronger. Cass's eyes lit up at this latest revelation. "Really! All of your wounds healed, Chey'nah! Are you sure?" he queried gently, wanting to be sure he had heard right.

Scott cast him a wary frown. "Yeah…….I'm…sure. I…was…stron…ger…than…ever. I…was…happy… and…free…when…we…were…together," he added with somewhat of a far away reflection. "Why! What…does…all…that…mean?" he asked.

"I would say you had found the source of your peace, Chey'nah. She will be directly linked to your healing," Cass told him positively.

"What……you…mean…like…a…doctor…or…a…nurse!" Scott surmised, drawing a simple and obvious conclusion.

Cass smiled at his young patient's simple insight. "Not necessarily so, Chey'nah. I mean it will be the power of her love for you that will heal you of your deepest wounds," he explained more fully.

Right now Scott didn't think anybody could heal him of his deepest wounds but then he hadn't yet experienced the depth of true love before. Being young, single and carefree his only relationships with women were strictly for pleasure only; he had no thoughts of getting that serious and he knew when the time came he would have a hard time finding someone who didn't just want him for his position and wealth. And besides, could anybody love that deeply!

When asked if there was any more Scott smiled quietly to himself, remembering all too well what came next. He told Cass of the fire burning warmly in his cave, the bed of furs and the fact he was no longer wolf but man and felt older. He was somewhat puzzled and bemused when Cass asked him how intense and brightly the fire burned. When Scott informed him the fire burned with intensity, sending flickering firelight dancing on the cave walls, warming him through Cass nodded with an admiring grin.

"This speaks of the fire energy which burns within you, Chey'nah. Your stone is the Fire Opal, which speaks of your passion; the more intensely the fire burns the more intensely the passion that burns within you. Everything you do, you do with great passion; is that not so!" Cass continued to explain and asking him to affirm his analysis to which Scott had to agree. When Scott put his mind to doing something he did it to the very best of his ability with a passion and fervor, if it was within his power to do it.

"And that includes your lovemaking abilities, Chey'nah. The fact that you are older speaks of experience and your bed of furs in your space where the fire burns brightly speaks also of increased sensuality in your lovemaking as you get older," Cass informed, as though it were quite a normal topic of conversation.

Well what young man's ego wouldn't be extremely flattered by that little insight but Scott had to admit to feeling uncomfortable, not used to having his sexual prowess analysed in such a way, let alone his future lovemaking.

It didn't take a genius to work out where this scene was heading and Cass surmised that if Scott had become man then his she-wolf must have become woman. "So you made love to her! And was your lovemaking strong and powerful, Chey'nah!" he queried.

Was it ever, Scott thought to himself, becoming momentarily lost in his memory of it, as his pulse quickened and his breathing increased, causing him to wince with pain. Suddenly jolted back to the present, aware that Cass was watching him and waiting for an answer, Scott frowned heavily. "That's none of your damn business."

Cass let out a laugh. "Oh you white boys……such hang-ups," he responded, shaking his head good-naturedly.

"I…do…not…have…hang-ups," Scott protested adamantly.

"Sure you don't," Cass feigned agreement with a wry grin.

"I…do…not. It's…just…some…things…are…..well…..private," Scott proceeded to tell him, feeling that there should be some kind of line drawn as to what he needed to know.

Cass continued to smile broadly at his young patient's obvious embarrassment at this particular disclosure. "Chey'nah…..it is a vision…of what will be….it is trying to tell you something…..and I am only trying to help you understand what you see," he added with kind understanding. "And it is the most natural thing in the world to make love to your woman."

"Yeah…I…know…that. But…makin…out…is…makin…out…..right. What…is…there…to…read…into…that!" Scott wanted to know.

"Oh Chey'nah……the vision is telling you that the more strongly and powerfully you make love the deeper in love you are," Cass explained.

"Really!" Scott exclaimed, a little surprised to find there was something to read into it after all. "Then…I …guess…we…were…deeply in…love," he admitted with quiet reflection.

"That good, huh!" Cass grinned wryly.

"Yeah…….that…good," Scott absent-mindedly responded with a faint smile.

"Then you will be very blessed, Chey'nah to find such love," Cass responded as he quietly observed his young patient.

"How…will…I…know…her…Cass? I…don't…know…her…name. I…don't… know… what… she… looks…like. I…just…know she…was…beautiful. It…was…more…like…an…im..pression," Scott asked, feeling somewhat troubled and still trying to understand the intensity of what he had felt and seen.

Cass smiled with sympathetic understanding. "The vision is showing you that it is her inner beauty you will be in love with…..and do not worry, Chey'nah……you will know her. Your heart will know her…..if you allow your heart to be open."

Scott didn't respond but rather just pondered what Cass was saying. There was always a condition to be met, he should have known and it would be up to him to fulfil the condition. To experience such depth of love he would have to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up his heart; something he found very hard to do at the best of times, even with his family, to share his emotions, to talk about his deepest most feelings. It was certainly not something he had ever felt the need to do with any young woman he had met so far, for he had enjoyed only the most casual of relationships but then he was still young with no thoughts of getting serious and yet he had felt the depth of true, mature love, albeit in a vision, a powerful, intense vision. It had been the strangest experience; something that had felt very real to him was something he had yet to experience, though from what Cass was saying he would only know this particular depth of love with this particular person if he allowed himself to be open.

Would she really exist somewhere in his future? Or had his mind just created his ideal? He didn't know but you could sure drive yourself crazy with such thoughts. Cass talked as if it was all a certainty and he knew what he hoped for, though Scott could not possibly know what lay ahead for him before his vision would finally be fulfilled and, perhaps, that was just as well. Would any of us really want to know what our future held? For would we follow the same path if we did? Little did he know it then but Scott would soon become bored and disillusioned with casual and shallow relationships and long for something more deeply meaningful.

Cass brought his thoughts back to the present by asking him was there anything more he had seen and Scott went on to tell him about being wolf again, about pacing up and down in front of a circle of fire that beckoned him in and that he refused to do so. Cass nodded with quiet understanding as well as a degree of sadness, though he had to admit that rarely had he found a vision so interesting and that the interpretation had come so easily to him, since not everyone who sought the vision received one. Perhaps it was the fact that Cass felt an affinity with this young man, even though he was not Native American, in that they shared the strength of the wolf and the wolf featuring so strongly in his vision.

"The circle of fire that beckons you in is your pain, Chey'nah. You must enter it and sit in the seat of your pain. You must embrace it, face your pain so that it does not consume you," Cass responded with gentle kindness.

That was not what Scott wanted to hear and as such he became troubled and agitated. "No…no……can't. The…fire…..it…was…too…hot," he said adamantly, shaking his head.

"That is only because you refuse to enter, Chey'nah……because you refuse to face what troubles you," Cass continued with gentle encouragement.

"No….no…..that's…not…true. Don't…need…to…talk…about…anything. The…fire…..it…went…away…it…dis…appeared," Scott told him, confident in his own interpretation but Cass knew better and was unafraid to tell him the truth.

"Did it, Chey'nah!" Cass replied with a knowing raise of his brows. "Or did it just become buried in the earth?" He could tell by Scott's agitation that he spoke the truth. "The fire became buried only because you chose to bury your pain deep. It did rise up again….did it not, Chey'nah!" he added with gentle coaxing to which Scott nodded. "And it will continue to burn until you enter your fire and sit in your pain."

"No….no…..there's…nothing…to…talk…about. I'll..deal…with…things…in…my…own…way. I…can …get…on…with…my…life," Scott insisted brusquely.

Cass could see that this pain ran deep, very deep indeed and would be the hardest to heal but he had not forgotten what Scott had told him earlier, that the she-wolf had licked all of his wounds and they healed. "But perhaps you do not have to face this alone, Chey'nah," Cass responded, going on to remind Scott of the earlier scenes of his vision. "………and did she come to you again, Chey'nah?" he asked gently, causing Scott to reflect on the last scene which had almost become overlooked in his increasing anxiety.

Scott told him how she came to him again as wolf and walked unafraid into the fire, encouraging him to come to her and Cass couldn't help but notice how his face and voice softened when he spoke of her.

"Really! She did not hesitate to walk into the fire!" Cass asked, as though it were important and wanting to make sure he hadn't misheard.

"No…she…didn't…hesitate. Why…what…does…that…mean?" Scott responded. He was tiring rapidly now and unable to see any deeper meaning.

"It means her love for you will be very deep indeed, Chey'nah….for she is willing to sit through your pain with you…to bring you comfort and healing. She will fight for you," Cass assured him, thankful that his young patient seemed not to have to face his troubles alone. Of course, that very much depended on just how stubborn this young man was willing to be for these visions were not set in stone since the 'seeker' always had a free-will choice. "And did you follow her, Chey'nah?" he asked hopefully.

At that Scott become more agitated as he tried to remember. "I…I…dunno. I…couldn't see…….it…kept…fading……wouldn't…let me…see. I…wanted…to…be…with…her…but….. How…will…I…know …her…Cass? What…if…I…don't…recog…nise…her?"

Cass became a little concerned at his young patient's obvious distress. "Chey'nah….do not trouble yourself. You cannot see because you will not know until it is time. You will have buried your pain so deep it is only then you will make that choice but do not worry that you will not recognise her, Chey'nah. Her love for you will be so great that she will be willing to walk through fire for you," he continued to reassure him.

Scott wanted to believe him, he wanted so badly to hold on to that one good thing he had felt so strongly but he had had enough; he was tired and weak and all the other things that had happened to him were crowding in on him now. Surely it wasn't possible that anyone could love that much, that anyone could love him that much; not now. His inner voice had started to torture him, telling him he didn't deserve to be loved like that, telling him she was too good to be true so what was the point of believing it was anything other than a beautiful dream. That way he wouldn't be disappointed.

"No…one…can…love…like…that……can…love…that…deeply. I…I…don't…wanna…hear…anymore. Just…leave…me…alone," Scott breathed wearily.

Cass nodded. He could see his young patient was exhausted and was finding it all too much. "You are tired, Chey'nah…..you need to rest."

"Yeah…..I'm…tired. And…I…don't…wanna…hear…anymore…about…that…damn…vision," Scott insisted adamantly.

"If that is what you wish. But if you want to talk again, Chey'nah……" Cass offered, letting his young patient know he was always willing to listen.

"Well…I…won't," Scott snapped immediately, for he had felt he had heard all he needed to know. Cass had not been condescending or patronising but had been honest with him in his interpretation and now it was down to him to choose what to believe. He turned his face away and eventually fell into a fitful sleep.

Try as he might, though, Scott could not erase the thought of her, whoever she was, from his mind; the powerful images of her touch, her scent filling him, the powerful images of their lovemaking flooding his senses. But soon he was tossing and turning as the inner voice tormented him, telling him that he was destined to a life of cold and loveless relationships, that that was all he should expect because that's all he deserved.

His dream changed to darker, more disturbing things, causing his breathing to quicken and his heart rate to increase. Startled young eyes haunted him and looking down Scott turned his hands over to find them covered in blood, as, in slow motion, he dropped a bloodied knife. He heard again the snapping of a man's neck like it was a twig and with cold eyes, his cold and emotionless eyes, he watched a crumpled body fall to the ground and felt….nothing.

In the darkness of the night Scott snapped his eyes open and found himself gasping for air, unable to breath. He needed oxygen and gratefully saw the mask still lying on his chest, though when he went to lift the mask to his face he found his wrists were still bound by the straps. Panicked Scott began to pull against the restraints to reach the vital oxygen as his breathing became more laboured and gradually he began to feel himself passing out.

In an instant help was at hand when Cass, having been alerted by his distress, woke from the light sleep in the comfortable chair beside his bed and was by Scott's side in seconds. Immediately he fixed the mask over his young patients face and encouraged him to take steady, slow breaths. Gratefully Scott nodded he was all right and Cass, breathed a sigh of relief and realising things could have turned very serious had he not been close at hand, lost no time in undoing the straps with the assurance from Scott that he had no intention of going anywhere.

With Scott holding true to his word about the vision no further mention of it was made and from then on he set about applying himself to the task of getting well as the long and intensive physiotherapy began. As his body started to heal and get stronger, though, he knew he was not going to be able to avoid the inevitable and that sooner or later he was going to have to face formal psychiatric evaluation before he would be allowed to leave. It was not something Scott was looking forward too but since it was standard procedure it was hardly something he could refuse; to do so would only make it look as if he couldn't cope and besides, he would not be allowed to return to active duty without it.

Scott was an astute young man, though and was smart enough to know just how to play these doctors. He would tell them what he wanted them to know, enough to convince them that he was well adjusted and able to cope with what he had been through, for after all, what did they really know, except what they read in their books.

In truth he got more from his bantering sessions with Cass and began to look on him even as an older brother, the older brother he never had. It was true he and Virgil had a close affinity and could always share things but still, he was the oldest brother that everyone came too and nothing could ever change that so it was kinda good to have someone older to spark off against for a while. Cass, though, never pushed the boundary, never forced him to talk about things he didn't want to and for that Scott was grateful and, despite their shaky start, Scott found himself with an enormous liking and respect for the man he had come to regard as an older brother and friend.

From the moment Scott first entered the room he could tell they were dying to get their hands on him, to delve into his mind, by the way they flustered round him. Was it the fact they thought him to be such an interesting case psychologically or the fact they were getting their hands on a Medal of Honor recipient! He didn't know but if they thought they were going to psychoanalyse him they had another think coming.

There were two doctors at these sessions, there were always two, as if one needed the other for support, which, in Scott's opinion, seemed a little unfair since the patient had to face them alone but no matter, he had prepared himself for whatever questions they might throw at him. Scott entered the room with assured confidence and took his seat, giving the two men a cool and steady gaze, which was in marked contrast to their slight flustering as they rose to greet their newest patient.

"Eh…take a seat, Lieutenant Tracy. It's good to have you with us. This is Doctor Kelly and I'm Doctor Travis…..we're both Captains but we won't bother with the formality of rank," the doctor said, introducing them. "Now we….eh…..want you to feel completely relaxed. Feel free to lie down if you prefer, Lieutenant," he offered with a flustered smile, gesturing to the comfortable couch.

Scott couldn't help but find that mildly amusing, though declined the offer. "No…no…..sitting's just fine…thank you," Scott replied with self-assured ease. They all smiled politely at each other.

"Yes…well…..we want you, of course, to feel absolutely free to say anything you wish here, Lieutenant Tracy. These sessions are in the strictest privacy and confidentiality so you have nothing to worry about," Doctor Kelly continued, looking to his colleague who nodded seriously in agreement. "Though you don't mind if we record our sessions….do you, Lieutenant?" he added as he leant forward to start the recording procedure.

Somehow Scott felt he didn't really have any say in the matter; that his being asked was nothing more than a formality and as such did not respond.

"So…just to ease you into things, Lieutenant….and to make you feel a little more relaxed why don't we play…..a word association game. That's where we say a word and you say……..," Doctor Travis began to say.

"……the first thing that comes into my head. Yeah….I know what word association is…..Doctor," Scott responded with a disarming smile while thinking how obviously patronising they were being. "You say I'm free to say anything I want!" he then asked casually, looking from one to the other.

The two doctors, thinking they had achieved their first breakthrough, nodded enthusiastically after having at first been thrown off their guard by their patient's quick response. "Eh…..yes of course, Lieutenant Tracy…..you can talk about anything you choose," Doctor Travis assured him.

Scott smiled politely as he eyed to two men coolly. "Well then…..why don't we just cut all the crap…..forget about word association and get down to what you really want to know…...Sir. You want to know what's going on in my head…..if I can cope with what happened out there."

The two doctors spluttered and coughed, not quite used to their patients taking control of their sessions with such blunt directness. They were more used to the patients being nervous, timorous and unsure of what to expect so they could go through their usual comfortable routine but now it was they who were unsure since their routine had been upset. From the moment he had entered the room and sat down they had observed the young man exuded total confidence, his whole body language and demeanour spoke of his self assuredness; he had not flinched, fidgeted, played with his hands or shifted about in his seat, all signs of extreme nervousness and anxiety. Indeed, it was they who found themselves shifting about in their seats and as Scott fixed them with a steely gaze he couldn't help but notice Doctor Kelly had developed the unconscious habit of flicking his pen through the back of his fingers. In truth, they hadn't come across anyone quite like Lieutenant Scott Tracy before.

"Yes….quite. Look Lieutenant…..we want you to look on these sessions as……your time. We want you to be completely comfortable," Doctor Kelly stated, as though having to go through some rehearsed script and looking to his colleague for support. "So why don't we dispense with the formality of Lieutenant and just go on a first name basis……eh…..Scott….isn't it!" he added with what Scott perceived to be a condescending smile.

The fact the Doctor had to scroll down the information for his name did not impress Scott one bit; however, he had determined on one thing, he would not get riled but remain the epitome of cool, calm composure. He returned the condescending smile. "Whatever makes you guys feel more comfortable," Scott responded with a nonchalant shrug of his left shoulder, his right arm having been strapped into an immobiliser as his shoulder and back continued to heal.

The two doctors smiled nervously. "Well…it was more for you……Scott. But….eh….well…yes…..all right…..why don't we just get on then," Doctor Travis agreed, feeling that perhaps it was time to move on. "So…why don't we start with Colonel Adams. Scott….do you want to tell us how you feel towards Colonel Adams?"

Scott looked mildly bemused from one to the other, knowing that they were observing his every reaction. "How I feel….towards Colonel Adams! I don't quite understand….Sir."

"Well Scott….if it wasn't for Colonel Adams you wouldn't have been put in the position you found yourselves in. I mean…after all…it was her decision that you flew unarmed. Didn't that make you just a tad angry?" Doctor Travis went on, urging him to be honest with his feelings. "It's all right, Scott….you can be completely honest here…..you can say just whatever you feel. This is all in the strictest confidence," he continued to assure their young patient.

These guys were priceless, Scott thought to himself while holding his composure. "I can say just whatever I feel!" Scott asked, giving them the impression he was about to reveal his deepest most feelings and to which they nodded eagerly. "Well it's no big secret. I wasn't too happy with her decision that's for sure…..from my professional point of view as a pilot….and I wasn't the only one…..my Commanding Officer, Major Brad Hollis, agreed with me; that's Hollis with two ll's," Scott offered helpfully, noting that they hung on his every word. "Now…he was a….tad angry," he added admittedly with a grin. "But it's all in my report for you to read."

"Yes…we can imagine," Doctor Travis responded. "And you feel no animosity towards Colonel Adams," he asked with a slight shake of his head.

"Animosity!" Scott exclaimed in mild surprise, knowing very well they were hoping he was going to admit to some deep-seated anger. "Good heavens….no. Look….I appreciate that as Base Commander Colonel Adams has some difficult decisions to make….and, in this instance and in my professional capacity, I believe she made the wrong decision….but then I'm a combat pilot….and she made her decision based on diplomacy….end of story….Sir," Scott stated concisely.

The doctors nodded appreciatively for it was a good sound military answer, though Doctor Kelly couldn't resist an observation. "Maybe you think that Colonel Adams isn't qualified to make those kinds of decisions…..because she's a woman!"

Scott stared him down with such an icy cool gaze it unnerved the Doctor, refusing to allow himself to be baited. "I never suggested that for one minute….Sir. Colonel Adams being a woman is of no consequence. It would have been just the same if the Base Commander had been a man and based his decision on diplomacy…..I would still have given him the same advice….that we should have been armed and I would still have disagreed with his decision…..Sir. The fact is….Doctor….I'm a combat pilot….an experienced combat pilot…and I know what it takes to get the job done….but in the end….I just follow orders….Sir," Scott explained his reasoning quite calmly.

Again they nodded at his good and sound judgement and continued on with their questioning but by now Scott was tiring, finding this first session gruelling. He knew, though, this was nothing to what was coming as they touched on more sensitive subjects and for that he would just have to prepare himself mentally. A sudden pain made him winch and clutch at his left side, causing the two doctors to become concerned for while Captain Connor had been unwilling to allow Scott to undergo any psychological evaluation until he was stronger and felt he could cope he was still not completely healed.

Doctors Travis and Kelly were not unsympathetic to his condition for they were only too well aware of what he had been through, it was just that in their eagerness to delve into his mind they had, perhaps, failed to see the toll it was taking on their star patient.

"Are you all right, Lieutenant Tracy?" Doctor Travis asked in kindly concern to which Scott nodded and assured them he was just tired. "Well perhaps this is a good time to end this first session. We'll get someone to take you back to your room, Scott……and thank you for your time. We'll talk again soon."

Scott was only too glad to get back to his room to rest and Cass could see the toll it had taken on his young patient already. "You know you don't need to put yourself through this yet, Chey'nah," Cass said with kindly concern.

"Yeah I do. There's no point putting it off any longer….so I might as well get it over with. I can handle it," Scott told him with assurance.

"That's what worries me, Chey'nah," Cass told him honestly, looking him straight in the eye.

"What do you mean by that?" Scott snapped, pulling his face into a heavy frown. "Don't you think I can?"

"Oh I have no doubt you can handle your sessions…..you're more than a match for a couple of college-educated psychiatrists," Cass replied with a grin, knowing how intelligent his young patient was and knowing Scott would tell them just what he wanted them to know. "It is the rest of it that makes me worry for you. Don't forget…it is I who have seen you through your night sweats….it is I who have heard you cry out in the night, Chey'nah…..it is I who have sat with you through your nightmares," he added with sadness.

Scott could tell Cass's concern for him was genuine. "Yeah…and I appreciate that….but I can handle all that too," Scott assured him. "Look Cass….I just need some space and time to deal with all this in my own way….it's…it's the way I do things….the way I've always dealt with things. I just don't need…those Air Force docs asking me how I feel about every gawd damn thing I've ever done…wantin me to talk about whatever comes into my head…..and tryin to analysis everything I say. I mean what do these guys know about being a combat pilot, huh! I doubt whether they even know what the cockpit of an F-16XD looks like….never mind having flown in one. And they sure as hell have never faced down a Heat Seeker coming right at ya or had to eject after being hit….or had to rely on their wits to survive. Well I have, Cass…..I've stared death in the face more than once…..and if I can handle that I can handle anything. These guys…..the only thing they know comes outta books….and the only thing they're interested in is fitting me in to some nice little theory of theirs….because I react or don't react the way they think I should….and writing a paper on me because I've been awarded the Medal of Honor. Well it ain't gonna happen, Cass. I'll deal with this in my own way….in my own time," he explained, wanting Cass to once and for all understand how he felt and then, perhaps, he could be left alone to get on with things. "And besides….if what you tell me about my vision is true….then my 'peace' is waiting for me….out there somewhere. So…there's no need to worry about me….is there!" he added with a casual air.

Cass couldn't help but smile with revered respect for his young patient, understanding where he was coming from. "I understand, Chey'nah. You play poker…don't you?" he asked with a sad smile, for while the young man had spoken with confident eloquence there was no pulling the wool over Cass's eyes and he knew that Scott's way of dealing with things would be to bury it deep until such times as he wanted to face it.

"Yeah….taught by the best….my dear, sweet little ole Grandma and her sister," Scott replied, giving Cass a rare glimpse into his family life while returning a steady gaze.

Cass sighed and nodded. "Just remind me never to play against you, Chey'nah."

The next session began as the first, with Scott entering as confidently as before.

"We can conduct these sessions in your room if you prefer, Scott," Doctor Travis suggested helpfully, remembering how he felt after the last session.

But the sudden question brought an instant flashback to Scott's mind, the flashback of another, rather unpleasant 'interview' that was conducted in his room and he responded quickly, too quickly he thought with hindsight. "No…no….here's just fine."

There were hurried whispers between the two doctors, followed by some serious nodding, which Scott found very irritating.

"If you have something to say, gentlemen….I'd appreciate you saying it directly to me…..and since we all know what we're referring to….why don't we just cut to the chase," Scott stated quite bluntly, holding the doctors gaze with an icy coolness. "You want to know about Major Bauer. You want to know how I felt about being interrogated and tortured by an officer of the United States Air Force…right!" he added, doing what he did best and giving absolutely nothing away of his emotions, remaining ultra cool and calm, for after all, he was trained to be the best, by the best.

Their young patient's directness took them again by surprise, stunning them into momentary silence before shifting uncomfortably in their seats as they tried to regain their professional composure. "Yes….well…eh….ahmm…..we're sure that must have been a very traumatic incident for you, Scott," Doctor Kelly surmised, to which Doctor Travis nodded seriously in agreement. "Is….eh….Major Bauer something you want to talk about, Scott!" he added, trying to sound very casual.

The two doctors held their breath in anticipation of his answer for, while they had to admit that, yes it was a terrible and appalling thing to happen to such a brave young man who had already been through an ordeal, they couldn't help but find the whole case intriguing, from a psychological point of view of course. What was it that Major Bauer had wanted from this young man and what was it that Scott was unwilling to tell him that had prompted such violent action for they were aware, from Scott's medical records, of the extra injuries he had received? And just how had this remarkable young man been able to cope?

Scott turned the question over in his mind as he surveyed the eagerly awaiting faces of his doctors. He knew what they wanted from him and he knew he would have to give them something to satisfy them but just what was he prepared to give. With a cool, steady stare and a relaxed, easy smile he gave his answer.