Thunderbirds and The Tracy Family are the creation of Sylvia and Gerry Anderson
Fenestrae: Glad you're enjoying the banter between Scott and Cass and no, I don't have a degree in psychology but thanks for the compliment. I just have a vivid imagination or maybe I have a little bit of Sioux in me somewhere and I guess I just love a good mental challenge, that's why I just couldn't resist the idea of seeing how Scott would handle his psychiatric evaluation.
Storm05: With Scott being the oldest brother who everybody always turns to the idea of Scott having an older brother figure who he could turn to was very appealing so I'm glad you like the development of the relationship and I have to admit, I'm gonna miss Cass when we head back to the present.
Author's Note: Thanks guys for your encouraging welcome back and your patience. The last chapter was only so long in coming because of an unforeseen family crisis and as such future chapters may not be up just as quick as they used to be but I promise, I won't leave Scotty hanging about. I owe it, to not only him and Jen but to all you guys who have faithfully followed his recovery and who make it such a joy to write for.
As regards Scott's psychiatric sessions and the fact that he is toying with his doctors please do not see the handling of these sessions in this story, in any way as a reflection or comment on the value of psychotherapy as a whole. I appreciate that many people need and, indeed, benefit from many different types of psychiatric treatment. This is merely my view as to how Scott wishes to deal with things.
Chapter 85
"You want to know how I feel!" Scott pondered thoughtfully, as though trying to organize his thoughts in his mind but he already knew how he felt. "Well, I guess I find it just a little bit ironic," he added with dry coolness.
The two doctors looked puzzlingly from one to the other and then back at their young patient. "And why is that, Scott?" Doctor Kelly asked, his face that of serious interest.
Scott brought his icy, cool gaze level with theirs and gave them a languid smile. "Oh…just the fact that I successfully evade capture, interrogation and torture by the enemy….with an injured colleague….only to be interrogated and tortured by my own side…..in the safety of an American military hospital. I mean, you guys have to admit….there's a beautiful irony in that…..isn't there!" Scott replied in a cool, calm and sarcastic tone.
They nodded thoughtfully as they mused over that concept, having to appreciate that there was, indeed, a certain irony in it. The fact that this young man could appreciate such an irony in this situation they marked down in his notes as a positive point in his favor. They waited expectantly for what might follow.
"But apart from that….no….I don't want to talk about Major Bauer," Scott quite calmly stated, shutting down that avenue of exploration, much to the disappointment of the two doctors.
"B..b..but….but, Scott," Doctor Travis started to blurt out, feeling he just couldn't leave it there. "Perhaps if you talk about it…you…you'll be able to deal with it," he added, trying to give him an encouraging smile.
"Deal with it!" Scott exclaimed as though in mild surprise. "We're trained to deal with interrogation and torture….Sir," he informed them. He leant forward in his chair as if about to impart something more confidential and the doctors automatically followed, leaning forward in eager anticipation. "In fact….they won't let us fly those expensive, hi-tech planes without being trained…since we never know what might happen to us. We always have to be prepared," Scott stated, keeping a poker-faced composure. He leant back easily again in his seat with relaxed confidence.
Doctor Travis warily studied his young patient. "Y..e..s…..quite," he mused thoughtfully. "But then again….you wouldn't have expected to be tortured by your own side. Nothing could have prepared you for that. This is a highly unusual case, Scott. I mean…it's not as if this sort of thing has ever happened before," he added, feeling he had just got one up in this verbal parry.
Scott couldn't help but snort a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah….I guess that did kinda throw me a curve ball…...but you guys oughtta wake up and smell the coffee!" he responded dryly with a shake of his head.
Doctors Travis and Kelly looked puzzlingly again from one to the other before returning to their patient. "What do you mean by that, Scott? Is…there something we're missing here?" Doctor Travis asked curiously.
Scott looked from one to the other, carefully considering the two men, as though wondering whether to tell them any more or allow them to remain in their naïve state. "You've seen my medical records…..unless, of course, they've been conveniently altered," he said, unable to resist the jibe to which the doctors nodded they had seen them before assuring him that his records had not been tampered with in any way.
"So……what! You really think all that was done by someone on the spur of the moment…..out of blind rage….who didn't know what he was doing!" he continued, with a questioning raise of an eyebrow, causing them to think it through. Scott continued to eye the two doctors with cool detachment. "Interrogation and torture is an art form….gentlemen….just like psychology. It has to be learned…..that means pupils who are willing to learn and who have a…..certain aptitude! And trust me….gentlemen……you don't get to be as good as he was without….lots…and…lots…of practice," he finished, with more than just a little touch of sarcasm creeping into his tone and leaving them to think it through. Scott closed his eyes momentarily, feeling he had said enough before letting out a calming breath. "But….like I said….I don't want to talk about Major Bauer."
To say Doctors Travis and Kelly had been left a little stunned and dumbfounded at their young patient's rather shocking revelation was a bit of an understatement. Sure they were aware that Air Force Intelligence had to employ a certain method of questioning technique to use on an enemy, they weren't that naive but that that would include outright torture and worse, that those methods would ever be used on their own American servicemen was absolutely unthinkable. They were American and civilized, weren't they!
"No….no….of course you don't. We can quite understand how you feel, Scott," Doctor Kelly responded, offering placatory platitudes.
"No you don't," Scott thought to himself. How could they, for he doubted whether they had ever undergone the experience of torture, physical or psychological and guys like Bauer only existed because they were taught how to destroy a person psychologically as well as physically. Indeed, the psychological aspect of torture was the major factor, as far as Scott was concerned, in that, psychologically, the very thought of physical torture would be enough to destroy some men, though not him. Scott had not forgotten, either, the mind games Bauer had played, that with no more than a few words he had managed to instil in Scott the idea that because of his emotional detachment he was now no better than a cold blooded killer. They were thoughts he couldn't shake from his mind and wondered whether he ever could but then, perhaps, someday, someone could help heal him from the psychological harm that had been done.
It hadn't escaped the doctors notice that the young man had seemed to regard interrogation, torture and psychology in the same light so it was an avenue they were interested in exploring with him. "Scott…..you seem to equate psychology with interrogation and torture…would you mind sharing that with us," Doctor Travis asked with an encouraging smile.
Scott sighed inwardly. So now they want his views on the subject. Well if they thought this was a round about way to get him to continue to talk about Major Bauer they had another think coming. He smiled a relaxed and easy smile as he held Doctor Travis' steady gaze. "There are different forms of torture, not just physical….as I'm sure you're aware, Doctor…..and interrogation, by its very nature, is a form of psychological torture, since you need to know which buttons to push to be effective….so….to be a good interrogator and torturer you also need to be a good psychologist," he explained with cool reasoning.
Doctor Travis nodded slowly in appreciation of his extremely intelligent young patient's answer. "And does it naturally follow then, Scott that you think a good psychologist would make a good interrogator!" he surmised with a quizzical raise of his eyebrows, having to admit he was rather enjoying this in-depth debate with this clever young man, so much so he almost forgot that he was a patient. He was so used to dealing with frightened or very angry young men and their job involved mostly rebuilding confidence, the assurance they could cope and making sure they were stable enough mentally to return to active duty that he found this a refreshing change. He had no doubt in his mind, already, that Lieutenant Scott Tracy would have no problem in any of those departments but, of course, there were subjects they had not yet touched on.
The relaxed and easy smile grew wider. "Now Doc…..you're putting words in my mouth. I don't believe I said that…..did I!" the young man replied.
"No, Scott….you didn't," Doctor Travis had to admit with a laugh and shake of his head.
Scott continued to gaze at the two men thoughtfully, knowing they hung on his every word. "For a good psychologist to be a good interrogator….and therefore torturer….you have to be detached from your subject ….but then again….I guess every psychologist has to have an emotional detachment from their subjects…. otherwise you wouldn't be able to ask all those hard questions and put your subjects through all that emotional trauma!"
The two doctors eyed their intelligent young patient warily for they weren't quite sure if his use of the more personal term 'you' was meant to be intentional and though he may not have said as much, in a roundabout way, there was more than a hint of suggestion that he thought the potential was there. Fascinating, however, as this conversation was they realised they really should move on to more relevant matters or they were in danger of being tied up in psychological knots.
"Y..e..s…..well….that's a very interesting viewpoint, Scott…..but I think, maybe, we should move on," Doctor Kelly suggested as he winced a smile. "Now….a little earlier you mentioned how successfully you evaded capture….with an injured colleague. Why don't we talk about that," he offered with what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
Scott kept his gaze rock-solid and steadily cool, not taken in for one minute by the practised smiles of his doctors that were meant to convey how much they really cared in order to get their patients to open up their deepest most feelings. "What is it you want to know…exactly….Sir?" Scott asked helpfully, though he already knew what it was they wanted to know.
"Well….we'd like to know how you feel about it , Scott," Doctor Travis replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders, thinking it should have been obvious. He looked to his colleague who nodded his agreement.
That was it. They sure didn't disappoint, always wanting to know how he felt. Well, he wouldn't make it easy for them. "I guess I felt like anybody would! I was mighty relieved to escape capture….Sir."
"Y..e..s….I'm sure you were, Scott," Doctor Travis continued, drawing out his response. "But that's not quite what I meant. It's what you had to do….to evade capture that we're interested in…..to help you deal with it, of course," he added, reaffirming their reason. "So…why don't you tell us all about it, Scott. You could begin with the moment you knew you were in eminent danger of being captured. It's all right….take your time," he further added with another of those condescending smiles that Scott was finding rather annoying.
He didn't need to take his time, for what did they think they were going to get, a blow-by-blow account! "There's nothing to tell….Sir. The enemy was encountered at close hand….I took out said enemy…..and successfully evaded capture. I merely did my duty….Sir," Scott replied, giving a good sound military answer in a clinically detached tone.
"Yes you did, Scott…..and very bravely and commendably too," Doctor Kelly responded with a little wincing smile, feeling that this was like trying to draw blood from a stone, seeing that the young man was giving very little away. "But still…it couldn't have been easy for you……having to take life!" he continued to probe, both doctors observing his reaction and waiting for his answer.
There was the faintest of twitches of Scott's facial muscles, indicating a rise in his tension. They were obviously not going to let this go and clearly not satisfied with his brief answer. "No Sir…….but then it's not as if I haven't dealt with loss of life before in what I do," Scott replied, having returned to his cool, calm composure. He could see the two doctors look at him with puzzling bewilderment as to what he meant and went on to explain. "When I'm ordered to take out MiG's…….well…sometimes the pilot doesn't always manage to eject…Sir."
They nodded understandingly. "Y..e..s…..though that's not really quite the same…..is it, Scott? I mean….when you're ordered to take out a MiG….you're directly targeting the MiG…..not the pilot. Chances are…when he knows he's been locked-on…..he has those vital few seconds to eject," Doctor Kelly continued, proving they weren't exactly ignorant of combat pilot tactics.
"And this is a totally different experience for you, Scott. You weren't ordered to take out these men…..this was something you felt you had to do to survive…this was having to kill in close quarter combat. After all….you're not a combat soldier or in Special Forces or a Navy Seal ……you're a pilot and you don't get to see the faces of the pilots you have to take down….do you, Scott …..and the MiG's could be miles away too. This time it was up close and personal…wasn't it, Scott? Tell us how you feel about that…..you must have some feelings," Doctor Travis added, getting almost carried away in their desire to know what was going on in their young patient's mind. So much so that he didn't realise that to Scott it was beginning to feel more like an interrogation than a helpful therapy session.
Scott felt his head swim and it took all of his resolve to remain coolly composed under the relentless pressure of their probing questions. "Feelings don't come into it….Sir," he replied, in a tantalisingly telling revelation, the significance of which was totally lost on them, since he went on to give them another good, sound military answer. "I just did my duty. After all…..it is what we're trained to do…..Sir. You know ….SERE training! Survive, Evade, Resist and Escape! Well, I successfully survived, evaded, resisted and escaped…..though not all in that order," Scott responded in all innocence, his tone heavy with sarcasm as he referred to his escaping first, then resisting Major Bauer. "And I got my injured colleague safely to the extraction point where we were successfully rescued…..Sir," he finished off, as though giving a report at debriefing. And he had just successfully evaded answering their direct question as to how he felt.
"Yes….that was a tremendous feat of physical and mental endurance, Scott…..to have to carry your colleague for so long….and in those conditions," Doctor Kelly acknowledged admiringly, along with nodded appreciation from Doctor Travis. "But then to go and get shot too…..right at your point of rescue…," he added sympathetically but before he got any further.
"How did I feel about that!" Scott immediately pre-empted the question. The astute young man figured if he gave them something it would take their minds off what he hadn't given them, so he gave them this. "I guess you could say I was just a little bit pissed. I mean….I was having a r..e..a..l bad day. Yeah sure, I was physically exhausted, wet and hungry…..we're trained to overcome that……but then to take one in the back…..just when you're about to get rescued! So…yeah….I'd say I was definitely a little pissed off about that….Sir," Scott replied with a cool, wide-eyed gaze.
The two doctors couldn't help but smile at his straightforward honesty and made that another point in his favor, glad to see that he was capable of that kind of emotion and thinking it completely normal in the circumstances. "Yes, we can imagine you were, Scott……and, yes of course, we are aware what you boys go through in your training…..and you all get psychological profiling," Doctor Travis mused slowly, finding himself being drawn towards another interesting topic of conversation in regards to this young man. Scrolling down more information on their young patient's Data file he seemed to be a bit puzzled by something however. "It seems you did exceptionally well on your Survival Course, Scott….although…..we can't seem to find anything on your psychological profiling…..it just comes up as…Classified!"
Now what could possibly be 'Classified' about Lieutenant Scott Tracy's psychological profiling, he continued to muse to himself as he studied the young man before him. They had only ever heard of such a thing concerning Special Forces and Navy Seal guys but then, as they had reminded him, Scott was neither of those things, he was just a regular Air Force pilot……wasn't he! Albeit an exceptionally good and experienced one, though. What was the term they had heard other pilots use! Oh yes, a Sierra Hotel pilot. And he had had to be, according to his report for not many pilots could have evaded these new class of Heat Seekers as often as he did due to his flying skills alone.
"Really!" was all Scott responded, though the doctor observed that his young patient hadn't sounded all that surprised, which only served to fuel his curiosity.
Doctor Travis felt a nudge and found his attention being drawn to another piece of intriguing information that had been found by his colleague. There seemed to be a definite discrepancy in the time factor between when Scott finished his Survival Course and when he went back to his squadron, a discrepancy of three weeks for which there was no accounting or explanation. He had not been granted home leave, which would have come up as a coding of HL nor had he been ill, which would have granted him sick leave and a coding of SL. What was curious, however, after some more searching, was that this time period was covered by Security Code X – Level 1, obviously a top level security rating but one they had never heard of. Try as they might no other information came up on his Data file and all they got was 'Classified'. So, where had Lieutenant Scott Tracy been for those three weeks? And was it relevant?
"Maybe you could help us out here, Scott. Do you know what all this means? Is there something you would like to talk about?" Doctor Travis asked inquisitively.
Momentarily closing his eyes Scott sighed inwardly. He should have known that somehow they might stumble on that information. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned his training at all, though they would have known about the SERE course, since it was standard practice for every pilot and aircrew to undertake. It was just he wanted to emphasize the point there was no need to worry about him because it was what they were trained to do, though granted, he was trained to a whole new, entirely different level, of which he had no intention of letting them find out about. Instead, it just seemed he had piqued their interest.
When he opened his eyes again it was almost as if he appeared to stare right through the two men without seeing them, such was the higher level of mental discipline Scott had now taken himself to. "I can't talk about that….Sir," was his short and abrupt answer.
Doctor Kelly mistakenly took Scott's prolonged pause as their patient having some difficulty with this particular issue. "It's all right, Scott…..we understand. If there's something you're finding hard to deal with….you can talk to us. That's what we're here for…..you know these therapy sessions are strictly confidential," he said, trying to be seriously encouraging.
"I'm sorry, Sir….but I'm not at liberty to discuss it," Scott responded with ice cold detachment.
Doctor Travis winced a smile. "We understand that, Scott….and that's all very commendable…..but of course that doesn't apply to us. We have top security clearance, Category A…..I mean….we give guys like you your psychological profiling," he replied, assuring the young man they could be totally trusted.
That cut no ice with Scott and he just stared impassively ahead.
By now the curious doctor, who admittedly fancied himself as something of an amateur sleuth but then a large part of being a psychoanalyst is like being a detective, piecing together a person's shattered psyche, was putting two and two together. The missing weeks straight after an intensive survival course, the high praise from his instructors, an extremely intelligent young man and his reluctance to talk and everything about him at that time then slapped with a top security classification that even they hadn't heard of.
Doctor Travis studied the young man thoughtfully. "This is something to do with a higher level of training….isn't it, Scott? You were sent on somewhere for a more intensive course. But just what was it you were taught to do that wasn't covered in your normal training….I wonder? How to take out your enemy more efficiently! And is this what Major Bauer wanted to know……is this what you wouldn't tell him, Scott!" the doctor mused intently to himself. If this was the case then surely their young patient must have some issues to deal with.
He realised, though, from Scott's resolute resolve not to reveal anything that they would probably never know the answers to those questions and, in a way, he couldn't help but admire the young man's strength of will and purpose, for after all, he had been trained not to reveal anything under pressure. He felt, however, he should give it one last shot.
"I can understand there may be some things you feel you're not allowed to talk about, Scott but that doesn't apply here……I want you to know that. If there are things you have been finding particularly hard to deal with…anything at all, Scott…..you can tell us. You can feel anything you want here…..anger….fear….excitement and exhilaration! You know it's not unusual for young men such as yourself, Scott to feel a certain….shall we say….thrill and excitement at killing close up….the way you had to. It's nothing to be ashamed of admitting, Scott," Doctor Travis said encouragingly, trying everything he knew to see whether the young man would respond and react to certain words but nothing, not a flicker of emotion. Scott remained impassive and cool.
It was then the doctor began to wonder. Of course, the one emotion he hadn't touched on, perhaps because it was hard to categorise it as an emotion; the emotion of nothingness, no feeling at all, emotionless. Well, it was worth a try. "And…even if you felt nothing at all…that's all right too, Scott."
For a moment both doctor and patient became locked in an intense gaze, as they studied each other carefully. "That's it…..isn't it, Scott. Come on…..give…..just a little," Doctor Travis said inwardly, convincing himself he was getting closer to the truth about this young man he found quite fascinating, searching Scott's face for the least little sign that he was right. But, of course, without an admission from his patient it could only ever be supposition, nothing he could ever take as fact and he couldn't force his patient to talk, after all, this was not an interrogation.
"He couldn't possibly know…..he's just clutching at straws," Scott mused to himself as he held the doctor's gaze. If ever there was a time to put into practice everything his dear, sweet little old Grandma taught him about a poker face, giving nothing away and the art of bluff, it was now.
"I don't know why you seem to think I must have difficulty dealing with some things, Doc……maybe it'sbecause you would have difficulty dealing with them…..so you've inadvertently transferred your insecurities onto me. And as for all these emotions you think I should have! Well, I guess I can understand that too, Doc …it's your job to think of everything in terms of emotion and feeling…..but I can't afford to get all emotional about doing my duty….otherwise I just wouldn't be able to function. Sure I have emotions….I am human……I mean….I defy anyone not to be s..t scared looking down the nose of a Heat Seeker comin right at you knowing you only have seconds to make the right move. But it's what you do with that fear, though…..right, Doc? It's about controlling your all your emotions….that's what allows us to function…..that's what we were trained to do…..and that's all I did…..my duty. Feelings and emotions don't come into it," Scott responded, stating his opinion very clearly and concisely.
"Even to the point of suppressing your emotions….Scott!" Doctor Travis queried, watching the young man's reaction.
Scott gazed intently at the doctor and for a brief moment it was almost as if both were aware the other knew, having become absorbed in this scintillating mind game. "To a certain degree….Doc."
"And what degree would that be….Scott!" Doctor Travis asked with increased interest, wondering would his young patient finally let something slip that would bring him nearer to the truth.
"Well I guess that's different for everyone…..isn't it, Doc," Scott replied, a cool smile playing on his mouth, like the cunning of a wolf having outsmarted his prey. After a brief pause he took in a calming breath. "And as for all that Classified stuff ….I'm sorry, Sir….I can't help you there…..I am still not at liberty to discuss it."
The two doctors sat mesmerised by his intelligent rhetoric. "Well….yes….ahmm. Have you ever thought of becoming a psychologist or a psychoanalyst, Scott!" Doctor Travis couldn't help but ask, with the raise of an eyebrow and the broad beam of a smile spreading across his face.
"Me Doctor Travis! Hell no. All that mind stuff! I just wouldn't know where to start. No….I guess I'll just leave that to the experts….like yourselves!" Scott replied in mock seriousness with what amounted to a twinkle in his eye.
The doctor nodded with an appreciative smile. "All right, Scott……you win. I can see we're not going to get anywhere else with this subject," he conceded laughingly to himself. "Let's talk about something else then, shall we."
"Duty and loyalty are very important to you….aren't they, Scott?" Doctor Kelly asked with curious interest, lighting on the fact the young man had mentioned duty quite a few times.
"Y..e..s……I guess they are," Scott replied warily, wondering just where this particular conversation was going. Then, as though a sudden light bulb of revelation had been switched on, he knew. "I'll bet now they're gonna start on my family life….did I or did I not have a happy childhood…….how did I feel about my mom's death. I'll bet they even ask me if I joined the Air Force just to please my famous father….to gain his approval," he conjectured inwardly with just a little note of sarcasm.
"You have….four younger brothers….isn't that right, Scott?" Doctor Travis joined in as he studied the information on their young patient's family life before looking back to Scott with a smile.
Now why didn't that come as a surprise, he thought returning a cool, steady gaze along with the briefest of answers. "Yes…that's right." It was obvious he wasn't going to make this easy for them since Scott didn't see what his family life had to do with his recent ordeal.
Doctor Travis winced a smile, guessing that Scott wasn't in any particular hurry to talk about his personal life or his family. Normally their patients found it comforting and willingly shared information about their families, making them feel, somehow, connected to their loved ones back home but not so, Lieutenant Scott Tracy and the doctors were fast forming the opinion that this was an intensely private young man.
"It's just that you have mentioned duty several times, Scott. Is that, perhaps…because you feel….protective of your brothers?" Doctor Travis ventured to which he just received an impassive stare from his young patient. "You helped raise your younger brothers….when your mom died? And you were still young yourself…..weren't you, Scott?" he added, reading out the information that was more than familiar to him.
"I was twelve," Scott responded with impassive detachment.
"That was a big responsibility….for someone so young. You must have found it very hard to deal with….your mom's death….and you must have missed her a lot," Doctor Kelly continued to probe.
It took all of Scott's resolve to remain calm for he felt like shouting, "What the hell does my mom's death have to do with all this?" But he knew if he acted in such an angry fashion they would only interpret it as him still not coping too well and not having expressed his grief, so instead he remained the epitome of ice cool composure. "Well, of course, I missed her….and still do…..she was my mom….and a very special lady," he replied honestly, though totally ignoring the earlier parts of the question.
"And how did you feel, Scott? About your mom's death….I mean," Doctor Kelly persisted in that false friendly tone.
Were these guys for real! How the hell did they think he would feel, Scott thought angrily to himself but if they thought he was going to rake over long buried emotions just so they could tell him he did or didn't handle it right or admit to some deep, unresolved grief so they could finally help him vent his emotions they were in for a mighty long wait.
"Well, it wasn't exactly the happiest time I can remember in my childhood," was all he would say, trying to keep the heavy sarcasm from his voice.
"No…eh…of course not. But apart from that…..you feel you had a normal….happy childhood!" Doctor Travis asked, not having failed Scott's expectation of the all time classic question.
If it hadn't been for the dredged up memories Scott might almost have laughed. "Yes Sir….I had a very normal and happy childhood," he answered curtly.
"And your father! He must have found it hard too, though….being left with five young sons to bring up. Is that why you felt it your duty to help bring up your brothers, Scott….because it was thrust on you!" Doctor Travis added, digging ever deeper, a fact which Scott resented greatly.
"I'm sorry, gentlmen….I'm not at liberty to discuss my father with you. But as for me looking out for my brothers…..well…we're a close family…..and that's what close families do…..look out for each other. It's no big deal…..and nothing special," Scott replied with cool confidence, hoping that would satisfy them.
The doctors smiled with kindly sympathy. "On the contrary, Scott…..that was very admirable…..for one so young…..and goes a long way to explaining your innate sense of duty, loyalty and responsibility," Doctor Kelly responded. "And I suppose you helped them all out with their home-works!" he added lightly, as though he were genuinely interested but it was really only the prelude to a much more deeply probing question.
"That's…what big brothers…are for," Scott answered warily again.
"And you helped them all deal with their grief too…..didn't you, Scott?" Doctor Kelly continued, now getting to the crux of the matter. Scott didn't answer, not liking where this was going at all. "And…who helped you deal with your grief, Scott!" the doctor asked carefully, arriving, at last, at the point where he had been heading.
Without thinking Scott turned to gaze out the window with almost forlorn dejection, as he was transported by faraway memories, the question echoing in his mind. 'Who helped you deal with your grief, Scott!'
The doctors looked at each other and then with concern at their young patient, who for once seemed to have lost that cool aura. "Scott!"
Scott drew a deep breath, as deep a breath as his still healing ribs would allow him and mentally shook himself free of the distant past. What was he to answer? They were waiting for something. Perhaps the truth would be the best, for after all, it was what made him what he was; strong and independent, confident and self-assured, able to cope with anything, which was why he didn't see the need to talk to these guys now, only that it was mandatory.
Turning from the window he held the doctors steady gaze once more. "I helped me deal with my grief….Sir…..like I deal with everything I need to deal with," Scott replied in a cool, assuring tone.
Both men nodded understandingly while Doctor Travis thoughtfully and absentmindedly stroked his chin, as he studied his young patient. "Just like you'll deal with this too….right Scott!" Doctor Travis conjectured.
"Right Doc," Scott replied with a slight smile, hoping this would be the end of it but they seemed reluctant to let him go.
"And you don't see the need to talk things over with anyone….say like a professional counsellor….do you, Scott? And I don't suppose you've ever had any sessions with a psychotherapist either….have you?" Doctor Kelly asked curiously, trying hard to fathom this young man out. Was he really able to cope with such traumatic events in his life or was he pulling some elaborate bluff? They would probably never know since there was nothing in his psychological make-up to suggest he couldn't cope.
"Don't you guys have any friends!" Scott asked suddenly in bemusement, as he looked from one to the other.
For a moment the two doctors were rendered speechless followed by coughs and splutters. "Eh….well…. ahmm….yes….of course, Scott. Why do you ask?" Doctor Travis queried, having pulled his face into a quizzical frown.
"Oh I don't know…..it just seems to me that that's what friends are for. You talk, they listen…and give it to you straight….that's if they're true friends. At least that's what I do. I usually kick back with a few friends …..a couple a cold beers….and we usually end up solving everybody's problems…..as well as puttin the world to rights," Scott replied, arguing his case with simple reasoning. "And all it costs is a couple a cold beers…. a hell of lot cheaper than what you guys charge privately! I'd say, by far, a better deal…..wouldn't you, Doc!"
Doctor Travis nodded with a laugh of acknowledgement at his young patient's rather clever rhetoric. "Ok, Scott….I guess you've got a good point there……but, of course, that all depends on what you're willing to talk about…..doesn't it!" he responded, looking intently at his young patient to which Scott just gave him a slow acknowledging smile. The Doctor again stroked his chin thoughtfully, the two men having now become locked in an intriguing analytical debate. "Though friends don't have the expertise to help solve deep, psychological problems…..do they?"
"Well, I guess that all depends on the way you look at things, Doc. I mean….it's only you guys who see everything in terms of deep, psychological problems. Like…if I have an aversion to greens….for example. To you…it must come from some childhood trauma….like havin been force fed them until you puke…..," Scott began his eloquent defence.
"And do you!" Doctor Travis couldn't resist asking, at which Scott pulled a face. "Have an aversion to greens!" the doctor added with a mischievous twinkle.
Scott broke into a wide grin. "Come on, Doc…..what normal kid likes their greens!"
A small-sounding embarrassed voice piped up from beside them. "Ahmm….eh…..actually I did….I really liked my greens," Doctor Kelly confessed sheepishly.
"Opps," Scott let out under his breath. "Eh…sorry, Doc….no offence. Still…..guess it goes to show that not all kids are normal, huh. Aww sorry, Doc….just forget I said that," he apologised with seeming sincerity, after having, first of all, cleverly planted the suggestion in the first place.
"That's all right, Scott….no offence taken," Doctor Kelly replied, having regained his professional decorum but he couldn't help the now worried frown that had spread over his face, since the seed had been, well and truly, planted and taken root. "He's right, though, isn't he? None of my friends liked their greens….so why did I! What happened in my childhood…that made me abnormal? Hmmm….I'm going to have to look into this," Doctor Kelly mused thoughtfully.
"That's very impressive, Scott…..what you just did there," Doctor Travis acknowledged admiringly, recognising the worried concern he now saw in his colleague.
Scott returned a look of wide-eyed innocence. "Me, Doc! I didn't do anything. I thought we were just having a debate on friends versus psychotherapists," Scott replied, having, once more, successfully diverted the heat away from himself by, cleverly, debating the subject rather than getting into personal details.
"And very interesting it was too, Scott…..but it's not really getting us anywhere," Doctor Travis answered, wanting to steer them back towards those personal details.
"And just where is it you want to go…..Sir?" Scott asked and trying not to let his increasingannoyance show.
"Well…we just wanted to get to know you a little better, Scott…..your family life and….so on," Doctor Kelly replied.
"It's all in my file….Sir," Scott stated matter-of-factly.
"Y..e..s…..but that really doesn't tell us how you feel or what motivates you. We know now, though, that duty, responsibility and loyalty are very important to you. So, Scott….is that what motivated you to…join the Air Force for instance," Doctor Kelly continued, trying to sound casual.
"Sir!" Scott queried, as though in puzzled bewilderment but he had already guessed where this was going.
"Well we mean…was it out of a sense of duty and loyalty to your father? We know your father was in the Air Force and then, rather famously, in the Space Agency…..so did you join the Air Force to please your father…..perhaps to gain his approval….because it was expected of you!" Doctor Travis ventured, thinking it an obvious scenario and feeling rather pleased with himself for having thought of it. Eldest son of a wealthy father follows in his father's footsteps because he feels he has to live up to his father's ideal.
Scott wondered how long it would take them to get round to that. Gee, these guys were priceless and so damn obvious. He knew exactly what they were thinking. Eldest son of a wealthy father follows in his father's footsteps because he feels he has to live up to his father's ideal and wants to gain his approval. Well, he was just going to have to blow that nice, neat little theory right outta the sky, which was rather an ironic turn of phrase, seeing as he was actually blown out of the sky.
Scott studied his opponent carefully before answering. "What did your father do?" he asked in a less than confident manner, momentarily changing the subject and deciding to take a huge gamble.
Doctor Travis smiled with kindly sympathy, having been lulled into a false sense of security and thinking that his young patient's delay in answering was due to his needing lots of assurance. "Well….actually my father was an eminent psychiatrist, Scott," he answered happily with a measure of pride in the hopes it would help the young man to answer more easily.
"Gee…no kiddin, Doc…..so I guess that's why you became a psychiatrist…to please your father…because it was expected, huh. Or was it to get his approval!" Scott replied, pre-empting the doctor's scenario and turning the tables completely.
"I….I…suppose it was," Doctor Travis admitted a little less happily now for his young patient had, somehow, made it sound a rather pathetic reason, though at the time it had just seemed the natural thing to do. Perhaps that's why the scenario came so easily to him.
Scott tutted in mock sympathy, causing the doctor to ponder his words. "That's too bad, Doc. Not getting to do what you really wanted to do. All those wasted and unfulfilled years!"
"No…I didn't get to do what I really wanted to do….did I? Have I really been that unfulfilled?" he thought to himself. Mentally shaking himself free of his reverie, the doctor had to wonder if the young man hadn't gone and done it to them again, only this time it was his turn. "Yes….well…..ahmm….Scott. Let's get back to you, shall we. Was that why you joined the Air Force?" he asked, hoping to salvage a little dignity by being proved right.
"Because of my father! No Sir. I just get a hell of a buzz outta flyin. Always have done….and it's something I've always wanted to do. My brothers always said I should've been born with wings. When we were kids and they were being fire-fighters and tank drivers, I was a pilot," Scott offered enthusiastically without any prompting and the doctors couldn't help but notice it was the one thing he became animated about and the only thing about himself he gave away voluntarily. "I would have joined the Air Force no matter what my father did…..Sir," he finished on a note of absolute self assurance.
He was tiring again and a sudden stab of pain in his back made Scott catch his breath. This had been a particularly long and gruelling session and after thanking him again for his time the doctors finally released him to go back to his room and rest.
After he had left the two doctors sagged back in their chairs, before beginning to analyse the session. "Did that young man just run rings round us, Max?" Doctor Kelly asked with a bewildering frown, as though having just come to that realisation.
"I think he just might have at that, Shaun…..I think he just might," Doctor Travis concurred. At that the two men broke into a laugh and decided to leave their analysis until their heads were a bit clearer.
It was late afternoon and glad to be back in his room, Scott flopped down onto the bed, sagging against the pillows with a heavy sigh.
"I guess that was a heavy session today!" Cass surmised with kindly sympathy. "Is there anything I can do to help you relax, Chey'nah?"
A faint smile flickered across Scott's face, gradually becoming more of a mischievous grin. "Well yeah…actually….there is. Do you play poker, Cass!"
"Sure….but I don't think Captain Conley would appreciate me fleecing our helpless patients," Cass responded with an equally broad grin.
"You don't think the Captain would approve then, huh," Scott conjectured.
"Does the sun fail to rise, Chey'nah!" Cass responded in cryptic reply with a raise of his eyebrow.
Scott sucked in a breath and winced. "Guess not….on both counts. But anyway…who said anything about you playing a helpless patient!" Scott retorted good-naturedly with total confidence in his own ability.
"Well…in that case…I feel I should warn you, Chey'nah. You are not the only one with a sweet little old Grandma!" Cass replied, squaring up to the challenge and implying he also had been given superior tutoring.
"Then I guess we should be in for an interesting game," Scott responded, a glint of excitement lighting up his tired eyes for it had been a good while since he had played a really worthwhile opponent.
Cass left to hunt down a deck of cards and returned a short while later.
Guess you couldn't throw in a couple a long necked bottles of cold beer with that...could ya, Cass!" Scott had to ask, a devilish gleam in his eye to which he received a look that could only mean, 'Don't push your luck, white man'. "Guess not," he conceded with a boyish grin.
Cass studied his young opponent carefully as he dealt out the cards. Would he be up for it, he wondered. After all, Scott had just been through a gruelling session with the resident psychiatrists and this was meant to be relaxing for him. Still, a good game of poker isn't a good game unless one plays for high stakes and what a novel way to encourage his young patient to open up. Of course, though, that would entirely depend on who was winning. Well, it was worth a shot.
"Want to make this game really interesting, Chey'nah!" Cass ventured, his face alight with intrigue.
"Scott eyed his opponent suspiciously. "Just what did you have in mind?"
Author's Note: Yeah Cass, just what do you have in mind that would be worth playing for, I wonder!
