Authors Note: This was meant to be in the same chapter as chapter one, but it was too long so I cut it in half.
Read away.
Monday July 18th 8:30am Met Jas at the bottom of her road. She was beside herself.'Gee! What happened on Saturday? Why did you run off like that?'
I said: 'Jas, it's a sensitive issue, please shut up.'
She completely ignorez-vousedme though.
'What did Masimo want to talk to you about?'
'Jas, please…'
'Come on Gee…'
For once she was actually prepared to listen to me. I was quite shocked. She wasn't even talking about slugs or ponds or newts. In fact I was so stunned that I nearly blurted out the whole sorry tale. However whatever may happen, I will always have my dignity. I will not be telling Radio Jas anything.
8:45am
I have accidentally told Jas everything.
She was actually vair vair nice about it all. She gave me a hug. It all made me feel a bit blubbish. I said to Jas: 'Jas, I can't take much more of this. Something really good needs to happen soon.'
Jas thought for a bit (scary) and said: 'Um, Stalag 14 is out for summer at the end of the week.'
The thought of six whole weeks without Slim, Hawkeye, Elvis, Wet Lindsay, Miss Stamp etc did cheer me up for about five minutes. Then we got round the corner and I could see school and I just felt the will to live slowly creep out of me.
9:10am
Assembly
Got to assembly. Usual Klingon salute with the gang, then I got to my place between Rosie and Jas. The Ace Gang were all looking at me like looking-at things. I just said: 'Tell you at break, or German, whatever's first.' They all nodded wisely until Hawkeye gave us the evils.
The usual routine in assembly: quick burst of song, followed by a short coma while Slim gave us her world-famous speech on whatever it was she was talking about. I was just coming out of my coma when I heard Slim say: 'Georgia, Jas, Rosemary, Julia, Ellen and Mabs, go to my office straight after assembly.'
What fresh hell? I looked at the gang. They looked back. We didn't get chance to do the shrugging thing because Hawkeye gave us the evil eye (again).
9:15am
Standing outside Slims office. I said to the gang: 'What did we do?'
They all shrugged. Rosie said: 'Once again we are the scapegoats of a generation.'
I am used to being here on my own, or with Rosie, but all six of us? The last time that happened was when we did the egg-box nose thing for the school photo.
OhmyGod! Maybe they noticed the beauty-spots-on-upper-lips thing!
I quickly repeated this theory to the rest of the gang. They all went: 'OhmyGod!'
Jools said: 'It's either that or we're being blamed for Wet Lindsay's Hitler moustache.'
Mabs said: 'Either way, we're not getting out of there without a bad conduct mark.'
Great. I said: 'Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse.'
9:20am
Slim came barging along. She was wearing an attractive (not) grey suit that in my humble opinion made her look more like an elephant than ever before. She just said: 'in my office, NOW!' I was pleased to see that at least she had thought to provide chairs for us. However I was not pleased to see an immensely old man sitting opposite. Judging by his clothes, this man was the very epitome of the elderly mad.
Slim came in and said: 'Girls, this is Professor Dumbledore.'
I immediately had to fight an uncontrollable laughing spaz. Admittedly I only read the first Harry Potter book but this was just plain weird.
Professor Dumbledore (cough) said: 'Good morning. Now, I expect you have all heard of me, am I right?'
I nodded because I thought I would crack up laughing if I had to talk. But the Dumbledore bloke wasn't finished yet.
'I have come to offer the six of you a place at Hogwarts next year.'
That was too much. I burst out laughing and Rosie followed a second later.
9:28am
Well that was just plain weird.
And also bloody hilarious.
Slim looked all disapproving at us when we were laughing but the Dumbley bloke actually smiled. Once we were under control (ish) he said: 'This is a serious matter.'
Jas said: 'Magic isn't real.'
Dumbles just smiled. 'I assure you it is.'
Mabs said: 'Prove it.' And then he did this most amazing thing! He got out his wand (oo-er) and pointed it at Slim, who looked rather alarmish. And then he turned her into a pig!
Happy days!
9:40am
Unfortunately Dumbles turned Slim back into a person. I personally couldn't see the difference but there you go. Then he turned back to us. We all did spontaneous applause and even a bit of cheering.
He said: 'I am offering you all a place at Hogwarts next year. Miss Simpson has already informed me that she is happy for the six of you to miss a year of Muggle education.'
Understatement! She would be over the moon at the thought of getting rid of us for a year!
Jas said: 'What about Harry Potter?'
Dumbles said: 'He'll be in sixth year, like you, next year.'
Jas (the Harry Potter expert) said: 'But the Harry Potter books are set in the nineties. The last book was set in '96. It's 2006 now. The dates don't add up.'
What is she, a Time Lord? Actually she can't be, I have watched Doctor Who (well, two episodes) and the Time Lords were a lot better looking than she is.
And they were all men.
Dumbles actually smiled. He muttered something about how it was people like us who always ruined good fanfiction (whatever) and then he said: 'Don't worry about that.'
I said: 'So, what, we're all witches or something?' and Dumbles just nodded wisely.
It wasn't as wise as the Ace Gang's wise nodding.
We all stared at him for a bit. Then Jas said: 'Do we have to go?'
Dumbles said: 'No, not if you don't want to. I'll give you until the end of the school day to think about it.'
Then Slim said: 'Get back to your lessons now, girls,' and we all ran away.
9:52am
Loos
Instead of going to German we decided to have an Emergency Ace Gang meeting in the loos. We were all quite literally full of confusiosity and whatnot. Eventually Ro-Ro brought things to an order (ish).
'Who here has actually read all the Harry Potter books?'
Nobody said anything. It turns out that the only person who has read more than two is Jas, and she has only read up to the fifth one. None of us have read the sixth book. In fact, Ellen and Mabs haven't read any of them. Still, you would have to live in a hole not to know about Harry Potter, so even they knew most of the characters.
Jools said: 'Who would've thought that we were all witches?' And we all did wise nodding.
I said: 'I always knew we were different. It is just a pity that Slim and Hawkeye never recognised the magic in us.'
Rosie said: 'Yes, it's a shame they mistook it for a lack of maturiosity.'
'But what are we going to do about it?' said Mabs. 'Are we going to go to Harry Potter land or stay here?'
We were all thinking about it when the bell went. Bugger and thrice bugger. There is no way we will be able to talk in Maths, Miss Stamp and her moustache will be on full Nazi patrol now that they only have five days left to inflict torture on us.
Break
Emergency Meeting II
Jazzy Spazzy started off the meeting by saying:
'I want to go, but then I don't want to have to leave Tom for a year.'
Jools and Rosie nodded along. It's alright for them, they all have boyfriends to leave behind.
We were all eating cheesy snacks when Wet Lindsay slimed by. She gave me the most evil look I have ever had the misfortune to see.
I said to the gang: 'I have to go. If I stay here, Wet Lindsay will kill me.'
That accidentally prompted the gang to ask me what had happened on Saturday. In my new mood of baring my all (oo-er) I told them everything. Luckily my news has taken second place to the completely bizarre events of this morning.
Slim was a pig!
LunchEllen and Mabs are comingwith to Harry Potter land! Ellen says it is because she wants to find another boy and get over Dave (crikey!). Mabs wants to go because she thinks it will be 'a laugh'. She is not wrong. I have seen Dumbledore's beard.
We looked at Jas, Rosie and Jools. We still have to convince them to leave their beloveds (and Sven) and comewith to Hogwarts.
Jools said: 'It does sound like fun.'
I said: 'Just think, an entire year without Slim and Hawkeye! A whole year with no mention of Blithering Heights or MacUseless or whatever else Miss Wilson wants to bore us to death with.'
The others were getting into it now.
Mabs said: 'A whole year without Miss Stamp perving at us in the showers.'
Jools said: 'A whole year without Maths!'
Rosie got really into it and yelled 'TWELVE MONTHS WITHOUT ELVIS!' We all did spontaneous cheering at the thought of no more cranky caretakers.
I think we have them almost convinced.
GamesWe are doing tennis in Games. Luckily for us Miss Stamp is busy teaching Nauseating P. Green to serve. That will take all lesson, which means that we can sit on the grass next to the tennis courts and sunbathe and talk instead of having to do exercise.
Jools said: 'I think Rollo will understand if I go to Hogwarts. And we'll be back at Christmas.'
I said: 'What about you, Rosie? Can you leave your fiancé for four whole months?'
Ro-Ro said: 'I'm not sure. After all, we are engaged.'
Mabs said: 'You aren't getting married for a million years, you can be apart for four months.'
Rosie nodded. 'Alright then.'
Excellent! Now we only had Jas to convince!
I put my arm around her. 'Come on Jas, pleasey please. Think of all the learning we can do there.'
The rest of the gang looked at me in alarm but I raised my eyebrows to let them know not to interrupt.
Jazzy Spazzy said: 'I suppose it would be very interesting.'
I said: 'It's a once-in-a-whatsit opportunity, Jas. And remember, Hunky left you for six months to snog marsupials. He won't mind if you go.'
Jas said: 'I guess you're right.'
Rosie asked her: 'Are you in?' and Jas nodded and said: 'I'm in'.
We all cheered and then Jools yelled: 'All for one and one for all and one more for the road.'
Mabs added: 'And all roads lead to Rome!' Then we all did more cheering and did the Viking disco inferno dance (minus the horns, which we had left at home to avoid yet more bad conduct marks).
Sudden thought: If we're not coming back next year, we can get all the bad conduct marks we like!
Excellent!
BlodgeI am actually feeling almost excited about going to Harry Potter land. Luckily we are all allowed to sit together at the back in Blodge so we were able to talk about it. It has been several lifetimes since I read the first Harry Potter book, so I had to ask Jas all about it instead.
'Jas, what do wizardy-types wear?'
'Robes.'
'Robes? What do they look like?'
'You saw what Dumbledore was wearing.'
'But he's one of the elderly mad! He was practically wearing a dress!'
Jas nodded.
'Does everybody wear robes there?'
Jas nodded again.
'Even the boys?'
Nod nod.
OhmygiddyGodspyjamas, we were going to a transvestite school!
Home-timeOn our way to Slims office, to tell Dumbledore that we will be going to his school of witchcraft and transvestitism.
We thought that we would celebrate our almost-freedom by doing the Viking disco inferno dance. Unfortunately the slimiest slime of them all (Wet Lindsay) slimed over and threatened us all with bad conduct marks. But nananananaaa because we only have four more days left of Stalag 14 before we are freeee, to do whatever… um, yeah, we're free.
I said to Wet Lindsay as she slimed off: 'Lindsay, if you can just refrain from being your usual Hitler-ish self, you might not have to put up with us at all next year.'
She looked at me like a confused stick insect in school uniform (which she is) and then slimed away.
Slims Office aka Torture HQ Dumbles was waiting for us. He was reading a magazine and he looked up when we came in.'So, what have you decided?'
We, the Ace Gang, all looked at each other. Then I spoke.
'Um, we'd like to go to the Hogwarts place.'
'Please,' added Jas. I glared at her but she didn't notice.
Dumbles and Slim both smiled like they were really happy. Dumbledore may well be the first teacher in the history of the world to actually smile when he found out we were going to his school.
'Excellent! Splendid! Right, well I will need to inform your parents.' He handed us all letters. 'Please give them these letters and tell them I will see them tomorrow. In the meantime, don't tell anybody about the magical world.' He nodded at Slim and shook hands with all of us before he disappeared into thin air. Literally.
We all just stared at the empty space for a few seconds. Then it occurred to us that we were voluntarily in the same room as Slim the human pig and we ran.
4:20pm
Four more days of Stalag 14 and then we are free for a whole glorious year!
4:25pm
I'm going to Hogwarts!
4:27pm
No more Slim!
4:28pm
No more Hawkeye!
4:30pm
We're free!
Well, in four days we will be.
4:35pm
No more Slim!
Author's note: Enjoy it? Mostly written when I was completely and utterly hyper. ;) Nevermind…
There will be another chapter up soon, meanwhile you know what to do (hint: it involves the little purpley box entitled 'review').
