Bloody Hell, A Talking Hat!
Chapter 3: I'mgoingoutwithMasimo
Disclaimer: If I owned either series, I would not be working seven-hour shifts for a measly three quid an hour.
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who's getting their GCSEs on Thursday. I am dreading that day, mostly because I have to wake up at nine but also because of my results.
Author's Note: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers, you all had me quite literally dancing around the room.
Monday 18th July
6:30pm
I gave Mutti and Vati the letter from Dumbledore. They immediately looked suspicious. Vati didn't even open the letter, he just said, 'What have you done now, Georgia?' Which I personally found rather offensive.
I said: 'Just read the letter, would you, it's all explained in there.' After several more centuries of suspicious glances they opened the letter.
Mum looked relieved. 'Georgia, why didn't you just tell us it was parents evening?'
What? Parent's evening? I really hope that was a whatsit. A cover up story thing. It better not be a real parents evening. I saved my parents the bother of going to the last one by throwing the letter in the bin.
6:45pm
Hmm, it has been two days since Masimo and Robbie both told me they wanted to go out with me, and I haven't had a single phone call from either of them. Well, except for the messages they left on the answer machine yesterday.
Two minutes laterBut surely if they were that desperate to go out with me they would have phoned again since then. Oh well.
6:55pm
I'm bored. I think I will phone Jas.
7:05pm
In the hallNow I know why I haven't had any phone calls from anyone. Angus and Gordy have chewed through the phone cord!
Two minutes laterWhy would they chew through the phone cord? Why?
Three minutes laterI am actually quite relieved. It saves me all the stress of having to talk to people. Now I can have a nice, relaxing evening.
7:30pm
Wrong. When Vati found out about the phone he went ballisticus. He yelled, 'Those bloody cats will have to go!'
Yeah, as if. Like he would ever be able to get rid of Angus and Gordy.
8:00pm
Mutti has phoned for an electrician-type person to come fix the phone. Vati said he'd fix it but we just looked at him. He went off to the pub to sulk.
8:30pm
The electrician person will be here in a minute to fix the phone. Why that requires my mother to wear the shortest skirt in existence and high heels, I do not want to know. Also, what sort of person wears high heels inside their own home?
At least she has been unable to phone up all her 'aerobics' mates.
8:45pm
Hahahahaha, the electrician arrived and he was about a million years old! Not to mention the grumpiest person alive, with the possible exception of Elvis Attwood and my vati. Mum went red, pointed to the phone and then ran upstairs. When she came back down she was wearing jeans. I raised my eyebrows at her and she glared at me.
9:00pm
The electrician had just finished with the phone when the crazy kittykats came in. Gordy immediately went for the phone cord. After I'd dragged him into the kitchen the electrician said, 'Creatures like that should be put down. It's not natural behavior.'
I was about to glare at him to let him know I thought he was an utter fool. However Angus got there first and completely savaged the electricians ankles! Supercat!
9:15pm
The electrician hobbled away. Mum had to give him a whole extra tenner because of the ankle thing. It seems a bit unfair that Angus savages my ankles at least twice a week and I never get any money, but there you go. That is God for you.
Tuesday 19th July
School
Slim and Hawkeye are being almost nice to us today. We only got two bad conduct marks for doing the Viking disco inferno dance in the corridors. It's only because they are soooo happy that we are leaving forever in three days.
Home time'Parents evening' is at six. If it is really parents evening I will kill someone. Preferably Wet Lindsay or Slim.
Jas elbowed me and said, 'Look at the gates.'
Against my better judgement I looked. Oh my God, Masimo was there! What was he doing there? If he was here for Wet Lindsay I would kill them both.
Just then we saw Wet Lindsay strop past Masimo. He didn't even notice.
I made the gang shield me while I rolled over my skirt and applied some lippy and mascara. Then I made them leave me alone.
OhmyGod, I was going to have to walk out the gates like a normal person. No limping and definitely no pretending to be a hunchback. Nose sucked in, flicky hair, flicky hair, lalala, oh yeah, no singing, and not under any circumstances should I mention the Viking disco inferno dance.
Blimey. What many people do not realise is that it is actually very hard work going out with an Italian Stallion.
I must try not to say anything too bonkers.
One minute laterI walked up to Masimo. He kissed me on the cheek. Bloody lezzie auntie kiss again. Then he said, 'Ciao, Georgia. I have been missing you. I tried to be phoning you, but there was no answer.'
I said, 'The cats ate the phone cord and Angus attacked the electrician.'
So much for saying nothing bonkers. At least Masimo laughed, and then he took my hand and led me over to his scooter. I could see a load of other girls from school glaring at me. Hahahahaha.
Five minutes laterAt his scooter Masimo said to me, 'Georgia, I know that maybe you are having second thoughts about us now that Robbie is back, but I really like you and we would be good together. What do you say?'
I said, 'Yes, that would be fabby fanks.' I had completely forgotten about Robbie. He had dropped completely out of my head, along with my brain. And Masimo smiled at me and then he kissed me. Properly. Number four (three minutes without a breath). Then he said, 'Maybe you would be liking to go out tomorrow? I can pick you up after school.'
Yesss!
'That would be beyond marv,' I said, smiling with my tongue behind my teeth and trying not to let my nose run riot over my face.
I could see the Ace Gang watching me and I really wanted to tell them everything so I said, 'Excuse-moi, I must just run back to school and pick up my… umbrella.'
Why? Why did I say umbrella when it is five million degrees and there isn't a single cloud in the sky? Why?
Luckily Masimo didn't seem to mind because he kissed me again and then said, 'I will see you tomorrow.' Then he drove off.
Excellent, I am now the official girlfriend of the Italian Stallion!
6:00pm
School
So here we are at the magical meeting thing. Everybody's families are here, as well as Slim, Hawkeye and Dumbledore. Mutti and Vati had eventually realised that it wasn't parents evening and went back to giving me suspicious looks.
Slim is standing up. She is almost a walking chin.
7:30pm
Well that was odd.
Dumbles explained to our olds that we were magicky and that would we were leaving for Hogwarts in September. Then he performed some magic to prove it all to them. To be honest Vati looked a bit too pleased at the thought of getting rid of me for a year. He was smiling in a highly unattractive and scary way. It doesn't do a great deal for father-daughter relationships.
Once we left Stalag 14 Mutti hugged me (scary) and said, 'Gee, why didn't you tell us you were a witch?'
I said, 'You mean besides the fact that I only found out yesterday and you would never have believed me anyway?'
But she just smiled. I ran ahead to talk to Jas before she could start the 'when did my little girl get so big?' routine that is so popular with crap parents the world over.
9:00pm
Could life be any more fab? Not only am I the girlfriend of Masimo, the Italian Stallion, but I have a whole year free from my parents and Stalag 14. How utterly great is this?
9:30pm
Life just got a bit less fabby.
The newly-repaired phone rang. I answered it. It was Robbie. The Original Sex God.
Bugger.
He said, 'Hi, Georgia, it's Robbie.'
I said, 'Hi,' being certain to suck in my nostrils so that my nose didn't explode over my face. I don't know why, since as far as I know Robbie doesn't have x-ray vision. Still, I never knew about the magic kingdom (Hogwarts, not Disneyland) until yesterday so I can't be too careful.
Robbie said, 'Did you get my message?'
It was then that I dropped the phone on my foot. Ouch and buggery ow.
'Gee, are you there?'
'Yeah. Um, Robbie, I have to tell you something. I'mgoingoutwithMasimo.'
'What?'
'I'm going out with Masimo.'
There was a long silence filled with nervosity on my part.
'Oh.'
Yeah, that just about sums it up, matey.
'Look, you were in New Zealand. I didn't know when you were coming back. I met Masimo and I moved on. I'm sorry.'
Blimey, I had managed to say four entire sentences without mentioning anything bonkers. This must be a first.
Robbie said, 'Right. Well, I guess I'll see you around then, Gee.'
Oh bugger, he was upset with me. Crap.
'I'm sorry Robbie.'
'Goodnight Georgia.'
'Bonne nuit,' Damn, I wasn't even speaking English. It didn't seem to matter though, because he'd already hung up. Great, he was having a huff and a strop. Marvelous. Fanks, God.
Wednesday 20th July8:00am
Up at the crack of eight o'clock to pack my bag for Stalag 14. Should I take my jeans or skirt?
Oh God, I'm not going through all that again. It's a million degrees outside. Skirt.
8:10am
I have crammed all my clothes and make-up into my bag. Phase one is complete.
8:35am
Walking to school with Jas. She was being a bit cold with me.
Jas said, 'Tom says that Robbie was really upset when you dumped him for Masimo.'
What?
'I didn't dump him, we weren't even going out in the first place.'
'Whatever. Anyway, I suppose he's free to go back out with Lindsay now.'
Merde, I hadn't thought of that. Still, what do I care? I'm going out with Masimo.
AssemblyHow amazing is this? Elvis is retiring on Friday and there is going to be a special leaving party for him! Excellent! That will be a hoot and a half.
I said to Rosie, 'It will be a fitting end to his school career if he manages to break his back again.'
Ro-Ro nodded and said, 'At least we are guaranteed some entertainment. Elvis will almost certainly do an impression of the real Elvis at some point during the evening.'
That's when Slim announced that there was going to be kareoke. I thought I would break a rib trying not to laugh at the mental image of Slim singing.
BreakI was busy chatting to the Ace Gang about Masimo and Robbie when Wet Lindsay slimed past. She gave me the evilest look in the history of the world. I just raised my eyebrows, because I am going out with Masimo whereas she has nobody.
MathsWhat on earth is the point of learning trigonometry? When will we ever need to use that in the real world?
PhysicsDitto molecular structures. Such a load of crap. Who cares about protons and neutrons? What do they have to do with my life?
On le plusieme side, while Herr Kamyer was raving on about nukes and stuff, I was able to do my make-up.
Home timeQuick dash to the loos to get changed and apply the final touches to my make-up. Lippy: check. Mascara: check, check. Boy entrancers… nah, too much trouble.
Hair? Seven out of ten bounceability-wise. Seven is fine, since it will only get ruined when I put on the stupid helmet.
Ten minutes laterI made the Ace Gang shield me from the Nazi patrols. I made it to the gates and then I could see Masimo! Phwoarrr!
Jazzy Spazzy was being almost nice and she said, 'Call me later, tell me all about it.'
Then Masimo kissed me (number three) and then we got on the scooter and headed off into the sunset.
Well we would've if it had been sunset. As it was we just went off into the boiling sun.
8:34pm
On the phone to Jas
'Hello?'
'Ciao, Jas, tis I, Georgia.'
'Oh.'
'Jas, don't you want to hear from me, your bestest pally?'
'Um…'
'Jas, stop annoying me.'
'It's alright for you, but I'm trying to work out how to tell Tom that I have to leave him for a year.'
'Shut up Jas, I want to tell you all about my date with Masimo. It was soooo fabby!'
'Was it?'
'Yes, it was. Anyway, be quiet and let me tell you all about it. It was so groovy. We went off on his scooter to the woods-'
'The woods that he dumped you in?'
Jas is unbelievable. She can be such a crap best mate.
'Shut up Jas. So we got to the woods and then we snogged-'
'Oo, what number?'
Finally she was taking an interest.
'Six. And then we went back to his house and he cooked me some pasta type stuff, and then he told me all about the next Stiff Dylans gig, and then we snogged again, and then he took me home on his groovy scooter, and then he kissed me goodbye.'
'Wow.'
'I know, fab isn't it? Anyways I have to go now, see you at Stalag 14 tomorrow, bye.'
And then I hung up before she could say something stupid and annoy me.
Authors Note: Next chapter will be Elvis's party! I think it will be up soon, since I have nothing to do. Also, I'm kind of enjoying writing it. Although I get my GCSE results on Thursday, which I am dreading, I will try and update within a week.
To my lovely reviewers:
thebubblesareafterme (I love your name), mila, LunarAshe, Nadee, SimplyMarvy, catherine, bubblepopfizz, Lavena, kumquat and Hen Diva, thank you very much. I love all of you (no threat intended). And to Malicia-Sirkis, bonjour! Je parle un peu francais. Un petit peu. It made my day to get a review from a French person:D
In the meantime you should all let me know about possible pairings at Hogwarts. OH YEAH, and tell me what songs to make everyone sing too! I've already got Elvis sorted out grins evilly but let me know about the rest. Like, Slim and all the teachers. mwahaha Be as outrageous as you like. ;)
P.S. When I eventually finish this story I will be putting a glossary at the end, so let me know if there are any words which should go in it.
