Chapter 6: I am the Eggplant

Disclaimer: If I wrote both Harry Potter and the Confessions… series, would I really be typing this on a crappy old computer that doesn't even have the interweb? No, I think, is the answer ye be looking for.

Dedication: Dedicated to James Brown because he was such an effin leg-end.

Author's Note: Apologies for my lack of updating, but exams, school and work all got in the way. Still, exams are over now (thank cod), but I've got to wait til bloody March for the results.

It's snowing right now. It never snows in Britain. So surreal.

So this chapter was meant to be Diagon Alley. But that joy will be saved for another day. Enjoy:

'What a life it would be, if you could come to mine for tea, I'll pick you up at half past three, we'll have lasagne'


Wednesday 17th August

3:15pm

After having spent the last six days hiding in my room feeling sorry for myself I have allowed Jas to drag me round to her house to discuss our various plans for the wizardy world. We, the Ace Gang, are off to London (!) on Saturday, and what is more is that we have convinced everybody's various parents that we are both old enough and sensible enough to go on our own. Oh yesss!

3:25pm

Sitting in Jas's room eating poptarts. Yum yum. Waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive. I hope they hurry up, Jas is wittering on about owls or something. I'm not listening, I'm singing a song in my head instead.

3:31pm

Thank God, the doorbell just rang. No more pretending to be interested in whatever Jas has to say about wildlife.

I just heard Rosie yell 'HOOOOORN!'. Good grief.

3:35pm

We are all squashed up in Jazzy Spazzy's room, making our preparations for le grande trip a la Londres.

Jas has decided to make a list of everything we are going to do, and the order in which we are going to do it. So far all the list says is 'get on train'. When I helpfully suggested that 'get off train' should be the next point Jas gave me a 'look'. I would take offence but I can't be bothered right now.

4:17pm

This is the list so far:

Get on train.

Get off train (ha).

Get on tube.

Get off tube.

Find the wizard place.

Buy wizard stuff.

Gather whatever money we have left and hit muggle London.

Once the list was written Jas put on some music and we all did the Viking Disco Inferno dance. I thought my head might drop off with redness but instead we all collapsed all over Jas's bedroom floor after about five minutes.

I think it is safe to say that none of us are exactly in our prime, fitness-wise.

4:25pm

Rosie looked at me upside-down from where she'd fallen over on the bed and said, 'So Gee, what's happening with Masimo?'

I wanted to shrug off the question but the whole gang were looking at me like looking-at things.

Jools said, 'Did he call you?'

I nodded. 'Twelve times in four days.'

'What did he say?'

'I don't know, I didn't pick up the phone.' Whenever the phone rings I've been waiting for it to go to the answering machine before I pick it up, so that I know who's phoning. It drives Mutti and Vati mad, but you can't have everything.

Jas was looking at me again. 'Tom said that he saw Masimo with Lindsay yesterday.'

WHAT?

4:35pm

Thinking about it (which I try not to), Masimo and Lindsay are quite well suited for each other. She is a slimy octopussy-owlie type person, and he is a horrible slimy cheating Italian twat. It is almost a match made in heaven.

4:38pm

God, I hate them. I hope they fall off a bridge and die.

4:45pm

Jas just asked me, 'So what are you going to do about Robbie?'

Eh?

'What about him?'

'Well, he did punch Masimo in the face for you. And he's been asking Tom to ask me about you.'

Oh God. Just when I thought life couldn't get any more complicated.

4:48pm

It was nice of him to punch Masimo for me.

4:54pm

What do you do to say thanks to someone for punching someone else in the face for you? Send them flowers? Give them a box of chocolates?

4:56pm

I asked the gang what to do.

Jools said, 'What did you do to thank Dave the Laugh when he punched Mark for you?'

I was about to say that I couldn't remember, but then Jas got there before me.

'Number six probably.'

Oh, thanks a lot, my supposedly bestest mate. Luckily Ellen was in the bathroom.

4:57pm

I am so utterly full of confusiosity, it's a wonder that I can still breathe. Also I am having to ignorez-vous Jas, which is slightly tiring but somebody has to do it.

My house

6:30pm

Got home to find my darling little sister has invaded my bedroom and put all of my cds in the wrong cases. Fun. It took me years to put them back in the right cases, and I still can't find my Beatles cd.

6:45pm

What on earth am I going to do about the Masimo/Robbie fandango? Obviously I never want to see Masimo again this side of ever, but that does not exactly help with the Robbie thing. Does he still like me? He did a couple of weeks ago. Surely he wouldn't hit Masimo if he didn't like me. Unless it was just because I'm his little brothers girlfriends besty mate.

In times like these I think that all I can do is eat lots of chocolate and watch a movie.

7:15pm

Mutti and Vati have gone out with Uncle Eddie and they have taken Libby with them, so I have the house to myself. Except for Angus and Gordy, but they are out terrorising local residents so they'll be gone for hours.

I am in my jimjams and I have dragged my duvet all the way downstairs to the sofa. I have a large bar of Dairy Milk and a mug of hot chocolate.

What to watch?

7:40pm

I have looked through our entire video collection and found exactly bugger all to watch. Marv.

9:55pm

So utterly bored that I thought I would watch the Sound of Music. Two words:

Never again.

The doorbell just rang. It will probably be Mr Next Door, asking me to drag Angus and Gordy away from the Prat Poodles. Why does he have such crap pets? A real dog wouldn't be frightened of a cat.

Although the cat in question is Angus so perhaps it's not quite so surprising…

10:16pm

It was Rosie and Sven. No sooner had I opened the door then Sven had picked me up in one arm and Rosie in other and started walking down the street, shouting 'Oh ja! Groovy baby! These boots are made for valking!'

Rosie was laughing her head off but I was in my jimjams, half upside down, being carried away by a Swedish (maybe) madman singing Abba songs.

I shouted to Ro-Ro, 'Make him stop!'

But she was too busy laughing hysterically to bother.

I was able to escape at the end of the street when Sven got distracted trying to climb into one of those grit-salt box things. I ran the entire length of the street back to my house and locked the door.

I dread to think what the neighbours must have thought.

10:20pm

Ha. I had forgotten for a moment that our neighbours are not entirely normal. Mr Next Door has a bottom the size of Cornwall and the Across-the-Roads have a twelve year old nymphomaniac for a son and once held a Lord of the Rings party. What is more, they didn't even have the common sense to slam the door in my Vatis face when he turned up in green tights.

10:40pm

Angus and Naomi have taken over my room. I really don't see why I cannot have a lock on my door. I have tried asking Vati to put a lock up but you might as well ask for the moon. Not to mention that Vatis DIY skills are pretty much non-existent. I have not forgotten the shed falling down on Uncle Eddie.

Or the foot through the ceiling incident.

Or the time he 'fixed' the fridge and the electrician asked if there was anyone who might be holding a grudge against us.

11:15pm

I have kicked out the kittykats and I am all snuggled up in bed. The cats did not go quietly; my hand only stopped bleeding five minutes ago.

Thursday 18th August

9:45am

The whereabouts of my missing Beatles cd was solved when Libby burst into my room at half past six singing 'I am the eggplant, I am the eggplant'. I suppose I should be grateful that she has moved on from 'sex bum', but instead I rolled over and went back to sleep.

10:30am

Vati is out flooding people and Mutti has gone shopping with Libby. Mum did ask me if I wanted to go with them, but I politely declined.

10:45am

Bored. I think I will arrange all of my cds in alphabetical order.

10:53am

I got as far as C before I realised that I couldn't be bothered.

Still in a state of utter confusiosity over the Robbie malarky. What should I do?

11:15am

Cleaning the bathroom as a favour to Mutti (and also because I sincerely hope that God is watching and planning for some gorgey garcon to come and take me away from here).

11:19am

The doorbell just rang. Surely it is not some gorgey bloke delivered straight from God?

I did a quick mascara and lippy check, just in case.

11:21am

I opened the door. Mr Next Door was stood there with Angus on the end of a rake.

12:54pm

Doorbell rang again. It can't be Mr Next Door again, can it? Doesn't he have anything better to do?

12:57pm

I opened the door to find a quite literally drop dead gorgey bloke standing there. He had longish blond hair and a tan and really groovy blue eyes. Yummy scrumboes.

After a quick internal thankyou to God I managed to blurt out, 'Hello.'

He smiled at me. It was a very nice smile. Then he said, 'G'day there little missy, how are you all doing? I've come all the way from Utah in the United States of America to talk to you about religion. Do you believe in God?'
Oh Christ.

Not after this.

It took a great deal of willpower not to slam the door in his face. But he was still rather gorgey, so I stayed where I was.

1:15pm

It turns out that the gorgey guy was a Mormon! And he had come all the way over from Hamburger-a-gogo land to try and convert people.

I wasn't particularly interested, but I pretended to be because he was groovy-looking.

1:30pm

Hamburgese Mormon man has gone to ask Mr Next Door if he would like to become a Mormon, leaving me all aloney in my confusiosity. In times like these I would normally ask Dave what to do, but I haven't seen him since the gig. Plus there was that kissing incident at Elvis's party that nobody has mentioned since.

I hope Radio Jas has forgotten about that particular incident. Hopefully Elvis's spectacular demise will have wiped all traces of it from her mind.

5:15pm

Swiss Family Crap back with a vengeance. Libby will not stop singing her eggplant song.

5:30pm

Phone ringing. Oh joy.

I was going to wait for it to go to answerphone but Vati yelled down the stairs, 'GEE, IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER THAT PHONE THIS INSTANT I AM GOING TO DISCONNECT IT FOR GOOD.'

Talk about over-reacting. But I suppose I should pick up the phone.

5:31pm

'Hello?'

'Ciao, Georgia.'

Oh poo and merde and bollocks, it was the handbag-wielding Italian fool. What do I do now?

'Georgia, are you there?'

'…yeah.'

'Georgia, I am wanting you to know that I am very sorry about what happened at the gig. I never meant for you to have to find out. I thought you were away for longer.'

WHAT?

I cannot believe him.

I absolutely cannot believe him.

He's saying that he's sorry that I found out. Not sorry for cheating on me or breaking my heart.

The git. I hate him.

I said, with all the dignosity I could muster, 'Masimo, I am afraid that it is not going to work out between us. You are a slimy cheating idiot and I hope that you and Lindsay will be very happy together.'

By very happy I do, of course, mean die a slow and painful death.

'So you are saying there is no future for us?'

'No. Besides, I need to concentrate on my studies if I am going to become a vet. I cannot allow myself to become distracted by temptation.'

What?

But Masimo sighed in an understanding way (which was a surprise in itself, since I had no idea what I was talking about). I didn't say goodbye, I just hung up.

6:14pm

On the phone to Jas:

'Jas, guess what?'

'Gee, is that you?'

'Who else? Come on Jas, guess what?'

'Gee…'

'Masimo just phoned me.'

'Ooo?'

'And I broke up with him.'

There was a bit of a gasp and a slight pause.

'Good for you, Gee. Now what are you going to do about Robbie?'

'Jas, I just broke up with Masimo half a minute ago. Besides, I don't even know if Robbie likes me.'

'Wait a sec…'

Oh dear Lord, what now?

'TOM! TOM! DOES ROBBIE STILL LIKE GEORGIA?'

Anything but this…

'I thought Georgia was going out with that Italian boy?'

Oh wonderful, Jas's mutti has joined the conversation.

'Yeah, but she just broke up with him.'

I could hear Tom yelling from up the stairs.

'GEORGIA BROKE UP WITH MASIMO?'

'YEAH, SHE DUMPED HIM. DOES ROBBIE STILL LIKE HER?'

'Jas, I am going to hang up in five seconds.'

'YES, HE DOES.'

Then I heard Jas's dads voice.

'So is Robbie the Italian one or Tom's brother?'

I hung up. I may never phone Jas again. It's just not worth it.

7:30pm

In my room. All this breaking up with people has worn me out. I may have a little sleep.

7:35pm

No chance of that happening. The doorbell just rang.

'Georgia, it's for you.'

Who on earth is calling at this time of night? If it's Rosie and Sven I may just phone the police.

7:37pm

It wasn't Rosie and Sven.

It was Robbie.

7:49pm

I stood in shock for about half an hour before he said hello.

'Robbie, what are you doing here?'

He kept shuffling from foot to foot.

'Tom told me that you broke up with Masimo.'

Of course he did. I expect most of Britain know by now. Thanks a lot, Radio Jas.

He was doing the shuffley-foot thing again. Then he looked at me. Crikey, I'd forgotten about his gorgey blue eyes.

Then he spoke.

'Georgia, you know I still love you.'

What?

Oh my God. Why did he have to say that? Why?

'Robbie…'

'Please, can we just give it another go? We were good together last time.'

'Robbie…'

'Please, Gee. I'll do anything. I know I messed up last time, going to New Zealand and leaving you here, but I'll never do anything like that again, I promise.'

'Robbie, I'm going away in two weeks. To Scotland. For a year.'

He looked so utterly shocked that I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. Then he turned and walked away, without saying a word.

I just stood on the step and watched him.

8:30pm

He had no right to say he loves me. People can't just go around saying things like that. Surely there are laws against that sort of thing?

Now I feel really miserable.

8:42pm

What the hell is going to happen next?

Authors Noteage:

This chapter brought to you at two in the morning. Now that's dedication. (cough). I know not a great deal happened, but the next chapter will be Diagon Alley (honest). It's half term now, which means a week of freedom, some of which I can hopefully use to write stuff.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know it took me long enough to update, but recently I have been quite stressed out both at work and college, and also in my social life. The next update will definitely be quicker, I promise.