Vitani, who was almost as stealthy as Rafiki, slunk in and out of the Pridelands without even Zazu noticing. She told Zira that she had seen her brother calmly follow Simba into his cave, instead of ripping him apart as planned.

"Ha! Bet he has Stockholm syndrome," said Nuka, who lay swatting his own tail.

Zira narrowed her eyes. "That's when a prisoner is sympathetic to his captors, git."

"You mean Kovu's going native," Vitani said helpfully.

"In any case, we'll have to go with plan B."

"What's plan B, Mother?"

"We'll wait until Simba is alone and get him ourselves."

"But we can't all follow him around, and I'm not strong enough to kill him myself."

Zira grinned. "Simba has Zazu to tell him everything that goes on in the Pridelands. Now I have someone to do the same." She raised her head and roared. A moment later, a spotted hornbill landed at her feet.

"I'll teach those Pridelanders not to chase me for no reason, so help me, they'll be sorry…"

The next morning, the hornbill reported that Simba and Kovu were alone in the burned section of the Pridelands. The eager Outlanders followed him to the two unsuspecting lions and surrounded them.

"Good job, Kovu. Just like we always planned," said Zira, with only the slightest hint of irony.

Simba spun on Kovu. "How could you-"

"No! I didn't know about this plan!"

"Get him, girls."

"Heyyy, what about me?"

Zira sighed. "And Nuka."

The Outlanders leapt at Simba, biting his throat, shoulder, flank and back. Blood gushed from his flesh, slicking his golden fur. Wait, no it didn't. There was no bloodshed in this sanitized, kid-friendly universe. Kovu tried to save Simba from this totally-not-deadly assault, but Vitani knocked her brother out with one kick.

"Some chosen one!" Nuka crowed.

"Shut up and keep biting," said Zira. "He must have a weak spot somewhere."

Nuka pounced on Simba with so much force that he sent him tumbling into the Gorge. But Simba was okay because a rock broke his fall.

The Outlanders slid down after him and chased him to a part of the Gorge that was dammed with logs. Kovu woke, shook off his headache, and dashed to the edge of the ravine to see Simba climb the logs.

"Now is your chance to redeem yourself, Kovu," called Zira.

When Kovu ran off to find a safer route down, Nuka seized his opportunity.

"I'll finish him for you, Mother!" He bounced up the dam, but as he grabbed the king's leg, the log under his paws snapped. Nuka fell, and two logs fell on top of him, crushing his ribs and windpipe.

"Nuka! Don't go! You've proven yourself as Scar's true son. Why did I doubt you? You showed me the truest devotion, but I treated you like scum, like the dirt between my toes!"

This outburst showed that evil villains have feelings like everyone else. Really. Honest.

Then Zira whirled to scratch at Kovu's eye. Since bloodshed does not exist, her claw just made a pink line through his eyebrow and lower eyelid.

Having applied this obvious symbol, Zira yelled, "What have you done to your pride?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Exactly! Because you didn't do anything, Nuka is dead! You killed your own brother!"

An angsty Kovu turned tail and dashed away.

"So," said a rank-and-file lioness, "killing your brother is bad now?"

Over in the Pridelands, Kiara was oblivious to this pathos as she waited in the shade with Timon and Pumbaa. Zazu had received a tip off about the trouble they had stirred up the day before, so he decided to babysit the babysitters.

"Daddy?" Kiara stood as she saw Simba tottering in the distance.

"Heatstroke," said Timon. "I've seen it before."

As Zazu left to get help, Kiara, Timon and Pumbaa rushed to Simba.

"What happened?" asked Pumbaa. "Where's Kovu?"

"Kovu…Ambush." Simba swooned.

Pumbaa carried Simba to the waterhole as quickly as he could, which was not very. The waterhole crowd gasped when they saw him shuffle toward them, his snout poking comically out of the lion's mane.

"What's wrong?"

"Is he dead?"

"Is he hurt?"

"Is he dead?"

"You already said that, vulture."

"Back up, give him some air!" Timon pushed the zebras' and wildebeests' legs.

Kiara splashed water onto her father's face until he opened his eyes. "Daddy, did you say you were ambushed?"

"Yes," Simba groaned. "Kovu lead me right into it."

"Are – Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. You think I'd make that up? I mean look at me!" He moaned and shut his eyes.

"Well, actually…" Timon tapped his fingers together. "You don't look that hurt. No cuts or bites or anything."

Simba snapped his eyes open and looked from Timon to Kiara. "Are you saying you don't believe me?"

"I believe my eyes first, and I definitely see signs of heatstroke. Fainting, exhaustion…" Timon felt Simba's nose. "Hot, dry skin…"

"Excuse me," said a sandy-coated monkey, knuckle-walking toward them, "but my troop can check you for injuries, Sire. All of us monkeys are good at this sort of thing."

Then next thing he knew, Simba had a half dozen monkeys picking through his fur. They found seven punctures and ten scratches, all clean. There was also an enormous bruise between his shoulder blades. At least he was free of fleas and ticks by the end of it.

"Sorry I doubted ya, pal," said Timon. "I swear it wasn't payback for the whiskers thing."

"What whiskers thing?" asked Kiara.

"Nothing. Well, Simba, let's get you back to Pride Rock."

Simba staggered home, accompanied by a procession of giraffes, tortoises, and everything in between. Nala met him at the base of the Rock and listened to Simba pour out all his woes.

Then the crowd's volume rose a few notches, and Kiara's ears perked. "Kovu!"

Simba miraculously recovered and jumped in front of her, roaring at Kovu. "You dare show your face here?!"

"I just want to explain. I really had no idea they were going to ambush. I mean, Zira did order me to kill you, but-"

"Aha! See, Kiara? He admits it."

"No father, let him explain!"

"I concur."

"Huh?" Everyone looked around for the source of the new voice, until Kovu gasped and leapt back. There in front of him was a gleaming puff adder, his head raised a foot off the ground.

"Don't be scared," he said. "I dislike injecting venom into creatures too big to swallow. It's such a waste. Besides, I'm here to assist you. I'm a defense attorney."

Kovu stared slack jawed, ears laid flat.

Timon scuttled to Zazu and nudged his ribs. "There's an animal pun for ya."

Simba recovered his shock. "A defense attorney."

"Yes, your Honor," said the snake. "My name is Jeff, and I'm speaking on behalf of the Defendant Kovu for this trial."

Kovu looked worriedly from the adder to Simba. "Wait, um, what exactly am I being charged with?"

"Aiding and abetting the enemy, and attempted regicide." Simba looked down his nose. "And he doesn't deserve to be 'represented.'"

Zazu cleared his throat. "Actually, Sire, he does. He was made a member of this pride, so he has the right to a fair trial."

"Don't help me," said Simba with a scathing glare. "Kovu's membership was probationary."

"Yes," said Jeff, "but even so, my client technically has the rights of a Pridelander unless or until he is officially evicted, pursuant to Mohatu's Naturalization Rule."

Simba sniffed. "Fine. Let's get this formality over with. How does the Defendant plead?"

"Not guilty," said Kovu.

"Really. Do you still deny leading me into the ambush?"

"You led me!"

A gasp hissed through the crowd, and Jeff said, "Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Where did his Honor lead you, Kovu?"

"To the place that was burned the other day. It was his idea to go for a walk, too."

"Your Honor, is this true?"

The king was stuck for an answer. "Well…" He paced. "Yes. But how did the Outlanders know where I would go?"

"I really don't know," said Kovu.

"No? Then why did Zira say 'Good job, Kovu, just like we always planned'? Let's see you get out of that one!"

"Objection!" Jeff puffed up angrily.

"You can't object to me! I'm the judge."

Literally deflated, Jeff said, "I know. That's what makes this trial so difficult."

"It's not difficult for me. So what if I can't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Kovu was involved in the ambush? I know he's a threat to me and my lionesses, so I find Kovu guilty of all charges."

"But Father, you've hardly given him a chance to speak!"

"I've heard enough."

Kiara narrowed her red eyes. "You really are the most unfair king ever. Why are you so hateful?"

"Kovu's the hateful one, not me."

"No, he loves me, and - and I love him!"

Kovu's heart thundered. Everyone else was shocked into silence.

Simba clenched his jaw. "You don't know what love is. Now just do as you're told."

"But Fa-"

"This conversation is over." Drawing himself up to his regal height, Simba shouted, "The condemned is sentenced to life in exile!"

"No! Kovu!" yelled Kiara, but the other animals drowned out her protests. Pounding a beat with their hooves and fists, they sang:

"Stuuuuupid criminal!

You're a loser, baby, so we'd like to kill you."

They repeated this chorus a few times, growing more aggressive with each line, and Kovu had no choice but to run.

Jeff the attorney faired no better as he narrowly avoided the clopping hooves. "Don't tread on me!"

As Pumbaa watched Kovu shrink to a dot near the horizon, he whispered to Timon, "I know we're supposed to hate him now, but this is heartbreaking!"

"Shewt, don't waste yer tears on that no-account flea-bitten son of a gun."

Simba turned his cooling gaze to his daughter. "Kiara, you're grounded for life."

She furrowed her brow. "You mean literally?"

"Yes."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"Mind your father, Kiara," Nala said calmly.

"Oh, I mind him, all right! I sure do mind him treating me like an infant!"

"It's for your own good!" Simba fired back. "I want to make sure that dirtbag doesn't get near you again."

"Kovu's a great guy!"

"How the blazes do you know? You've spent less than two days with him."

"I know him a lot better than you!"

"You just don't get it. Kovu is walking in Scar's paw prints. And I'm walking in my father's."

Then Kiara spoke the truest words in this movie.

"You will never be Mufasa!"

Sobbing, she ran into the cave and snuck out the back door. She wandered for hours, searching for her love until she felt so alone and miserable that she began to sing.

"Love is a burning thing

And it makes a fiery ring."

Her ears twitched when a male's voice sang a reply.

"Bound by wild desire

I fell into a ring of fire."

Kiara turned to see Kovu serenading her in the moonlight, and she ran to rub her head against his shoulder. They continued the song in harmony.

"I fell into a burning ring of fire

I went down, down, down

And the flames went higher."

"Wow, Kovu, your singing voice sounds nothing like your speaking voice."

"Thanks. Neither does yours."

They leaned into each other, their love song drifting above the ashy land.

"And it burns, burns, burns

The ring of fi-rrre

The ring of fire."