As predicted by a certain SOMEBODY, I woke up the next morning with a massive headache. No, seriously. Try imagining an elephant standing on your head, multiply that by a hundred, and you'll get close to how much agony I was in. I let out a pathetic moan, hoping to convey my pain to the rest of the world. And, here's a shocker, it seems as though the rest of the world didn't care.
"Sirius, you sound like an dying elephant." A voice giggled. My eyes snapped open. And standing before my lovely green eyes was my girlfriend-of-the-day, Patricia. Wait, that's not her name. Is it?... Maybe it's Mary... no, maybe it was...umm.. Lucille, no wait, Lucille was last week... Dang it, what WAS her name again? Oh, parrot.
I looked up and gave her what I hoped was my most charming smile.
"Uh, hey?" I said weakly. She giggled.
"You are so cute!" she squealed, and lovingly pinched me on my cheek. Ouch.
"What?" I said, feeling confused.
"Fish."
"What?"
"SLAPPY FISH!"
I sighed. Even though I was sure what's-her-name-again was trying to tell me something really important, I could not for the life of me understand what she was saying. That was, until I was suddenly slapped by something with shiny scales hard enough to send me on a trip to the sun.
"Ugh." I groaned. "Did someone get the number of the thing that just hit me?"
"Oh! Oh! I did!" cried my girlfriend. "It was... a FISH!"
Um, okay. That explains a lot.
Just then, my ex-best friend decided to enter the room.
"Ah, Sirius." James exclaimed, "I see your girlfriend woke you up." I growled, while my girlfriend proudly held up her fish, which she used to SLAP me with. She slapped me. Me. The God of Gryffindor. How could she? How could she?!?!?!?
Please wait for a moment while our main character
collects the little remains of his sanity...
"Wait, Sirius was actually sane at one point?" says James, looking confused.
Lily smacks him.
"Be nice. It's not HIS fault he's crazy." She looks reproachfully at James. He pouts defensively.
"Don't look at me. I didn't do it."
Unhappily, Sirius Black has been forced to attend St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies. Due to his now fagile state of mind (ahem, JAMES), Sirius will no longer be able to continues this story for a short period
