Author's Note: I had thought I could wrap this up in about three chapters, but the more I wrote, the more complicated my plot seemed to get. But don't worry, that means there's more B/B angst to go around. Right?
Dr. Temperance Brennan was enjoying herself. Her shopping trip had yielded several new outfits that were suitable to wear on a boat. She wasn't sure exactly what kind of boat Sully had rented, but she had added a pair of expensive deck shoes because they supposedly had the right kind of sole to prevent slipping on the tilting deck of a ship. She didn't want to lose her footing and fall overboard due to unsuitable shoes. She was actually starting to get a little excited about their vacation. She almost didn't feel like herself—here she was looking forward to nine days without thinking about bones or work of any kind. Sully's attitude must be catching, like the measles. She should tell Booth to have lunch with Sully, so that he could catch it too. He had been too serious and preoccupied lately.
Smiling at the thought, she looked at her watch, and decided to stop and have a cool drink before the afternoon traffic got too bad and she had to head home. She checked her messages while waiting for her order. There were no messages from Sully, but she expected that because he had said he would be extra busy clearing his desk before their vacation started. There was one message from Booth and she had two from Angela. She had told both of them not to call unless the lab was on fire, but Booth had a tendency to ignore what he didn't want to hear, and Angela was probably just calling to find out what she was up to.
As she expected, Booth's message was unexciting:
"Hi, Bones, I need to talk to you before you leave on your trip. It won't take long. Give me a call. Thanks." Brennan decided to call him later as he didn't sound like anything was particularly urgent.
Angela's messages were a different story. The first was marked "Urgent!" and said "Sweetie, please call ASAP. It's Urgent!" The second said "Bren, I know you're busy, but the LAB IS ON FIRE! CALL ME!" Brennan sighed in exasperation, and silently vowed to kill Angela if she was calling just because she was nosy and wanted to find out where she'd been.
Angela answered on the first ring, "Oh thank God! Have you talked to Booth yet?"
"No, Angela, I haven't talked to Booth. I called you first because you were the one who said the lab was on fire. What is so urgent that it can't wait?"
"Listen, sweetie, I think something might be seriously wrong with Booth. He was here first thing this morning looking for you. He said he had to talk to you about something important. At first I didn't realize that anything was wrong, so I told him to leave you alone because you deserved your time off—you know, in a kind of half serious and half joking way? Then when I wouldn't tell him where you were, he got all stone-faced and terse and left here like a bat out of hell. I've never seen him like that before, it was scary."
"Well, what was wrong? What did he say? Was it a case? The message he left for me didn't make it sound urgent or serious. More like he had a question about a lab report or something. I'm sure it's nothing. He probably just wants to give me a hard time for 'goofing off' by going on vacation," Brennan answered. Booth was nothing if not single minded. His own vacations had gotten a lot shorter in the last couple of years, and always involved doing what Parker wanted to do. Booth was so tense and preoccupied lately, she thought that he needed a real "getaway from it all" vacation even more than she did. He hadn't had one since the time Tessa had backed out of going with him at the last minute.
Angela shook her head. "I don't think so, Bren. Do you remember how you said he acted after Epps was killed? All edgy and quiet, and refusing to make eye contact, and then jumping up and leaving like he couldn't stand to be in the room any longer? That is what he was like today. I tried to stop him then, but he said 'never mind' in this really awful voice. It was like he didn't think you would bother to call him back. Did you two have a fight or something?"
"No, of course not. Well, no more than usual. Look, hang up and I'll call him and find out what this is all about. There has to be a logical explanation. Maybe something happened with Parker or Rebecca." Brennan cut the connection and quickly hit speed dial for Booth. When she got the "Not available" recording she left a message. Then she called his office. She got his voice mail there too, so she left a message and then called the departmental secretary.
"Hello, Ms. Adams? This is Temperance Brennan. I'm trying to reach Agent Booth. Has he been in today?" she asked.
"No, Dr. Brennan, he hasn't. He was here all day yesterday though," Ms. Adams replied brightly as if that would help. "Do you want me to tell him you called?"
"Yes, thank you. I left a voice mail but let's do both. Can you tell me what case he was signed out on today?"
"Let me check." There was a pause, then "I'm sorry, Dr. Brennan, but apparently Agent Booth called in some time this morning and left a message that he had a personal emergency. I can check with Director Cullen's secretary, but I don't think he talked to Agent Booth or anything."
Brennan waited impatiently, but Ms. Adams reported that Booth hadn't talked to anyone as far as she could determine. Biting her lip, Brennan decided to call Rebecca. She was disappointed to find out that Rebecca hadn't heard from him since he had called to talk to Parker a few days before.
"He said he was burning the midnight oil trying to catch up on his cases, so he might not be able to see Parker this weekend. Why? Is something else wrong?" Rebecca asked, clearly puzzled.
"No, not that I know of. We've just been playing phone tag and I thought you might have heard from him, that's all. Thanks, Rebecca. I'm sorry to have bothered you," Brennan replied and hung up. There was no sense in alarming Rebecca unnecessarily until she had more information.
Next Brennan stopped at Booth's apartment and found that his car was missing and no one answered the door. She was beginning to get annoyed with Booth's "Now you see me, now you don't" act. "He's probably just doing this to keep me from leaving on vacation," she muttered to herself, but deep down she really didn't believe that Booth would do that. When Sully called, the first thing she asked him was whether he had seen Booth.
"Nope, I haven't seen him, but that's not surprising since I haven't been in the office today. Don't worry about Booth, he can take care of himself. He'll turn up eventually, like a bad penny," Sully replied unconcernedly. "Let's change the subject to something more pleasant. Are you packed yet?" he asked in a teasing voice. "The official vacation countdown has begun, you know."
"No, I'm a last minute packer. It saves me from wasting a lot of wardrobe decision-making time if I pack in a hurry," she replied. "Listen, I'm sorry, but I have another call," she lied. "I'll see you for dinner tomorrow as planned. Bye." She knew she had been rude, but didn't care. Booth had become her top priority now.
Brennan finally decided to head back to the Jeffersonian, hoping that Booth might have surfaced again. At the entrance to the lab, she found Dr. Gordon Wyatt instead. It seemed that he was looking for Booth too.
"Hello Dr. Brennan, how are you?" he asked politely. "I was in the area and decided to stop by and find out why Agent Booth missed his appointment this morning. He hasn't yet returned my call, so I presume that the two of you were working on an urgent case of some sort."
"No, Dr. Wyatt, as a matter of fact I haven't seen Booth either. According to his office he had a personal emergency, but no one seems to know what that's about," Brennan replied, as she opened the door and led the way back to her office. "Angela saw him this morning and said he seemed to be pretty upset about something. I don't suppose that you could shed any light on that." As they made their way into her office she motioned for him to sit down.
Dr. Wyatt looked slightly taken aback, but concerned. "Well, there are several matters that might conceivably have affected Agent Booth's state of mind, but of course I can't discuss those with you due to patient confidentiality. I'm sorry."
Exasperated, Brennan said, "Well that's not very helpful, is it? Is there anything you can say that might help us, or are you just going to sit there and look decorative?"
"I assure you that I am just as concerned about Agent Booth as you are," Dr. Wyatt replied soothingly. "Unfortunately, my hands are tied with regard to anything in any way related to his therapy." He paused for a moment and stared hard at Brennan as though trying to send a psychic message.
Then out of the blue he announced, "On an unrelated topic, I would like to point out as a matter of general interest that if you google 'Problems of returning combat veterans' on the V.A. internet site, you will find that they are most helpful and informative in several areas." With that he stood up, saying, "I'm afraid that I must leave now. I have another appointment. Please keep me informed and let me know if you hear from Agent Booth. If we can just locate him, I'm sure that I can help him work through whatever is causing this. Don't bother to get up, I'll see myself out."
Brennan didn't even bother to watch him go, but turned on her computer and hurriedly followed his suggestion about the V.A. web site. Angela came rushing in as she was reading the information she found there. It looked like she had ordered takeout because she had a bag from a local Chinese food place.
"Sweetie, what did Wyatt say? Did he know what happened to Booth? Have you found him yet? I've been so worried I'm a nervous wreck. I am so glad you're here."
"Give me a minute, Ange," Brennan replied as she hastily read what she found on the V.A. site, quickly zeroing in on the section about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also found several links to other sites about PTSD. She highlighted the pertinent information and printed out several pages. "Dr. Wyatt wouldn't discuss Booth's case with me, but he told me I would find it very interesting if I googled "problems of returning combat veterans" on the V.A. site. I'm pretty sure that he was hinting that Booth is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder due to the trauma he suffered when he was captured and tortured in the Gulf war." She handed the printout to Angela, who proceeded to read the top sheet out loud:
Recurring
nightmares of the trauma are dramatic and
disturbing.
Nightmares, anxiety, or depression can
disturb
sleep. The person may remain tense and
anxious
throughout the day, and may startle easily.
As
they become more mentally involved with these
experiences,
the traumatized individuals begin to
withdraw
from the world, show less emotion, and
become
disinterested in people and activities that
were
once important. They avoid any situations that
might
stimulate memories of the traumatic event.
Guilt,
depression, and sudden outbursts of aggressive
behavior
may also surface. Drug and alcohol abuse
develop
in some as they attempt to manage these
responses.
The
person with post-traumatic stress disorder must
have
an opportunity to talk about the traumatic
experience
and, eventually, to feel the emotions
associated
with it. As he works through these feelings,
he
can begin to connect the trauma with the rest of his
life.
Part of that connection will be an ability to let past
events
remain in the past instead of continuing to
surface
in the present.
"Oh, God, Bren, this explains a lot: Booth shooting the clown and the way he's been acting off and on since Epps died. Come to think of it, he looked like he hadn't been sleeping. Do you think Wyatt thinks Booth is in danger of cracking up or something?"
"I have no idea. Obviously he understands Booth's behavior a lot better than we do. It's too bad his vow of silence makes him worthless in helping to find Booth," Brennan sighed in frustration. "I've called everybody I can think of who might have heard from Booth. I talked to Rebecca and his secretary, and even Sully. I really don't know what to do next. Booth is the one who always tells me why people do the things they do, and extrapolates what they'll do next and how to find them. Do you have any ideas? I really hate psychology, Ange."
Angela started to shake her head, but then a light bulb seemed to come on. "Wait, Bren, what about Sid? Did you call him? Maybe Booth is at Wong Foo's," she suggested excitedly. "Quick, look up their new number and we'll call him." But a quick call to Sid revealed that he hadn't seen Booth since his visit the night before. He told Brennan what he knew, and promised to call a few of Booth's other old army buddies to find out if they had heard from him.
"It seemed like something was weighing on his mind, that's for sure," Sid concluded. "I'll let you know if I find out anything."
"Well, I don't think there's anything else we can do tonight Ange," Brennan said after hanging up the phone. "You might as well go home. When is Jack due back from New York?"
"He was supposed to be there until tomorrow night," Angela replied, "but I called him and told him to come home early. We need all the help we can get."
"Don't worry, Ange. I may not know much about psychology, but I do know one thing: there's no way on earth Booth would ever do anything to deprive Parker of his father. He told me that he took a solemn oath when Parker was born to always be there for him, and I know he'd never break that. Whatever is troubling him, he'll come back for Parker's sake. Go on home, Ange. I'll see you tomorrow." Angela protested that she wanted to stay and try to help, but Brennan convinced her it wasn't necessary. "What are you going to do here? Help me worry? You can do that just as well at home. Besides, you should meet Jack's flight."
"All right, Bren, but promise you'll call me if you hear anything. Why don't I leave this food for you. I'll bet you haven't had anything to eat. I'll go warm it up in the microwave for you."
After Angela left, Brennan sat in her office reading all she could find on the internet about PTSD. The fact that Wyatt was so concerned had finally made her understand that something really serious might be going on with Booth. She couldn't believe she had missed the signs that Booth was still having problems. Well, she hadn't exactly missed them. She had noticed the changes in his behavior in the weeks since Epps died because she was trained to do so, but she hadn't understood what they meant, brushing them off as unimportant. She had known about the sessions with Wyatt, of course, but had never really taken them seriously because Booth had downplayed their importance. Some partner she had turned out to be--she had made fun of his therapy instead of being supportive and trying to help him through it. To top it all off, instead of being there for Booth, she had spent almost all of her time with Sully, and had seen Booth only when absolutely necessary for work reasons. And as he always did, Booth had tried to hide his problems or make light of them around her.
Yet when it came to her problems, Booth had been there for her, time and time again. He had risked his life for her, rescued her, and comforted her wherever and whenever she needed him. Booth, with his brilliant, intuitive understanding of human behavior, had known what she needed and provided it--quietly and without calling attention to the fact. Without her realizing it, he had made himself necessary to her, and he had successfully overcome all of her attempts to reject his help. She suddenly realized that the only reason she could feel happy and carefree with Sully was because subconsciously she knew that Booth was there if she needed him. Brennan wished she could say that she had done the same for Booth, but she knew that she hadn't. She was determined that she would be different from now on. She couldn't imagine her life without Booth, and she promised herself that she would do whatever it took to help him. That's what real friends did for each other. It was the least she could do, and if it meant giving up her vacation with Sully, then she would give it up gladly. As she had done so many times in the past during a crisis, Brennan spent the night curled up on her office couch. Something about being in the Jeffersonian always helped her to think more clearly. But sleep was a long time coming as Brennan's mind raced through various possibilities for finding Booth. If only this was a case where logic and rationality could predict the outcome. Just as she was finally beginning to doze, her mind suddenly jerked her awake. Hank! Booth's friend from the army who was now a judge. He might know where Booth was, or at least have some idea of how to find him. She hurriedly got up and went to her computer to find out how to contact him.
