Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

The Secret Sexy Scroll

Summery: What if Naruto had a little bit more time studying the Secret Scroll that he stole? Warning, lots of Sexy stuff!

Chapter 2

000

After a night of thinking, Naruto realized something was missing in his life.

"I got to get a harem!" shouted the blond as he woke up from his sleep.

Yep after reading a section from the scroll, it mentioned about when a guy should have a harem. A harem is a forbidden sanctuary where a group of wives, concubines, female relatives, and servants live.

-First the guy must be the very last male in the entire family.

Yep Naruto was the only person in his 'family' since he didn't know anybody else who was related to him and he lived by himself.

-Second, the guy must be a loser and a nobody.

Naruto grimed at the thought. He didn't like the idea of being a loser but everybody called him that because he was the last of the class and they laughed at his dream of being Hokage. Not only that everybody sneered at him and they gave him a good beating when opportunity arose.

Still with all of that not so good stuff, it gave him a very good valid reason why he should get a harem!

-Third, the guy must be poor as dirt.

That's too true. Naruto had no money what so ever and he lived in a shoddy place. No girl would want to live here.

-Fourth, while the guy must be compassionate, he must be willing to fight for what is right at all cost. He must also know how to distinguish between a gentle pacify girl with a violent manic girl from the surface of her face. One may be feisty and kind but may be evil intensions. Not what you see in front of you is what it is.

"Okay it got to say somewhere how to get one... Wait, there's a disclaimer?"

-Words of caution: If there is somebody that is a rival of yours that fits one of the possible profiles, you must be careful because you will end up being a bigger loser, poorer than dirt, and have no sense of judgment. That means you will eventually be working for your rival as a slave and your life will suck.

"Wait, who could fit one of those descriptions," pondered Naruto as he used his noodles of his.

After some really deep thinking, his blond hair shone.

"No! Sasuke is the only male in his clan! Well almost but that doesn't matter… But still he has that stupid fan club of his… Of course these bratty girls claim that Rookie of the Year, Sasuke is so great! Blah, he never speaks yet he gets the hearts of many girls…

Never! I will unlock the harem technique before that bastard does!"

Naruto runs to Iruka-sensi who was sleeping on the couch. Maybe Iruka-sensi could help him in getting a harem!

"Iruka-sensi! Iruka-sensi!" shook Naruto waking up the teacher.

"huh? What's going on? Where am I?" spoke Iruka waking up from his dazed of state.

Naruto proceed to tell his teacher what happened yesterday.

"So where is Mizuki?" asked Iruka

"In the fridge," replied the blond unchastely.

"Uh, would he be dead if he was in the fridge?" asked Iruka.

"Does it matter? I mean I did say I would kill him…" asked the blond.

Iruka thought about it. Yeah Mizuki tired to kill them yesterday for that scroll…

"Good point. What about the scroll?"

"In my room," replied the blond.

"Great, now you should stay here while I'll go get the Hokage. People still think that you stole the scroll so they might kill you on sight."

"Wait, do I pass?"

"Well yeah if you were able to beat up a chuunin, you should be allowed to pass. Let me give you my headband…"

"Wow thanks, Iruka-sensi but you don't really need to. I took Mizuki's headband instead."

"That's such a great idea Naruto! Mizuki's career as a ninja is over therefore, he wouldn't need a headband! You're very resourceful."

Naruto just scratched his head with embarrassment since he wasn't used to getting praises.

"Uh, Iruka- sensei I kinda need your help."

Iruka's head snapped up. That was the first time ever that Naruto asked for help. Well it couldn't hurt since Naruto did save his life from Mizuki. He hoped it wasn't about the demon fox though.

"What is it Naruto?"

"I need you help me get a harem…"

"A harem?" Iruka looked down at the blond in wonder. "You're only twelve years old and you are in need of a harem?"

"Well doesn't everybody have to get into a harem?" inquired the blond. All yes finally that lovely pink hair girl will be in his harem.

Iruka realized now what Naruto was saying about the teams. Well luckily the students didn't have to meet until two days so there was still time. Naruto must have heard the term incorrectly.

"Oh you mean in teams of three. Well I almost had it done but with you passing, I'm going to have to shift some people around the teams."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… Okay so for my harem, I want Haruno Sakura. Uh, I guess that weird girl with no pupils Hyuuga Hinata. And for my new sensei, it better be somebody just like you."

Iruka sighed. He knew that Naruto liked Sakura yet she denied all affection. He also noticed that Hinata always stuttered every time she saw the blond. Ah well, maybe Naruto would someday smarten up.

"No Naruto, I can't do that. Rules state that teams are supposed to be balanced based on grades you receive in class. Usually the worst is paired with the best. Since you're the bottom of the class, you are paired with the person with the best grades which is Uchiha Sasuke…"

"No! I never want to see him again! Change the teams or else!"

"Or else what?" humored Iruka.

"Sexy No Jutsu!" shouted out Naruto turning into a dumb blonde.

"Gah!" sputtered Iruka as he had a nosebleed and he went out crashing through one of Naruto's windows.

"Ah, bummer. Now I got to clean that mess and repair the windows…" moaned Naruto.

000000000

After moping the floor with some paper towel and discarding them in a biohazard bin, Naruto proceeded to slap his teacher awake. Iruka woke up disgruntle consider that the blond had to wake him out from a great dream.

Iruka proceeded to berate him about doing at a time where he was still wanted for stealing the scroll. Naruto just groaned about the stupidity of people in general. He stayed at home cooking some ramen while Iruka went to sort out the complicated bureaucratic issues.

Eventually Naruto was freed from punishment because Sandaime Hokage had seen the entire incident. Naruto was told by a teacher if he stole the scroll and learned a technique, he would pass. Naruto had done exactly that therefore the bargain must be kept.

So now, Iruka, Sandaime, and a team of ANBUs, Konoha's elite assassin team, went to Naruto to collect the evil doer Mizuki. By the time they arrived, they saw Naurto patching up the broken window with some rotten wood

"Hey old man!" greeted the blond.

"Greeting Naruto," replied the Hokage while the others looked at the blond disapprovingly for his lack of respect.

"Okay Naruto show us this fridge where you stuff Mizuki inside," commanded Iruka.

Naruto obeyed and he led the group inside. But instead of the ANBUs taking the body out, they took the whole fridge instead.

"Hey what's the big idea?" cried out Naruto.

"Don't worry about it. We don't want you to be infected by Mizuki's evilness touch of being a traitor," spoke the captain of the ANBU group.

"That fridge looks non energy efficient. You'll get a new one to replace your old," spoke the Hokage.

Everybody looked at the old man wondering what he was talking about. Sandaime uneasy about the looks told about Naruto was simply getting a new fridge. Everybody nodded in satisfaction.

After the fridge was gone, Sandaime Hokage turned to Naruto.

"Show me where you left the scroll," requested the old man.

With Iruka guarding the door, Naruto led the Hokage to the scroll hidden under his bed. Sarutobi proceeded to open the scroll to ensure it wasn't switch with anything else. Upon opening, the old man almost had a heart attack.

"Naruto what happened?"

Naruto confused by the old man's expression took a look at a page of the scroll.

The pages were blank.

000

Author's notes:

I kinda need your help. What's a sexy way to do charka control?