Thank you ver much for all the reviews, and keep them coming!
Chapter Nine - I can see them all.
A pressure built as a myriad of feelings flowed and flashed in his mind. It's odd, Bill thought, he associated your life flashing before your eyes with dying, but he wasn't dying and the one time he thought he was, all there was, was visions of flying through the air landing spread eagled in the centre of CIC, two bullet holes oozing his life upon the desk top. No flashbacks to happier times, no reliving of momentous times in his life. None. Now, however, the memories washed over him in a cacophony of lies and untruths. Carolanne's deceit and deception had made a lie of everything he had held close.
He blinked, no that wasn't fair perhaps she was as innocent as Saul, if Saul was, indeed innocent; she may never have known what she was. The fifth and final Cylon, all of them revealed Doral, Leoban, Cavil, Boomer/Sharon, Caprica/Six, Biers, Simon, Anders, Foster, Tyrol, Tigh and finally Carolanne. An odd mix, Bill wasn't sure what he was supposed to make of it. Especially down on his knees on the cold floor.
It wasn't long before Jack had some how got him to his feet, even if Dualla was being used as a prop to keep him upright.
He couldn't take his eyes off the form lying in the bed, she hadn't changed much over the years, he thought. Carolanne was always a striking woman, she had attracted him immediately. At the time he had met her he'd had his youth as a fighter pilot and used it to the full. When he found himself entering his thirties with very little to show for it and fewer memories to savour, Carolanne walked in at just the right time. She seemed to offer him the stability that other men round him were enjoying and he jumped in with both feet.
He could hear on the fringes, words being banded about but nothing was registering with him. Never before had he felt so totally unable to connect to the reality going on around him - numb - his mind though was anything but. Jack's face appeared in his line of sight, he looked worried, poor Jack, and he had more than enough to cope with right now. Bill's look of utter vagueness staring back at him couldn't help, or the tremor that ran through his body even as Dualla did her best to support his traumatised frame.
Tom was doing his best to keep the woman's husband on a leash and away from the developing scene, all the while trying to actually work out what the frak was going on.
There was an increasing crowd gathering round life stations, all wondering what the fuss and noise was about, shocked to find their leader and father figure down on his knees. Cottle took advantage of it by shouting across at a stunned Helo, standing just outside the closed off area that held his wife, "Helo, give me a hand here."
The man was fast off the mark, quickly at the Admiral's side and between them they manoeuvred Adama back into Jack's office and into a chair. Cottle wondered if a bed would have been more practical but Bill seemed to holding himself upright now and their was a spark of recognition coming back to his eyes.
He nodded his thanks to Helo and waited until the boy had left, before coming across to the dazed Admiral with a glass, "Bill, come on take some sips of this," waiting until he felt the Admiral's fingers tighten around the glass.
Bill took a swig, coughing as the liquid burned down his throat.
"I said sip!"
"Frak," Adama mumbled
"Frak indeed, this is one frakking mess, I take it that's your ex wife out there, which makes Lee..."
The noise that escaped Adama lay somewhere between a groan and a shriek. Cottle closed his eyes at the sound. He had known Bill Adama a lot of years, some of them good, some of them tough, these last few years had been more than the man deserved, after his years of service but then he didn't know of anyone that hadn't had it rough since the destruction of the Colonies. Most didn't have the pressure of safe-guarding each and everyone left alive though. This frakking bizarre turn of events seemed to victimise Bill Adama more than most!
Cottle went out of the door and closed it gently; he caught Tom Zarek's eyes and beckoned him over.
"How is he?" Zarek asked.
"I need you to do something for me; I don't want to leave the Admiral too long."
Zarek nodded.
"I need you to go and see if the President is awake and tell her what's going on."
"Ah, what exactly is going on?"
"Surrounded by idiots," Cottle mumbled under his breath and sighing loudly.
Pointing towards Carolanne's bed he said quietly, "That women is...was Carolanne Adama. Bill's ex wife."
Zarek whistled, "But, she's a ..."
"Cylon, yes likeTigh and all the rest, Adama seems to have an eye, it's bad enough to pick up one in a lifetime but two that's just careless."
"Cylon." Zarek said still fixated with staring at the bed with the figure of the now Anne Jameson, her husband once again by her side. "What are we going to tell him?" Tom indicated to the man by the bed.
"Nothing let's try and sort one thing at a time." Cottle said, "Go tell Laura, Mr. Vice President, she needs to know."
"Right," Tom said distractedly.
"Now!"
"Right, yes, ok, will do," He said walking in vaguely the right direction never taking his eyes from there last discovery. "Adama's wife, damn, what's so special about him, he's got beautiful woman falling at his feet, ugly old grumpy sod like him!" Zarek mumbled on this way.
Cottle returned to his office this time keeping his door open. Adama was hunched over in much the same state he had been when he left, only difference was the rapidly diminishing liquid in his glass.
"Bill, I'm going to put Lee on the same drug régime as Laura, it seems to work well for her. She sleeps most of the time but she has moments when she is very alert and comfortable. It's the best we can expect, I'm afraid."
The Admiral nodded his head without speaking. He swirled the last remaining dredges of fluid round the bottom of his glass suddenly fascinated by the patterns it made.
A timid tap on the open hatchway didn't even interest him enough to turn round, so Cottle answered the knock, "Yes."
Dee stepped hesitantly into the room, and aimed her question at the Admiral, "I'm sorry Sir to disturb you, I'm not really sure about what is going on here but I thought I should tell you, well I did try to earlier."
"Get on with it Lieutenant," Jack said impatiently.
"Yes Sir, sorry, Lee told me, when I first got there, that he had been meeting with his mother for several weeks. He had just spotted her by accident when he was visiting anther ship."
"He knew she was alive?" Adama's voice rumbled.
"Yes Sir,"
"Why didn't he tell me?"
"Ah," Dee looked to Cottle for support but found none, she really didn't want to say this, "I asked him that and he said you were divorced and she was remarried, and..." Her voice grew quieter as she went.
So Bill finished it for her, "and it had nothing to do with me, right?" He said turning his piercing eyes on her.
She nodded her head in regret.
Cottle piped up, fearing an outburst from the Admiral, "thank you, Lieutenant, that will be all, I'm sure you can go and sit with your husband now."
To Cottle surprise the Admiral snorted with amusement, "This day gets better and better."
"Have you spoken to Lee recently?" Cottle asked.
"No, he has not been very communicative for a while now," Adama said sadly rubbing a hand across his face.
"I'll be back in a moment Admiral," Cottle said watching the defeated man in front of him as he nodded his head at the words.
The Admiral drained the last dregs out of the glass and rose out of the chair to place the glass on Cottle's desk. As he stood waiting for his return, the day's events ran through his head. It truly was the most humbling set of circumstances, his ex-wife a Cylon which he supposed made Lee the first hybrid child of all. Why, why did he appear to be so tied up in this, was it deliberate, fate or just chance.
His thoughts were interrupted by the door being opened and Cottle walking in backwards pulling in a wheelchair. As he turned it, to Adama's horror he came face to face with Laura. She was propped up in the chair which had a high back with head rest to either side for safety. She looked tired but wore a smile on her lips, even if the stress of her situation was written in every line of her face.
Adama turned angry eyes onto Cottle and said with force, "What in the gods' names are you doing, Doctor?"
"Bringing the President in to see you Admiral," he said coldly, "she has enough stimulant and painkiller to keep her going for a few minutes."
"And you thought it was a good idea to get her out of bed?"
"Don't blame him, Bill, I ordered him to let me come," Laura said watching the two men.
"Just when did you start taking notice of orders," Adama spat at Jack.
"Bill." she said trying to divert him.
"You are wasting what little time the President has, Admiral," Cottle said calmly ignoring the raging man, turned and left shutting the door firmly on the way out.
"Prick."
"Don't be cross with him, Bill, he is on your side and you could do with more like him right now."
"He told you what's going on?"
"Tom came and told me," she said gently looking worriedly at him.
Adama took a deep breath and regained his temper, before he pulled up his chair to sit next to her. She looked frail and washed out. He supposed a lot of it must be the shear numbers of drugs flowing through her veins keeping the worst of the pain away. As he studied her she reached forward slowly and with great effort and captured his hand in hers.
"I understand how difficult this is going to be for you with Carolanne back on the scene and I want to let you know that I understand."
"Understand what," he puzzled.
"Well I know she is married again but she was the love of your life and..." Laura suddenly let go of his hand.
"Laura?
"Bill, you still wear her ring!" Laura bit her lip, as she tried to be brave and let him go, but the tears began to pool at the corners of her eyes, as she watched he looked down at the ring, twisting it round his finger a slight smile on his face.
"You're right," he said not taking his eyes from the ring, the smile had turned to sadness, and she felt as if her heart was breaking.
"I wear this ring because," he said with emotion breaking in his voice, "he used to sit on my lap, while we read stories about flying, always something about flying," Bill's eyes now shimmered with unshed tears, as he looked directly into Laura's eyes.
She could see the emotional upheaval he had suffered, the strain of problem upon problem, but still he found the strength or perhaps he had simply found ways to pigeon hole everything, compartmentalise and file it away for later. She had come up against a couple of those already, the boxing match sprang to mind and then the Bulldog matter, she had not enjoyed the guilt ridden version of Bill Adama, found the self doubting wallowing, tiresome if she were honest. This time he had every right to feel hard done by and she listened intently as he carried on.
"The whole time we sat together he would twist this ring round and round my finger, I don't think he was even conscious of the fact he was doing it."
Adama pulled both Laura's hands into his, "That's why I wear it, Laura, it has nothing to do with Carolanne, it's a sweet reminder of what we created and I don't have anymore, its one of the only connections I have left of him."
"Zak," Laura said, the tears now falling for him not because of him.
He nodded, and leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers. His voice was strained as he said, "Now I don't even know who he was."
Laura raised her hand up to touch his cheek, as he sobbed out the words, "I don't know who either of them are!"
She supplied the answer determinedly, "They are your sons no different than they were before all this started happening, none of this is their fault. Zak and Lee were your children and they still are, today as they will be tomorrow and until the day you die, do you hear me?" She said pulling his head up to look him square in the eye.
He nodded his head and ran a hand over his face clearing the tears that had fallen, before giving her a tentive smile and saying thickly, "I love you, Laura Roslin and Carolanne never entered my mind and never will do with you at my side, do you hear me?"
"Yes," she sighed, and nodded, as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers again. She closed her eyes to simply feel his presence, the raise and fall of his chest against hers, the slight flutter of her hair as his breath exhaled and the warmth of his skin were it touched her own. "I love you too," she whispered.
Laura felt herself losing the battle to stay with her love, but she needed to tell him something before she succumbed again, "Bill," she said pulling away from him will a terrible effort, "Tom," she said as his eyebrows lifted, "you can trust him, don't shut him out, he has a lot of respect in the Quorum and he will fight in your corner, he told me." Bill looked surprised even if he had indicated the same to him already.
"It's time for the Quorum of Twelve to step up and handle the repatriation to Earth, you can't do it alone," Laura watched as his eyes dropped to he floor, "they can do it, they are ready, I never thought I'd make it to Earth remember? I have made sure they are ready to handle this."
Her words were strong and he nodded his head in agreement, but Laura's words had taken there toll as her eyes started to close and her head started to nod to the side. He felt an awful moment of emptiness and loneliness as he watched her fight the affect of the waning drugs in her system. He wanted to shake her awake and tell her how much he loved her and couldn't do without her. But he didn't, he just watched as she drifted away from him again. What she had done was focused his mind, reminded him what he was fighting for, this courageous woman that made his life so full, he had what he needed to carry on now and stood to wheel her back to her room, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before walking round the back and grasping the handles to the chair. He had a couple of things to sort out, Earth and the Cylons, shouldn't take too long, he smiled to himself as he wheeled Laura out of the room.
