Just the epilouge left to do now...
This chapter is the longest in the story, I think.
Well, enjoy.
If you got this far, you don't need my little key to the dialouge. Instead, I'm going to put that disclaimer I keep forgetting.
I do not own Fire Emblem, but neither do you, so there.
When we last left our heroes…
Once outside, Lyn looked around, trying to orientate herself.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me…"
To her left was another castle, this one with the yellow road ending at it.
Lyn stomped over to the castle, with Eliwood and Hector trailing her. She banged on the door furiously.
A slot in the door opened up, showing a purple-haired youth, who peered suspiciously at them.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I am going to splatter your brains all over this door if you don't open it up!" snarled Lyn.
The youth exchanged stares with Hector and Eliwood.
"PMS-ing!" coughed Hector violently into his hand. Eliwood nodded.
Lyn whirled around.
"Do you want to die?" she asked.
"Just open the door Erk, they're with me." The Mani Katti said to the youth.
"Oh! Master Katti! Why didn't you say so earlier?" Erk replied, beaming, "That changes everything! Please! Come in!" he chirped as he opened the door widely.
SLASH!
Erk's head flew across the room.
"That felt unnecessary" murmured the Mani Katti, glowing brightly, "I rather liked the little tyke"
"You still ate his soul didn't you?" retorted Lyn.
"LIEK OMG! ERKY!" squealed a voice from their left.
"Oh dear! Sir Erk!" came from their right.
The squealing voice belonged to a young woman with bright pink hair, and the other to a brunette…riding a horse?
"What the heck?" asked Lyn incredulously, "Who rides a horse inside a castle?"
The pink-haired girl reached Erk's body first, and then was promptly trampled to death as the brunette's horse arrived on the scene.
"Out of my way Serra!" the brunette shouted as her horse frisked around on the dead bodies, "Oh my poor Erk!" She moaned, as she pulled up his mangled body, "Look at how they mangled your poor headless body!"
"U-um…d-didn't your horse do the m-mangling?" asked Eliwood timidly.
"SILENCE! I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed the brunette, raising, of all things, a healing staff above her head.
"That's enough now Priscilla" said a brown-haired man running up, "They didn't do anything wrong."
"Cutting people's heads off is ok around here?" Lyn asked Hector, "And you people call us plainsfolk savages!"
"B-but brother! They killed Erk!" whimpered Priscilla.
"He had it coming" snorted Lyn, "He should have opened the door when I asked him too"
"U-um…so you two are brother and sister?" asked Eliwood, trying to diffuse the situation.
"W-what are you talking about? I don't want to sleep with my sister!" shouted the brown-haired man, very loudly.
"…We never said you did…" replied Hector.
"NO! IT'S A LIE! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER! I DON'T STARE AT HER CREAMY COMPLEXION WHEN SHE ISN'T LOOKING! I DON'T DREAM ABOUT DOING NAUGHTY THINGS TO HER EVERY NIGHT!! IT'S A LIE! THEY'RE LYING TO YOU PRISCILLA! DON'T BELIVE THEM!" cried the brown-haired man, slightly hysterical.
"Slightly?" snorted the Mani Katti, "This narrator is retarded"
Hey! Shut up!
"No, YOU shut up!"
I'll write you out of this story!
"Psh…you wouldn't do that…you need me!"
Oh yeah?
"Yeah!"
Suddenly Athos ran up to Lyn and said, "I was planning on giving you this later, but now seems like a good time" and handed her what looked like a longer, shinier version of the Mani Katti.
"This is called the Sol Katti, its pretty much a longer, shinier version of the Mani Katti" explained Athos as he grabbed the Mani Katti.
"Hey! You can't do this to me! Lyn! Help me!" shouted the Mani Katti indignantly as he was pulled off scene.
"Oooh…you're so shiny!" exclaimed Lyn at her new sword.
"And I do more damage than that 3rd rate loser, Mani" replied the sword, in a distinctively feminine voice.
"Well I'm just going to take my sister, and NOT sleep with her in this room over here!" Raven (because I'm getting tired of typing 'brown-haired man') said cheerfully.
"That's weird…when did we learn his name?" asked Hector
"Hmm…Why am I here?" mused Heath, posing in the background.
So a bunch of random wandering was skipped because the author felt like getting to the scene where the party meets Pent.
Lyn and Co. entered the audience chamber and saw a silver-ish haired man sprawled on a throne. Lyn approached him.
"Are you Pent?" she demanded.
"Ahem" said the man, pointing above his head, where a floating sign read:
The Great and Mighty, and darn good looking too,
Wizard General of Eturia,
The One
The Only
Pent
"Oh…ok then, these two back here have some wishes they want fulfilled" said Lyn, gesturing at Eliwood and Hector.
"Mmm…Yes, I know, I've been watching you Lyndis" purred Pent.
"That's creepy…" said Lyn, backing away.
"Anyways, all you're wishes will be granted if you find the 'Living Legend'" said Pent, smirking.
"What was that?" asked Lyn softly, a dangerous gleam entering her eyes.
"I said all your wishes will be granted if-" began Pent
"ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO GO ON ANOTHER FUCKING QUEST?" roared Lyn, whipping out the Sol Katti, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MENTAL ANGUISH I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ON THIS JOURNEY?"
"Uhm…w-what I meant to say is that I'll call him over for you so that your wishes can be fulfilled" gulped Pent, staring at the Sol Katti that was inches way from his throat.
"That's better" said Lyn, smiling sweetly.
"Ahem, right then" said Pent, getting off his throne, "Please stand back, I'm going to do a summoning."
A pentagram appeared in front of Pent as he started chanting in the language of magic, "Alling-cay Thos-ay! Alling-cay Thos-ay! Et-gay Our-yay Utt-bay Ver-oay Ere-hay Ow-nay!"
There was a bright flash, and suddenly, Athos was standing in the middle of the room, naked.
"What is it Pent? 'Naughty Knights and their Horses too' was just about to start!" asked Athos, irritably.
"Oh ho ho ho…There had better be a very good reason that you didn't tell us you had the power to grant wishes way back at the beginning of the story…because if there isn't, you can say goodbye to your nasty wrinkled manhood!" whispered Lyn, her eyes glowing with unholy fire, and her voice sounding like the cries of the damned in hell, as she pressed the Sol Katti against Athos's…well, you get the idea.
"Ewww! Lyn! Get me away from it!" moaned the Sol Katti miserably.
"Er…Lets not dwell on the past! I'm here now, so let's get some wishes done!" squeaked Athos.
"Um, let's see here…Eliwood! You wanted courage! Well here you go!" he said quickly as Lyn began to press harder.
"Lyn! I was NOT made to do this kind of thing!" begged the Sol Katti, "Get me away! This is grossing me out!"
Athos tossed Eliwood a spear and a slip of paper.
"That's a Heaven's Seal, just press it to your forehead and your hidden potential will be released!" Athos explained quickly while fidgeting, "Oh come on Lyn! I need those!"
Eliwood pressed the seal against his forehead, and there was a bright flash, with some lightning in there for good measure.
"Aaaah!" screamed Eliwood as the smoke cleared, "H-help mee!"
Standing above Eliwood was a pure white horse, who was contently chewing on Eliwood's head.
"Oh yes, and don't forget this" added Athos, tossing Eliwood an oversized sword, "It's the Flaming Sword Durandal, and it's what the subtitle of this game is"
"Owie!" shouted Eliwood, "It hit my arm!"
"Moving on, Oh god! It's bleeding, it's bleeding Lyn! Let up!" moaned Athos, "Aah! M-moving on, Hector! You wanted a heart! Here!" Athos tossed Hector a giant axe and another Heaven's Seal
"Armadas, huh" Said Hector, reading the inscription on the axe, "Well, here it goes!" and he pressed the Heaven's seal to his forehead.
A couple of lighting bolts later, Hector stood there in shiny new armor, wielding the giant axe with ease.
"So…so much POWER!" he exclaimed, swinging Armadas around, "With this…I could take over the world!"
"CORRECTION!" boomed a voice from the axe, "WE CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" and then they both started laughing manically.
"No fair!" came a whiney voice from Durandal, next to Eliwood's bleeding arm, "I got the loser!"
"S-see Lyn? Everyone got their wish! No need to hurt- OH GOD! SHE DID IT! AAAH!" cried out Athos as he writhed on the ground in divine agony.
"I'm going to burn this place down, so that no one will ever have to go through such a retarded quest ever again!" proclaimed Lyn grandly.
And so, with the help of Hector and Eliwood, Athos and Pent's castles were utterly destroyed, along with everything living in a 6 mile radius.
Epi should come soon...with luck...
