Day 82
Dear Diary,
I swear, if Desmond saves Charlie one more time, I'm going to nominate him for sainthood. Is there anything this guy will not do to save someone he barely knows?
And is it wrong of me to wish he would stop being so damn noble about it?
Not that I want Charlie dead – far from it, but Desmond is so preoccupied with 'saving' Charlie that he barely gives a thought to anything else. Maybe he's trying to atone for whatever thing he seems to think was so unspeakable in his past but, really, would it hurt him to give it a rest?
Again, I don't want Charlie dead, but I don't think Desmond should be so stressed about it either. Can't he just relax for once? Maybe I'm only saying that because I want him to "relax" his guard some around me. No more pushing away or "I'm not for the likes of you, Claire." A little bit of receptiveness would be nice. At least I wouldn't feel like I'm constantly running into a brick wall in regards to him.
So right now I feel like the world's most selfish person for even thinking "stop worrying about saving Charlie, Desmond!!" If there's such a thing as fate, shouldn't we all let it take its course? I feel even worse about the whole thing since I'm pretty sure Charlie loves me. He hasn't said so in so many words, but it's the little things he does that makes me suspect he thinks of me as more than just some girl he thinks needs protecting. (For the record, I can take care of myself just fine but it's still nice that someone wants to take care of me.)
Charlie's been scribbling away at a song he claims is for me. Thomas once painted me a picture and I had a boy in high school who wrote me a poem, but a song is a first. Watch it be a love song. Like a musical proposal. Then I'd feel even worse for all but throwing myself at Desmond who acts like he could care less. Maybe I just like a challenge. Who knows? Even I can't explain it.
Claire
