A/N: Ok, I know people are probably a bit pissed at me for discontinuing Kitty Tsuzuki and I told you! I'm sorry! But I can't write that anymore. In fact, just after I said I was discontinuing it, I got this story idea. I don't know if anyone else put up something like this and I don't care. I'm writing whatever right now and dedicating to my friend Ed. Thanks for your help Ed! Hope to see your Gundam Wing crack-fic up soon!

Saphira Nakare Ruakara

Note: "Naze" is Japanese for "Why" and "Koi" is Japanese for "Love" or "Lover". The title of this in English is "Why, Love?", but suited better to be in Japanese. It's meant to be used by asking someone who they love the reason why they would do something harsh.

Summary: Shuichi catches Yuki cheating on him with Touma and Shuuchi runs off, intent on getting away as far as possible. After a near0-death accident, Shuichi seeks comfort in the friend that saved him. But can he truly get past this ordeal?

Pairings: Shuichi/Yuki, Yuki/Touma, Shuichi/Ryuichi

Warnings: Shounen-ai/yaoi, language/swearing, references to alcohol

Recommended listening: Lullaby by Assemblage 23

Naze, Koi?

Chapter One – Raining Sorrow

Water splashed up around him as his feet sank through puddles that flowed quickly down the sidewalk, rushing down for a few blocks until slipping swiftly into gutters under the sidewalk. A streak of jagged fire lit up the sky and loud drum sounded overhead as the sky wept its infinite, torn emotions. Each drop that feel carried within it an emotion that wasn't unlike what Shuichi was feeling as the teenager ran across the street, not caring if the car that nearly hit him honked, not caring that he pushed people out of the way. Tears were falling down his stunned face, his purple eyes still gleaming with the numbing shock and his wet hair whipping around his face, sticking to his cheeks.

He had been running for god only knows how long, dodging any person he saw ahead of him, running down block after block. His legs yelled in protest every now and then, but the young singer didn't stop. He had to get as far away as possible. He didn't care if he ran to the other side of the world.

If only to get away...

Shuichi let out a small gasp of surprise, knocked out of his muddled thoughts, as his footing was lost beneath him, sending him sprawling across the pavement. Shuichi cried out instinctively as the concrete scrapped his knees, but it caught in his throat, the outcome being a small whine. He struggled to get up, trying to regain his footing, his arms shaking in silent protest.

Shuichi finally gave up his running and huddled in the alleyway nearby, the wind blocked by the building he leaned on with his sore back. His knees were throbbing with the pain inflicted by the sidewalk and the running, but Shuuichi didn't notice. He didn't notice or he didn't care. All he could think about was what he had seen.

"Tadaima, Yuki!"

He got no response, as per usual. Shuichi still smiled as he closed the door behind him and kicked off his shoes. Today had been great, one of his best days yet. He had gone into the studio and sung his best, better than in the concerts with Sakuma-san at his side. Moreover, Hiro's guitar skills seemed to have improved, although Shuichi always thought Hiro was the best and didn't need improvement. Hiro's response was a chuckle as he said, "There's always room for improvement." Sakano-san and their manager, K, had praised his performance with more realistic enthusiasm this time. Shuichi couldn't wait to tell Yuki!

Shuichi bounced down the hall, his impish grin playing across his lips. He peeked into Yuki's study, his eyes wide in happiness, but his grin faded as he saw that he hadn't found Yuki in his study as expected. Confused, Shuichi walked all the way down the hall, looking across the open room with the simple couch and high definition T.V., purple eyes looking left and right.

"Yuki?"

Shuichi checked the other few rooms before he headed back down the hall towards the bedroom. "He must be sleeping..." Although it seemed weird for Yuki to turn in early, especially this early; it was only 8:30 p.m. Shuichi heard a small groan from the bedroom and he frowned. "Maybe he's having another nightmare relapse thing..."

Shuichi grasped the handle of the door, shivering at the sudden feel of cold on his skin. Something didn't feel right. Turning the knob, Shuichi slowly opened the door and peered inside. Is voice was hushed and quiet, afraid of disturbing Yuki if he really was asleep. "Yuki?"

That was when his heart stopped. His hand feel from the doorknob and his purple eyes widened, already gleaming with the mixed emotions that flooded into his bloodstream out of nowhere. Shock, confusion, sadness, pain, disbelief... His body was frozen on the hardwood floor, just staring at the scene unfolded in front of him.

The piercing golden eyes that were gazing down on another pair fondly finally looked up to meet his. Light amethyst eyes widened and the singer felt as if he could not breathe. The cold golden eyes seemed to release him from his invisible frozen cage and he felt his body turn. His heel caught the wood floor and before he knew it, he was running out without even making a grab for his shoes. He didn't care where he was going. He just had to get away...

Shuichi suppressed a small sob as the cold rain beat upon his aching body. He felt as if he wasn't far enough. He could never be far enough from the truth. It hurt. It truly did hurt him. To know that those golden eyes would never look at him with the love he had given to another, to know that when he sees the man, he will be brushed off as just another fan... to know he wouldn't be the receiver of Yuki's love.

Shuichi found the strength in him to get up, shaking his head to try to erase the cruel truth from his mind, but they didn't leave. His legs began to move and he felt himself running again, but to where, no one knew. Not even Shuichi.

The rain had picked up and was falling faster, making the sidewalk more slippery than before. The edges of sidewalks had small rivers flowing downhill towards the gutters. The few people that were out had umbrellas and didn't seem to notice the young teenager running past them.

Shuichi felt his soaked foot slide on his next step, causing his body to lurch forward...

...Straight into the oncoming car traffic.

Shuichi's purple eyes widened and for a moment, he didn't feel quite as afraid of the truth. It didn't lessen the pain. Everything was in slow motion. He couldn't see; all he could do was hear. He heard the car horn as the automobile came closer to his falling form, soaked to the bone with tears that were both his and not his own. He heard a few people gasp and shout for someone to help. He heard water kick up from the ground as the car tried to swerve. And for a second, Shuichi thought he heard someone call his name.

Shuichi expected many things to happen then. But something he didn't expect was something hitting his body, pushing hard against him to shove him out of the way or something. It wasn't the cold hard metal Shuichi had been expecting to hit him. It was warmer. And what was pushing him out of the way was a pair of what felt like hands, connected to arms; arms that held something in them. Something soft.

Shuichi let out a small cry as his back hit the road pavement, his already-aching muscles screaming as they were further injured. The teenager bit his lip hard enough to draw blood as he slipped across the wet road, away from the car that he heard speed by. Shuichi cringed as something cracked and a small pain ran up his arm from his wrist. He blearily opened his eyes to see what had hit him, or rather, what had just saved him.

It was hard to see at first; the rain and tears had clouded his vision in the whole time he had been running and looking up at the sky where the rain continued to fall didn't help him.

"Oi, Shuichi..."

The voice sounded so familiar. He knew he had heard it before, so many times. It was soft, melodic and strangely calming. But where had he heard it?

"Shuichi!"

Shuichi blinked a few times before his vision sharpened. Wild brown hair became clearer and deep blue eyes with a deep, piercing look, but soft, worried edge to them gazed down at his face, searching for something right. Around the person's forehead was a red headband that tied at the back. Shuuichi recognized that anywhere, even though his clouded sorrow.

"S-Sakuma-san?"

The piercing look vanished, replaced by relief and the person above Shuichi sighed in the said emotion. Shuichi blinked a few times before his mind registered what was going on. Ryuichi had just saved him from the oncoming car and now, he was on the safer side of the street nearer to the sidewalk where he had slipped. When had he slipped? It felt like an eternity ago.

Shuichi bit his lip to repress a small cry as he tried to sit up, using his bad wrist as support and only ended up falling back. He expected the pavement, but the same arms that had saved him caught him easily, propping him back up. The cheeriness that was always on Ryuichi's face was, for the most part, gone as he gazed over Shuuichi. The idol singer then took Shuichi's good hand and gave a slight tug. "Come on, Shuuichi. Let's get out of the rain. We're getting soaked and Kumaguro doesn't like being all wet!"

There was that cheeriness again. Shuichi couldn't protest and he nodded and tried to get to his feet. With Ryuichi's help, he found it easy to get up on his aching knees. He then felt his good hand being brought around Ryuichi's shoulder and his senior just gave him a smile and began to walk. Shuichi found it easier to walk beside the other teenager and found himself asking questions along the way when it really should have been the other way around.

"What were you doing out here, Sakuma-san?"

Ryuichi gave him his trademark grin. "It's Ryuichi-chan! And Kuma-chan wanted to go get some ice-cream. And then we saw you. Kumaguro told me to follow in case something bad happened! Cause it's so wet out..."

He had followed? How far? How long? Why? Shuichi winced as someone bumped into him and hit his injured wrist. Ryuichi's cheery expression vanished as Shuichi turned away, not wanting him to see the frown that played across the Bad Luck singer's face.

"You ran far, Shu-chan! But if you're not careful, you'll catch cold!" Ryuichi exclaimed, trying to liven Shuichi's mood as he led his friend towards an apartment complex. "Wearing this!" He gestured to Shuichi's tank top. The smile faded as Shuichi didn't look his way to return the smile, not even a glance to show he had heard the singer that was being his crutch. This made Ryuichi worry. Shuichi was like him, happy and voicing emotions all around, but now... now he felt limp, his eyes were filled with sadness; his hair no longer had that natural lift to it and instead stuck to his face.

Ryuichi turned his gaze from his broken-looking friend when they reached an apartment that was in fair size, but slightly bigger than the others around it were. Not made for cheap people, but not something rich people could brag about either. Ryuichi let Shuichi stand on his own while he fumbled in his pockets for his keys. He looked through his coat first, checking and re-checking the pockets twice before he put his hands in his pant's pocket and felt a crooked metal object. "Found em!"

Ryuichi pulled out a string of keys, jumbling with two identical silver ones and two other gold ones, mumbling something about having too many shiny things before he found the right key; a small copper one with a sticker on the base. He placed it in the lock and opened the door. "Come on, Shuichi! It's warm in here!"

Shuichi, who had been glancing out at the rain, startled at the exclamation and hesitantly stepped inside the door. Ryuichi closed it behind him and went to a small linen closet next to the main entrance, pulling down a white fluffy towel. He walked back to Shuichi and began to dry him off. Shuichi made no noise as his senior wiped away the cold rainwater. It wasn't until Ryuichi took his injured wrist in a gentle hold did Shuichi shiver and cringe at the same time. He hadn't noticed how cold he had been. That was one of the bad tings about shock. You're hardly aware of your surroundings and if you run, you don' know where you're going, how long you were running or what the temperature was like while you were running.

"You hurt your wrist, Shuichi," Ryuichi murmured, loud enough for Shuichi to hear and enough to snap him out of his reverie for the third time that day. Or rather, for the third time that night. Ryuichi was looking at his limp wrist with a childish look on his face, as if he had never seen it before, but there was something about his eyes... eyes that said that they knew more than what was being displayed. Shuichi felt himself being led to a couch in the small spacious room. The design was similar to Yuki's apartment, but the layout of things was different.

Instead of just a couch and a T.V., there was a large bookcase in the corner next to the sliding window screens that led to a deck, which was getting noticeably soaked, a bedroom connected to a twin bathroom and a small study, which looked as if it had hardly been used, considering the neat desk. But there was a wastebasket in there that was overflowing with crumpled papers, probably song lyrics that Ryuichi had started and not liked in the end and had thrown them away. Shuichi himself had done the same thing many times and driven Yuki nuts.

'Yuki...'

Shuichi felt a dip in the seat next to him and turned to see whom it was. Of course, it was Ryuichi, who had a small medical kit. The singer was taking out a roll of sprain fabric, wrapping it around Shuichi's wrist carefully, but pulling it tight enough so that if the pink-haired teen moved his wrist, it wouldn't move too much, strain the muscles, and hurt him. Shuichi watched, fascinated. He never knew Ryuichi was good with these kinds of things.

"There!" Ryuichi sat back, grinning at his work before he picked up Kumaguro, fiddled with the pink rabbit, waving the arms, raising his voice to pretend to be Kumaguro, then went back to his own, and he was talking to himself that way while Shuichi looked over the wrapping.

"Sakuma-san?"

"Hmm?" Ryuichi looked up, his childish antics packed away for now.

Shuichi looked away, towards the sliding glass door, where the rain continued to fall hard, if not harder than when Shuichi first had gone home. Home. Was that place truly home? The place where he had thought Yuki loved him? The place where he had seen Yuki with another person and merely sent a glare for interrupting?

"Are you ever... lonely?"

Ryuichi tilted his head. "Why is Shu-chan asking me that? You sound so depressed, Shuichi!" With that sentence came a laugh that a little forced.

Ryuichi noticed Shuichi's downcast eyes and his laughter died down. Ryuichi's eyes narrowed and his stage eyes tried to catch Shuichi's light amethyst ones. It was then that he spoke again and he wasn't playing games or distant like he was when he was engrossed in his songs on stage. This was a different stage Ryuichi. A more serious side.

"Yeah. Sometimes," the Nittle Grasper singer admitted, one hand absentmindedly fiddling with one of Kumaguro's stuffed arms.

Shuichi looked up in surprise, looking straight into the blue eyes of his idol and he would have flinched otherwise at the deep look they held within them had the situation been not so serious. Shuichi felt the need to look away and he opted for glancing out the widow again.

"Shuichi?"

Said singer felt a hand on his shoulder and it made him force himself to face Ryuichi. Shuichi could not keep the sadness reflecting in his lilac eyes. "Nani?"

"Does Yuki hurt you?"

There was no happy hyperactive Ryuichi. There was no innocent childish Ryuichi. Shuichi was seeing the side of Ryuichi that the singer kept in reserve for the stage or in serious life-death situations. It felt weird to see it, but strangely comforting. It took a moment for Shuichi to register the actual question and he pulled up a nervous smile, waving his hands. "N-no! He... he doesn't! He's just busy with stuff and—"

"Shuichi," Ryuichi cut him off, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. "You're lying to me."

Shuichi's hands came down and the smile slipped off his face. He should've known he couldn't fool Sakuma Ryuichi. The man may act like a child some of the time and only reserve his maturity for the stage, but one thing he always had with him was the ability to tell when something was bothering someone or see through lies. A somewhat empathic ability that made him stand out.

Shuichi tilted his head slightly, avoiding the piercing blue gaze. "He... does... he pushes me away and acts cold all the time... But he's loosened up a little. I'd thought I could help him."

"Shuichi... what happened?"

Ryuichi had always been straight to the point, whether he acted as if he had a mental problem or had his stage attitude set. Shuichi suddenly found it easy to talk to Ryuichi, much easier than when he tried to talk to Yuki. Ryuichi didn't brush him off and tell him to drop it. The blue eyes, while carrying that same piercing look that Yuki's golden eyes did, reflected all the worry and concern that Shuichi had not asked for, but was given anyway. Ryuichi seemed to forgiving while Yuki was just as his name suggested. Snow.

Snow was cold. Snow was ice and ice was cold. Everything about snow was cold. Once you touched it with warmth, it melted away. Surely, that was what Shuichi had been hoping for? His warmth to melt Yuki's ice? But that didn't happen. Now it never would, would it?

"Yuki cheated on me."

Those words came out easier than Shuichi had expected and once they did, the piercing blue eyes became a little softer, now that the owner of the captivating eyes knew what had made his friend so upset. "Sou ka... gomen nasai, Shuichi."

The brown-haired teenager placed his hands on Shuichi's shoulders in a comforting gesture. Shuichi bit his lip to keep his sobs in check, although the tears were harder for him to hold back. "I just... I thought I could help... I thought he loved me... I..."

And that's when it happened. Shuichi Shindo, leader singer of Bad Luck, friend to Nittle Grasper's Sakuma Ryuichi, broke down into true, anguished sobs. He wasn't crying like he pretended to when he didn't get to do something he wanted to, no; these were true and were full of pent-up emotion that he felt he had been keeping inside him forever. Perhaps he had and been too blind to notice it through his obsession with the blonde author.

Shuichi hardly registered the arms going around his shoulders and bringing him to lean against something warm, something that had a hidden beat inside of it. He gripped the cloth his hand felt and cried, his eyes shut tightly and his body racked with sobs that he had thought had gone out of him when he had run.

Ryuichi put his chin on top of Shuichi's head, blue eyes looking out at the rain as he held his crying friend, one hand stroking the pink-dyed locks and the other wrapped around Shuichi's shoulders, keeping him still. Ryuichi was careful of the vocalist's injured wrist as well, making sure that he didn't press it too hard. Kumaguro lay on the couch behind Ryuichi, somewhat forgotten by the singer.

Ryuichi wasn't sure what to think. 'Shu-chan's sad because Yuki didn't love him... Yuki was unfaithful to Shu-chan; even after all he's done...' Ryuichi felt bad. Really bad. He felt as if he shouldn't be split into feeling delighted and sad at the same time. On one hand, he was glad that Shuuichi had gotten away from Yuki if he was going to be mean and hurt Shuichi like this, but on the other hand, Shuichi's only place to return to was his parents' house and that was too far for him to go in to work and back home on a daily basis. Therefore, if he wanted to continue singing, he needed a place to stay. Which he didn't have.

Ryuichi titled his head slightly, glancing down to Shuichi's tear-streaked face. The teenager had cried himself to sleep. A hiccup every now and then was the response to Ryuichi's unspoken questions on the vocalist in his arm. Shifting slightly, the brunette singer picked up the sleeping Shuichi, supporting him against him. For someone who was his same size, he sure wasn't heavy. Not that Ryuichi was heavy, but Shuichi felt lighter than he had expected.

He slowly carried Shuichi into the bedroom he normally occupied. This was the only room he had re-designed to suit him and make it feel more homey. The walls were painted a rather soft blue, matching to Ryuichi's eyes, as Noriko had often told him. The bed was up against the wall and at the foot was another small bookcase, completely filled with videos and some books, most—if not, all—of which were manga books. The dresser was next to the bookcase and on it was a silver stereo with two large speakers. The nightstand next to the bed had a lamp and a large notepad on it that doubled as a sketchpad. There were posted in the room, some of which were his own image with the rest of Nittle Grasper, Seguchi Touma and Ukai Noriko, but some were Bad Luck posters as well, with Shuichi smiling into the room. The other few posters in the room included Gackt—Ryuichi had loved them since his singing career started—and L'Arc-en-ciel, which had influenced the emotional feel of a few of Ryuichi's earlier songs. There were spots of pink in the room, when you looked at it just right, so Kumaguro could feel at home, too.

Ryuichi laid Shuichi down on the bed that had light blue sheets with a few black designs here and there. Ryuichi brought the covers up to Bad Luck's vocalist's chin before his free hand went up to run itself through the dyed hair. It felt soft, softer than he had imagined or had seen it. Ryuichi could see that the actual roots at the top of Shuichi's head were a reddish-brown color. He would need to dye his hair again soon, but that was a small priority.

Ryu felt as if something was missing as he looked down at Shuichi. Then it hit him. He brought up a small goofy smile before he ran down the hall again, back to the couch. He picked up the neglected Kumaguro. On the walk back down the hall, Ryuichi whispered to Kumaguro, "Shu-chan is sad and we can keep him company. You'll make him feel better, won't you Kuma-chan?"

Ryuichi's hand instinctively made the bunny nod and the vocalist re-entered the room. He padded over quietly to the bed and took a gentle hold on Shuichi's injured hand. He placed Kumaguro in Shuichi's hand, placing it back down on the soft mattress before bringing Shuichi's other hand over and placing it on top of Kumaguro.

"Oyasumi, Shuichi," Ryuichi whispered, more heartrending than he meant it to be. He brought two fingers to his lips before placing those fingers on top of Shuichi's forehead. Ryuichi walked to the door, flicking off the light before giving a glance back at the sleeping teenager.

"Don't worry, Shu-chan. I won't let him hurt you again."

And with that vowed promise, Ryuichi closed the door.


Dictionary:

Sou ka - I See

Gomen Nasai -I'm Very Sorry/Please Forgive Me

Oyasumi - Night (the formal "good night" is "oyasumi nasai")

A/N: Ok, that was pretty long for a first chappie, so I'm gonna stop it there. Chappie two will be up soon. Feedback is appreciated! Arigatou and ja ne for now!

Saphira Nakare Ruakara