FIGURATIVE HELL AND LITERAL HIGH WATER

By TIPPER


CHAPTER NINE: A CLEAR DAWN

Keller yawned through her hand as she walked towards the infirmary, intending only to grab her laptop from her desk and head back to her room. She was behind on her paperwork, having spent most of the last three days sleeping—one of them as a patient in her own infirmary (which was pretty embarrassing), and two alone in her room. She'd liked the solitude after what had happened on Helena—although, since she'd woken this morning to the sun shining brightly into her room, she had begun to wonder if she was hiding.

As the doors opened to the main infirmary hall, she heard laughter.

And she knew whose it was as well.

For a moment, she didn't move, feeling oddly out of sorts. For reasons she couldn't explain, she hadn't been to see them since she'd been back. She answered questions, had done some follow up, but she'd pretty much left it to Cole and Marie to take care of Colonel Sheppard's team after both Ronon and Rodney woke up.

Even after everything, she just didn't want to intrude. They were as close as family, and, when she was there, she was there as their doctor, not as one of them. They needed each other more than her now that they were recovering, and so she'd wanted to leave them be.

More laughter. Jennifer sighed, shook her head, and walked forward, pasting a smile on her face.

Coming around the corner, she stopped for a moment to take in the scene.

Ronon and Rodney were both lying in beds situated next to each other. Teyla was sitting cross-legged at the end of Ronon's bed, while Colonel Sheppard sat on a chair between them, his feet up on Rodney's bed.

Rodney was scowling, his arms crossed over his chest, while the other three laughed. He must have seen her enter, because his head turned towards the door.

As soon as he saw her, his expression lit up. "There you are!" he exclaimed. "Quick, quick, come over!" He gestured frantically with his hand, beckoning her closer. The other three, still smiling, turned to look at her as well.

Jennifer's eyebrows lifted, and, for a second, she almost looked over her shoulder to see who he was talking to.

"Why aren't you moving?" McKay was looking annoyed again. "Come on!" Jennifer blinked, and headed over to his bed, while Rodney refocused his scowl on Sheppard. "Now, see, Keller will back me up." He looked up at her as she reached his side, and he pointed at Sheppard. "Tell them that Aliens is better than Alien."

Jennifer's eyes widened. "What?"

"Sheppard insists that Alien is better, and Ronon's agreeing with him. Teyla's pretending she didn't see it, but we all know she did, because she was there when we played the DVDs of both movies for Ronon last week, even though she's claiming she left early."

Teyla frowned. "I did leave early. I do not enjoy those sorts of movies."

"So?" Rodney asked, lifting his eyebrows. "Alien or Aliens?"

Keller actually didn't have to think about it. "Aliens."

"Yes!" Rodney grinned smugly and crossed his arms. "Ha!"

Sheppard's lips quirked. "She likes it better 'cause she's a girl."

Keller instantly crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Guys like Alien better, because of all the suspense and Ripley in her panties," Sheppard explained, as if he were lecturing a class. "Girls like Aliens better because not everyone dies in the end."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Rodney looked affronted. "I'm a guy!"

Sheppard's eyebrows lifted. "Really? Are you sure?"

Rodney's eyes narrowed, "Oh, ha ha." He crossed his arms again. "Fact is, Alien was great as a horror flik, but Aliens had horror and it had action, adventure and superior acting. You think all those Academy Award nominations were a fluke? There were lots more cross plots and baddies and the dangers were greater, because more lives were at stake. And it had Ripley with a gun. A really, really big gun. " He smiled brightly, confident in his answer. "Seriously, can you get hotter than that?"

Keller cuffed him on the back of his head.

"Ow!" Rodney looked up at her, not hiding his astonishment (and hurt). "What was that for?"

"Because I wasn't close enough," Teyla said, her own arms crossed.

"But, but," he pointed over at Sheppard, "he talked about Ripley in her panties!"

"She was in her panties," Ronon noted. "He was just stating fact."

"But—"

"Unfortunately, you also added the bit about it being 'hot'," Sheppard said, clicking his tongue and shaking his head as if disappointed in Rodney. "Not a smart move, buddy."

"What? You're kidding!" Rodney looked wide-eyed up at Jennifer for rescue.

"No, he's not," Keller said, feeling a little contrite. She nodded quickly. "It was pretty much the hot thing."

Rodney's jaw dropped, then he pouted angrily. He turned to glare at Sheppard. "I hate you."

Sheppard just grinned happily and put his hands behind his head.

"Seriously, how is this fair?" Rodney demanded. He looked up again at Keller. "You're supposed to be on my side."

She smiled crookedly at that. "I am?"

"Yeah," he said. "Isn't that why you agreed with me?"

Jennifer didn't hide her surprise. "No," she said. "I genuinely think Aliens was better. Though…" She shrugged, then lowered her voice and looked down to pluck at his blanket, "mostly because not everyone dies in the end."

Sheppard and Ronon laughed, and Rodney sighed heavily, leaning his head back to stare up at the ceiling.

"I hate you all," he moaned. He shifted his gaze to focus on her. "Can you at least agree with me that the third movie sucked?"

"Oh, yeah," she nodded vigorously, "no question."

"Thank you," he said, closing his eyes.

"Hey," John said suddenly, standing up and looking at Jennifer, "Want to sit down?"

Keller eyes widened. "What? Oh," she stared at the seat, then back at him. "No, no, that's okay. I was just going to grab my laptop and go back to my—"

"Oh, come on," the colonel said, "sit. I'll get another chair. You've hidden enough." And with that cryptic statement, he grinned and headed off to find another chair.

"What does he mean?" Rodney asked, looking as puzzled as Keller felt. He looked up at her, "Were you hiding? From what?"

She opened her mouth to answer, then shut it again. Finally, she shrugged. "I don't know."

"Then sit down," Ronon said from the other bed, sticking his thumb in the direction of Sheppard's vacated chair. He smiled, and Jennifer melted slightly. "Unless you have better things to do?" he asked.

"No," she said, pretty much without thinking. Damn he was pretty. "I don't."

A second later, she realized what she'd said (and that she was now just staring blissfully at Ronon), and blushed. Rodney sighed.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," he groused. "Just sit down already. And remember," he pointed at her as she smiled at him, "You're on my side, okay? It's us against them."

"Rodney," Teyla admonished. "I am never against you."

He gave the Athosian a narrowed look. "Oh, you say that, Stands With Sticks, but I see the small smiles. " He pointed a finger at her. "You think I didn't see those same smiles from my sister growing up? I know what they mean!" He crossed his arms again, "And let's not forget you calling my nightmare about Carter serving me lemon chicken a 'delusional male fantasy.' I have a perfect memory for insults and—"

"Oh," Keller feigned a grimace as she sat down, "actually, that was me."

Rodney's accusing look at Teyla fell, and he turned to look at Keller with open eyes. "It was?" he asked pathetically.

"Yeah," she gave a shrug, "sorry."

In return he just groaned and his head fell against the pillow. "Why can't I win?"

"Because you like Aliens better than Alien," Sheppard replied, having returned with another chair, "and because you walk right into it, every time."

Jennifer gave a weak smile, "He's right."

"No," Rodney scowled, "he's not right. Not anymore. From now on," he pointed at Keller, "you're on my side. All that came before is forgiven." He drew his hand across, as if wiping a slate clean. "It's you and me against them, and that's the way it's going to be." Ronon was laughing again, and Teyla was sighing softly even as she smiled. Sheppard just put his hands behind his head again—and turned so he could put his feet up on McKay's bed as he'd done before.

Keller couldn't hide her smile at their antics. "Me and you," she said to Rodney, "against them."

Rodney gave a nod. "Yes. We geniuses have to stick together. So, what do you say?"

Keller pretended to think about it, tapping her finger on her chin. Fact was, her mind was already made up, but that didn't mean she couldn't milk it. After a moment, she nodded seriously. "Okay."

"Okay?" Rodney said, his eyebrows lifting. Apparently, he was surprised she'd agreed—and he wasn't the only one.

"Yeah," Sheppard said, looking equally surprised, "okay? Really?"

"On one condition," Keller said, her eyes narrowing.

"Oh," Rodney groaned, "here it comes."

"I want you to help me prank Major Lorne."

For a moment, Rodney said nothing—and neither did the other three.

"Major Lorne?" Rodney said finally. "Why?"

Jennifer shrugged, "Because he annoys the pants off of me."

Rodney's eyebrows lifted. "What, literally?"

Keller gasped, and she smacked him on the arm. "No! Not literally! Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Why don't you like Lorne?" Ronon asked.

"Yes," Teyla said, her brow furrowed in bewilderment, "I find Major Lorne to always be a perfect gentleman and a good man. I thought everyone liked him."

"Not me," Keller crossed her arms. "He treats me like I'm twelve." Her eyes narrowed, "I want to take him down."

"I'm not sure I should be here for this," Sheppard said, although he didn't look like he had any intention of moving.

"Okay," Rodney said then, sounding oddly happy. Jennifer turned to look at him, her eyes wide.

"Really? You'll help me?"

"Of course, totally," he said dismissively, not even looking at her. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "Actually, this could be a lot of fun," he mused, his lips curving in a half smile. "I have something I've been thinking about for a while, but it'd need to be in a pretty open space…"

Keller grinned, sitting up straighter in her chair.

"An open space? But I'm guessing we can't do it someplace where he would see it coming—like the outside," Sheppard said then. "Maybe the mess? He's got that thing for enchilada surprise." Keller's eyes widened further as she turned to look at him. She hadn't expected the colonel to join—

"Too messy," Ronon said. "Plus, I hate wasting food. What about in the gym?" Keller's wide eyed stare turned to the Satedan. He grinned at her.

"Eh, too much foot traffic, plus, the marines would all do anything for him," Sheppard said. "Might end up protecting him, which wouldn't be good."

"What about right here in the infirmary?" Teyla asked then. And Keller fell back against her chair in complete shock. Teyla was looking at her, her eyebrows lifted in question. "Or would you be against using this place for the prank?"

Jennifer just shook her head. "No. No, not at all," she managed to stutter out. Then she smiled broadly. "Quarantine room is free."

"Ooh," Rodney's eyes lit up and he looked across at Sheppard, "Quarantine room! That'd be perfect."

Sheppard grinned back, leaning forward on his knees. "So tell us your great plan, oh brain the size of a planet."

Keller just sat there, listening in awe as Rodney started whispering hurriedly a plan involving pulleys, a winch, several yards of fabric, and a bucket of pickles. Her eyes roamed from Rodney to Sheppard to Teyla to Ronon then back to Rodney. Rodney suddenly looked at her.

"It'll take some creative lying on your part," he said to her, stopping mid-description. "You still in?"

"Oh yeah," she said, smiling warmly at him. She was never more certain of anything in her entire life. "I'm in."


The End

Thank you for reading! And thank you so, so much for the reviews (even the negative ones)! I really hope you enjoyed it! And I hope it might inspire some Keller fics, since I'm adoring her right now. :)