Chapter 5

"We're here for the newlywed breakfast," House said boastfully.

"Right this way. Congratulations!" The hostess showed them to a table, "Breakfast is served at the buffet and it includes mimosas, coffee, milk and juice. Just tell your sever what you'd like to drink."

Cuddy looked at House as the hostess walked away, "Do you have to announce it everywhere we go?"

"Would you rather the hospital pay for two meals it doesn't have to?"

"No mimosas, you have a speech to give. What do you want to drink?"

"Coffee, be right back."


A short while later, the pair finished breakfast and headed towards the conference room, "I'll be there in just a minute. Need to stop in the gift shop."

Cuddy shook her head, "Hurry up."

At the gift shop, House handed the disposable camera to the clerk, "You offer same day processing, right?"

"Yes sir."

"I'd like doubles, and charge it to room 310."

"Would you like to pick it up here, or have it delivered to your room?"

"To the room."


House joined Cuddy at the entrance to the auditorium and the pair walked down towards the front. They joined Wilson and he eyed them, wondering what was up.

"Where have you two been?"

"Breakfast." House said succinctly.

Wilson sat in the second seat, leaving the isle open for House. Cuddy crawled in past him, sitting towards the middle. As she sat, she couldn't avoid a grimace and a tiny, unexpected grunt.

House sat on the isle, and leaned over past Wilson, "I thought you said it was better?"

"I thought it was." House pursed his lips and shook his head.

Wilson looked between the two, "What's going on?"

"I hurt my back. It's a long story, I'll tell you later."

Turning his attention to House, Wilson whispered, "Was I dreaming last night or did you say you got married?"

"Whoa, and how much did you have to drink before you quit gambling?"

Wilson rolled his eyes and before he could answer, the convention's host approached the stage and began rambling on about the weekend's activities. Groups were assigned, various hospital organizations and representatives were introduced as members of the audience reluctantly stood and waved and eventually the host got around to introducing House.

"Our keynote speaker is none other than Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital's world renowned diagnostician, Dr. Gregory House."

The audience applauded and House stepped up to the podium. He began his speech in front of the rather large gathering of medical professionals and much to Cuddy's surprise, he was neither sarcastic, nor mundane. House spoke eloquently and had the audience entranced with his words only moments after he began. He was clearly on his best behavior.

Cuddy turned to look at Wilson, a look of pleasant surprise on her face and he slipped her a note, which read, "He always could give a proper speech, as long as he's the one controlling the content." She nodded in agreement, remembering the lecture he presented a while back when he discussed his own infarction.

"The technology is simplistic," she heard him say a little more than an hour into his speech, "Radio waves are harmless to the human body, but they heat metal. It's still in the research phase as my colleague Dr. Wilson will attest to, but once microscopic metal particles are injected into the cancerous tumor and the subject is placed in the direct path of the radio waves, the metal particles heat up and essentially blast the tumor apart. Early test results on rodents have proven effective, showing promise. The possibilities are endless, potentially providing a non invasive cure for nearly all types of cancer."

Cuddy looked at Wilson, "Is this true? How does he come up with this stuff?"

"It is true, it's still in the experimental phase. I had no idea House knew anything about it. I thought he was giving a speech on diagnostics, not on budding cancer research."

Cuddy shook her head, whispering, "That man never ceases to amaze me."

They again listened in on his speech, "Which leads me to believe that radio waves might also prove to be the answer for countless other cures and it's also proof that cures aren't necessarily reliant upon complicated processes. Sometimes, simplicity outweighs traditional logic." Cuddy nodded, seeing that House was speaking globally, not solely about cancer. He continued on this idea of global awareness in medicine for an additional hour, citing multiple references and clinical cases.

House concluded his speech with, "Diagnostics is about thinking outside the box," and the audience erupted into applause.

The host approached House at the podium when a woman towards the front stood up and rushed towards her, frantically whispering a message. The host looked down into the audience where a man excitedly spoke through his hands, signing because of his deafness. The woman interpreted his words to the host.

Cuddy turned her attention towards House, still standing behind the podium, and noted he had visually paled. Cuddy looked back and forth between House and the man who was signing feverishly, wondering if House could actually understand what the man was saying. It certainly appeared that way.

"Oh my, well yes!" The host exclaimed.

House shook his head and covered the microphone, clearly trying to dissuade the host from telling the rest of the audience what the man was saying. House looked over at Cuddy in the briefest of moments and she caught his eye, and it was then that she knew exactly what was about to happen.

"Dr. Finklestein, head of his own Deaf and Hard of Hearing practice in Los Angeles, has just informed me that earlier this morning, he learned that Drs. House and Cuddy of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital were married late last evening! Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. House! Apparently it pays to lip read in a restaurant!"

The audience cheered and applauded the newlywed couple as Cuddy slouched as far as possible into her chair, trying to avoid the wide eyed, shocked, and somewhat hurt expression stemming from Wilson.

"So is it Dr. Cuddy or will you go by Dr. House? Please come on up to the stage!" Cuddy promptly turned ten shades of red darker than her usual complexion and looked to Wilson for some support.

He stood, held up her left hand, finally noting the etched band around her ring finger, shook his head and practically dragged her to the stage, "Oh you're not getting out of this one. You can tell your husband up there that he may have won the bet, but I'm disappointed he couldn't ask me to be his best man."

She gave him a look of regret as House approached the stairway, extending his hand towards her, unable to get out of this public humiliation, "Just put on a good show, sweetheart," he said as he pulled her reluctantly towards the podium.

The audience died down and the man who spilled the beans remained standing. He clasped his hands over his right shoulder, motioning as if he had won a competition of some sort, and in return House placed the tips of his fingers to his mouth, palm side facing towards him, and then extended his arm downward towards the man.

"What did he say?" Cuddy asked.

"Congratulations."

"And what did you say?"

"Thank you."

She looked at him in admiration coupled with unbelievable frustration, and the pair played the part thanking the audience and acting as though they were happily married. Lunch hour was called, and they retreated as quickly as possible, amidst slaps on the back and verbal congratulations as they exited the auditorium.


With a sigh of relief, House closed the hotel room door behind him and found Wilson waiting expectantly in the corner chair. Cuddy sat on the bed silently and House turned to face the wrath of his best friend.

Before either of the men could say anything, Cuddy spoke up, "Which is your bed House?"

He furrowed his brow, "Why?"

"I don't want to mess up Wilson's and I'd like to lie down."

Wilson pointed towards the bed nearest the wall asking, "Your back is bothering you that much?" Cuddy didn't answer, but sighed and purposely pulled the bedding apart on House's bed and made herself comfortable.

"Go ahead, mess it up. I'll just sleep in your bed again tonight."

"Oh-ho! You slept together last night?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "He examined my back, iced it and then the creep fell asleep next to me. Nothing happened."

"You do know what everyone down there is going to think, don't you?" Wilson asked. Cuddy shook her head as House stared at the ceiling, realizing what Wilson was getting at.

"No, what?" she asked.

"You two got married last night, and this morning your back's killing you."

Cuddy closed her eyes and started to chuckle, "Oh god. I can't go back down there. Tell them I have food poisoning or something."

Wilson said, stifling a laugh, "Please just tell me this was all just for the stupid bet."

House nodded, "We should go get lunch."

Wilson shook his head, "And all you can think about is food. I already ordered up room service, it should be here soon." Wilson turned his attention to Cuddy, "Are you sure you're okay? Maybe we should take you in for x-rays."

"I'm fine, I just bruised my back yesterday."

"How?"

"My brilliant husband here scared me to death when I got out of the shower. I stumbled backwards and landed on my tush."

"Spousal abuse already House?" House shook his head.

Cuddy looked at House asking, "Where did you learn sign language?"

"I don't know, read about it somewhere." House brushed off the comment and looked towards Wilson, "Hey, you owe me two hundred bucks."

"And how much did you spend for this wedding?" Wilson asked, still not quite believing they had actually gotten married.

"Nearly three hundred."

"So, where's the proof?"

"The pictures are being developed right now and here's the unofficial marriage certificate. The official one will come by mail in two weeks."

"I can't believe you two did this," Wilson started laughing, "And what did you get out of it Cuddy? How on earth did he talk you into this?"

"Alcohol, and a semester length commitment to a class on diagnostics if I wear my ring until we have this thing annulled and two months of clinic duty if he takes his ring off."

Wilson couldn't contain his laughter, "You know what? You two are perfect for each other. Mazel tov."


A/N: The radio waves curing cancer bit…real. Heard about it online a while ago, not sure if I got all the specifics right but I think what I wrote is accurate.