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Chapter 6

The Road to Wellville

When Harry recovered sufficiently to get out of bed, the doctors removed the foley catheter and other tubes which he was hooked up to. The first time Harry tried to get out of bed to go for a pee, he needed to lean on Rachel before he could make it to the bathroom. Once inside, he gave Rachel a look and made her turn around whilst he did his business. With or without a memory, Harry did not want someone else looking on whilst he relieved his bladder.

Now that Harry had regained mobility, he also insisted on cleaning himself but since he still had bandages on his chest and head, that was obviously going to cause a problem. They gave him a stool to sit on whilst in the shower so that he could wash the lower half of his body by himself. Ruth stood guard outside the shower cubicle to make sure that he would not wet his bandages unduly, or to offer help in case he encountered difficulties. When he was done with lower half of his body himself, he would let Rachel wipe his upper body with a wash cloth.

Ruth thought that it was amusing that Harry should be suddenly coy about his body. She did not have the heart to tell him that by now, she had seen every inch of his body when he was still in a coma.

The doctors encouraged Rachel to take Harry on short walks around the hospital grounds, in order to regain strength in his body. The hospital was one of those modern monstrosities, all concrete and glass. It was also situated in the city so there was a distinct lack of trees and shrubbery. Harry was not happy about walking around this building.

Two months after Harry was shot, Ruth found herself party to this conversation between Harry and his doctor.

"What's the worst that could happen if I were to be discharged immediately?" Harry was being his grumpy self.

"Its much too early to talk about a discharge, Mr. Pearce. There is still the chance of a stroke, a heart attack or you might develop some other complication. When that happens, you really ought to be given immediate medical attention. You won't get that if you removed yourself from the hospital." The doctor was being very patient when he explained this to Harry. He was a bit ambivalent about discharging Harry Pearce so soon. He would feel more comfortable if he could monitor Harry's progress closely for another week or two.

"I'll take my chances. Hospitals are for sick people, and as far as I can see, I have only been wounded, I am not sick. I don't like being around sick people. My wounds would probably heal much faster if I was out of this place. I'm sure that if my nurse here stayed with me, that's all the medical attention I'd need."

At the next available opportunity, Ruth made a suggestion to Malcolm and Adam. Why not transfer Harry to one of the safe houses and save some costs? Harry appeared to have recovered sufficiently from his wounds and was no longer dependent on machines. Maybe if Harry was in a domestic environment, that might accelerate his memory recovery process. As long as his medication was delivered to the safe house on a regular basis, Ruth should be able to manage. Harry's psychiatrist could make house calls to continue with his sessions with Harry.

After looking through the available list of safe houses, the team found one which was just outside London. There was a small local hospital nearby where Harry could go for his regular checkups or in case of emergencies. It was also relatively close to Tring so that Dr. Middleton did not have to make too much of a commute on a regular basis. On his insistence, Harry was discharged against medical advice.

The safe house itself was a modest two storey house with a small garden at the back. There was generous spacing between this house and neighbouring houses, so Ruth did not have to worry about snooping neighbours. The local high street had a good selection of shops which sold the essential things in life. It was within walking distance if Ruth simply wanted to make small purchases. For more bulky items, it was always possible to ask one of the surveillance guys to drive her to and from the shops. Yes, until they have sorted out who ordered the hit on Harry, security around Harry and Ruth was still tight. In addition to the surveillance team, the local police was also asked to send a constable or two to call in at the house at regular intervals to make sure that everything was alright.

Also within walking distance of the house was a small woodland area with some pleasant trails for walkers to explore. This was where Ruth took Harry on his regular afternoon walks, always trailed by two beefy looking agents keeping a discreet distance.

Ruth felt sorry for the surveillance guys. It must be one of the most boring jobs in the world since nothing much ever happened in and around the safe house. She would sometimes invite them in for coffee and a chat. It broke up the monotony of her day, and provided relief for these agents. Always a good listener, Ruth loved to find out more about these agent's background and private lives, not in a gossipy way, but more as a matter of genuine interest. The agents loved spending time with Ruth. After one of these little tête-à-têtes, they returned to the surveillance van feeling refreshed.

Harry was given the main bedroom, whilst Ruth took the room across the hall from Harry, the better to jump to his assistance if anything happened during the night. There was a study and this was converted into a study cum medicine room. This was where Ruth kept all of Harry's medicine, and medical records of his blood pressure, heart rate etc. Malcolm arranged for a computer system to be installed in this room, with a secured line back to the Grid. Malcolm also arranged for secured wi-fi facilities to be installed in the house so that Ruth could also go online.

As soon as they made arrangements to move to the safe house, Ruth also arranged for some of Harry's personal effects to be brought from his house. These included the pets, Harry's dog, Scarlett, and her cat, Fidget. After Harry was shot, the Service arranged for these animals to stay with a boarding place so that they could be looked after and fed. The animals did not have a lot of mobility in those places and they should not really stay in these facilities for long periods of time. They have been there now for over two months, it was time that they were liberated. Ruth felt that it might do Harry some good to have these animals around him again.

As soon as Fidget was let out of the cage, he made for the nearest couch and hid way back where Ruth could not reach him. He was not going to come out until he got to know the lay of the land. Animals have a strong sense of smell and could remember each person by his or her unique scent. Dogs were more trusting than cats. Scarlett started to sniff around Ruth but failed to find a match in her little brain. Then she made a beeline for Harry. Scarlett obviously had no trouble remembering Harry because after a couple of sniffs, she jumped onto the couch, stood on her hind legs and started to lick Harry's face.

"Scarlett, you sexy beast!" It was one of the few times in recent months that Ruth saw Harry in a happy mode. Well, Harry remembered the name of his dog. That was a good sign.

The Service sent one of its housekeeping teams to clean the safe house. They came three times a week to clean and do laundry and ironing work. Mrs. Cooper, the head of this particular team, would also cook a light supper for them on days when she visited. Other days, Ruth made do with simple meals for herself and Harry.

On the whole, Harry was pleased with these arrangements. It got him out of the hospital. God, he hated hospitals. Of that, he was certain. Harry also hated taking his medicine since he did not like the fact that his body was being loaded up with all sorts of chemicals. There was a wide assortment of pills which was prescribed for him. Some were essential to heal the chest and head wounds, others were optional – sleeping pills, painkillers, that kind of thing; pills to be taken only if the patient felt that it was necessary.

That was another thing he knew about himself - he hated having to take pills for any aches and pains unless it was absolutely necessary and the pain was unbearable. Harry asked a lot of questions about the pills he was given, what was each one for and possible side effects etc. Luckily for Ruth, she had done her research, at the hospital and via the internet, so she had an answer for each of Harry's questions.

As far as his private nurse was concerned, Harry thought that she was a force of nature. He hated the morning interrogation sessions. How did you sleep? Have you had a bowel movement and if so, what was the colour and consistency of your stools? How about urine? Colour and volume? Here, put on the heart rate monitor. There, give us your arm, time to take your blood pressure. Are you in any sort of pain? Here's your morning assortment of pills to take. Now we have to change your dressing, take off your shirt. Still, if he had to be bossed around by any one, Harry would rather that it was by Rachel than anyone else.

As he spent more time with Rachel, Harry had a nagging feeling that she reminded him of someone he had a lot of affection for, once upon a time. Yet try as he might, he could never bring up an image of this person or recall her name. Harry wondered whether it was an old school friend or something like that. Someone he had known so long ago that he now had trouble remembering.

Harry looked forward to having his dressings changed everyday by Rachel. In order to do the job properly, Rachel would have to lean in close to Harry's head and chest. It gave Harry a chance to smell her hair and get close to her cheek. He had this irresistible urge to plant a little kiss on her cheek but always managed to stop himself at the crucial moment.

Why are you behaving in this way, you lecherous old fool? She's just a woman, for chrissakes. You're acting like someone who would chase anything in skirts. Maybe I was a womanizer. Then why do I feel like there is only one person I want to chase?

Rachel had short hair. Yet Harry had no trouble imagining Rachel with longer hair, down to her shoulders. He could also picture Rachel wearing her hair all tied up as one ponytail, or just loose around her face. Since he only became acquainted with her at the hospital, Harry could not understand why he kept having these images in his head.

Harry also noticed a hint of sadness in Rachel's eyes. That was why he had this incredible desire to please her and not upset her. Sometimes when he felt like acting up and saying something really cutting to her, he invariably held himself in check and swallowed his words.

Harry was glad to have Scarlett with him. He was in charge of Scarlett's leash. It gave his hands something to do during their daily afternoon walks. More than once, Harry was tempted to reach over and hold Rachel's hand. He did not know why he had this inclination. He did not care that this would have been observed by the agents following behind them. There were a few times when Rachel nearly tripped on some fallen branches, and Harry immediately took her arm to keep her from falling. He could have taken advantage of the situation and continued to hold Rachel's hand. But he felt that it was wrong to do this and took his hand back.

As for Ruth, she continued to be worried that Harry had not shown any signs of remembering her. Harry had always behaved like a perfect gentleman and she had no idea what was actually going through his head. She had trouble sleeping at night, worried about what might happen the next day, the day after that and so on. Ruth had always been a light sleeper. So when Harry started having nightmares shortly after they took up residence in the safe house and woke up screaming, with cold sweat poring out of him, it did not take her long to jump out of bed and into Harry's room.

Ruth took a small wash cloth and wiped the cold sweat from his face. She then held Harry tightly and told him that everything was going to be OK, it was only a nightmare.

At first, Harry would cling to her, still whimpering but settling down. Then as soon as he regained his composure, he would untangle himself from Ruth, murmured apologies and turned away from Ruth before falling asleep.

The first time this happened, Ruth felt a tremendous sense of rejection. He does not remember who I am and does not want any love or affection from me. What am I going to do? After this happened a few more times, Ruth became used to this ritual of Harry turning away from her. She discussed these nightmarish outbursts with Dr. Middleton.

"Yes, this happens to coma patients. Harry's brain is slowly coming out of lockdown mode and as more and more memories resurface, Harry would find it hard to cope as the images going through his mind will not make much sense to him. It would be like a very badly edited film. In time, however, he should be able to organize these images into a coherent pattern and reconstruct his memories. If Harry has trouble sleeping, I can always prescribe sleeping tablets."

Harry's nightmares were a direct result of him refusing to take anymore sleeping tablets. He had enough of those when he was still in hospital. He stopped having nightmares after the first week in the safe house.

Dr. Middleton would usually arrive by about 10 in the morning and spent an hour or so with Harry. When Dr. Middleton came for his daily visits with Harry, they would use the study.

"Rachel, please sit in with us," Harry said to Ruth the first time he had a session with Dr. Middleton at the safe house.

"Mr. Pearce, this is highly unusual …" Dr. Middleton felt that these were supposed to be private sessions, and having another person participate would break all kinds of rules about doctor/patient privilege. When they were still at the hospital, it was difficult to exclude Rachel from his sessions with Harry, but surely now that they were in a domestic setting, she did not need to sit in.

"Call me Harry," he said to Dr. Middleton. Harry had gotten sufficiently familiar with the good doctor to dispense with formalities. "I don't really mind Rachel sitting in on these sessions," Harry explained. "I don't feel that I have anything in my past which I would want to hide from her. After all, she is taking care of me day and night, so perhaps if Rachel were fully aware of the progress which I make in these sessions, it might make her job easier."

If the patient himself was rather insistent that his nurse joined them, Dr. Middleton could not really object, could he?

They continued with the word association exercises which they began whilst Harry was still in hospital. Dr. Middleton would throw certain words or phrases at Harry and asked for his response, as in what is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say this? Based on Harry's responses, they would then explore certain comments further, and in time, a more detailed picture would emerge concerning various aspects of Harry's past life.

In earlier sessions, Dr. Middleton tried hypno-therapy on Harry but it did not work. Harry had been a spook for too long to be placed under hypnosis that easily. In any case, Harry had been involved in so many ops during his career that it was often difficult to separate fact from fiction. It was a very time consuming process, sifting through the many layers of Harry's memories.

After these sessions, Harry invariably felt a little worn out and liked to sit in the garden by himself whilst he gathered his thoughts. Ruth usually offered Dr. Middleton coffee in the kitchen. He did not refuse, not once.

Ruth knew that it was dangerous to have these coffee sessions with Dr. Middleton. It was not as if she was looking to start anything with this handsome doctor. But Ruth was generally a friendly person, and she felt that as long as she was careful not to give the wrong signals, there was no harm done in just having a coffee.

Ruth found the chats with Dr. Middleton quite pleasant. She knew, from participating in these sessions that Harry was making progress in recovering his memory, yet, he has not touched on anything remotely connected to her. She accepted that it was just one of those cruel hands dealt by fate. Sometimes, John would say something amusing and that would be the few times that Ruth would laugh out loud. John Middleton noticed that the kitchen seemed brighter every time Rachel smiled or laughed.

From where Harry was sitting in the garden, he could hear laughter coming out of the kitchen from time to time. He did not fail to notice that his psychiatrist's coffee sessions with his private nurse were getting longer and longer.

Why is he still here and what does he want with my nurse? She shouldn't be consorting with someone like him, she should be spending time with …

Where was he going with this thought? Rachel was already living under the same roof as him, why did he have this feeling that he wanted more attention from her?

He also noticed that whenever Rachel left the house to run errands, he would start to have some sort of panic attack. Where is she going and what if she does not come back? Why is she taking so long? He then acquired the habit of staying by the window to stare at the driveway until he either spied her walking back, or was being driven back by one of the agents. Then he would sprint for his study and pretend that nothing was wrong. On occasion, Rachel would invite Harry to come along on one of these trips, as long as she was sure that they were not going to carry home anything heavy. Harry was very happy to accompany her. He was starting to feel like a child who did not want to be left alone by his nanny.

Should I say something to Rachel about her coffee sessions with Dr. Middleton? I don't have the right to. She works hard enough as it is, so she is entitled to some light relief, even if it is just limited to bantering with my psychiatrist. How come they never invite me to one of these sessions?

Harry always felt a tremendous sense of relief when Dr. Middleton finally left and Rachel fetched him from the garden for lunch. Good, I now have her back to myself. She's only a nurse, why do I feel so possessive? If she resigned, the agency could always send someone else to take her place. Oh God. I hadn't thought of that. She might resign and leave me. No, I cannot let her do that. I need her. I w-a-n-t her. That thought hit Harry like a whack on the head. No I don't, isn't it somebody else that I want? Invariably, the fog would rise in his brain at this point and he could never retrieve an image of this person who meant so much to him and who prevented him from making advances to Rachel.

Sometimes, Harry would become incredibly depressed. He did not seem to have any family members. No one had come to visit. Harry wondered whether he was married. He decided that if he had been married before, he was no longer married now, otherwise the wife and kids would have made an appearance by now. It was quite pathetic really. So far, Rachel was the only one who cared about his wellbeing, but then again, she was probably just doing what she had been paid to do. Was that why I am attracted to her? What is wrong with me?

He remembered that the thought of marriage brought up a disagreeable feeling. In time, he recalled the fights with, what was her name, yes, Jane, his ex-wife. At first it was just recalling a cross word here and there, followed by memories of more detailed incidents and arguments. In turn, this led to a recall of incidents associated with his professional life. The two sides were related. Too much devotion to his job cost him his marriage. That much was clear to Harry.

Slowly but surely, Harry remembered the most important thing about himself : he had been a spy most of his adult life.

When they were still at the hospital, Ruth did try to get hold of Harry's daughter, Catherine, so that she could come for a visit. Ruth's message to Catherine was that if possible, she should bring her mother and her brother. These people were an important part of Harry's life, and in the case of Catherine, still was an important part. Maybe a visit with them would jog Harry's memory regarding that period of his life. It turned out that Catherine was terribly hard to get hold of. Her agent thought that she was filming somewhere in the Middle East but failed to locate her. Messages had been left for Catherine in all her usual haunts. She never came.

Harry had a ferocious appetite for news and current affairs programmes. In the morning, he would go through all of the morning newspapers before Dr. Middleton arrived. In the evenings, he was allowed to watch television. It was not unusual for Harry to mow through all of the BBC, CNN, Bloomberg and any other available news channel in one sitting.

One night, there was an item in one of the current affairs talk shows about the recent dismissal of a member of the Royal Household protection unit. The man in question was of Middle Eastern original and a Muslim. The debate was over whether or not it was a racist and/or discriminatory thing to have done, or whether the world had now given in to political correctness in all things so that the true merits of any particular set of circumstances were often overlooked.

"Whoever made the decision to dismiss this poor man ought to be shot! It was a very incendiary move."

It was not unusual for Harry to comment out loud in response to what was shown on the television screen. Ruth sometimes let him rant on a bit. When she did not agree with his point of view, she would not hesitate to speak her mind and start a little debate with Harry.

"In the current climate, the authorities must be seen to be doing everything they can to minimize trouble." Ruth thought that Harry was being a little unreasonable "I agree that perhaps they could have handled it with a great deal more sensitivity, or in a low key manner. But to keep that man on after they found out that he frequented a mosque which also had known terrorist connections would be simply irresponsible."

"Maybe they should have been more careful at the vetting stage. If they never took him on in the first place, they would not have this problem now." Harry, as usual, was thinking with his managerial hat on.

"No, if that man could demonstrate that he had all the necessary skills and still they did not take him on the team, he could have sued for discrimination. Whichever way you look at it, they were caught between a rock and a hard place once this man joined the Service." Ruth, ever the diplomat.

Harry often wondered why his nurse seemed to know more about the Service than he did. Was she some sort of agent working undercover? If that was the case, she could not be happy about having to do actual nursing work, which in the early days could be messy at times.

More recently, Harry followed avidly reports on the Princess Diana inquest. He would read all the newspaper reports and tuned into any show which discussed progress (or lack thereof) made at the inquest.

"Does the public really think that the Secret Service would be that sloppy and devise a plan to kill somebody which can be so easily picked apart by others? Come on, give the Service some credit." Harry could not believe that after all these years, the Government was still willing to waste taxpayer money on this subject.

"Princess Diana was very popular. It was hard for people to let go," Ruth reasoned. "The accident was something straight out of a spy novel, it was probably better than anything that a writer could think of."

"But wasting all this time and money to maul over the whys and wherefores. This is ridiculous. The Service is never praised for getting something right, but it is always getting blamed when things go wrong. Its just not fair."

"I guess it comes with the territory. Sometimes it is easier for people to have a concrete target to lay the blame, rather than accept that it was just one of those things, being at the wrong place at the wrong time." Ruth wondered whether Harry remembered the whole Angela Wells incident. "You know, some people use this inquest as a way of getting to the Royal Family, for their own reasons," Ruth suggested.

Harry gave that comment some thought. There were images flashing through his mind, images of a blond woman who was not Princess Diana, someone he was unsure whether he liked or not. Then there were images of Adam getting shot. He turned quiet. Ruth decided to let him be with this thoughts. All part of the healing process.

Harry was happy to have these discussions with Rachel in the evenings. He enjoyed pitting wits with her and seeing how far he could wind her up over any topic. He did not have any one else to talk to.

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