They'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying, and sometimes I am whipped
for holding my peace.

-King Lear. Act I, Scene IV.

Twenty-Six Years After the Battle of Endor
The cantina was unremarkable in every way. It suited Jaina's purposes perfectly because it was dimly lit and noisy. There also weren't any overly helpful – or nosey – servers or serving droids. If one wanted a drink, one simply approached the bar and ordered it.

After a brief, discrete survey of the room, Jaina slipped into the semi-private booth in the corner. She didn't know who her contact was, but whoever it was would find her here.

It didn't take long before someone slipped into the booth with Jaina. Jaina's jaw almost dropped when she recognized Iella Wessiri Antilles, Alliance Intelligence Assistant Director in Charge of Covert Operations.

Iella casually set two drinks down on the table and slid one to Jaina. There were no formal greetings. Iella would not call her "Agent Solo" any time during the course of this conversation. The only time either of them were called by their titles was out in the field. This had to look like a casual conversation, even in these ideal conditions.

"How was your trip in?" Iella asked, casually.

"Interesting," Jaina answered truthfully. Nar Shaddaa – the smugglers' moon – might suit their purposes, but it was certainly not a vacation spot. "You have something" – Jaina did not say a mission outloud – "for me."

Iella nodded, and leaned forward dangerously. "We've sighted Starkiller."

Jaina felt a sudden thrill of excitement. Alliance Intelligence was under standing orders to take out either of the two Sith Lords if they had a chance, and Jaina would happily be the instrument of their destruction after the atrocities they were responsible for.

Just as quickly as she felt the excitement, however, Jaina suppressed it. In her line of work, it was necessary to remain detached. "Where?" she asked after a pause.

"Tatooine," Iella replied casually, as though they were talking about a mutual acquaintance.

"Tatooine?" Jaina replied in disbelief, but kept her voice low. "What the hell is he doing there?"

The Assistant Director shook her head. "Don't know, don't care. He won't be on Tatooine long enough for you to get in position, but we think we know where he's going next. Yavin Four."

Jaina shook her head. Yavin Four was even more remote than Tatooine; uninhabited. It was remarkable only for being the site of one of the earliest battles of the Galactic Civil War. What could Starkiller possibly be looking for there?

But it was like Iella said. Don't know, don't care. What mattered was that Starkiller was out of Imperial space, protected only by whatever military forces he brought with him. He was exposed.

Iella saw the comprehension in Jaina's eyes. "Everything else is secondary," she said, her eyes intense, though her voice was still quiet. "Even your current mission."

Jaina nodded her understanding.

"You're going to need military resources on this one, Jaina. With Starkiller in the system, only an ISD can guarantee extraction if things get dicey. The closest one is—"

"Kashyyk," Jaina supplied without hesitation, her gaze downcast.

"Everything else is secondary," Iella repeated, this time the phrase having more meaning to Jaina. "Do you understand?"

Jaina thought of her brothers, her father; she might very shortly be asking them to risk their lives, and she couldn't even tell them why. She finally looked up to meet Iella's eyes. She knew they wouldn't have assigned her to this mission if they didn't need her; this was their way of telling her she was the best. And it was just an unfortunate coincidence that the hardware they needed was in the care of her father.

That's just the way things went. "I understand," Jaina acknowledged.

In a rare display of concern, Iella patted her on the hand. It'll be fine, she seemed to be saying. Jaina knew Iella had been in similar situations before – with her husband, no less – so she trusted the older woman's reassurance more than she might have otherwise.

Iella slid a datacard across the table, which Jaina slipped into one of her pilot coverall's pockets. "That's a full mission briefing, cover story, and a copy of the official orders your father will be receiving as soon as we finish this conversation. You're to meet him from one of your normal supply routes." She smiled conspiratorially at Jaina at the mention of the supply routes, which had always given her a perfect cover story and allowed her to do some good for the Alliance at the same time. "Good luck, Jaina." Without waiting for reply, Iella slipped back into the shadows.

Taking a quick sip of her drink for show, Jaina made her own discrete exit a few minutes later.

Tatooine? Yavin Four? What is Starkiller looking for?

Fallen

Agent Jaina Solo; Alliance Intelligence; captain, Millennium Falcon (female human from Hapes)
Commander Anakin Solo; Rogue Leader (male human from Hapes)
Doctor Jacen Solo; chief medical officer, Eldest (male human from Hapes)
General Han Solo; Supreme Allied Commander, Army (male human from Corellia)
Flight Officer Tahiri Veila; Rogue Two; bounty hunter (female human from Tatooine)
Assistant Director Iella Wessiri Antilles; Alliance Intelligence Deep Cover Ops (female human from Corellia)

"Jaina's Secret"

Over the past few days, Anakin had discovered the real purpose of military officers. Combat engagements, live fire training exercises, full-scale battles; all of that was just elaborate smokescreen to put an officer in the position to exercise his real, solemn duty: composing and filing reports.

This was the only possible explanation for why, when his squadron has been grounded for a week while the investigation into the death of Lieutenant Dinger was being conducted, Anakin still found himself buried in paperwork.

A knock on the door startled Anakin, but he immediately seized on this interruption as a rare stroke of mercy from an unforgiving universe. "Come in!" he called enthusiastically.

Anakin's enthusiasm was rewarded by a very attractive woman who managed to make the drab uniform of a fighter pilot look fashionable. She entered the office and saluted smartly. "Flight Officer Veila reporting as ordered, sir."

It took a few moments for those words to register. This was Anakin's new wingmate?

Anakin realized he was staring, and nodded towards the seat on the other side of the desk. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir."

As she stepped forward to sit down, their eyes met for the first time. Now Anakin felt something completely different. A flash of… recognition? No, that wasn't possible. He had read her file during his sacrifice to the altar of paperwork, and he knew that she had just recently joined the Alliance. There was no way they had met before.

Where do I know you from?

He saw it in her eyes, too. She hesitated ever so briefly before sitting down, looking almost startled upon seeing him. Well, this certainly complicates things.

After yet again realizing he was staring, Anakin also realized he had no idea why he asked her to sit down.

Start talking, you idiot. His own voice startled him as much as it did Tahiri when he said, "Normally, I'd like to get you flying right away. But as you've probably been told, we're grounded until the investigation is finished." Why is this so awkward?

Tahiri nodded. "I'm sorry about the loss of your pilot."

"Thank you," Anakin answered. "It was a bit of a shock, really. But it's good to have you here." Very good to have you here… dang it, Solo, snap out of it.

The universe apparently had a surplus of mercy to serve out on this day, as Anakin's commlink buzzed. Anakin smiled apologetically at Tahiri before answering, "Solo. Go."

"There are way too many Solos on this ship for you to answer your commlink that way, son," his father's voice answered.

Anakin smiled. "Sorry, General. What can I do for you?"

"Report to my office immediately."

That was unusual. "Trouble?" Anakin asked.

His father's voice sounded uncertain when he answered, "I'll explain when you get here."

"On my way. Out." Anakin clicked off his comm. He smiled apologetically at Tahiri again. "We'll have to finish this conversation later."

Tahiri smiled in return. "I'll look forward to that." She stood, and saluted again. Then she grinned. "Perhaps over a cup of caf next time?"

Anakin hesitated. Dating subordinates, while not strictly illegal, was generally considered a very, very bad idea. What about figuring out why in space you're getting all kinds of weird vibes from a subordinate? "Perhaps," Anakin finally answered, trying to look less confused than he felt.

Tahiri, still grinning, exited the room without turning her back to him.

All of this left Anakin in a state of deep contemplation. What was going on here? Anakin had never been one to find himself distracted easily by a pretty face. So why did he find himself almost tongue-tied in the presence of the newest member of his squadron?

This was when Anakin first began to realize he believed in destiny.

His commlink beeped again, startling him. "You are planning on joining us, aren't you, Commander Solo?"

"Sorry," Anakin answered, embarrassed. "Got delayed. I'm on my way."

He left the office, shaking his head at himself. This had already been a surreal day, and it wasn't even afternoon yet.

Jaina was trying her best to look completely comfortable. She didn't get to be Alliance Intelligence's top field agent by being incapable of acting, but it was somehow always more different when the audience she needed to fool was her own family. This is why we always avoid these kinds of situations, Jaina reflected. The fact that she was in this situation showed how serious AI was about this mission.

The door slid open to admit her brother, who promptly did his little soldier routine of saluting anyone of higher rank than him in the room (which, of course, was only their father in this case) before sitting down.

"Alright, we're all here," Han said, still looking dubious as he had when she first requested the meeting. "It's your show."

Jaina nodded. "As you know, I've been doing some side work for Fleet Command." No one in the room seemed surprised by this, which was a good start. The Navy thinks I'm working for the Army, the Army thinks I'm working for the Navy… and it works. This should really scare me.

"Here's the simplest way I can put it. I have an assignment that's going to require a military escort. Command thinks it's going to require a Star Destroyer."

As she expected, it was Anakin who asked the obvious question. "Why doesn't Fleet Command just give us the orders to diver to… where are we diverting to?"

Luckily, Jaina had an answer for that. This wasn't the tricky part yet. "Because the rest of the fleet can't know where we're going. The reason I'm here right now is that I know I can trust you. All of you."

"So, what's the mission?" Jacen asked.

Oh, good. Get the tricky part out of the way. "I can't tell you."

Jacen and Anakin both frowned. Her father leaned forward. "Young lady, I can assure you your security clearance isn't higher than mine."

Jaina smiled. "No. But this operation is going to require quite a bit of secrecy." Jaina know what this must sound like to them. I can't tell you, and I can't tell you why I can't tell you, but don't be suspicious!

Sure enough, Jaina saw identical looks of bewilderment pass between her brothers and her father.

"I'm sure you know what you're doing," Han finally broke the silence, but he looked very wary all the same. "What resources are you going to need?"

"I'm going to need the Eldest to jump insystem out of scanning range so I can get to the surface in the Falcon. I need you to stay on station in case we need to punch our way out. On the surface, I'm going to need at least two Alliance military to guard the ship so my exit vector isn't cut off." Here, she nodded at Anakin. "That's where you come in."

Anakin looked surprised. "Me?"

Jaina was uncomfortable putting her little brother in this kind of position, but as she had already noticed, he was the consummate soldier. "I need people I can trust; that's you. I know you're grounded, but you won't exactly be flying any X-Wings on this. So pick one of your pilots, someone you trust, and we'll be set."

This was simple enough of a request. They just needed a pilot Anakin trusted, who had proved he or she could handle a blaster. With that in mind, Anakin surprised even himself by saying, "I'll take my new pilot, Tahiri Veila."

Anakin seemed to abruptly realize that everyone was staring at him.

"There is an actual reason for that, right?" Jaina asked, bewildered.

Anakin's expression seemed to say, Oh, right! Reason! "She's rated as an above average pilot, but her small arms accuracy is off the charts."

Jaina nodded. "All right, we'll be glad to have her." She nodded to her father. "That's all I have."

"I'm coming too."

It took everyone a second to realize what Jacen had just said. It took Han no less than that second to say, "Request denied."

"Both of my siblings are going on what sounds like a risky mission, I'm going to be there to help them if need be."

Han's eyes narrowed. "Jacen, you won't take it personally when I tell you I'm very hopeful that they won't need your particular type of help."

"But if they do, it's better for me to be there, right?"

There was a moment of silence in which it was obvious to both of Jacen's siblings that Han was about to agree, but Jacen was never one to leave an argument to resolve itself. "You and Anakin and even Jaina put yourselves in harm's way all the time. Why can't I? I'm willing to take the risk. Just because I'm not a soldier—"

The expression on Han's face changed dramatically. "That's your problem, Jacen. You are a soldier."

"I'm a doctor," Jacen answered reflexively.

"You're a Chief. Medical. Officer," Han corrected, emphasizing every word very carefully. "You are an officer in the Alliance Army, whether you like it or not. And one of the first things a headstrong officer needs to learn is to respect his commanding officer."

Jacen and Han just stared at each other for a few seconds, as though seeing each other for the first time. It was during this brief span that Jaina and Anakin finally had a moment to realize what had just happened; the argument had happened so fast, they hadn't had time to be shocked until just now.

To Jaina's surprise, it was Anakin who broke the stalemate. "Sir, may I request a word in private?"

"You may request a word in public," Han answered. "We're all family here, aren't we?"

"Sir, it would really be more appropriate—"

"Spit it out, son."

That didn't seem entirely fair to Jaina. From Jacen he demanded military discipline, from Anakin he demanded the opposite. Of course, Jaina realized. Anakin's too military for him, Jacen's too civilian.

Anakin swallowed, obviously uncomfortable. "Sir, I believe you are allowing your emotions to cloud your military judgment."

Now Han finally seemed to think about the situation. "I can see where you'd get that impression; I believe I will have that word with you in private later, Commander Solo." The return to military form was either a way of pushing Anakin away, or a way of conceding to his preferred style. Either way, Han turned his attention away from his younger son and towards his older son. "I believe you had a request, Doctor Solo?"

"Sir, I request permission to assist with this combat operation," Jacen said, obviously hating every syllable of military language.

"Permission granted," Han answered with a quick nod. If he noticed the resentment in Jacen's voice, he was very good at hiding it. He stood, and so did the others, though Jacen was a bit slower to do so. "Dismissed."

As Jacen was leaving, he turned back as his father called his name.

"We'll talk more about this later, understood?"

Jacen's forced smile was almost a wince. "I'll look forward to that."

Anakin was relieved to be with his siblings again. Even after Jacen's argument with their father, it was easy for him to pretend things were back to normal. To them, Tahiri was nothing more than one of Anakin's pilots who would shortly be joining them on this mission.

Jacen caught up with them, and they headed for the caffeteria. Jaina only stayed for a few minutes, and seemed distracted the whole time. Jacen, of course, was very rattled after his argument with their father.

Okay. Almost back to normal.

After Jaina had left, Anakin set down his glass and said to Jacen, "Hey, I think we need to talk about this. It might end up being your first time in a firefight."

Jacen's eyes widened slightly for a moment, but he quickly resumed his passive expression. "I've been on battlefields before, Anakin."

"After the battle," Anakin answered. "This is different. Trust me."

Jacen must have seen the haunted look in Anakin's eyes, because he nodded and did not argue.

Anakin realized this was the first time he had ever felt like he had something to teach his older brother. In a way, it was kind of scary.

"At some point, you will feel the need to do something heroic," Anakin told him. "Don't. No matter what the situation is. I take it you're not planning on doing any shooting?"

Jacen shook his head. "That would be against my oath."

"Good. Just keep your head down, and follow our lead." He smiled reassuringly at his older brother. "You'll be fine."

Jaina wasn't used to wearing fatigues, but she had to admit, they were pretty comfortable in a utilitarian way.

The flight in had been very smooth. There had been no sign that the Imperials even detected them. Now, after running a kilometer through the jungle, Jaina was perched on top of one of the minor temples near the Great Temple.

There was no telling how long Starkiller had been inside, but he definitely was inside. Stormtroopers were guarding every entrance of the Temple, making it impossible to get in or out. But they couldn't cover all of the surrounding temples. Jaina would get her shot.

If the Sith Lord ever left the Temple, that is. What was taking him so long?

Do you realize it, Starkiller? Do you even realize that your reign of terror is about to end? That all of the lives you've taken, all the worlds you've devastated… all of them are about to be avenged?

No. Two stormtroopers left the building, and then a black cloaked figure emerged.

Jaina held her breath; she felt her blood racing with excitement. No. Calm. Focus. Jaina adjusted the sniper rifle on her shoulder, peered through the sight, and began tracking her target. She knew she would probably only get one shot.

Focus, she reminded herself. There was nothing but the shot. The target was unimportant. Just the shot. She had done this a thousand times before, and would do it again.

Jaina squeezed the trigger. As the rifle recoiled against her shoulder, Jaina had to fight not to cheer outloud. It was a perfect shot. Elation made her feel light-headed. Starkiller was—

Blocking the shot with a lit lightsaber. The Sith had moved with impossible quickness. Jaina slammed her fist against the stone wall in frustration. Damn. It was impossible! No one could move that quickly!

Before Jaina could even line up another shot, the door burst open, and she spun away from the window just in time for a blaster bolt to hit her in the right arm.

White hot pain almost sent Jaina to her knees, and did send her weapon clattering to the ground. The fact that the shot would have killed her had she not moved so quickly was small consolation.

Still, she had to get out of this. Without thinking, guided only by adrenaline, Jaina sent one of the stormtroopers into the wall with a brutal kick to the midsection, spun, and slammed the elbow of her uninjured arm into the other trooper's gut, bringing him to his knees so she could kick him in the back of the head, sending him to the ground.

Jaina stood there for a moment, breathing quickly. She glanced at her arm, immediately regretted doing so, and realized she had to get out of here. Only sheer adrenaline was keeping her from collapsing. Run.

The rest of the Temple would be full of stormtroopers by now, and she couldn't fight through all of them. So, Jaina took the only exit vector left to her. She ran to the nearest window, and went tumbling into the darkness.

It had been very easy for Tahiri to infiltrate the Alliance. Essentially, she did exactly what someone who really wanted to be a Rebel would do; she enlisted. It was not even necessary to use a false identity, as she had never done anything as Tahiri Veila to cause any problems with a background check.

Thanks to the advanced combat training she had received at the Guild, she passed her proficiency tests with flying colors. How this apparently unremarkable girl managed to do so didn't raise any eyebrows, as the background check and proficiency tests were completely separate entities. You pass the background test (or spend an enjoyable afternoon with an Alliance interrogator, which Tahiri's unremarkable public record spared her), and then you move on to the next step. Not very smart on the Alliance's part; the process really should be more integrated.

Of course, the evaluators had been all too glad to see someone who was combat-ready and needed no further training; the Alliance wasn't exactly overburdened with excess personnel, so getting Tahiri to the front lines as soon as possible was their goal.

That's when things got downright scary.

Everything thus far had gone well, but not "too" well. Essentially, everything was going exactly as expected. Tahiri assumed her next step would have to be slicing into the Alliance computers and making sure she got assigned to the Eldest, the ship where Rogue Squadron was stationed. She assumed incorrectly.

Tahiri found out the next morning that she was being assigned to Rogue Squadron. By some fluke of fate, the squadron was one member short. When she found out she was going to be Solo's wingmate… if there were such a thing as things going too well, this was it.

So, after a whirlwind of a few days, she found herself on a mission with the man she was sent to capture. They were almost alone on an almost-deserted planet. This was the perfect opportunity to nab him.

There was, of course, the small detail that she had been dreaming about this man since she was a child. And that he seemed to be a noble man; the picture of a soldier that you rarely actually encounter, and have trouble believing when you do.

Stop it. Just because this is your first hard assignment doesn't mean it's going to be your last.

"We've got company," Anakin announced.

Tahiri peered through her electrobinoculars. She saw white shapes moving purposefully towards their position. Stormtroopers. Tahiri was fairly certain her quarry was eventually being turned into the Imperials. Who else would want the boy? Besides herself, of course— Stop it! Tahiri scolded herself.

Even if he was eventually being turned into the Imperials, it would not do for her to turn him over here, now. Her orders had been to bring him back to Jade. She could not afford a slip up on her first assignment, even a minor one.

Okay. So help him fight off the stormtroopers, tie him up, and race back to the Guild – okay, maybe not race… Tahiri shook her head again. Stop it. Be a professional.

Distracted by her thoughts, Tahiri didn't even notice that the shooting had started.

And then Anakin was in front of her, and two bright flashes of light illuminated the mask of pain his face had become.

What— Tahiri started to think, then realized what had happened. Oh no. Oh no! No, no, no, no! Time seemed to stop until Anakin staggered forward.

Without thinking, Tahiri gently caught the boy as he started to fall towards her. Her blaster came up in her right hand, and she started shooting. Everything was a blur, but she somehow managed to down all of the approaching stormtroopers.

All two of them.

Sentry, she analyzed the situation without really trying to. More will be on the way shortly.

Tahiri almost shot Jaina before she realized who she was. She considered shooting her anyway, because the easiest way to get Anakin off this planet as her prisoner would be alone. But right now, she was more worried about getting him off the planet alive than in her captivity.

Besides, Jaina didn't look like she was going to need much help dying. She staggered towards the ship, and Tahiri followed her, still supporting Anakin.

"Jacen!" Tahiri called as they neared the ship. The doctor descended the boarding ramp a few steps before seeing his siblings, and his eyes widened in horror. "Take her," Tahiri said, motioning towards Jaina as she passed Jacen on the ramp. She deposited Anakin facedown on a bunk before heading to the cockpit.

The ship was shuddering slightly from small-arms fire, but the hull armor easily held. Tahiri threw herself into the pilot's seat and started powering up the ship.

Jacen was frozen with indecision as he gently set his sister down on a bunk next to his brother. Both of the were wounded badly. Both of them would probably die without prompt medical attention.

There was no escaping this. Jacen was about to choose which of his siblings was going to live.

With stormtroopers still firing futilely at the freighter, Tahiri blasted away from the surface of Yavin Four. Almost immediately, she was dodging Imperial fighters.

As she neared the edge of the atmosphere, Tahiri saw the Alliance's Star Destroyer enter weapons range and begin firing at the nearest capital ships that might otherwise have hindered her progress.

Tahiri's mind raced with possibilities. The Alliance was unknowingly providing her with an exit vector if she wanted it. Once she made the jump to lightspeed, she could make sure Jacen treated her brother's injuries, and then lock up him and his sister – if she was still alive. Or she could kill them if they proved to be too much trouble.

No. Tahiri knew she didn't want to kill them; didn't want to kill anyone. Besides, what if Anakin's injuries were too serious for Jacen to treat them without access to the better medical facilities aboard the Star Destroyer?

And then there was the small matter of Tahiri not being entirely sure she wanted to go through with her assignment.

Tahiri slammed her palm against the dashboard in frustration. Damn it. This was going to be her best opportunity to escape with the boy. Why couldn't she just react the way she was supposed to? Why couldn't she be a cold-hearted bounty hunter like Jade?

Why did Anakin have to be so— so— Brave. Noble. Why did he have to be so good?

"Millennium Falcon, this is the Eldest. We are sending you a fighter escort; please follow them into the docking bay."

Tahiri watched the Alliance fighters move closer on the display. She still had time to make a getaway. That would be the smart thing to do; let everything else sort itself out. Go, Tahiri's rational mind begged.

But indecisiveness still gripped her. It just didn't feel right to do what she knew all logic compelled her to do.

For the first time in her life, Tahiri didn't do the smart thing. She turned towards the Alliance fighters, and vowed to bring Anakin home safely. For how long? Surely she couldn't abandon her assignment just because the boy had saved her life. Just because the boy she had been dreaming about for as long as she remembered had saved her life.

Damn it.

Exhausted, Jacen kneeled next to his sister and gasped in relief as he was finally able to resuscitate her. Thank the Force. Her injured arm was in a bacta cast, and he had treated the head trauma she seemed to have sustained from what he could only guess was falling from a three-story building. He shook his head. How did she even make it back? The rest of her injuries could wait for later.

With a feeling of dread, Jacen turned to his brother's motionless form. As he pulled Anakin's shirt off, the nasty-looking burns on his back made Jacen wince. They were even worse than he had thought.

Not because he expected to find anything, but because it was what he was supposed to do, Jacen felt his brother's neck for a pulse.

Jacen's eyes widened in shock as he felt a faint pulse. Very faint. But it was there. How—?

But there was no time to worry about that. Jacen quickly got to work treating Anakin's injuries.

Han was there, out of uniform, to watch as his son and daughter were dumped into bacta tanks. He gazed in open admiration at his other son directed the medical staff with the composure of a man twice his age.

There would be no more arguing. No more tension. Jacen was a hero. And Han had never been more proud of him than he was right now.

Once they had done everything they could but wait, Jacen left his Assistant Chief in charge, and approached his father. "They're going to be fine," he informed Han, looking intensely relieved. "Both of them.

"Anakin had some nasty blaster burns – Tahiri says he jumped in front of fire for her." Jacen shook his head. "Right after he had lectured me about resisting the urge to be a hero."

Han smiled. That certainly sounded like Anakin.

"Jaina is going to need significant tissue regeneration in her right arm, but that's easy enough to take care of. It also looks like she took quite a tumble at some point – three stories, at least – but I was able to treat the trauma, and she's going to be just fine."

Without thinking, Han hugged his son. Jacen stiffened at first, but then he was hugging his father back.

"Dad… can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

Han nodded, and they stepped into Jacen's office. It was much different than Han's office; the paperwork was about the same, but there were monitors with constant updates on patients, and even a microscope and a few other examination devices on a desk in the corner in case Jacen wanted to work here instead of in the lab.

"What's on your mind?" Han asked.

Jacen stood behind his desk, looking very uncomfortable. He looked around the office for a moment, seemed to come to a decision, and then announced, "Dad, I need a leave of absence."

Han felt incredibly guilty. He had pushed him too far. "Son, if this is about our discussion earlier—"

"It's not," Jacen assured him. But he looked almost as though he wished it were. "I just… need some time."

"Son, I don't need to tell you we need you here," Han said. "Your brother and sister would be dead if—"

"I killed him, Dad," Jacen said, looking shaken. "I had to choose between them. I had to make a choice…" his voice made it obvious that he was on the verge of tears. "I had to make a call. So I killed Anakin and saved Jaina." He fell into his chair, and wiped his eyes swiftly with the back of his hand.

Han placed his hands on the desk, the closest he could get to his son, who obviously wanted to be alone based on the fact that he had placed the desk between them. "All evidence to the contrary. That is him in the bacta tank, isn't it?"

Jacen shook his head in exasperation. "I have no idea how he's alive, Dad, but it isn't because of me. Every piece of medical knowledge I have tells me that I killed him by not treating him immediately, yet somehow he's alive."

"Maybe you knew—"

"I didn't know anything! The end result doesn't matter. I made the choice. I killed Anakin to save Jaina. How can I live with myself after making a choice like that, Dad?"

Han desperately wanted to hug his son, but with every ounce of self control he stayed on the other side of the desk. "Jacen, he's a soldier. He'll—"

"Of course he'll understand," Jacen said, shaking his head. "Don't you get it? That's the point. He's so damn… good, and I was willing to kill him because I knew he'd want me to save Jaina, not him. I can never…" Jacen's voice caught, and now he didn't bother trying to fight off tears. "I can never be like that. I went on this mission because I wanted to be like him, like them… but I can't."

As Jacen started to lose control of the tears, Han stepped around the desk and pulled his son close. "It's alright, son… it's alright."

Jacen, trembling with the effort, somehow managed to compose himself again, and Han stepped back.

"You aren't serious about the leave of absence, are you?" Han asked.

Jacen bit his lip. "I am. I need to… I need some time, to clear my head. I mean… what if it's a choice between my family and someone else's? What if next time, Anakin and Syal are injured? How do I tell Wedge that I killed his daughter because I love my brother more?"

"That would be rather difficult, as she's still in training and can't fly in combat until she's seventeen," Han pointed out.

"You know what I mean, Dad." His voice almost emotionless, Jacen repeated, "Sir, I respectfully request that you grant me an indefinite leave of absence." He paused. "So I don't have to resign my commission."

Han couldn't, wouldn't call Jacen's bluff. He couldn't take the risk that his son would actually end his career. "Permission granted," he said. He stopped his son as he was about to leave the room with a hand on his shoulder. "Please take care of yourself, son."