Chapter #9: A Hero's Work is Never Done

As soon as Sonic, Ratchet, and Clank stepped inside the Post Office, they realized that their task wasn't going to be as easy as they had thought. The place had been ransacked. The mayor's desk had been thoroughly searched, the office's clock had fallen off its hook above the counter, and white feathers were everywhere.

Sonic whistled at the disaster. "Boy, it looks like a tornado went through this place."

Ratchet gritted his teeth and said, "Did those buckets of bolts have to make a big mess of the place?"

"Never mind that, Ratchet," Clank butted in. "Shall we clean up?"

Clank assigned himself the job of cleaning up Tortimer's desk, while Ratchet fixed the clock. As Sonic was sweeping up the feathers, he peeked into one of Pete's mailbags and pulled out ten letters.

"Let's see…two letters for Apollo, three for Rasher, two for Pudge, and three for Dotty."

"Do you know how to reach those inhabitants?" Clank asked.

The hedgehog studied the map he had gotten from Tom Nook. After a minute of mumbling to himself, he replied, "It's easy. Rasher lives on the other side of the river, so he'll be my first stop. My second delivery will be to Apollo, and then I'll zoom over to Dotty's place. Finally, I'll dump the last letters with Pudge and run back. No big deal!"

"Can you provide an approximation of the allotted time this mail run would require?"

He scratched his head and replied, "How 'bout five minutes?"

"Sounds a little slow for you, hedgehog," Ratchet teased.

"I added the villager factor."

"The what?"

"It's likely that some of 'em will talk to me, and I'll lose time," Sonic explained. Then, with a final cry of "Adios!", Sonic sped out the door, with the ten letters tucked in a mail carrier's pouch.

Ratchet walked behind the counter and picked out ten more letters for Sonic. As he looked through them, he saw that there were more letters for Pudge and Apollo. "Why did he take just ten?" he said. "He looks strong enough to carry this whole sack."

"Perhaps he wishes to take a tour of the town before he seriously starts delivering letters," Clank suggested.

"Good point. Oh well. He can take twenty more when he gets back." Ratchet took out all of the other bags, and the duo settled down and began sorting through the mail.


"For the gazillionth time, SpongeBob, no! You cannot carry the sack!"

"Aw, come on, Jimmy! I'll be careful! Pleeeeaaase?!"

Just before Jimmy lost his temper and grabbed his Stun Club to whack the yellow sponge, they arrived at Daisy's house; according to Jimmy's list, Daisy had ordered a red sofa. SpongeBob eagerly raced up to the house and knocked on the door.

A white dog answered. "Hello?"

"Hi! I'm SpongeBob SquarePants!" SpongeBob yelled in her face, unable to contain himself. With a terrified scream, the dog slammed the door in his face.

"SpongeBob, you scared her!" Jimmy scolded him. "Here, hold the sack and let me talk to her."

The silly sponge hopped up and down, happy that he had finally gotten a chance to hold the sack. "Ohboyohboyohboyohboy…" he said over and over.

Rolling his eyes, Jimmy knocked on the door and called out, "Does someone named Daisy live here? I need to talk with her."

The dog cautiously opened the door slightly and peeked out at the strange boy. "M-my name is D-daisy," she stammered, taking a glance at the other visitor. "Who are you?" she asked Jimmy.

Jimmy opened his mouth to reply, but then he remembered that he had to keep his real name a secret. "My name's…uhhh…"

"What's the matter? Did you forget your name?"

"N-no, it's Timothy. I'm working for Tom Nook. Sorry about my partner, Spon…I mean, Bobby."

SpongeBob stopped clowning around and objected to his alias. "My name's not Bobby! I'm Sponge…"

Jimmy put his right hand over the sponge's mouth before he could say anymore. "He's a bit nuts in the head," he tried to explain with a nervous smile.

Daisy wasn't fully convinced, but she didn't push it. "Oh. Well, pleased to meet you both, bow-WOW. What's in the bag?"

"Items we're delivering for Tom Nook. Did ya order a red sofa?"

"Yes I did, bow-WOW! It's finally here! Thank you so much!"

As Jimmy was handing her the item, he remembered what their real reason for delivering the items was. He came up with an idea. "No problem!" he said casually. "Sorry if it took a while to come in! With all the fighting and the Animal Alliance…"

Daisy's eyes grew big. "The Animal Alliance? Wow! You've heard news of them?!"

"So you like those guys?"

"Oh yes, of course I do, bow-WOW! All the girls in town are rootin' for 'em! They're our heroes!"

"How many girls are there?"

The dog counted on her paws before answering, "Seven: Mallary, Dotty, Savannah, Whitney, Olivia, Kiki, and me!"

"Thanks for the info! I'll go check them out! We've got to see them anyway; Savannah ordered a lovely armoire from Tom. See ya!" Jimmy took the sack from SpongeBob, and they ran away from the acre to find the three girl animals that lived by the Museum.


Unlike his younger cousin, Spike wasn't having as much good luck with the villagers. Patrick kept smacking into trees and saying "Oops, sorry about that." When they had finally found three houses by the Museum, they found out that all of the villagers were out for a walk…all except prissy, vain Olivia. She complained about her package being late, and she decided to thank them by sending them on an errand to give "stupid" Pudge his "stupid" Game Boy back. And then Patrick picked the perfect time to act like the moron he was.

"This is my way of saying 'thank you', sweetie," Olivia purred to Patrick. "Go ahead and take this Game Boy to Pudge."

"Do what now?" Patrick asked her.

The cat became slightly annoyed. "Take this Game Boy to Pudge."

"Sorry, what was that?"

Olivia glared and hissed angrily, "Game Boy. Pudge."

"Huh?"

"Take this stupid game to the beach where that amnesiac of a bear lives!" she screeched.

But Patrick only grinned and said, "Duuuuuuuhh…"

Olivia finally blew her top. "Aaaaaaaarrrgghh!! Get over here, boy, and talk some sense into your idiotic friend!!"

Spike had been munching on an apple he had picked from a nearby tree. He shrugged and replied, "Sorry, kitty, but I can't help you with him. He's so stupid that he doesn't know the difference between a person and a tree!"

They heard a thumping noise, and they turned to see Patrick running into the tree next to Olivia's house.

Boom.

"Oops, sorry about that," he said.

BOOM.

"Oops, sorry about that."

Boom.

"Oops, sorry about that."

BOOM.

"Excuse me, sir."

Boom.

"Pardon me, ma'am."

BOOM.

"Can I please get through?"

Boom.

"I said move it!"

BOOM.

Finally Patrick had had enough. He backed up a few steps and ran at the tree, roaring, "Move!!"

CRAAAASH!!

Patrick fell onto his back and lay there in the grass with his eyes closed tight and his tongue sticking out. When Olivia and Spike rushed to the scene, the cat asked, "Is he dead?"

"I wish," Spike muttered in reply.

Suddenly, the starfish opened his eyes, gave a goofy grin, and began laughing uncontrollably. "Hahahahahahaha!! That was fun! I wanna do it again!"

"Oh no you don't!" said Spike. He grabbed Patrick by the back of his neck and began dragging him to the next acre. He halted when something hard hit Spike in the head. He turned around and picked up a GBA.

"Deliver that while you're at it, Jake, since 'Peanut Brain' couldn't do it in a million years!" Olivia told him.

"I love peanuts!" Patrick exclaimed.

"Jake" nodded and walked away from Olivia's house with "Peanut Brain" in tow. The moron was still laughing hysterically. "As soon as we're outta sight of Ms. Vanity, I'm gonna knock your lights out with my Stun Club and dump you in the river," Spike whispered threateningly to Patrick.

"I thought we were gonna deliver that Game Boy to Pudge," Pat shot back.

"Why you little…"

"Sorry, I don't know Vietnamese."

Spike sighed. "Will I ever win?!"


While their friends had been running errands in the village, Ratchet and Clank had sorted through all of the mail in the Post Office, both in the letterboxes and in the mail sacks.

"Whew! We're all done!" said Ratchet. "Now we just need to wait for Sonic to get back. What's keepin' 'im?"

"The inhabitant factor must be more important than I first calculated," Clank said. When Ratchet gave him a confused look, he changed his sentence. "The villagers must be more talkative than I thought."

Just then Sonic burst through the door. He smiled and stared at the clock. "Right on time! Five minutes!"

"And 45 seconds," Ratchet added with a smirk.

"Hey, I can't help it if Mallary talks a mile a minute! I also had to do a favor for Apollo; I had to get his organizer from Rolf! So, whaddya got for my second round?"

Using his photographic memory, Clank listed the letters that were in the sack he sat next to. "In this sack we have two letters for Apollo, three letters for Olivia, two for Buck, one for…"

Sonic held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I got it. I'll take twenty with me, now that I've got my bearings."

"Did ya see any soldiers patrolling around out there?" Ratchet asked.

"No, but I did see the robot police dragging that cat Rover into the police station. He had handcuffs on, so I guess they were arresting him." Sonic had a puzzled look on his face when he said this.

"What is the matter with that, besides the fact that Rover is a fellow Ally?" asked Clank.

"I told Copper, and he said that there's no jail inside the police station." Ratchet's eyebrows rose in surprise, and Clank's eyes glowed brighter.

"That certainly is peculiar…" the robot said.

The hedgehog nodded. "Somethin' fishy is goin' on, guys."

While they were talking, the door opened and a voice spoke.

"Somebody say fish? I love fish."

Who was the voice? …I'll give you three guesses.

Patrick?

Nope, guess again.

SpongeBob?

Nope, guess again.

Chip?

Wrong!

Sonic, Ratchet, and Clank turned around and saw their visitor. It was none other than Wendell, the travelling (and hungry) carpet seller!

"You said you had a fish," Wendell said. "I'll give you wallpaper if you give it to me!"

"I am sorry, sir, but Son…" Clank started to say, but Sonic clamped a hand over Clank's mouth (if you can call it a mouth.)

"Tom told us to make up fake names, remember? Call me Cobalt." (A/N: "Cobalt" is a type of blue color.)

"Pardon me." The robot turned back to Wendell and explained, "Cobalt said that something was fishy, meaning strange or unusual."

Unfortunately, the walrus didn't get it. "You have a fish too?! Yummy!"

"Oh great, another genius…" Ratchet muttered sarcastically.

Losing his patience, Wendell cried out, "Gimme the fishies!!" Then he lunged forward and grabbed Clank.

Upon seeing his friend in trouble, Ratchet jumped out from behind the counter and took out his Omniwrench. Before the walrus could lumber out the door, he threw his Omniwrench in a boomerang fashion, and the wrench tripped Wendell. He landed with a loud thud. Sonic rushed forward and snatched the startled robot out of his paws.

"That was close!" Clank exclaimed. "Thank you, Ratch…I mean, eer…Sarge."

Ratchet rose an eyebrow. "Sarge?"

"You are a sergeant in the Galactic Rangers."

Sonic whistled, impressed by the Lombax's rank. "That's neat. Good job with the wrench, Sarge."

Used to his new name, Ratchet twirled the Omniwrench. "Thanks, Cobalt," he said with a teasing smile.

"Waaaaahh!! Why won't you gimme da fishies?!" wailed Wendell.

Ratchet had had enough with idiotic people that day. "Oh, shut up, tubby," he shot back. "If you're not mailing letters, then leave."

"I don't mail letters 'cause I can't stick fishies in 'em."

"Then why did you come in here in the first place?!"

"I like talking with Pete and Pelly. Now will you gimme the fishies?!"

"For the last time, we don't have any! You've worn out your welcome here, so leave."

When Wendell refused to leave, Ratchet and Sonic dragged him out of the Post Office, and Sonic braced the door to prevent him from getting back in. Once he was gone, the trio relaxed and began to prepare Sonic's next delivery.

"Good riddance to that idiot," Ratchet said. "One doofus is enough to deal with."

Once again, the door opening and a voice startled them. "What's a doofus?"

The Lombax groaned. "Oh no.Not him."

"Him," said a second voice.

The second speaker was Spike, and you can guess who the first was.

"Ice cream! Alpacas! Ketchup!"

"Patrick!" Ratchet said with gritted teeth.

That's right. Patrick.

"You guys got all of your errands done?" Sonic asked Spike.

"Naw, just half of 'em," he replied.

"That was pretty fast. How'd ya do it with the moron?"

"It was a nightmare until I knocked him out with my Stun Club and left him in the dump."

Once again, the door opened, and there were more voices.

"You did what?!"

"Way to go, cuz."

Obviously, it was SpongeBob and Jimmy. The boy told the others, "We got half of our work done, too. It's only noon and I'm already beat! Will we ever get a break?!"

"What's a break?" Patrick asked. Surprisingly, he was ignored.

Sonic turned to Jimmy and said, "I've learned somethin' about bein' a hero, Jimmy: a hero's work is never done."

Spike chuckled. "I've learned something similar to that: a Monkey Catcher's work is never done!"

"Do ya think we can check on Tails and ask Mr. Nook for a break?" SpongeBob asked.

At that moment, Tom, Tails, and Tortimer entered the Post Office. "No need for that. We came to check on you," said the raccoon.

Tortimer asked Sonic, Ratchet, and Clank, "How's the mail job, fellers?"

Sonic shrugged and said, "It's not half bad." The galactic duo nodded in agreement.

"Good." Then he turned to the delivery group. "How 'bout you four? Figgered out who's on our side yet?"

"Yeah, we have," Spike replied. "Most of the girls are rooting for the Allies. Olivia is the only one who doesn't. The boys were a little harder to figure out, but I think the whole town is against Big Boss."

"That's the best news I've heard in a while," Tom said happily. "Anyway, did I hear someone ask for a noon break?"

Jimmy stepped up and answered uneasily, "Heh heh, that was me. Am I in trouble?"

Nook chuckled. "No, of course not! I was just coming to tell you that you can all take a break for an hour. This is the hottest part of the day, so it would be best for all of us to take a little nap. Then we can get back to work."

"Sounds good to me. I need to catch a few Z's," Spike said, yawning for emphasis.

"I second that," said Sonic. "The mail business can be tiring for even a supersonic hedgehog."

"An hour of R&R," Ratchet said as he tucked his wrench in his pocket, "and then I'm back in action."

"You guys never stop working, do you?" SpongeBob asked them, a bit puzzled.

"What's work?" Patrick piped up, but once again no one seemed to hear him.

Ratchet shrugged and responded, "It's like Sonic said: 'A hero's work is never done'."

"Well then, if you need anything, I'll be in my shop," Tom Nook said, and he walked back to Nookington's with Tortimer.

Everyone left the Post Office, and the eight heroes walked back to their house, each duo returning to its assigned floor for a nap. Sonic was the only exception; he slept and sunned himself at the same time on the roof. They all tried to rest and conserve energy for the chores ahead. After all, a hero's work is never done.