Apology: First off Myst is cool cause she helped me with this chappie! And now thank you all for being so patient. A gigantic thanks. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time. A lot of things have just been going on…not all of it good. I have been really depressed and confused. I didn't mean to neglect my readers so long. :hug: Sorry! You guys are the best.
"Well! What the hell did he do? What the hell will I see Kisa," Haru screamed angrily.
"He didn't do anything physical" she said quietly while looking down.
I shouldn't snap at her right now, what if she's really hurting, but damn it! If that little runt has gone and hurt her he'll be learning one heck of a lesson
"It's just..." Kisa hesitated.
"Does it have to be fucking physical? Can't it just be mental or emotional? Thing is he...wait," Haru paused. "Why the hell did you tell me it wasn't physical?"
"We haven't been talking much. Annnd thhings have been a little awkward."
"Well tell me if he's done something wrong, you shouldn't have to suffer because of anything like that..."
Huh? What do you mean things have been awkward? With Akito? Is Akito giving you shit?
"Tell me!" Haru took her hand as he saw her looking away and inadvertently rolled up her sleeve showing the cuts she had made. "What the hell is this?"
"It's not...He didn't exactly...DO anything"
"SORRY!"
Kisa pulled her sleeve back down and pulled her arm away/
"What the hell was that? Akito! Akito's been hurting you like that? Damn it! You should have told Hatori...or...no; only a flipping idiot would have cut themselves like that!"
:She looked down: "I-I-I guess I'm an idiot then."
"What the hell?"
"Sorry!"
Haru was nervous. He worried that he might scare her if he didn't calm down; so he tried. "You...don't...hell damn it! You ever show anyone else what you did?"
"Hatori helped me through this...when I, when I used to hurt myself! And it's a stupid waste of energy! How the hell do you think you're going to get better if you just keep fucking cutting yourself?"
"Nnnno. What?"
Somehow I know from looking at her that I'm treating this situation badly, but it's her...I need her to understand that even with all the fucking pressures in this world things have to get better.
"What to what?"
"You? Wwhaat diid you do?"
"When I was a kid…"
"What did you do?"
"I stabbed myself a couple of times, so what! I learned! I fucking learnt my lesson as you have to learn yours! It made me feel worse okay!"
:blink, blink: Kisa's eyes began to water. She was terrified she had upset him and she was right. She hurt Haru too.
"I...It was hard for me! It was hell for me going through school! You think anyone likes this hair? I had to drag another guy into the bathroom and show him my...well IT just to get his fucking ass off of my case!" He took a deep breath. "You think that's easy?"
"Nnno" she said surprised. "III'm sorry."
"It's not, it's not your fault...it's just...don't do it again! You got me! Get yourself out of the habit before it becomes a damn addiction!" I hope she stops. I don't want her to become like me.
"This isn't the first time" Kisa said in a soft voice without stuttering once.
"Hell I coulda guessed it wasn't the first time! It doesn't look like an amateur cut! It looks like one from someone who knows what they're doing! It's a habit damnit! A fucking habit of which is screwing your life over!
:Kisa began crying: I don't know what to do. I made Haru turn black. I've never made him turn black. I must have really done something wrong.
Damn it she's crying, I've hardly ever been the fucking reason that she cries! I just, I want her to get better. I don't want her to do something stupid like kill herself; I want her to be better. He held Kisa close to him trying to comfort her. "Why?"
"I'm sorry. I'll just go."
"If you go without speaking to me I'll damn well tell Hatori!"
"No" she whimpered. "Please don't."
"Then just...just don't do anything drastic, Hatori helped me when I had a problem..."
"He doesn't particularly like solving emotional issues but he can" Haru added as an afterthought.
"Bbbutt I ddon't want too bother Uncle Hatori."
"He knows about emotional crap!"
"Umm…still…"
"Well bother someone" Haru screamed.
"No" Kisa spoke in a firm voice. "I don't want to bother anyone."
"So what the hell do you think will happen? Are you planning on killing yourself and getting it over with?"
Haru stopped. His eyes began to water slightly as they hadn't in a long time.
:Kisa hugged him: "I'm sorry Haru. I'm really sorry." And she began to cry again.
Haru shivered as he put his arms around her. "Please Kisa! I'm begging you! Just don't f'ing kill yourself...you have people who care about you! CARE ABOUT THEM! I...I...love you...Kisa-chan, damn it believe me when I tell you that! I do care."
"Yoou loovee mee?"
"Like my own fucking little sister…if I had one."
"Really?"
"Why do you think it's so untrue? It's goddamn fact! I do love and care and treasure you! You think people don't? You think you're only an insignificant fucking blob?
"Listen," Haru took a deep breath, "If you die I'd never stop being black! That's how much I fucking care!
"You mean that? Really?"
"Hell yeah! I mean that!"
"O. Wow…"
"So, you gonna do it?"
"I don't think so"
"Good you damn well better not!"
"I should get back now."
"So you want me to walk you somewhere?"
"I kind of ran away from an appointment with Uncle Hatori." Kisa looked away.
"So let's get you back there."
"Ok."
Haru and Kisa began to walk back towards Sohma house. Except, unlike normal, this time there was a silence. It was somewhat awkward and somewhat not. It was more of a shared silence with an understanding between the two.
Haru gave Kisa his hand. "So…you thinking 'bout taking the examination?"
"What examination? You mean letting Uncle Hatori examine me?"
"Yeah, you need it. Imagine if one of those fucking cuts got infected. Just make up an excuse. You could say Akito did it. That is believable."
"He's not stupid Haru."
"Then don't! But come on! You better let someone take a look, it's important that they don't get infected! You listening to me?"
"Yes!" she squeaked in fear.
"Do you want your cuts to get infected Kisa! Do you want to die?"
She looked at Haru with tears in her eyes.
Haru put his hand on this head. "Ok I get it! That was a bad time to ask that stupid question. So how long has this been going on?"
"A while."
"Define a while. A week? A month? Tell me it's not more than a damn year!"
"…Then I won't." Kisa put her head down.
"More than a year! You're serious? Of course you're fucking serious! Christ! You need help!"
"What kind of help" she asked skeptically.
"I don't care goddamnit! I'm sorry to say this but if you don't get immediate help yourself than damn it I'll get you some! Psychiatrists, fucking therapists! At least one damn adult who can talk to you about this!"
"NO!" Kisa screamed. I won't do it. They've made me before and I won't do it again!
"Ok fine. A friend...do you have a friend you could talk to? Tell me that you aren't still in that fucking loner position!"
"She wouldn't understand Haru."
Kisa looked at him…this time she started crying and then ran off. Just trying to escape.
Haru looked down and sighed. "Kisa…"
She ran and ran until she reached the main Sohma estate. Normally under these circumstances she'd want to get as far away as possible from there, but not this time. Anything to get away.
Yuki saw Kisa as she was crying. She appears to be searching for something...or someone. "Hey, Hatori's actually been worrying about you. Where have you been?"
"Sorry. I didn't want to worry anyone."
"What are you looking for anyway?" Yuki shook his head. "Kisa-chan listen, I've been in your position." He rested on a shelf watching her. "I don't ever remember the ceilings being this low...Anyway; we're all quite worried about you."
"Worried? About me? Really?"
"I worry...I've been in this situation too but do you know who would worry the most Kisa?" After asking that question Yuki paused and closed his eyes as he attempted to keep back memories. "Tohru. She would worry the most. What makes you think that she wouldn't? If she found out about this she'd hurt even more...so please stop and think about those you care about. You will learn, as I did, that people really do care…especially Tohru."
"Found out about what?"
"I used to cut myself as well Kisa. I can tell that's why you're running away, what you're attempting to hide and that what you're looking for is a knife. I was Akito's "pet" from the day my parents sold me until I started college. Did you ever think that I wasn't feeling pain? Especially after having to live in the same house as that stupid cat?"
Kisa blinked. "How does everybody know?"
"You make it obvious, when you run away. It's not a just your problem. It's actually quite common in this family. Rin happens to be the worst."
"O."
"So stop it or you'll fall ever farther and even harder. And Kisa-chan…" Yuki looked away and then pulled down his collar "I've attempted to kill myself. I was trying before I met Tohru. And now when I feel bad I think of her and how she'd feel if she found out. Anyway I'm done with this place for now. Try to get better Kisa." He turned around and left just as Hatori arrived.
"Kisa, are you ready for your checkup now?"
"Not now Uncle Hatori." I'm not ready for him to find out. I don't want him to be hurt.
"Sometime soon then, but I expect you to tell me what's going on." It's not as though I don't already have an idea.
She sighed. "Please. I'm tired. If you don't mind I think I'm gonna go home and lie down. It's been a long day. Bye!" Good. Problem solved for now.
"I'll contact your mother."
Kisa froze in her tracks. "About what?"
"I think she needs to be informed if what Yuki suspects is fact." Prove him wrong. Please prove him wrong.
"He told you" Kisa asked in a worried tone. No. No. Big mistake. I can't let him know that I know what he's talking about. That way he won't know that I really am. Kisa steadied her voice and spoke again. "What was he thinking?"
"I know now that he was right. Don't blame him. He felt it was a secret between him and me out of his fear for your safety. But it was my decision to phone your mother. The only reason he would give to telling me is that he cares about you."
"Please don't call her. She's busy and she has better things to do. Besides, she won't pick up the phone. She rarely does. I'm usually the one who answers."
"Well then I'll go over and talk to her myself."
"There's no point. By the time she gets home she usually goes straight to bed. Besides…she's fed up with me."
He looked at her slightly confused.
"Didn't she tell you" she asked in a sad tone. Kisa turned away from Hatori. He normally knew everything. So he probably knew that her mom was getting fed up with her.
"Tell me what? Kisa, I'm not a mind reader...your mother hasn't told me anything. So what is it?"
"That she's fed up with me. She's pretty much lost her patience."
"I'm sorry. Truly I am." Most people wouldn't believe Uncle Hatori if he said sorry to them but I know he means it.
Kisa smiled: "It's fine Uncle Hatori. It's not your fault. It's mine."
"So that was what the appointment was for...memory suppression." Did I just say that aloud?
Kisa stared. What! No! No. She ran out the door and headed home. It wasn't like her mother would be there.
She ran and ran and ran until she finally got to the door, threw it open and then slammed it shut. Kisa kicked her shoes off and continued running to her room. She went in and locked the door. This way no one can bother me. I can write in peace. And that she did. Kisa began writing and kept going until she finally cried herself to sleep.
A/N: Yet again I must thank you all for being so patient with me. I was trying to even update a few days sooner but I had trouble saving my changes. However, I have returned. I hope all of you are still loyal enough to return even after having to wait so long. If not I shall miss you. If so then welcome back! I am going to try to update sooner. Just not until after next Friday...finals. Ugh! But I will have more time during the summer. Well, I must go. Ta ta for now!
- Different Child
