Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight
Hey guys. Sorry I didn't update sooner, there are no excuses. This chapter is dedicated to javajunkie101 and Masochistic lion lover, thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews. And thanks so much to all the readers and reviewers! And thank you to my editor, Brightmidnight23! Enjoy!
Chapter 12 – Decisions
EPOV
"Yes Bella, you want to be changed don't you? And right now in all your feistiness you are utterly irresistible, so brave and fearless. I'm going to change you now Bella." Christopher murmured.
His mouth was centimeters from the vain in her neck. Bella looked terrified.
Oh my G-d.
The vision had finally come through. Alice had been trying her hardest for hours to see something, anything about Bella's fate.
Christopher was going to change her.
Oh my G-d.
Rage flooded my senses. "NOOOOOOOO!" I yelled with more fury than I'd ever felt before.
Ten sets of golden eyes looked up at me abruptly.
"What is it? What did you see?" Carlyle asked, directing the question at Alice. Jasper was rubbing Alice's shoulders comfortingly. But he was grimacing as well. I could tell he felt my pain. Alice's eyes were wide with shock and horror.
"He – He's going to change her. Now." Her voice was a hoarse whisper. Jasper was sending tidal waves of calm towards everyone, but it had no effect on me. My feelings were too strong to be mitigated.
A million different thoughts flew through my mind at once. It's all my fault. He's taking her soul. He'll hurt her. He won't be able to stop. He'll kill her. NOOOO! NO! NO! NO! She won't die. She can't die. She can't become a vampire either! Especially not by force. Not by him! It was the first time I realized that I could in some faraway part of my mind envision myself changing Bella. But the realization had come far too late.
"No. This can't- This can not be happening." I was pacing back and forth, a blur to human eyes. "So soon." I mourned. Why is he changing her so soon? Is he prepared? The worst thing imaginable was that she would die. I had never felt so entirely helpless in my life. Christopher was going to change my love forever and I was completely powerless to stop him. I did not even know where they were. Their trail had just disappeared, faded into nothingness within mere seconds.
"Edward, calm down." Emmett put his hand on my shoulder.
"Calm down? CALM DOWN! He's going to change her Emmett! Change her! She could DIE! And there's absolutely nothing I can do." I brushed his hand off and went back to pacing.
"Exactly Edward, there's nothing you can do." This time it was Esme's voice trying to mollify me.
I was frightening my family, making the situation even worse. Everyone was upset. Even Luke had stopped joking. But I couldn't help acting this way. I groaned. Why? Why did we have to go to that club that night. He would've found me either way, but maybe Bella would still be in Forks. Safe. All I wanted was to keep her safe. And with me. Now both of those things were ruined.
Maybe I should just end it. Maybe I should just go to the Volturi, I thought. I had never felt such grief and anguish in my life. My life was meaningless without her, a night sky void of even one flicker of light. I was furious. I hated myself. And I was scared. I was so scared about the future. Would I never see Bella again? Changed or not I needed to believe that I would see my angel once again. I needed to be assured that I would hold her in my arms once more. But the odds were impossible. The odds… were always against Bella and me, it seemed. Was there any hope?
And she had asked me to move on! The idea was ludicrous. I could never forget Bella. I could never move on. I could never love someone else. Ridiculous. No one compared to my love. Her mind, her smile, her stubbornness, her selflessness… Her going with Christopher was the ultimate act of selflessness, yet she was still not protecting me from harm. She never managed to realize that I could not live without her.
What was life without her? Death was easier, less painful.
I determined right then that I would find Bella… or die trying.
Because either, there was some tiny speck of hope that I would find her, that I could be with her again… or there was no hope, in which case I would prefer death... Bella was all that mattered to me. If she was truly and positively gone from me forever… then death would be a relief.
BPOV
"Yes Bella, you want to be changed don't you? And right now in all your feistiness you are utterly irresistible, so brave and fearless. I'm going to change you now Bella." Christopher murmured.
He was so close that I could feel his cool breath against my skin. "Mmm… delicious" he whispered, inhaling the scent of my blood.
"Christopher! No! please! Wait!" I gasped. He didn't to seem to hear me. "Christopher STOP!" I screamed. He didn't respond. Action… I had to take action… I had to do something to prevent this. But what amount of pain could I possibly inflict on a vampire… I knew the answer. None. But I had to catch his attention somehow. I grabbed the back of his hair and yanked. Although this didn't seem to cause him the slightest discomfort he glanced at me.
"Christopher, Please! Don't do this!" I begged.
He narrowed his eyes. "But why, Bella? I am going to change you inevitably. You will be mine forever, Bella. This is no temporary affair." I opened my mouth to protest but he placed his hand over my lips. "Bella. Do not fight this."
I released a series of muffled objections. "Christopher it won't change anything! I will never love you whether you change me or not!"
His voice grew ominously louder. "Let me assure you Bella, I am going to change you, and we will live happily for eternity. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change that." He commanded firmly. As if to confirm the matter he removed his hand and began to kiss the nape of my neck. He was absolutely delusional. He truly believed that I would grow to love him and accept him. So how was I ever going to convince him otherwise? How was I ever going to convince him not to change me? I decided to change tactics.
"Christopher! Christopher... Fine." I sighed. He paused and looked at me again.
"Fine?" He raised his eyebrows in question.
"Yes, fine." I tried to look resigned. Christopher grinned widely. He returned to kissing my neck. I tried to slither from his grasp, unsuccessfully.
"Fine, I understand you are going to change me…" I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. "But now is… not the time." His smile dissolved.
"And why not?" He asked with a mixture of suspicion and amusement glinting in his eyes.
"Christopher you could kill me. You're not ready. I'm not ready."
"Bella I would never hurt you." I almost snorted at the irony of the statement, but held back. "I have refrained from human blood for centuries… I am sure I will not kill you. I-"
"Are you sure?" I interrupted. "Edwa – Edward also had been a vegetarian for years. But He still almost killed me because of the intense smell of my blood." I winced. It was excruciating recounting memories of my angel and I.
"Well I am much more disciplined than Edward." He growled, His eyes darkening at the name. But I could see the doubt snaking its way in to his voice.
"It's not about discipline. My blood happens to be more tempting than other humans'. When's the last time you hunted anyways?" I drilled. "And what about me? Are you going to let me suffer immense pain for three days without even considering my needs? Have you thought through what it will be like? What about something for the pain? And the other vampires around who will smell my blood?" I interrogated, on a roll.
He seemed to be thinking these questions through. He withdrew a few inches from my body.
"You only have one chance with my life. If even one thing goes wrong, I would be gone forever. And where does that leave you?" I finished.
The last question seemed to hit home. He observed me, head cocked to one side, contemplating my words. I thought that perhaps I had outwitted him.
"Bella…" He said, searching my face for answers, "Why are you trying to postpone this? Maybe I am rushing into things, but… this will happen, one way or another. So why delay it?" He said quietly.
I didn't truly know the answer myself. All I knew was that I had to put it off as long as I could. Maybe I was the trying to delude myself. Did I really think I would be able to stop a vampire, nonetheless a vampire who was the leader of a gigantic coven, from overpowering one weak human girl? What was the point? He could literally kill me instantaneously if he chose. I was lucky to even be alive at this point. Or was I? Lucky was not exactly a term I would use liberally to describe myself in this situation.
Was I lucky to live forever without Edward? Death was the less painful option… But some part of me refused to give up. Some small part of me refused to end it all with a quick leap from a window or slash of my wrist. Because deep down there was still some tiny glimmer of hope flickering inside of me. The tiniest little flame that believed I would see Edward again someday. And however ridiculous that speck of hope might've been, it was compelling me to stay alive. What was Edward doing right now? I wondered fleetingly. Was he mourning? Trying to find me? Moving on with his life like I asked?
I felt a jolt of ache just thinking about the options. It hurt me immensely to think of him in grief. No, I did not want him in anguish over anything, especially something he could not prevent. He probably blamed himself entirely, I realized with another twinge. I did not want him trying to find me either. And although a part of me wanted nothing more than for him to try to rescue me from this place, it was a pointless attempt. The odds were simply impossible. And the entire purpose of me coming here peacefully was so that he could live, unharmed. But if I was honest to myself, I would have to admit that the thought of him moving on… like I had asked him to do… invoked another gut wrenching twist of pain.
To think of him actually forgetting me, to imagine him laughing and rejoicing without me, to picture him in another woman's arms was… unbearable. But I had told him to move on and it was only the selfish part of me now that even begrudged him one bit. I wanted him to go on with his life. I did not want my face to haunt his forever, like his would surely do to mine for eternity. I wanted him to find love again.
'No you don't!' a voice inside my head objected. 'You want the impossible. You want to be with him yourself,' it said. 'Otherwise what's the purpose of living? If you can even call it a life… It's more like an existence, devoid of any joy, love, or meaning whatsoever.'
I decided right then that I the voice was right. I would return to Edward… or die trying.
Because either, the flicker of hope inside me was justified, and there was some diminutive chance that I could be with him again… or there was no hope, in which case I would prefer death. Edward was all that mattered to me. If he was truly and positively gone from me forever… then death would be a relief.
"Bella why delay it?" Christopher's whisper broke me out of my reverie. But what he didn't realize was that his words held double meaning for me. Why delay it? If I was going to put everything I had into somehow escaping this fate… then why not start right now. I needed to devise a plan.
"I- I don't know Christopher…" I replied, still in a trance of thought.
"Chris." He said. "Bella, please call me Chris."
I had a sudden urge to be defiant, but something told me to be agreeable. "You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar." The old proverb popped into my head. It may not have applied perfectly, but the concept was true enough. I had to be very smart about everything I said and did from now on. I had to keep in mind my goal. So which path gave me the best chance of seeing Edward again?
"Okay… Chris." I acquiesced. I would have to try honey, for now at least.
"To be honest, I hadn't planned on changing you immediately. I got, well, carried away, I believe. I apologize if I frightened you, Bella. It's just that, you really are quite incredible. I want to be with you for eternity. I will give you everything, Bella. I will love you more than you believe possible, and you will love me in return… I have been waiting for you Bella. Ever since the incident with Allison I have been obsessed with revenge, but even more so with filling the gaping hole she left in my soul. You will mend my heart. You are the one I need."
Again, I empathized with his situation, but could not be sympathetic. If he knew the results of torn apart love, then why did he so easily inflict them upon me? I was way too familiar with that internal abyss. The idea of being with anyone but my angel, forever, was repulsive.
"I am eager to change you Bella. I see that you may be currently attached to… others… but soon your human memories will become nothing but a distant dream. You will forget easily. You will have no reason for regret… But perhaps it would be wise to postpone this a little while longer. I would like to make proper arrangements. I will do this right. Like you said… I only have one chance with your life… and I could not bear to lose you."
I nodded, unsure about what I needed to do to proceed with my plan, but grateful for more time to decide. Chris moved closer to me once again. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek.
"Settle yourself in, Bella." He glanced around the bedroom quickly. "I hope you won't be staying in a guestroom for long… well, my rooms are just around the corner… Explore the facilities and the grounds if you please… this is your home now Bella. No one will deny you any request." He got up and stood by the doors. "I will be seeing you soon, Bella." Within a second he sped off.
G-d, vampires were fast. How I wished that I, too, was fast, beautiful, graceful, and strong. I wished that I was strong enough to stop being the victim for once in my life. I wished that I was strong enough to escape… But maybe that was the key.
Maybe… Maybe I had to become a vampire to escape…
Author's note: Ooooh is Bella going to become a vampire after all? \Will Edward and Bella find ever find each other? okay so I hope you liked it. Please, if you liked it, have any questions, comments, constructive criticism, or anything else to say, please review!!! It's not food for my ego, it helps motivate me to write more chapters and tells me what my audience is thinking. I go crazy wondering what people think of my story... I always think that they probably didn't like it enough if they didn't review... seriously. Anyway, no ultimatums, just please give me some feedback. Thanks so much for reading!!!!
