chapter four -- "reminescence"
Back then, my life was a lot different.
"I… hate… math."
Jay sighed as he passed a hand through his sand-colored hair and turned his head to stare out the window. Almost in spite of the continuous weeks of rain it was an absolutely beautiful day with only a few clouds to offer token resistance against the radiant sunlight. A chill breeze swept through the campus, making its students cling to their jackets a little tighter as it reminded them it was, indeed, still winter. A Southern Californian winter to be sure, without snow, hail, or the proper temperature for either, but a winter nonetheless.
Jay sighed again, tilting his chair back to stretch his arms over his head lazily. Naturally, the best and worst part about winter was winter break: good because it meant two weeks of blissful, blessed and homework-free vacation time, but bad because the two weeks is normally wasted simply recuperating from the stress of the finals just before.
"It's too early for me to be suffering from post-finals stress," Jay muttered, throwing an arm over his eyes.
A soft knock on the door whipped his head around so fast, he almost tipped his chair over. There was a second knock followed by a muffled giggle. Jay grinned as he lowered his chair and rose to his feet, eager for a distraction from his studies.
When he opened the door, a tall brunette with mischievous honey-toned eyes smirked back at him. "Why do I have the feeling that your rush to the door had little to do with a sudden need to see me?"
Jay laughed and gestured for the young woman to enter. "Aw, come on, Robin, of course I was… am excited to see you," he corrected, turning to smile at her. "Why else would I-"
His voice was stilled by a knowing glance and a meaningful tap of manicured fingernails on his abandoned textbook. Robin quirked an eyebrow at his silence, accepting it as an acknowledgement of surrender. "Now what was that again? Excited to see me? Or excited to see something other than-" she glanced down at the page under her finger, "-limits and summations?"
Jay grinned sheepishly. "Would you be mad if I said both?"
The young woman laughed. "I thought as much."
Robin lingered at his desk while Jay moved around her and flopped onto his bed, breathing out a heavy and relaxed sigh. His eyes wandered absently around his dorm room at the various items decorating its walls: a high school diploma, basketball tickets and movie stubs hung by push pins, an assortment of music and movie posters and a liberal scattering of photographs. His blue eyes and sparkling smile shone out through at least half of them, but unique faces were the subjects of them all. Robin herself was seen in many of them, more often than not with him. Jay's smile grew bigger when his gaze lingered on a shot of him kneeling before Robin, a delightedly surprised expression tinting her cheeks a lovely rouge. That particular picture hung off the corner of his mirror, strategically placed where he could look upon it and remember the future he had to look forward to.
Back then, my life was a lot different.
"Hey, what're these?"
Jay shook himself from his memory to turn to his fiancé. "Hm? What're what?"
"These," Robin repeated, reaching for a framed picture on his desk. "I don't think I've ever seen these before. You look so young."
Jay leaned forward enough to peek over her shoulder. "Oh yeah," he replied, falling back into his pillows again. "My mom came up last weekend with a box of stuff she found in the attic. Mostly just work from elementary and junior high school, some old soccer medals and a bunch of pictures. You know Mom- she's a trigger-happy camera nut."
Robin chuckled. "Don't I know it." She put down the picture to pick up another, face breaking out in another smile. "You're so young in these pictures! You hardly look older than 8 or 9."
"For your information, I was 11," Jay replied in mock indignation. "The men in the Hawk family have a history of baby-faced preadolescence."
Robin rolled her eyes. "Sure they do." But she was far too fascinated by the sight of a five foot tall Jay to pay him much notice. Her eyes wandered over the various scenes of his youth, absently wondering if- way down the line- her own first son would inherit those adorable bright blue eyes and deep dimples.
Her drifting gaze finally rested on the last photo on the end of his desk. It was immortalized in a popsicle-stick frame adorned with stickers and glitter. Robin exchanged it with the one in her hand for a better look. "Jay, I thought you said both your parents were only children."
From his comfortable position on his bed where he had nearly dozed off, Jay opened one eye to fix a patient look on his fiancé. "Yeah, they are. So?"
Robin didn't look up. "So you don't have any aunts or uncles, right? Or cousins?"
Jay sighed and passed her bizarre curiosity off as unimportant. He adjusted the pillows behind his head as he replied, "Hmm, single child parents… no relatives… yeah, that sounds about right." He folded his arms behind his head and reclined back, eyes closing, jaw dropping into a huge, face-splitting yawn.
Not even a second later, something small, light but distinctly hard bopped him on the nose and he sat up with a glare and an indignant "Ow." Robin, with a supremely smug smirk, settled herself back into his desk chair. "Don't try to be a smart ass," she admonished gently. "I'm just curious about you, that's all. You hardly ever talk about your childhood."
With Robin teasing so earnestly, it was hard to maintain a good grip on any real irritation at her. But Jay had little trouble portraying the angry, vengeful boyfriend as he wielded the picture frame in one hand menacingly. "Let's see how much you like it when I-"
"Who're those people in the picture?" she interrupted, smiling innocently.
Jay paused mid-throw, blinking at the abrupt subject change. By all accounts, he really should have carried on with the attack- it's what she deserved after all- but a combination of sleepiness, her gentle smile and genuine curiosity all pitched in against him and he gave up without a fight. Settling back against the bed, he threw her a suspicious glance before actually giving his attention to the photo. When his expression turned from a mock scowl to a delightedly surprised smile, Robin knew she was forgiven.
"Wow, I haven't seen this picture in ages," he said with a chuckle, rubbing his thumb across the glossy and slightly glittery surface.
Back then, my life was a lot different.
The picture was dated seven years ago, making the grinning, mud-splotched Jay standing in the middle of the group about twelve years old. His arm was slung around the shoulders of an equally filthy girl, a couple of years his junior and sporting an impressive tooth gap directly in the middle of her bright smile. Behind him, his parents were standing next to a short, laughing blonde woman holding a baby and a stern-looking man with gentle eyes. A dark-haired toddler clung to his father's pant leg, staring out at the camera bashfully.
Robin watched silently as Jay's smile softened the longer he stared. Her patience was rewarded when he suddenly spoke up. "They were the Blacks, old family friends of ours. Our parents were friends for years. I swear, while I was growing up, I think I spent more time at Sheri and Ron's house than I did with at my own. My parents used to joke that I was originally adopted from the Blacks. Tyler wasn't much more than a baby last time I saw him, but Bryan… he used to follow me everywhere. And I was such a ham back then- I loved the idea of being a big brother and having a little kid idolize everything I did or said." He chuckled to himself. "Ved was still little then and hung mostly with my mother. I used to joke about trading. I wouldn't talk to my parents for days after my Mom said she wouldn't trade him in for Bryan."
Robin smiled at the thought of a juvenile Jay throwing a fit because he couldn't have his own young lackey to boss around.
Being somewhat distracted by the mental image, it took her a few moments to realize that Jay hadn't continued. When she looked at him, his eyes were still on that picture, his attention far off and no longer on her. She marveled at the small smile that had slowly crept on his face, most likely without him even realizing it. She was used to his infectious laughter and charming grins, but this slight, almost shy turn of his lips was something completely new to her.
With the slightest twinge of guilt, she nudged his foot with hers and his head snapped up, startled. When he looked questioningly at her, she smiled and tilted her head back down at the picture. "What about the girl? Was she kind of like your sister or something?"
Jay stared at her for a moment before letting his gaze drop back to the picture in his hands and chuckled. "Riley? A sister? Hardly. She'd have to be a girl for that." He shook his head with his ever familiar grin in place before leaning over to return the picture to its rightful place next to his bed. He paused a moment, thinking of the irony of this picture being the closest one to him as he slept. In all honesty, he hadn't given a second glance to any of the items his Mom had scattered all around the room. Ironic, too, that the person to bring forth this pictures- and with it all its long-forgotten memories- was his own fiancé. Someone who, although absolutely wonderful, wasn't like the kind of woman he always thought he would marry.
He's staring off into space again, Robin mused as she watched him continue to stare at the picture even after he had returned it to his desk. His expression was unreadable but his eyes were unfocused and distant- a distinct characteristic of a wandering mind. She kicked him lightly against his shin and laughed when he turned a confused look on her. "As a fellow girl, I think it's my duty to defend this Riley when she's not here to do it herself."
Jay looked confused for only a moment- adorably so, she thought- but his expression cleared and relaxed into a smile not long after. He settled back on the bed and leaned his back against the wall, watching Robin watch him. "No, I didn't mean it as an insult. Even her parents said that they didn't have a daughter- only three sons. Riley would roll in the dirt, jump in the mud, and catch more bullfrogs in one afternoon than any boy I ever knew. We used to get in and out of trouble just about on an hourly basis." His chuckle was boyish and wicked as he recalled the many scrapes they managed to get themselves out of- and the many they didn't. Robin chuckled along with him, secretly vowing to worm these stories out of his parents. They sounded interesting.
As his laughter faded he sighed, his voice strangely soft. "No, Riley was no sister. She was my best friend."
Back then, my life was a lot different.
"Was?" Robin asked before she could stop herself. She realized afterwards that she was probably stepping into dangerous territory. She'd already learned that Jay wasn't one to share much of his past and she wasn't blind to his behavior around that picture.
But, then again, he was being far more open than she ever would have imagined. That and a bit of old-fashioned curiosity had her throwing her conscience out the window as Jay looked at her and shrugged.
"Yeah, well, childhood friends and all that," he replied as way of explanation. "You know how that goes: she moved with her family and I stayed here. We tried to keep in touch, but it didn't last long. Every once in a while, I'll hear something or other about her from my folks, but really, I haven't talked to her in years."
He looks far more sad about it then he's likely to admit, Robin thought. She covered her pity with a bright smile. "Well, if your parents still keep in touch with her parents, maybe you should invite her to the wedding."
"Maybe." Jay neither looked nor sounded all too enthused about the idea.
But Robin wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Well, if you won't, then I will," she announced as she rose to her feet, stretching. "I'm sure she'll have some darling stories to tell that I'd love to hear."
Melancholy moment passed as Jay flashed her a smug smirk. "Too bad you can't do any 'girl talking' unless I tell you where to find her. Which I'm not gonna do," he added, lifting his chin defiantly.
Robin made a show of snapping her fingers dejectedly. "Darn it, that's right," she replied. But, with a shrug and a spin toward the door, she added, "Guess I'll just have to bug your parents at dinner tonight."
Jay's expression of arrogance flashed into panic as he leapt off the bad and raced forward to block the door. "Oh, no you don't. You've already conned Mom to the dark side. I don't need you trying to pull Riley in, too."
Robin's smile was dripping with sugary venom. "Why, Jay dear. You make it sound like I'm raising an army up against you or something. No need to be so dramatic."
Jay pouted. "But you are raising an army. And your minions just so happen to have a tendency to talk about me in diapers and bathtubs."
Robin rolled her eyes. "Your mother and her friends are hardly my minions," she pointed out. But he looked so cute frowning down at her with a hint of undisguised fear in his eyes that she decided she wouldn't push the subject further. Tonight, anyway. Shaking her head, she leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Alright, we'll call it a draw for now. But don't count on me forgetting anytime soon. I still have every intention of inviting her to the wedding."
Jay was softened by the kiss but his frown still stubbornly remained. "Sure, and I'm sure those intentions have absolutely nothing to do with embarrassing me, right?"
"Of course not," she replied, sincerely serious and indignant. "You two were close friends. I think it'd do you a lot of good to see her again."
Jay blinked, surprised at the turn the previously playful conversation had taken. He decided against commenting further and instead turned to open the door for her. "I'll see you tonight, then, alright?"
He did nothing but smile and nod as she walked through the doorway and down the hall, calling out something about math homework along the way. But as he shut the door and rested his forehead against it, shutting his eyes, he was dismayed to find his mind was just as tumbled as it was before Robin dropped by. Just minus the numbers.
Back then, my life was a lot different.
"Well that… was unexpected," he said to himself, reviewing over the last ten minutes of her visit. In retrospect, even though he didn't mean to be so openly panicked about Robin's offer, he supposed it was a good thing that she misinterpreted the cause for the fear. It wasn't that he had any worries that Riley'd say anything embarrassing. It wasn't that at all.
He was far more worried about how he'd embarrass himself at his own wedding from seeing Riley again.
"Come on, Jay, that's enough," he scolded himself, shaking his head. "Time to get back to math."
As joyous as that sounds, he added with a grimace as he settled himself back at his desk. A sigh and a slow rotating of his neck, and he was prepared to pick up his pencil-
…
…
…
-and put it right back down again.
"I think it's about time I move on to History," he announced to no one in particular as he got to his feet to retrieve his backpack. Sometime during the last half-hour, the sun had maneuvered its way from around the clouds that had begun to gather in forces for yet another storm. Trying to dig through his bag was proving rather difficult to do with the way the sun was streaming into his eyes.
He temporarily abandoned his books in favor of moving to the window and tugging the drapes across the screen. When he got about halfway, he paused, squinting in the sunlight. He could have sworn he saw something that looked like a small black dot moving through the sky. But when he blinked, it was gone.
Probably a mosquito, he thought, dragging the drapes all the way across leaving only a sliver of light slicing across his desk. Now that it was darker, he reached for the lamp that sat next to his computer. He tried to keep his eyes locked on the lamp as his fingers fumbled around the switch and away from the picture frame illuminated by the little light left.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake and the picture frame toppled over. Figuring it to be what felt like an exceptionally strong earthquake (as was not uncommon in California), he practiced and knew the proper safety procedures to take. But, in contrast to that, he reached for the drapes again. For whatever reason, his mind decided to replay in super slow mode that small dot he had seen just moments before that he had disregarded as an insect. Even though, now that he gave it more than a tenth of a percent of brain power to think about it, its movement wasn't erratic like a bug. It just went straight…
…straight down.
Back then, my life was a lot different.
