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xXxAcceptancexXx
After leaving Melanie's house, I found myself yearning to go somewhere quiet. A place where I could collect my thoughts without being disturbed. I wandered down the sidewalk, head downcast and hands shoved into my pockets. I started to debate in my mind where I should go, where I could hide for the time being.
My house sounded like a good idea. My parents were long gone according to letter I was left. The only people that would be occupying my house would be the occasional maids. They never seemed to bother me before, so I doubt they would start now. Nothing has changed to them. My parents were never around before, so they re absence wouldn't be found suspicious.
If they weren't already fired that is.
I began to slow my pace. Going back home wouldn't really do me any good, though. Hurtful memories that I tried to forget would be most likely remembered. I didn't need that type of stress at the moment. I had bigger problems to face.
But where else did I have to go?
I continued my descent down the empty sidewalk again. The streets looked so deserted, so empty, aside for the occasional parked car in the driveway. I kept walking forward until I heard a child's laughter. I looked over towards the direction I thought I heard the sound come from.
There, right in the middle of the park, was a child that looked no older than four being pushed by his mother on the swings. They looked so peaceful, so content with just being around one another.
I wish my mother and I had a relationship like that.
I leaned forward on the outer side of the fence, facing them. My fingers found their way around two of the cylinder-shaped bars, clasping onto them tightly, my mind drifting off. I gazed out at the two for who knows how long, pretending that the little child was me. A tenuous smile crept upon my face but quickly receded. I swiftly let go of the bars and ran.
For what reason, you ask? I didn't even know.
My legs began to move at a rapid speed, pounding hard against the concrete. I could feel my heart beating in my ear drums, blood pumping through my veins. My calves were becoming sore, my head spinning with thoughts, with questions. I could feel sweat beginning to pour down the sides of face, lungs starting to hurt from the lack of breathing.
But I didn't care.
I lost all senses. Every part of my body was acting on its own accord. My brain refused to function, refused to take control. I had no idea what I was doing anymore, where I was going. I ran for god knows how long.
I didn't notice the big crack in the sidewalk until it was too late. I felt my body lurching forward but didn't try to stop the fall. I collapsed onto the sidewalk with a thunk. Instead of getting up and brushing off the fall like most twelve year old boys would've done out of embarrassment, I just rolled onto my back and gazed into the sky, trying to catch my breath.
Trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with my life now.
My eyes stayed glued the sky until they began to sting, tears threatening to fall at any given moment. All I wanted right now was for it rain. I wanted to just lay on the concrete and have the rain pour down on me. I wished to hear the thunder roaring up in the heavens, the lighting striking down from above and the sky turn that gloomy but beautiful dark gray color.
And I wanted to be in the middle of it all, even if it wasn't the safest thing for my health. It's not like I cared about my well-being now. To hell with what happens to me from now on, just let me enjoy these little things in life that brought some type of comfort.
These things that made me feel human.
I knew I wouldn't be getting my wish anytime soon, though. The sky was a beautiful azure with puffy white clouds inhabiting it.
No rain in sight. My heart slumped at this realization.
I sighed and picked myself up, brushing off whatever excess dirt found its way onto my clothes. My eyes traveled along my surroundings, examining every inch thoroughly. They fell onto a location not too far from where I was standing. I mentally slapped for not thinking of this place sooner.
The waves were beginning to crash onto the shore, leaving its wet imprint on the sand. I took a seat close enough to the water but far enough so that the waves wouldn't touch me. It was peaceful here. This was exactly what I was searching for.
Silence.
I didn't get to enjoy it for long, though. People started to make their way onto the shore, mostly fisherman's and the uncommon early morning swimmers, to begin their daily routines. Some gave me questioning looks, most not even noticing me. I paid no attention to any of them, though. My mind had drifted off once again.
Until this one guy came around.
It was hard not to notice him. His hair was a bright red color, styled into spikes that were just plain odd. I couldn't talk, though. My hair wasn't exactly defined as normal after all.
He stood a couple of feet away from me, staring out into the ocean. He was holding something in his hand. A small, silver object. It kind of looked like a lighter but I couldn't be certain with the distance between us and all. He reached into his pocket slowly and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Taking out one and quickly lighting it, he brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled.
After he blew out whatever smoke he was holding inside of his mouth, he broke his gaze from the ocean and looked at me instead. I could feel goosebumps appearing on my skin, a shiver running down my spine. Why this stranger was affecting me in such a way was beyond me. All I knew was that he making me feel uncomfortable for some strange, unknown reason.
He began to make his way over to me, each step being a confident stride. A smirk fairly visible on his thin pale lips. He took a seat next to me, eyeing me curiously, cigarette still in hand. He took another drag, exhaling slowly, as if trying to etch the way the nicotine tasted into his memory forever, or until he had another smoke, before crushing it into the sand and throwing it somewhere.
We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity but was really only five or ten minutes, neither saying a word to each other. It was strange to say the least, having some stranger just sit next to you when there was more than enough space for him to sit elsewhere. I thought his presence would bother me more but surprisingly enough, it didn't. Until his eyes found their way back onto me, that is.
I didn't like being stared at. It felt creepy, like whoever was looking was planning on performing some type of horrendous act on me. It wasn't only this guy that made me feel that way, it was everybody. Maybe I was just being paranoid. I don't know.
I had a feeling this guy, whoever he was, could sense my paranoia. Like he could pick up on the fact that I felt nervous under his piercing gaze. I could still see that smirk gracing his lips out of the corner of my eye. I didn't like it. He had no reason to be smirking. At least I didn't think he did. No, I had to stop doubting myself. He didn't have a reason to be smirking therefore he shouldn't be doing it. Right? Right.
With new found courage I met his gaze, eye to eye, ready to give him a piece of my mind. I opened my mouth to tell him off but closed it quickly because once again, no sound would come out. I think there's something wrong with me. No, there's nothing wrong with me. Why? Because I said so, dammit. And no one could tell me differently!
With my courage returning, I tried to say something once again but instead of nothing coming out, I got cut off. By this guy no less.
"Name's Axel, A-X-E-L, Got it memorized?," he said annoyingly, jutting his thumb out towards his chest, a cat like grin adorning his face.
The only thing running through my mind after that was whatever happened to the good old-fashioned 'hi'?
Mullet-head over there was jotting down notes into his little notepad again until he heard the "Axel' part. He paused in his writing and looked at me with bewildered expression. His eyes widened a fraction, mouth slightly ajar.
"Axel...you mean crazy pyro Axel?," he stuttered.
"Yeah,...you know him?," Alright, now I was curious. I turned my head slightly to the side, staring intently at him, awaiting an answer.
"Know him? I practically grew up with Axel." Demyx began rubbing the back of neck sheepishly."We were best friends, along with another guy." He allowed his arm to fall back into its previous position, resting firmly on top of his thigh, a tiny smile appearing on his face. His cobalt eyes acquiring a glazed over kind of look, as if reminiscing.
I on the other hand did the complete opposite. Axel never once said anything about someone named Demyx to me. Which I found surprising since we were pretty damn close and all. He was the only person, aside from Demyx, that knew anything about my past. Only difference is that I willingly told that pyro-fanatic about myself, mullet-head over there had to force it out of me by threatening my virginity.
Bastard.
I start shifting around, trying to find a snug position to lay in. After awhile I just quit and decided to sit on the floor, bracing my back against one of the four walls in the room, instead. My sudden movements startled Demyx, snapping him out of his little daydream. He averted his gaze from the spot above my bed that he's been staring at for who knows how long, to where I am.
"Sorry about that." He gives me another sheepish grin, I just shrug in response. It's not that big of a deal. I was actually enjoying the peace and quiet, my break from all that talking. He urges me to continue, telling me that I'm doing really well and that I shouldn't stop again. Then he decided to add on something I would've lived ten years longer not knowing.
"Ya know, I do have old Xemmy on speed dial." Oh that grin, Demyx. One of these days I'm gonna rip it right off your face.
I scowled at him from my position on the floor.
"Aw Ri, don't pout." One day soon.
"I don't pout, I scowl! There's a difference, dammit."
"Riiiight, now go one."
I huffed, crossing my arms, refusing to start. Then that mullet-wearing bastard had to go and pull out his cellphone and make me reconsider what I was doing.
Frickin Demyx.
After the incident on the shore with Axel, I accepted the fact that he wasn't a bad person. That he wasn't somebody I should feel nervous around, someone that would hurt me with one of those horrendous acts I was thinking of before. My uneasiness around the guy started to fade once we started talking. He told me a lot about himself and I confined in him the recent events that took place in my life, in return.
Both of us didn't understand why we opened up to each other but the fact remaining was that we did. There was something between us, some type of connection. Nothing romantic or anything like that. But a bond, a trust. Axel sensed it too, actually he was the first one to say something about it, and offered me a place to live and a job. He warned me, though, that the job he was giving might not be anything I would expect and that once I got into it, it would be close to impossible to get out.
I replied saying I didn't give a fuck, once it would help me look after myself, it didn't matter. He chuckled, telling me that I didn't have to worry about that anymore, that he would take care of me.
That I was kind of like the little brother he never had.
We got on the next train out of town, him paying for both of our tickets. I felt bad having him pay for my expenses but he reassured me that it was okay. I told him I would pay him back one day. He just smiled and ruffled my hair.
"If you say so, kid."
"It's Riku, not kid!"
"Whatever you say, kid."
I just huffed and sat in one of the seats right next to the window, admiring the scenery. Axel took a seat next to me, complaining about how he should get the window seat instead of me. I didn't pay him any mind, though.
After his little rant was over, he informed me that the train ride was two hour longs. Part of me was curious to know where we were heading, other part of me didn't care.
Once it was out of this town, far away from this place, I was okay with it.
"Don't gimme that look, Demyx. You know Axel wasn't a bad guy."
I couldn't help but get snippy with him. He shouldn't care about what I did with my life. Just because he's my psychiatrist, doesn't mean he has a right to get all "mother-hen" on me. Besides, if my own mother didn't care about what I did with my life, why should he?
"Still, getting on a train with someone you just met was stupid, Hikari. You could've gotten seriously hurt!"
So what?
"I was 12, Demyx. Young and naive. Why do you care, anyways?"
I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, honestly. I just didn't like it when people worried or even helped me for that matter. I only excepted Axel's help because I had no other choice. It was either I go with him, or just wander around town until I caught pneumonia and died.
"You're my friend, Riku. Of course I care."
Don't lie to me. You only care because it's your job to care. Because you get paid to care. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, though. Because deep down, I knew it wasn't true. It may seem like Demyx and I don't get along with all the name calling and junk, but we do. I know he doesn't like how we are sometimes. I can tell that he hates having to argue and fight with me day after day, but I can't help it.
I just like giving him a hard time. It's entertaining.
"I know, Demyx."
I sighed, averting my gaze from where he was sitting. I couldn't look at him anymore. Not while I was saying something like this. I was known as the most stubborn, rude and cold- hearted bastard in this institute. The guy that everyone hated, everyone said was too messed up to be fixed, to be helped, to be healed. The guy that everyone had given up on.
Except Demyx.
He's that only one that stuck with me. Agreeing to something like that wasn't easy but I did it, just because it was Demyx, that mullet-wearing goof. Just because the least I could do for him now, was give him my gratitude.
"I know."
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