I did it; I let Riku go
I did it; I let Riku go. Not that night but much later,
and what we feared had happened. We were pulled apart from within the
darkness and I was alone. The numbness I felt was unreal, it was as
if someone had stolen from my lungs. My eyes never seeing, my skin
never feeling, all of my senses have failed me. I threw myself into
this pit of nothingness to save him from myself. I walked around
these new primacies like a phantom, a black shadow with no direction.
Wrapped up in black from head to toe, blending in with everyone
around me. Axel would check up on me from time to time, but it was as
if I had become a nobody with a heart. I watched Riku from a distance
watching him change and embrace his darkness as Maleficent fed him
lies with a silver spoon. He gladly did her bidding without any
thought. The Riku I had once known was simply gone.
I began
to shadow Zexion; he never seemed to mind since I was so silent.
Maybe he felt as sorry as he could for me. His lack of heart made him
shy, but nonetheless we kept good company in our silence. I'd wait
for him while he did his dirty work, and when he was finished we
would sit around staring at nothing in particular, sometimes each
other. We just liked the each other's presence. Riku, when not tied
up with Maleficent's biddings, would watch us watching each other.
Envy radiated off of his every orifice; he hated me for leaving him.
Why did I do it? Why would I leave someone who I knew I could always
trust? Simple, because he was loosing his heart too, it was a selfish
decision. Watching his heart dissolve from a distance was easier than
wanting him to still love me with a shattered, unfixable, heart. I
waited for the moment Maleficent would send Riku after me. Would she
have him simply kill me, or would she have him rip my pathetic heart
from my frail chest? The clock ticked as time raced on.
I
wondered about Sora, and if he had found Kairi yet. Were they happy,
were they together? More importantly, would I ever see them alive
again? Zexion watched me spiral into a world of my own darkness as
depression ate away at my heart. Less and less did my ruby shine, but
fade and tarnish to an ugly orange. Would it eventually glow black,
just like the rest of the heartless? One night Zexion's did
something unexpected. The sun had just set and we were sitting in our
usual spots on a balcony faced toward a sea; I was sitting the edge
with my legs dangling over the side of the railing. He was sitting
with his back against a wall behind and to the left of me. Zexion
stood, walked to me, and wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned
in, hugging me from behind in an awkward embrace. Once he let go I
turned towards him staring in amazement.
"I-I-I
have no idea what just came over me," Zexion muttered "I just-"
I hopped off the railing next to him, wrapped my arms around him,
looked up at him, and for once I truly smiled. Zexion picked me up
and spun me around in a circle like a little child I giggled in
delight. He set me down and I embraced him once again. "Thank you,"
I said with true admiration "Thank you so much Zexion, I really
needed that." It wasn't much, just the simplest of things make
you realize that you are alive and still breathing even if it feels
like you're breathing underwater. From that moment on I was my old
self, I think I even saw a smile creep across Zexion's face once or
twice, but it could have just been the light that night. It was just
at the moment, but as the days and weeks passed I began to realize
that I was missing something, something that was my entirety within
itself; Riku.
It
seemed as if Riku had forgotten me all together. It's funny how the
simplest thing as a tight embrace awakes one from the deepest of
depression, because from then on I was no longer the walking dead.
Riku had stayed loyally at Maleficent's side waiting for his next
duty as her human pet. I could no longer watch from a distance, and
that's when I realized how much of his heart was truly gone.
I
lazed around waiting for Riku to return from his usual deeds. He
returned around midnight, I had fallen asleep, and the portal ripping
though the air awoke me. The static made my hair go on end and sent
shivers through my spine; something I would never become accustomed
to. I gathered myself before he stepped through the electrifying
portal, and there he stood in front of me staring straight through
me. "Riku-"I was at a loss for words "You've changed" was
all I could come out with. He nodded and stepped past me. I grabbed
his left arm, and he froze with his back still to me. "What has
happened to you Riku? She's lying to you and-" he snapped his arm
from my shaking hands. "I don't want to hear it" his voice
stern with hate "just leave me alone Miku, I don't need you
anymore."
"Don't
need me?" my voice quivered like a child's lower lip "what do
you mean?"
"I
just-" he sighed out of frustration "I just don't – just go
away!" his back was still turned to me, but even from this angle I
could tell that he was holding back his true feelings, and with his
hands in strong fists, he stormed off leaving to wallow in my own
suffering. Had Maleficent done this, or did he choose to do this on
his own because I let him go first? It's still blurry as to why I
left Riku in the first place. Was it the fading of his heart, or was
it because I longed to see Sora and Kairi alive and well? No matter
the reason, I had left Riku when he needed me most, or was that now?
Maleficent was controlling his mind and his actions, and he wasn't
his self any longer. Did I do this?
