Ok! Here's the next chapter! I know I've said this a lot.. Sorry its so late... I really have no good excuse, except I was being lazy and what not. So... I tried to make this chapter really really long! I hope it makes up for part of the being late thing.. well on with the story!

-I don't own Naruto-


Chapter 4: Willpower

When we first started training I couldn't get my thoughts out of my head. My goal continued ringing in my ears. There were pads tied onto the trees so we could practice punching them and kicking them. I began punching the trees as hard as I could. My hands began bleeding but I kept punching. I needed to become stronger. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain. Everyone was starting to give me weird looks but then I felt my hands go numb and I looked down at them. Blood was flowing out of my knuckles and dripped to the ground. Kakashi noticed and took me over to the river. We sat in silence as he tended to my wounds. I continued looking down at my hands. The crimson liquid stopped flowing and was starting to dry. When Kakashi moved the wet cloth to clean my hands I winced a little. He looked up at me but he kept on cleaning my hands. When he finished bandaging them up, he told me not to use my hands for a few days or the wounds would open up again. When he walked away I stayed in the same position. No… I can't… I won't. This isn't going to stop me from training. I'll push myself past my limit.

When I came back to the training grounds the other two teams already left and everyone was eating. When Naruto saw me he jumped up with my bento box and handed it to me.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-Chan! Want to sit next to me and eat today?" Naruto's eyes were shining and were full of hope.

I looked at the ground for a little and peered up seeing a disappointed Naruto. He looked so depressed, but I wasn't going to eat. "Naruto, I'd love to eat with you today," Naruto perked up "…But I want to be alone for a little and my hands still hurt so some other time ok?" Naruto went back to being down but accepted.

I took my bento box from him and began walking towards the river. I opened the box and began spilling the food out. No way would I risk getting any chubbier. I sighed after a while and sat against the trunk of a tree. Things were getting harder for me. I was getting hungry, my hands were all scratched up, and Kakashi-sensei already knows my secret. I knew things were going to be harsh, and I'm willing to work hard, but when I look at Ino, she doesn't have to work for anything. I placed my face into the palms of my hand and felt tears at the rims of my eyes, threatening to fall. I began getting angry at myself. Why wasn't I like all the rest of the girls? Skinny, pretty, everything I want to be but I'm not. I balled my hand into a fist and hit the ground. It was all so frustrating. I wasn't going to be weak. When there is something thrown in my path I'll go right through it. No more crying.

I stood up and began walking back to the training ground but I was stopped by Kakashi.

"I know what you're doing." I opened my eyes wide and saw Kakashi behind a tree. The two of us stood in the same position.

"Stay out of it. It's my life and my decision and I don't need anyone interfering." I spoke with full confidence, even though I was a little uneasy inside. Kakashi began walking away and I went in the opposite direction.

The training ground I switched to had various targets attached to trees. I quickly pulled out a kunai from its holster, as if I was about to attack an enemy, and threw it at the target. The knife landed in the ring around the bull's eye circle. It's not good enough… I need to be right on target every time. My hand was already throbbing from the one kunai I threw but I pushed myself to ignore it. In a matter of time I was throwing a number of weapons in all directions, almost hitting the targets perfectly.

"Almost isn't good enough!" I screamed in agony regardless of anyone who could hear me nearby. I could feel myself working up tears from my anger. I threw one last shuriken that hit the target perfectly. One direct hit out of all that I threw… Next time, I won't miss the center. I calmed myself and sat down. I was starting to run out of breath and I was hungry. No, I was starving. I felt like I was going to die or something. My stomach felt like it was tossing and turning inside of me. I couldn't train anymore. I was at my limit. I picked up my weapons and started back home.

You would think that I wouldn't be surprised to come home to a silent house, but that's never the case. My mom goes on missions frequently, but I guess I'm always greeted by her when I come home, so when she leaves it's weird. I sat at the table like when I would eat, but instead of eating I thought of my mother. She was always so happy to see me, and would tell me how much she loved me repetitively. When we are together, our personalities match almost perfectly. She passed down many of her traits to me. If there was anything I loved about my life, it would be my mom. She always was there to cheer me up when I was sad. I could tell her anything and she would understand. When I was in need of advice I could go to her and she would help me.

While I was sleeping I heard some sort of knocking. It wasn't until I woke myself up that I knew someone was at the door. I quickly pulled myself out of the bed and ran to the door. It couldn't be my mom, but who was it? If it was my mom she would have the key to the house, and she couldn't be home this early. I was greeted by a person in a mask. An ANBU member.

"Haruno, Sakura." The voice of the ANBU was loud and deep. "I'm sorry to say, that you're mother has been killed. While the medics were trying to heal her, she told someone to give you this." The ANBU member handed me a small piece of paper with my name written on it.

"Okaa-san…" My voice cracked as I said her name. When I looked at the door the ANBU member was already gone. I slowly took my hand and closed the door. 'I'm sorry to say, you're mother has been killed.' I heard the words repeat constantly. 'your mother has been killed.' I began thinking about my mother and all the things she said to me.

"You're so beautiful Sakura! I wouldn't want you to be any other way."

"Sakura-chan, don't think or say bad things about yourself. You're perfect the way you are."

All the words of praise and love, each and every one, she said with all her heart. She wasn't like all my friends that said things like that just to make me feel better, my mom, she actually believed all that she said to me. Not one word of it was a lie to her. Sometimes, I wished that I saw myself the way she did, just to feel satisfied with myself. But every time I told myself that I was as skinny or as pretty as anyone else, I looked in the mirror and saw the complete opposite.

I forgot about the note my mom left for me until I looked down at my hands. When I unfolded it I was stunned at what it said. The note read:

Sakura,

My little cherry blossom.

There is nothing else in the world that I could love besides you.

When I look at you, it's like looking in a mirror and seeing an angel.

I knew that one day, I would die on a mission. And every time I was away from you, I couldn't think about anything else.

Don't be sad about me leaving you, because I would never let that happen. I'll always be with you, watching over you and protecting you.

Keep smiling for me, and don't let anything or anyone bring you down. You're perfect in every way. Don't forget that.

Love always,

Your mom

As I read over the note, I felt tears in the rims of my eyes and I let them fall slowly onto the sheet of paper. They fell, one by one, and I still couldn't take my eyes away from the paper. Thoughts raced through my head at light speed, and yet, I still couldn't accept the fact that my mother was dead. She was gone living in a better place. And I no longer had anyone to talk to. There was no one to listen to me, or make me feel better when I was sad. No one to smile at me and say 'you're perfect.' It was just me now. Me, myself, and I.

I couldn't get my mind off my mom. Even though I knew she was gone, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I did so many things to try to get my mind off her, but everything eventually traced back to her.

When I couldn't think of anything else to do, I went into the kitchen to go through all the food. The first thing I laid my eyes on was the junk food cabinet. Inside held all types or crackers, chips, chocolates, pretzels, candies, and cookies. I immediately took out all my favorites and poured them onto the counter top. I went to the freezer next, pulled out all the flavors of popsicles and ice cream and topped the junk food with them.

I was about to dig in and eat until I couldn't eat anymore, and eat some more. Just like old times when I was depressed. But this time something stopped me. When I picked up the cookie to put it into my mouth and taste the goodness, something inside my head clicked. I thought of the way I looked in my dream. That was what I would become if I didn't control myself now. And I was defiantly not going to let that happen. Food. It was the reason I was the way I was. It was the reason I wasn't like all the other girls. I looked down at the heap of food on the counter.

"You can't control me!" I screamed out and pushed the stack down to the ground. "I won't let you control me! I won't ever want you ever again! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" With every word, I yelled louder. The words of hatred kept pouring out of my mouth. I jumped crushed all the food out of anger with tears falling down my face freely. In a matter of seconds I began throwing all the food in my house onto the kitchen floors. I kept repeating the same words screaming and yelling as loud as I could until my voice cracked. I tried screaming some more but no sound came. This made me more infuriated and I left the mess in the kitchen sauntering out the door slamming it behind me.

Every step I took toward the forest was a stomp with my hands flying in the air to help vent my fuming mood. I walked around circling the trees in the forest until I heard someone breathing heavily. When I looked over to see who it was I saw Sasuke standing in the middle of the trees with his shoulders going up and down. He looked over to where I was standing and I hid behind the tree as fast as I could hoping he didn't see me. I watched him silently as he threw various weapons at the targets hitting the middle every time. Something about his expression showed he wasn't happy with his training, but I didn't see why he wasn't satisfied.

After thinking for a few minutes I went back to my enraged mood. Why couldn't I be like Sasuke hitting every target perfectly every time? Why couldn't I have a body like Ino's when I worked harder then her? It didn't make any sense. I went further into the forest away from Sasuke. And my walk suddenly became a run. I wanted to run away from everything. If there was anything to live for it would be Sasuke, but he didn't want me, so why work to get his attention. I already tried so many times, and none of them worked, so why would it work this time? But then I remembered another reason I was trying to get skinnier. Ino. I wanted to beat her at her own game. I was going to surpass her. I was going to win Sasuke's heart, or die trying. And once I did, I would be happy with myself. But only then would I be happy. I kept running until I realized I was at the bridge where we met every day. I stopped and leaned against the rail. It was only then when I realized I was breathing heavily. My legs were limp underneath me, and I was lightheaded again. I brought my hand up to support my head and tried to steady my breathing. It took longer then it usually did but eventually, my pulse and breathing was back to normal.

I finally decided I needed to go home to clean up the mess I created before I left. As I walked home I felt more dizzy and faint then I did before. Every step I took felt like I was going in slow motion and the rest of the world was slowly catching up. I swayed slightly reaching out to try to catch my balance, finding only air around me. When I got home I easily opened the door and locked it when I was inside. I looked over to the kitchen and there were crumbs from chips and empty plastic bags strewn across the tile. The ice cream and popsicles melted creating a sticky liquid. I sighed and pulled out a trash bag and began cleaning up.

By the time I was done cleaning the sun was out and I needed to go out to the bridge. I was going to train harder then ever before. I was going to prove that I wasn't weak, and if I was I was going to become stronger. I washed my face and put on my usual outfit.

When I was at the bridge I saw Sasuke leaning back on the rail. I waved and opened my mouth to greet him, but then I remembered that I couldn't talk. He looked over at me and nodded slightly and went back to his original stance. I went over next to him and put my arms in front of me on the edge of the rail and leaned over to rest my head. I closed my eyes slightly tired from my interrupted sleep. Then I realized that I completely forgot about my mom. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again but I didn't let them fall.

Naruto came soon after and Kakashi was earlier then usual. We began our mission right away, and finished in a matter of minutes. After we went on training and took a break to eat. I noticed that Naruto began looking at me suspiciously, and I felt Kakashi glare at me occasionally. No one said anything about me skipping lunch and I went to the other training grounds to the padded trees. When I first hit the tree I felt a jolt of pain go through my arm up to my shoulder. I opened my mouth to scream out, but nothing came out. The pain only pushed me harder and I hit the tree repetitively until my hands and arms were so numb I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I began to ask myself why. Why did my mom have to leave me? Everything was already bad for me, and now her leaving made it even worse. Why did Sasuke shun everyone? Why didn't he notice me? Why didn't he notice my effort to win his attention, and when I did why did he just push me away? My hands began to bleed a little but I kept punching the tree out of my anger. Why why why? Why was it always me? Why did people always make fun of me? Why was I the way I was? Why did I want Sasuke so much?

I desperately wanted someone that I could love that would love me back. My mom was the person that loved me more then anything, and I loved her back, but she was taken away from me. But why was that?

I wanted to scream, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't live with myself. I wanted to be perfect, just like everyone else. Everyone was perfect then. Everyone with the exception of me. I hit the tree one last time before attempting to scream again, but this time it worked. Somehow, I screamed. It came out as more of a screech, but I still screamed and fell to the ground in a crouched position against the tree. My arms hugged my knees tightly and my face was buried in the middle. I began bawling again. Kakashi and Naruto came over to me with shock all over their faces, and Sasuke merely looked at me and scoffed. I didn't care though. I continued sobbing. I wanted so much I knew I would never get, and yet I still wanted to work to get it. My quiet cries were even and I hiccupped every now and then. I knew if I tried to stop myself from crying it would only make me cry harder so I stayed in the same position for a while.

"Training is over now. Go home." Kakashi commanded Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto was about to complain, but Kakashi put his hand up to stop him and he left. Sasuke on the other hand left without a simple complaint, but I knew he was still going to train.

Kakashi crouched over next to me and asked "Do you want to talk about it?" I looked up at him with surprise in my eyes and he was slightly smiling. I thought about it for a little. 'Do you want to talk about it?' the last thing on my mind was to talk to Kakashi, but I was too depressed to feel anger. I shook my head no and buried my face deeper.

"I'm here if you need me." Kakashi got up and left me as I stayed in the same position. I got up and went to the other training grounds to practice with shuriken.

The first one I threw missed the target completely. I ignored it and took out another one. I threw it without a care if it hit the target or not. This time it hit right on the line before the center. The next few followed hitting the target in all places except the middle. I kept throwing until I was out of weapons. When I finally finished there wasn't one that hit the center. The closest I ever got was the second one I threw. I went to pick up all my weapons to try practicing again, but I was too tired already. By the time I finished collecting the weapons I wanted to lay down and sleep. I walked back to my house slowly with my head looking at the ground the whole way. When I got home I kept walking at the same pace to my bed. I fell down lifelessly and closed my eyes into a deep slumber.

When I woke up the next morning I didn't feel refreshed at all. I was even more tired then yesterday and my stomach was killing me. It was five o clock in the morning and I was usually on my way out to the bridge by now. But I couldn't care less whether I was late or not. My feet shuffled against the wooden floors as I walked to take a shower. I took a glance at the scale and was tempted to get on it, but I didn't care about my weight anymore. I still looked the same when I looked at myself in the mirror, except my eyes held no trace of happiness.

When I was outside on my way to the bridge I walked with the same dragging of my feet. I was expecting some rain, maybe because of my mood but when I looked up to the sky there was no trace of any clouds. The sun was bright shining above the village. I looked over and saw a group of kids running and laughing. At least there were other people that were happy.

When I was at the bridge Naruto and Sasuke were there already. Naruto came up to me with a bright smile and waved, but I hardly noticed and went to lean against the railing of the bridge again. Naruto began pestering me about why I was so quiet, but I ignored him so he stopped. When Kakashi arrived there was an awkward silence. Kakashi broke the hushed mood and we began training. There was a few questioning looks from everyone but I was oblivious and continued walking slowly behind them.

I felt no incentive to train. So I just did what I was supposed to throwing kunai and hitting trees. When it was time for lunch I sat and watched everyone as they ate. No one said a word to me and Naruto wasn't ranting either. The only things I heard were the trees rustling as the wind blew.

Every day went the same way. We would meet up at the bridge and Naruto would go on about something and no one else said a word. Day after day after day… I didn't eat a thing anymore. Not just because I threw everything out already, or because I was afraid to get fat, but because I didn't want to. The temptation wasn't even there for me anymore. I would wake up to an empty stomach, but I didn't want to eat. When I got home I would sit on the chair staring blankly into air and after the hours passed I would go to sleep and repeat the same thing.

With every passing day I felt a little part of myself leaving me. On the third day when I went out to the bridge I was more faint and tired. Dark circles shadowed under my eyes, and the sway in my walk was even larger now. When it was time for lunch, today I went out to the river. The sound of water flowing always relaxed me. The cool feel on my feet was invigorating. On the way back I couldn't help but overhear Naruto talking to Sasuke and Kakashi.

"Oy, Sasuke! Have you noticed Sakura has been acting differently lately? I want to know what's wrong, but she's probably going to come up with some excuse. Hey! Listen to me!"

Sasuke looked up at Naruto with his eyebrow raised.

"Do you know what's wrong with her? She hasn't been eating, she hasn't been talking, she looks like she hasn't been sleeping well… it all just makes me worry about her. Don't you think she's starting to look… well unhealthy?"

"Hn. I couldn't care less about her."

Naruto began throwing a fit as usual. "How can you say that!? She's your own teammate and all you do is stand around and watch her as she rots away!"

"Naruto…" Kakashi began to join the conversation. "Calm down."

"I can't help it if I care about Sakura! I just want to know why she's acting differently!" Naruto continued talking until Sasuke finally spoke.

"It's called anorexia."

"Anor-what?" Naruto's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about what Sasuke said.

"Anorexia. It's when a person starves themselves because they think they're fat."

"But Sakura isn't fat! She's always been skinny! And now she's even skinnier then before!"

I walked out in front of everyone and spoke. "You're wrong. All of you."

"Then why don't you explain to us what's been going on?" Kakashi looked over at me. "Let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I began walking away but his hands were on my shoulders.

"Yes, you are." His words were separated.

I spoke with confidence, "No, I'm not."

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my neck and the world around me was fading slowly.


Thanks for reading! Again, sorry it was late! The next chapter should be out in two weeks or less. And it's going to be another long chapter because this was so late. Please don't give up on the story!