CSI: Texas Chronicles: "Facing Fears"
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. The simple reason for my lateness is that I just didn't know what was going to happen. Well, anyway, enjoy!
It had been several days since Nick had broken down in tears and he was still fighting with himself. Sometimes he would be willing to take Greg in his arms and others he'd recoil at the touch, as if he was trying to force himself to stay away. Today was a good day, however, and Greg smiled at the memory of his earlier conversation with Nick while he worked on the new cabin they'd just moved to...
Still hurting from his first time horseback riding, Greg ended up relaxing underneath a tree while he watched Nick work. He had to admit, as much as he didn't want to see Nick working so hard, his boyfriend certainly looked hot wielding a hammer with no shirt on. His beautifully tanned and sweat soaked skin gleamed in the bright sunlight as he moved. Sexy didn't begin to describe what he was seeing.
"You gonna just sit there and bat your eyelashes at me? I thought you were gonna help me out here." Nick looked up at him, a mischievous little grin on his face.
"I hurt. Ok?"
"If you stay here long enough you'll get used to riding and it'll eventually become second nature, like finding DNA from a strand of hair. Riding always used to make me feel better, no matter what was wrong."
"Well, please forgive me, but the view is spectacularly soothing right here."
Nick's grin broke into laughter so beautiful Greg had a hard time believing he'd actually been the one to cause it. He straightened up, resting the ax handle on his bare shoulder, and Greg could almost feel the drool on his chin as he stared, watching the sweat droplets run down slick skin.
"Pick your chin up, babe, wipe the drool off, and get your brain out of the gutter," Nick joked.
Greg pushed his chin shut with his finger, pretended to wipe the imaginary drool off his chin with the back of his hand, reached down, as if in a gutter, and scooped out his brain. He stuffed it back inside his head and latched his forehead shut only to have his jaw drop again when he looked at Nick. His body shivered at the look of mirth his boyfriend was shooting him, and his head tilted to the side. He tried to catch his brain as it fell out again, but without luck.
"Oh, dang," he played the act of a geek fallen head over heels perfectly, just the way he knew Nick couldn't resist, running off to chase his brain as it rolled away.
He loved making Nick laugh and it had been so long since he'd heard that laugh it almost hurt.
Now he leaned against the same tree with Nick in his arms, resting his head against his chest, his eyes closed against the bright sunlight. Seeing the new lines that had appeared on Nick's face since he'd left Vegas reminded him of eggs breaking and the cloud of flour that had engulfed him in their driveway when Nick drove off without so much as an explanation. He didn't remember picking up the grocery bags from the pavement. Maybe he did... maybe he didn't. Maybe it was Catherine... he would never remember anything after that moment except the blinding pain in his heart as he'd sank down to the ground and leaned against his car. Had he even cried? He must have, but maybe it had taken awhile for his soul to loosen the tears.
And when he didn't show up for work, or answer his phone, Catherine came by to check on him... or was it Sara? Warrick maybe? Someone must have picked him up and gotten him cleaned up from the mess of food and thrown out the meat that had gone bad after sitting for hours in the hot Vegas sun.
He never thought Nick would leave him, and it still hurt to know that Nick's faith in him, while still strong, had wavered just enough to make him run away. He'd hated the feeling of helplessness when Nick had first come home from the hospital. He hated not being able to do anything but watch him spiral downward, watching deep lines appear on his face. But he'd never thought he would leave...
"My faith in you has always been strong," Nick's voice brought Greg's eyes to his deep brown pools and he found his boyfriend looking up at him. "My faith only wavered in myself. But never you."
"Did I say that...?"
"I understand what you're thinking even if you don't say it. You should know that by now."
Greg smiled. "Only you could ever do that to me."
"G... I... Catherine said you trashed your music collection," Nick caught him off guard.
"Wha...? Where did that come from, Nicky?"
"She wrote me a letter. Told me you started listening to country music, that they couldn't deal with you. She said you were going to self destruct."
Greg caught a hint of fear in Nick's beautiful eyes when he mentioned Greg possibly self destructing. For awhile he'd thought Nick didn't care about him, that he couldn't possibly care about him, especially right after he'd left Vegas. Sure he said he'd missed Greg and needed him. But did he know just how much Greg had missed and needed him too?
He rested his hand on the top of Nick's head in a comforting gesture, unsure why he felt the need to comfort Nick when their conversation was no longer about Nick's issues, but those Greg had developed since his boyfriend had ruined his life.
"I was confused. I mean, you left all of a sudden without any explanation. I thought it was me. That maybe I'd done something... or... I don't know. I was in a pissed off mood the day she found me cleaning out my locker of all my music. It was a decision I hadn't thought about before I made it. And I was throwing the CDs into a trash bag because that's all I had to take them home in. I was upset. I didn't understand... I still don't understand. But I'm not pissed off or upset over it anymore. I know you'll tell me when you're ready. It's just that I missed you so much, and I admit, I felt a little lost without you, without knowing why you'd left me." His cheeks flushed.
"Well, 'a little' doesn't begin to cover it. I may have lost it on a few occasions at work." Nick's eyes widened. "It's not like me, I know... I just... I need you, Nicky. I can't live without you because you're the half that makes me whole. Remember I told you that a long time ago and you agreed with me. You said you would make sure nothing came between us and then this happened..." Greg slowed down and took a deep breath to calm himself. "Look, Nick, I know this isn't really your fault, you couldn't help what happened any more than I could but..."
"But I should have realized how much my leaving would affect you. I should have thought everything through before I acted. And I didn't. I was only thinking about myself. So it is my fault."
"Sorry to intrude on a personal moment guys, but you're your supplies are here."
Both men looked up to see James arriving with two horses.
"Uh oh," Greg stared, remembering very well the pack horse James was leading.
Nick turned back to look at him. "What?"
"It's Cucumber."
"I didn't know you two had met."
Greg gave a sarcastic laugh. "We already have a history."
"She really is gentle, Greg," James said, dismounting his own horse.
"You're forgetting the 'giant' part. Misty over there almost threw me the other day."
"She did not, G. You were just freaking out," Nick stood up.
Now James was laughing. "I can't believe you actually got city boy, here, up on a horse."
"I can't believe it either. But someday, I promise you, he'll learn to love it."
"Yeah, if he's around you and you don't plan on leaving the ranch, he's got no choice."
Greg grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms over his chest as the two cowboys began unpacking Cucumber. When Nick lead Cucumber to the makeshift corral where Misty was prancing excitedly at the prospect of a companion, Greg got up to block his path.
"She's not staying here."
Nick only smirked. "Yes, she is. Now get outta my way."
"I'm... I'm just gonna let you two argue this one without me. Ok?"
Greg glared at Nick as he saw James mount his horse and trot away from the corner of his eye.
"Thanks James!" Nick called after him, his eyes never leaving Greg.
"I used to like you," Greg muttered. "Now I'm not so sure."
"So you mean I shouldn't resume the apologies I'd started when he arrived? Good. Then I can put Cucumber in the corral, not have to hear you complaining, and get back to work on this cabin."
If Greg hadn't been watching Nick so closely he would have thought the other man was serious and perhaps a bit angry at him. But the smile Nick was giving him told him otherwise.
"G... I'm not asking you to ride Cucumber," his voice softened. "Come here." Nick put an arm around him and pulled him closer to the horse. "She won't hurt you. Yeah, she's tall, but she is a gentle horse. The most gentle one we have on the ranch, actually. And if you let her, she can be your best friend, listen to all your woes..." Nick took Greg's hand in his and placed his fingertips on Cucumber's velvety muzzle.
"Nicky..." Panic began to build inside and he struggled to hold it down so he wouldn't freak out in front of the horse like he had with Misty. He didn't need to get trampled.
"Shhh... it's ok," Nick soothed, standing beside him, still holding his hand against the mare.
Cucumber wuffed gently into his hand and he thought of all the germs that now coated his hand.
"Stop thinking so scientifically. Just like you keep staring into my eyes, look into hers. You can tell from that look she's just a big love. She won't hurt you."
He felt a light kiss drop onto his head as Nick's hand slipped away from his. Cucumber nudged his hand a little.
"Go on, give her a nose rub. She likes those."
Greg hesitated, but when she nudged him again, he gave her nose a little rub for which she seemed relatively happy. He leaned back into Nick's embrace feeling just a little more comfortable with himself, with Cucumber, and with the way things seemed to be progressing between himself and Nick.
