AN: I own nothing except the story line and the characters not seen in the show!

Thanks for all of the reviews; they really meant a lot to me!!


Chapter 11

"Chuck!" Blair whispered in utter shock.

He was the last person she would expect to see here, and the last one she would want to see what he just had.

"Hey, man." Nate said bashfully.

"What are you doing here, it's past midnight?" Nate asked in confusion, oblivious to the tension in the room.

"I just needed to talk to Blair but I can see that she is otherwise occupied." Chuck said bitterly.

"Chuck, this isn't what it looks like." Blair said nervously.

Chuck looked visibly hurt and Blair felt guilty, like she had done something wrong, even though technically she hadn't.

Chuck ignored her and walked over to the door, slamming it shut as he left.

"I think you should go." Blair said flatly to Nate.

"Blair? What's going on, I thought we were having a good time?" Nate asked.

"You should go." Blair commanded.

Nate looked at Blair, realization finally dawning. He finally understood what was happening. Everything made sense, all the pieces fit together.

Why else would Chuck Bass, an engaged man, be waiting for Blair in her hotel room so late? Why would Chuck seem so upset? Why would Blair be asking him to leave? They were having an affair.

He threw the door open, and like Chuck, slammed it shut.

Blair let a sob escape her lips and collapsed on her bed as tears flooded her face.

She had just lost the man that she thought she might love and his best friend in the course of two minutes. Her life was ruined.

It was highly unlikely that either one would ever forgive her. They were both so overcome with jealousy that she doubted they would even listen to her try to explain. And she honestly couldn't blame them. Besides, what could she say to defend herself? She had fucked everything up, yet again.


Blair woke up the next morning with the events of last night weighing on her mind. She wanted to redo yesterday. She would spend the day with Chuck and Ryan and then go back to the Humphrey's. When Serena came home she wouldn't hold a grudge, she would be understanding like she should have been. She wouldn't have made fun of Dan because he honestly didn't deserve it. And when Nate asked her to dinner she would have politely turned him down and explained that they would only ever be friends. That night, when Chuck came to her room she would have let him in and made love to him and told him how she felt.

But now she had ruined it. She had ruined everything and there was no going back. The guilt was overwhelming and she couldn't bear to keep it inside. She had to tell someone what had happened. She had to hear someone tell her that it would all be okay even though she knew that it wouldn't be. Either way, someone was going to be hurt, all because of her.

The only person she would dare admit her affair to was Serena. She called her, praying that she would be free for the day.

Blair dialed the familiar phone number, her hands shaking in the process.

"Hello?" Her friend's bubbly voice answered.

"Hey S, it's me." Blair said softly.

"What's the matter?" Serena asked quickly.

"Nothing, it's just…can we meet for coffee?" Blair said not wanting to get into specifics over the phone.

"Of course. Want to meet me in the Palace restaurant?" Serena asked.

"No!" Blair shouted a little too loudly. "I mean let's go somewhere more private."

"Okay. What about that coffee shop by your mom's place?" Serena suggested.

"Okay. Half an hour?" Blair responded.

"Sounds good." Serena said.

"Yeah." Blair said sarcastically, but Serena had already hung up.


A half an hour later Blair sat at a table waiting for Serena who, naturally, was running late. Blair was ready to pull her hair out in anticipation just as Serena breezed through the door.

"Sorry I'm late." Serena said and walked over to the counter to order a cappuccino.

Blair, who had already had two cups of coffee and three espressos, was visibly trembling.

When Serena sat down, she instantly realized that something was wrong. Blair typically preferred to hide her emotions; she felt they made her weak and vulnerable. But as she sat here, Serena could tell that Blair was barely containing her feelings.

"B, what's wrong, honey? What happened?" Serena asked in the motherly voice she used with Ryan when he got hurt.

"You're going to hate me when I tell you." Blair whispered as her eyes clouded with tears.

"No I won't, Blair. I love you. No matter what you do I can never hate you. I promise." Serena said placing her hand over Blair's and giving it a slight squeeze.

"Yes you will. I'm horrible. I'm disgusting." Blair said and shook her head.

"Blair, look at me. Whatever you did is okay. I will never leave you. I will never look at you any different. I swear on my son's life." Serena promised.

"Don't. Just don't. You don't know what I did and I don't want you to make a promise that you can't keep." Blair said as a single tear escaped her eye.

"Tell me. Let me decide for myself." Serena said.

"I'm such a horrible person, S. I'm a filthy hypocrite. I'm a liar and a cheater." Blair said in disgust.

"Blair, listen to me, that isn't true." Serena tried to reassure Blair but it only fueled Blair's tears.

"I slept with Chuck." Blair said quietly.

Serena didn't say anything.

"Last Friday." Blair continued when she realized Serena was waiting for her to go on. "After game night."

Serena nodded, indicating that Blair should keep going.

"I was at the bar when he came in and we were talking and one thing led to another and I kissed him. I started this whole mess." Blair cried and put her face in her hands.

"It's going to be okay, sweetie." Serena said as she pulled Blair to her. Blair shook her head.

"No it won't. Nothing will be okay. Now he and Nate both hate me. Ugh, I'm terrible." Blair said.

"They could never hate you, Blair." Serena said soothingly.

"They do. They both hate me. Last night after Nate and I went to dinner we ended up going back to my hotel room and Chuck was there waiting for me. He saw Nate and me kissing and he left. And then, and then Nate realized that Chuck and I had been having an affair. They both hate me." Blair sobbed.

"Oh, Blair, they don't hate you. They're just hurt because they both care about you. It's going to be okay. Everything will work out." Serena said.

"N-no it won't. Ch-chuck's going to get ma-married and Nate is going to mo-move on and I'm going to be a-alone." Blair whimpered.

"Wait, what do you mean Chuck's going to get married? Why are you upset that- oh my God. Blair, this thing with Chuck was just one time, right? It was just about sex, wasn't it?" Serena asked.

Blair didn't say anything. She looked at her hands as tears fell from her brown doe eyes.

"Blair, do you have…feelings for him?" Serena whispered.

"I don't know." Blair cried. "But it doesn't matter now anyway. He hates me and he's getting married."

Serena wrapped her arms around Blair and just held her, waiting for Blair to calm down. Eventually, Blair started to breathe normally and Serena released her.

"Don't worry B. You just have to trust that what's meant to happen will happen." Serena said. Blair sighed.

"We're having everyone over tonight since Ryan's going to be with my mom and Bart. Why don't you come over and try to talk to them. You never know how they'll feel today." Serena said.

"Okay." Blair said after a moment's thought. No matter what, she was going to talk to them and try to explain. They were going to understand that she loved them both but she was in love with one of them, she was sure of it.

"Good. I'll see you at seven. I've got to run but call me if you need anything." Serena said and with one last hug to Blair, walked out the door.


Blair decided that tonight she was going to be early. This way she might have the chance to catch one or both men and talk to them before everyone else arrived.

It was a good idea in theory but as she walked into the Humphrey's penthouse she realized that in reality it didn't work.

Chuck and Joanna were already there, sitting in the living room, talking to Dan. Serena was in the dining room on the phone. She seemed to be getting more frustrated by the second.

Blair placed her coat and purse in the closet and went to join Chuck, Joanna, and Dan in the living room. She felt bitter vile threaten to escape her mouth as she saw Chuck's arm around Joanna's shoulders.

Joanna was leaning into Chuck's side and had her hand resting on his knee. Chuck placed a sweet kiss on the top of Joanna's head that made Blair's blood run cold.

However, now was not the time to let her jealousy show. She had to act like everything was all good until she could pull Chuck aside and talk to him about everything.

Blair strolled into the living room and cleared her throat, alerting everyone to her presence.

"Hi." She said in faux joy. "I hope I'm not interrupting."

"Would that stop you if you were?" Dan asked with a smirk.

"Daniel, your wit is unmatched." Blair said.

"Why thank you Blair. That means so much coming from you." Dan said.

Blair walked over and kissed his cheek. Even though they tended to fight a lot and teased each other it was all in good fun. In reality, they respected each other.

"You okay?" He asked. "I was expecting some sort of snarky response to that."

"I figured I would let you win this round. Lull you into a false sense of security before I brought you back to reality." Blair said with a smile, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"Do you always have an answer for everything?" Dan asked.

"Most of the time." Blair said, looking at Chuck, trying to catch his eye.

Chuck, however, was quite busy whispering something into Joanna's ear before he lightly kissed her lips.

Blair tried to control the pain she felt at that very moment. She wanted to go over there and rip Chuck from Joanna's grasp but she couldn't. He wouldn't want her to.

So she put on her best fake smile and sat next to Dan, trying to divert her eyes from Chuck and Joanna as best she could.

Serena walked in soon after, quite irritated

"That was Nate. He's not coming." Serena said in frustration.

"Why not?" Dan asked unaware of the events of last night.

"He wouldn't say. He just said he had other plans that he had forgotten about and to give everyone his best." Serena explained.

"Well, what can you do?" Dan asked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Should we just eat now?" Dan asked in an attempt to distract his wife.

"Yeah. Let me just have one of the maids set out the food." Serena said and walked back into the kitchen.

"This is so weird." Dan said after Serena left.

"I've been calling Nate all day but he won't pick up. How did everything go last night?" Dan asked Blair.

"Uh, I think it went well. Maybe Nate's just sick or something." Blair said nervously.

The last thing she wanted was to have to talk about her date with Nate. That would only piss Chuck off more. She needed time to talk to him privately. Thankfully, at that precise moment Serena called everyone into the dining room.

Everyone sat down around the long table. Dan and Serena were at the heads, Chuck and Joanna sat on one side, and Blair sat by her self on the other side.

Blair didn't have much of an appetite. Her nerves were frazzled and Chuck's fingers intertwined with Joanna's were doing nothing to soothe her.

Never in her life had Blair felt like this. Sure she had always resented Nate for constantly choosing Serena over her but it was expected. He was Nate.

But with Chuck it was different. Blair knew that whatever Chuck said or did, she was special to him. But it looked as though Chuck had forgotten all about her. He was looking at Joanna the same way he once looked at her. Eyes filled with love and desire.

Conversation was scarce and awkward. Blair was silent and Chuck and Joanna were hardly paying attention to anyone else.

Serena gave Blair a look of pity that Blair despised. She hated pity more than anything else and to be worthy of pity was disgusting to her.

Blair attempted to smile to assure Serena that she was okay and Serena accepted it. Pleased that Blair was feeling better, Serena felt free to converse with the whole table.

"I don't know if I've told any of you but this Friday is Ryan's school play and it would mean so much to all of us if you would come." Serena said brightly. Dan tried not to react.

"What part will Ryan be playing?" Chuck asked, looking away from Joanna for the first time all evening.

"He's going to be a fairy." Serena said as Dan gave her a harsh glare.

"Like father, like son. Right Dan?" Chuck asked with a smirk.

"My son is comfortable enough with his sexuality to play a more feminine role. And I'm fine with that." Dan stated, though he was hardly believable.

"So will you guys come? And of course Nate is invited and he already agreed to go." Serena asked.

"We would love to." Chuck said and kissed Joanna's hand that was laced with his.

"Blair?" Serena asked.

"Absolutely." Blair said trying not to vomit at the spectacle across the table.

"Great." Serena said, pleased that everything seemed to have worked out.

Towards the end of the meal, Chuck excused himself to go to the bathroom. Blair saw this as her opportunity. She had been trying to subtly catch his attention all evening but he either wasn't paying attention or was purposely ignoring her. She hoped it was the former.

She quickly made some excuse up about checking her voicemail and waited outside the bathroom for Chuck to come out.


Several minutes later, Chuck walked out of the bathroom. Before he had time to think, Blair pulled him into Ryan's bedroom and shut the door behind them.

"Can we talk?" Blair asked, trying to sound both composed and apologetic.

"I don't really see what we have to talk about." Chuck said with no emotion.

"Chuck, don't play that game. I know what you saw hurt you, but you have to understand that it meant nothing." Blair tried to explain.

"It didn't hurt me and it doesn't matter. What or rather who you do in your spare time is really none of my concern. You don't owe me anything." Chuck said coldly.

"I don't want to leave it like this. I don't want it to be like last time. I want to give us a chance." Blair said as she became teary eyed.

"Well it doesn't seem to be in the cards anymore, does it?" Chuck asked with bitterness that rivaled the day at the bar all those years ago.

"Chuck, please don't do this. You don't mean that." Blair whispered, almost pleading with him to take back his words.

"You were right before; Joanna doesn't deserve to be treated this way. What you and I did was a mistake, a big, drunken mistake. I should have never let it happen." Chuck said without even looking Blair in the eyes. He opened the door and walked back to the table, leaving Blair speechless.

Blair quickly dried her face and calmed herself enough to walk into the dining room.

"I'm sorry to eat and run but I'm not feeling too well." Blair said as she walked to the table.

"Thanks for having me." She continued as she found her coat and purse.

"B, are you okay?" Serena asked in concern.

"I'm fine. Have a good evening." She managed to say as she slipped out the door before anyone had a chance to say goodbye.

As soon as the door was shut she leaned against it, finally allowing the pent up tears to escape.

She regretted ever coming back. She should have stayed with Pierre in France and pretended to be happy. It was better than feeling genuinely happy and then having it ripped away.

About an hour later, when she heard someone in penthouse opening the door she ran over to the elevator and returned to her room.

Once inside, Blair walked to her bed and got under the covers, not bothering to even take her shoes off. She cried herself to sleep.