Blue Moon

Chapter 10

HSHS

Harry walked into the room and sat his bag down, he sighed wanting desperately to talk to Sirius. So much had happened. He was almost kissed by Sirius again, he had hit his own father, (Merlin help him) and the man now hated him. But on the upside he had been able to talk with his mother and he was sure that she liked him. He would at least have one other friend besides Sirius when he went to Hogwarts in a few days.

"Sirius?" Harry called, he heard his voice echo throughout the room and then he heard something drop.

"Sirius, was that you?" Then something crashed. His heart skipped a beat, something was wrong with Sirius, oh God! He ran to the bathroom door and flung it open, his wand at the ready, panting he held his wand out and gasped.

There Sirius lay on the tub floor naked and crying. Harry's wand dropped out of his hand and he ran over to Sirius. Caring nothing for modesty Harry jumped into the shower with the other boy and crouched down next to him, hardly noticing the water running over his body and soaking his clothes.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked uncertainly. He was shocked when he felt Sirius' large arms wrap around him and pull him to his body. Harry shocked as he was didn't fight the contact at all. Not that he would have even if he wasn't shocked.

"Why do you care Harry? Why don't you fucking hate me? Everyone else does! Why do you have to be different?! I'm a bad person you, shouldn't love me. You should hate me! You will hate me, I know you will!" Sirius buried his face in the crook of Harry's neck and sobbed his frustration. Harry just shifted in Sirius' naked lap and held is friend.

"I thought something horrible earlier Harry, something I'm so ashamed of. I can't love you, Harry, or else I wouldn't have thought it. I don't want you to hate me but it would make things so much easier, it would make what I said alright it would prove I'm no good and I could move on. But you're such a good fucking person, what I thought was so wrong!" Harry hardly caught the jumbled and confusing words spilling rapidly out of Sirius' mouth, with the crying and the water making so much noise, but he caught the main parts. The most important.

"What did you think about me earlier?" Harry asked almost afraid to ask, he closed his eyes tight and commanded his heart to slow down, lest it burst from his chest.

"I can't tell you, I don't want to," Sirius clutched Harry to him tighter and Harry had to push back on the slick shoulders in front of him so he wouldn't be crushed. "You'll leave me," Harry's heart dropped into his stomach like a large stone. What had Sirius so riled up? Why was he suddenly acting like this? Harry had convinced himself that Sirius was all better that the last year had been healed and erased form Sirius' mind. That he had made it all better by being with the older boy. But Harry supposed those were childish thoughts, and Sirius had only pushed his old pains in a bottle and now they had been let free. But from what? What was the catalyst of all this? What had started it all?

"I won't ever leave you, Sirius, I love you."

"But that's just it, I'd leave you," the softly spoken words were heard clearly, almost as if someone had screamed them at the top of their lungs with a sonorous charm on them to boot. Harry felt like someone had dumped cold water on his head and like the world had stopped moving totally. He couldn't hear the running of the shower water or his heart beat or even the loud screeching and rumbling of the train outside. All that he could hear was the one sentence running over and over in his head. "...I'd leave you... I'd leave you." Harry sat limply in Sirius' arms as the words jumped around inside his still mind.

"I'd leave you for James and the rest of my friends. I would give up anything to be with them again, they are all I have, all I've ever really had. I don't love you like I thought I did. I can't love anyone, I'm not able to," Sirius whispered in Harry's ear softly as he held the boy close to his warm naked body.

Harry could literally hear his heart breaking, tearing in two. Sirius didn't love him, didn't want him. The boy's words finally seemed to click in Harry's brain and it snapped the small petite boy out of it. He started pushing furiously on Sirius' wet hard chest, wanting nothing more than to get away and lick his wounds in solitude.

"Harry!" The tiny boy pushed on Sirius some more and when that didn't seem to work he started hitting, slapping and punching him. Whatever he could do to get away from Sirius, his source of pain and anguish.

"Let me go! Get off me!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs, it only vaguely registered in his mind that he had hit Sirius in the face, or that he scratched the boy's bare chest drawing blood. His screams only got louder and the other boy held him tighter. He knew he was crying now but he couldn't seem to tell the difference between his tears and the shower water. He had snapped something in him had finally broken, he didn't care about what he was doing. He was having a total melt down. He couldn't handle it and he was reacting violently.

"Please! Let go of me!" He kicked out a few times but that didn't seem to help as he only ended up flailing backwards. He felt so tired now, his voice was so hoarse and so sore, but he didn't care he wanted Sirius to let go of him. To let him alone. His arms hurt so badly as did his palms and his fists, but he continued to weakly hit Sirius, who to his credit still hadn't let go of Harry.

"Harry! Please!" The bigger boy cried out.

Harry still not wanting to give up hit the solid chest, more and more every time getting weaker and now even whimpering at his own pain, not too soon after that he was unable to do anything more and he fell limp in Sirius' arms once again. He dropped his head back so it wouldn't' have to touch the pureblood's body. Harry closed his dull green eyes and reveled in the cool water falling on his worn out face. Every drop seemed to clear away more tears, more pain, more hate, and more hurt.

He heart Sirius try to lift himself and felt when he didn't as they both slipped back down the wall, he heard Sirius grunt and reach for the tap, turning off the now freezing cold water. It matched Harry's heart, it bleed cold and frozen liquid, his blood. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he tried to move or look around but the water under his eyelids made it terribly uncomfortable, but maybe it wasn't the shower water maybe it was his tears falling back into his eyes? Not wanting to be seen and hiding in shame?

His dry lips opened slightly and sad tired words fell form his lips, "Why?" Sirius just pulled his unresponsive body closer to his and stepped up and out of the shower using all of the strength he had left.

Harry wanted to struggle wanted to scream in protest, he hurt, it was painful to move, his heart was beating and with every beat pain spread through his limbs. The blood pumping in his veins was as cold as winter, not helping his sore limbs but making them hurt to the touch.

Harry felt Sirius lay him on the bed and pull off all his clothes, he didn't care anymore, his mind was numb, he was becoming numb, whatever Sirius wanted to do to him he could do. It didn't matter to him. He felt Sirius lay behind him and curl up next to his wet body with his own, the bed covers were thrown over them and Harry felt Sirius wrap his arm around his waist and pull him closer. They were spooned together as lover's would be and it made Harry shiver. Hot breath on his ear made him gasp.

"I told you, that you would hate me. I told you I was a bad person, you should have believed me," Sirius kissed Harry on the spot right under his ear and then laid his head down on Harry's neck and fell asleep.

Harry laid in the bed, wide eyed and terrified. What was wrong with Sirius? Had he lost his mind? Had the pain finally taken over and turned him into some kind of demon? Harry felt the tears well behind his eyes and sting him. He tried to blink so he could clear his bleary vision, he hadn't even noticed his glasses had fallen off, but he knew even if he did have them on he would still not be able to see. The tears grew and then as if a dam broke the water flowed from his eyes and onto his face. He laid on the bed sobbing and crying out his grief and hurt. The world would soon know that the vibrant, passionate and loving young Boy-Who-Lived had finally been broken. Not by some crazed Dark Lord but by the man he loved.

HSHS

Harry packed his luggage as quickly and as quietly as he could, he didn't want to wake Sirius up. The boy hadn't slept much after their first fight. The last three days had been hell, Harry had tried to get Sirius to talk to him. To tell him why he had said those things. Why he had hurt Harry like that, but every time he got close enough to the truth Sirius would yell at him and they would fight. Every one ending in Harry's tears and Sirius' sleepless nights.

Harry had even tried apologizing for hurting Sirius like he had, pleading with the boy to forgive him. Sirius would only shake his head and tell Harry it wasn't his fault, and that he had deserved every single blow. And then he would drop the matter and ignore Harry again, closing himself off for hours.

Today, though was the day that they were going to Hogwarts, Harry tried to be excited. He would meet the other Marauders and he would finally get the chance to meet with Dumbledore. And maybe find a way to go home.

Home.

The thought both excited and frightened Harry. On one side he wanted to go back to his Sirius. Where the man there was at least slightly sane, and still loved him. He would be able to see all his friends again and possibly be happy again. But on the other side, what all had changed? What damage had he done to the past? How had he changed the future? Would Sirius be alive there? Would he, Harry even be alive? Would Voldemort have taken over? Were his parents alive there? Or were they still dead? The questions came a mile a minute but Harry had to push them away and live here in the now and with what he had. And that was Sirius.

He still didn't know what had triggered all of this, why Sirius was acting this way. It didn't make any sense, Sirius had been better, he was happy again. He had even said it himself. And it hurt Harry to think that it could have been his fault that Sirius was upset again. His father had been ready to say he was sorry to Sirius and to make up. He had been ready to be friends again and then he had seen Sirius with Harry and they had fought, things probably still could have been mended but then he had ruined it by hitting his own father of all bloody people.

All of this was his fault and he was determined that sometime today he fix it, patch everything up. Talk to his father maybe? Since Sirius was definitely not talking to him. There seemed only one person who could heal the man's heart now. And it hurt Harry to think that it wasn't him.

Harry had gone and gotten his school supplies the day after the fight and he had them all packed away in a new trunk. He had also gotten his acceptance letter back and a personal letter from Dumbledore telling him to meet him in his office before the sorting happened. Harry shrunk his trunk and placed it in his pocket. Last night he has packed for Sirius and now all he had to do was wake the boy and it would be time to leave the Inn and go to King's Cross.

Harry put Sirius' shrunken trunk in his other pocket and walked over to the side of the bed where the dog animagus was currently sleeping. Harry knelt by the side of the bed and lightly shook Sirius. Harry was unpleasantly surprised when Sirius' eyes snapped right open and he looked Harry strait in the eyes. The green eyed boy stood still with shock, not being able to say a word. He didn't have to because after only a few solid second of the two staring at each other unblinkingly Sirius pulled away from Harry's hold and slipped out of the other side of the bed.

"Good morning, Sirius," Harry tried as he stood up. But Sirius only nodded his head and pulled on the shirt and pants that Harry had laid out for him the night before.

"I have all your stuff packed and ready, all we had to do is leave, we can get breakfast on the train," Harry said walking over to Sirius with their room keys in his hand. Sirius turned to Harry with dull grey eyes and nodded his head. Harry blinked when he noticed the hand Sirius was holding out, for a second he thought Sirius wanted to hold his hand and his heart skipped a beat.

"My trunk," Sirius said in a sickly hoarse voice. Harry cringed and the thought of Sirius having not spoken in days, or drank any water either. His throat must have hurt so bad. Harry pulled Sirius' trunk out of his pocket and he handed it to the boy, who after receiving his trunk turned and walked right out of the room.

With every step he took Harry felt his heart breaking just a little bit more.

HSHS

A/N: Okay people if you didn't hate me for my first update I bet you hate me now. My depressing muse came to me and hit me on the head. She said, "With hearts of gold, and words so cold, break his soul and... leave you readers wanting more... and feeling strong desires to murder you." Okay so the last lines didn't rhyme but my fairy muse person isn't all that good with poems and so she said screw it and finished it in plain English. Her exact words "Screw that Shakeyspeare person!"

I was also listening to the sound track to "Queen of The Damned" so I was in a depressed kinda mood. All I can say is that the next chapter when Harry and James meet again there will be some... Interesting happenings. heehee I suck so bad right now. But I am typing the next chapter so no worries. You might just get it tomorrow. Or if I get enough reviews tonight.

And has anyone noticed that this is the longest chapter yet?! YAY me!

I hope you decide to review!

-Bloody