I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!! It has been sooooooooo long since I updated but I lost my muse with this story, I got it back today but it was frustrating because now that I am back at college I don't have much time to write but here I am with this chapter.
I should warn people there is a line in here that only Australian readers are going to get, its kind of a rip off from a fishermen's friend add (which I don't own just borrowing along with Torchwood).
You will find out a bit about Ianto in this chapter it is very much centred around him well for the most part. ENJOY!
The good the bad and the beautiful
Jack was alone in the Hub again, Gwen was cleaning her kitchen again and Ianto was going through old photos again. Only this time they weren't denying why they were upset, no all three of them had the same thing on their minds. After Ianto told them about the loop hole he had found, the afternoon passed in screams, tears and threats.
Flashback-
Jack let out an exasperated groan and he spun around to face Ianto. "I don't care Ianto! It's not happening, I won't allow it!" jack, Gwen and Ianto were standing at opposite ends of the conference room. They were staring daggers at each other.
"Well I won't Retcon him and we can't send him to UNIT!" Ianto yelled
"But why not? Would it be really that bad for him there?" said Gwen in a small voice.
"God Gwen, have you not been listening to us? It would be hell for him there!" Jack said rounding on the welsh woman.
"I swear to god Jack if you're going to continue to suggest Retcon I would get off my side RIGHT now!" Ianto said through gritted teeth.
"What the fuck has got in to you?" Jack gave Ianto a questioning look.
"Oh I fucking wonder Jack!" Ianto's voice was dripping in sarcasm. "You have been telling us that Torchwood destroys lives and that Mathew is too young to be signed up. Has it slipped your mind that I was 18 when I was recruited? Not to mention the fact that I am still fucking here!"
"No Ianto, that hasn't 'slipped my mind' I think about it every fucking day! I think about how the one thing I want for you is a normal life and I can't give it to you. I think about how you have been hurt a thousand times over and how that you're going to continue to get hurt. All because Torchwood got in early and ruined whatever chances you had at stability."
"Jack you are right. I have never and will never have a normal life and I have been hurt more times that I would ever like to actually count and I am well aware there is more to come. Did you ever stop,
and think, just for a moment that I might actually be happy? I am thoroughly depressed about Toshiko and Owen but I am actually happy despite what I lost that night. As for the normal life thing didn't I talk to you about that last night? I don't want one! the point is Jack I'm happy, and I wouldn't have that if it wasn't for Torchwood! Did you think of that, did it cross your mind even for a second? No, of course you didn't, you're too busy being the high and mighty hero to notice what's right in front of your fucking eyes! God I want to shoot you for shits and giggles sometimes!"
Jack looked like he had been slapped by a slippery fish by a woman wearing a red raincoat carrying a panda cub. "You… you're… you're happy?"
"Of course I am Jack! Why the fuck wouldn't I be? I'm in love, I never thought that would happen again, and I save the world for a living! I know that when you look at what we do you see gloom and darkness, but I don't Jack! I see light and happiness! And you would too if you ever got off that bloody roof top. You say that we're here fighting for the human race, for the future. But tell me Jack, when was the last time you went and saw what we're fighting for?"
Jack wanted to say something but for the first time words had failed him.
Ianto continued speaking as if he hadn't stoped at all. "Every time I see a family at a park or an elderly couple holding hand in the street or even a mother nagging her daughter about the amount of make-up she wares, I smile. Do you know why Jack?"
"Why?" Jack's voice was barely a whisper, but Ianto heard it.
"Because I know I help them keep that. We stop aliens from invading all of the time. Because we stop them, because of what we do here, they get the very best shot at a normal life." Ianto didn't seem to notice the fact that he was crying. "All my chances at a normal life a long since gone but I don't care and this job, it's worth the risks!"
Ianto felt Gwen take his hand. "You're right." She said. "Jack, I agree with Ianto don't make him forget what he lost, sign him up."
Jack turned away, shaking his head. "It's his decision to make, but he has to have ALL the facts."
End flashback-
Jack sighed as the events of that afternoon passed through his mind. He sent Mathew home with Ianto not long after that argument. It was agreed that Mathew could relate more to him. He put his head on his hands, he knew Ianto was right, but the words he had said cut deep. The fact was that Jack spent almost 140 years waiting for the Doctor and he just let people pass him by, he let time pass him by. He forgot what it was like to just live he spent so much time inside the Hub he found it odd to remember there was a whole world outside.
"What's wrong with you now?" said a familiar drawl from his door.
Jack let out a frustrated grunt. "What do you want John?"
John threw himself into a chair opposite Jack. "Well someone's mister cranky today isn't he. I saw eye candy leave with the toy boy about half an hour ago. Is Ianto not sharing?"
"Leave me be, please."
"So it is Ianto, am I right? I'm right aren't I? I do love being right."
"Yes, you're right." Jack knew there was no point in hiding it.
John leaned forwards, "I'm all ears, well I'm not but I had a boyfriend who was, he was a great shag but I always got the impression that he never listened to me."
Jack groaned again. "I don't suppose there is any chance of you leaving any time soon?"
"Nope, I', not going anywhere until you talk to me."
"Fine." Jack went into his tale about Mathew, Ianto and the 21st century.
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Gwen was scrubbing the counter in her kitchen, she was working hard a layer of sweat had formed on her brow. Her mind was working faster than she could possibly imagine. Jack had sent her home not long after Ianto and she got restless because her mind kept retreating back to the argument, so she did the only thing she knew would take her mind off it, she started cleaning. She knew Ianto was right, but she also knew Jack was mad, and a mad Jack was never good news for anyone.
Not too long ago she would have been ecstatic about Jack and Ianto fighting, she would have seen it as a prime opportunity to take her chances at Jack. But now, now she wouldn't dream of it. When Toshiko and Owen died she saw that her infatuation with Jack was nothing but hero worship. She realised that she loved Rhys more that life itself and that Jack and Ianto needed each other that their love is epic, so seeing them fighting like they did cut her deep.
Gwen was inspired by Ianto, he had lost so much in his life but still he was fighting, he was stronger than any of them despite it all. Maybe whatever he spoke to Mathew about would be good for him. Watching Ianto argue with jack made Gwen think it was possible to work for Torchwood and yet still be happy. The thought of this calmed her down a little, but she was still freaking out just not as completely as before.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ianto walked into his lounge room and saw Mathew looking at his bookcase. "Come sit down Mathew." Ianto sat on his sofa and opened a black box. It was about the size of a shoe box, covered in dust and looked like it had been in a cupboard for many a year.
Mathew sat next to Ianto and peered into the box. "What's all this?"
"This is my life, my life before Torchwood three. As you can see I don't have as many photos and memories in this one as I do that one." Ianto pointed to the box that held the photos he was looking at two nights ago. The box on his lap held some letters, ticket stubs, a few photos and some other bits of seemingly useless things. "Mathew, let me tell you a story.
"When I was 18 I was recruited to Torchwood one, they recruited me because I was trained highly in hand on hand combat and that appealed to them. I was put into field training straight away; it was just basic stuff at first you know advanced physical combat and basic weapons. I was promoted not long after my 19th birthday, put into lethal weapons training and then I was put in a team that did regular field missions.
"After about a year they noticed that my reports were different to the others, more detailed, more organised. They transferred me to the research department where they put me in the archives. That's where I met Lisa, I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to her, I hadn't met anyone other that soldiers for over a year. We made friends quickly; she seemed to see past the simple archivist and deadly solider shell I had put up. She saw the real me not the Torchwood one.
"Me and her were friends for a few years, we made more friends within Torchwood we kind of had our own little group there. Lisa and I started dating not long after my 22nd birthday. I seemed to have the perfect life, love, friends, a steady job, but it was a lie, I wasn't happy, not in the slightest. I think I knew deep down but I wouldn't admit to the fact that I was working for Brittan's most corrupt institution. They were using alien tech fo9r their own benefit and I just sat there and watched it crumble. I probably would have left if it wasn't for Lisa; I loved her so I had to stay with her.
"It all fell apart with Canary Warf. I lost so much that day, I lost the friends who had become more like family and even though I didn't realise it at the time, I lost the only woman I ever loved. I watched everything crumble; I watched my life burn before my eyes. Everyone died and I lived, I had nothing."
"Why are you tilling me this Ianto?" Mathew watched as Ianto dug around in the box, he seemed to be driving down memory lane.
"Because when I was at your flat yesterday, I was telling you about Torchwood, I only told you the good, needed to know the bad."
"But, why?" Mathew picked up a photo of Ianto and a young dark woman.
"Because I didn't before, I told you about the wonderful feelings I have and how beautiful it all is, but Mathew you needed to know the truth. You needed to know that it isn't all fun and games, that there are real risks involved and that the average age for a Torchwood employee is 35. Well the latter excludes Jack he's excluded from most rules actually, like the rules of physics for example."
"Ianto you're making no sense, and you're still not telling me why."
"Well when I was looking for a loop hole earlier, I found one. It turns out that due too certain amendments in the late 80's, UNIT have absolutely no power over a Torchwood employee."
"Oh" Mathew lent deep into the chair.
"Yeah." There was a thick silence after this but Ianto couldn't take it he had to say… something… anything. "Yeah, so that means that you have another option, that's a good thing righ-"
"Ianto, shut up for a minute." Ianto was shocked but complied. "I want to ask you something"
"OK, shoot."
"You just told me that Torchwood is full of risks and you're pretty much guaranteed a short and lonely life."
"Well I didn't say that exactly."
"No, but it is true. So here's my question; are you happy Ianto? Despite everything you are happy aren't you? Is it worth it?"
Ianto took a deep breath and let a small smile cross his features. "Yeah Mathew, I am. And yes , it is."
HOURS LATER
Ianto was sitting on his kitchen counter with a phone to his ear. "Jack? It's Ianto, Mathew's made a decision."
So what do you think? Oh and the line I took from the add, was the bit about jack looking like he had been hit by a slippery fish by a woman in a red raincoat. Please review.
