Chapter Three

Another hour ticked away as Alexis kept looking at her watch. Kristina, Spencer, and Molly were back in their room on the plane and Sam was sitting across from her … just waiting.

"What?!" Alexis finally confronted her staring daughter.

"You're like a little teenager with a crush … you just don't know who your crush is," Sam grinned.

"Oh, zip it."

"It shouldn't be that hard, I mean … who did you love the most?"

"Samantha! It's not that easy!"

"Why?"

"Love is different."

Sam knew this, but she still played dumb, "How?"

Alexis blew out … frustrated, "Okay, with Ned … it was comfortable love … but maybe too comfortable … too innocent. He didn't know pain, really. I mean, sure, his family was clinically insane, but he didn't know the raw fear that I did from the world. It lasted so long because I forgot my past when I was with him. I loved that about him. When we were together, it was just us."

"… and Jax and Chloe …"

Alexis smiled, "Right."

"With Sonny?"

"He was the bad boy that would never love me back. I think he loved me, but not the way I wanted in the end. He chose Carly over me … and I accepted it. He grew, over the years, to hate me more than he hated his other enemies, so that's why I don't think it's Sonny on the other end of this plane ride. I don't see him letting go of the past."

"… but, Ma, what if he's realized, after being with Kate … that she's a substitute for you … that it was you he wanted all this while?"

"You're a hopeless romantic. Sonny doesn't assess his life that way. He thinks in the moment."

"So you are ruling out Sonny?"

"A part of me wants it to be him."

"Really?!"

"You sound so surprised."

"I am."

"A part of me wants it to be Ned … another, Jax … and yes, Jerry. A very, very small part misses the Ric I once knew."

Sam stopped smiling slowly and looked down to her hands.

"What, Sam?"

"I'm just sorry for what happened …"

"I know, sweetheart, you've apologized … I've forgiven you."

"I remember how you two were when you were happy, you looked happy."

"I was happy with Ric, but I also knew that he'd never love me as much as the idea of being close to his brother. I guess Sonny has that affect on people."

Sam changed the subject, and it was obvious, "What about Jax?"

"What about him? I love him. I've always loved him and I always will. He's … he's the best friend anyone could have. I'm sure he's the best boyfriend or husband as well. He loves with his entire heart. He's not worried that the woman will break it in two … break him. He loves completely and I want that."

"So do you think that Jerry does that too? Is that why you partly want him?"

"Jerry is in a league all his own. We would fight every day and I'm sure make up every night."

"Ew."

"Sam. I'm just saying … he's the challenge for me. I'm not saying that he's any smarter than the other three, but there's just something … that draws me to him. He's an equal to me and the fact that he realizes that I'm equal to him makes me …"

"Want him more?"

Alexis nodded slightly, "I guess," she smiled and debated in her head … was it Jerry? Did she want him more because he was a mystery to her. She didn't know every fault that he held yet … why was that attractive to her?

"So I have another question, and if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I wanted to let you know that I want to know."

"Okay … what?"

"Who's my father?"

Alexis kept the contact with Sam and managed her facial expression to that of 'it's all okay' … though it really wasn't. She dreaded this.

"Sam," Alexis began, she'd recited this so much before, but it slipped her mind now … she lost all concept of words … and that frightened her. Words were her life. She took a deep breath in, "Let me ask you something … Sam, what do you think happened?"

This surprised Sam. She thought many things, but she didn't want to share them with her mother.

"Seriously, you've had years to think about this. Who do you think your father is? What do you think happened? Who do you want him to be?"

"Why do I have to answer this?"

Alexis felt bad immediately. She didn't want to make her uncomfortable, "I'm sorry darlin' … I wasn't meaning to upset you, I just … I want to know what's been in your mind about all of this. You've never asked me about him. I just … I want to see how you feel."

Sam looked down, this was unexpected, "Well … I don't know, I mean … you aren't the type of person to …" she avoided her mother's eyes, "sleep around. I assume you didn't just accidentally get pregnant, so … it was either love or …" she didn't want to say it.

"Rape?"

She nodded.

"It wasn't rape," Alexis assured.

Sam finally met her gaze, "It wasn't?"

Alexis shook her head, "No."

"Then, it was love?"

"Yes."

Sam sighed. She was astonished at how large a load had just been lifted off her shoulders. She'd just always assumed rape.

Alexis smiled, "Feel better?"

"Mmm hmm …" Sam smiled and got up to sit by her mother, "So who was he?"

"You might not like it, or understand, but I'll tell you …" Alexis was suddenly calm, "Sam, I attended an all girls boarding school … you know that?"

"Yeah."

"Well … I um … I was extremely mature for fifteen … I didn't … I didn't act like the other girls and wasn't interested in what they were. I was all about school and doing well, so I … I spent a lot of time with my professors …"

"Oh my God," Sam blurted out.

"Yes, Sam …" she couldn't help but smile, "I fell in love with my history teacher."

"Oh my GOD!!" Sam laughed. Tears came to her eyes. She did not expect this.

"On my behalf, like I said, I was a lot older than fifteen at that age and he was only twenty-three."

"Oh my …"

"Sam! You have to stop saying that!"

"Sorry, this is just … so much better that I thought!"

"Well, my God, Sam, what on earth did you think?!"

"I thought …" she looked away and became serious, "Nothing, never mind …"

"You thought I was raped … by who? Stavros, Stefan? Some random boy?"

"Well, I mean … I'm sorry."

"No, baby, don't be, Ric asked the same question after he found out. He was so worried … it was pretty funny … he was the most supportive then when we were looking for you. When I told him that I slept with my teacher, he just … well, reacted like you did … laughing."

"I'm sorry … it's not funny."

"It's unlike me, and that's funny."

"So, why … um, why didn't you two, you know, run away together or something?"

"He wanted to, but when Mikkos found out that I was pregnant … he had him thrown in jail … and you were given away."

Sam sat, stunned, "… but … Mikkos loved you … why would he do that to you?"

"He loved me, but he wouldn't let that damage his reputation, I mean … he didn't listen to me, but I guess if the roles were reversed, and Kristina or Molly told me that they were in love with their teachers at fifteen, I'd do the same thing."

Sam thought about it, "Yeah, I'd kick his ass."

Alexis laughed.

"What's his name?"

Alexis breathed in nervously, "Sam … this is the hard part … when I moved to Port Charles, being around Nikolas … I thought about you more and more … you two are almost the same age … anyway, I tried to contact him again ... um, to see if he wanted to try to help me find you, but ... "

"Yeah?"

"He died, Sam. He was in a car accident about fifteen years ago."

Sam couldn't move. She was … numb.

"His name was David. David Hathsorn."

"He … he's dead?"

Alexis took Sam's hand, "I'm so sorry, baby."

Sam didn't know how exactly to feel. Of course she was sad … a little angry that she never had a chance to meet him, but there was something else in her heart … a pull to do something … something to acknowledge him in some way.

"Are you okay?"

Sam shook her head, "Not really, I don't know … I'm just …"

"You're disappointed. You have no idea how upset I was when I found out. I mean, he spent three years in prison for me …"

"Did he contact you when he got out?"

"Not when he got out … about two years later. I was in law school then and he wanted to see you."

"Oh, that must have been a shock to him … me not with you."

"We met on one of my days off … he was devastated that I had to give you up. You would've been five then …"

"So he forgave you?"

"I don't think he was ever mad at me, I mean, I was fifteen … I didn't tell Mikkos and I fought like hell to change Mikkos' mind about pressing charges, but my father, let's just say, does his own thing. No, David was okay … he was finally happy … he couldn't teach anymore, but he found another job at a museum in New York … he was dating someone, I believe they were engaged."

Sam watched her mother relive that day, and smiled.

"He didn't change a bit, but he said that I looked like a completely different person. I mean, it had been almost six years since we were together … I was almost twenty-one …"

"There was still something there?"

Alexis blushed, "Oh yeah," she laughed, "Wouldn't that have just made my father so giddy. No, the attraction to each other was and would always be there, but there was too much between us … there was no way …"

"… so you lost touch?"

"I didn't speak to him after he hugged me 'good-bye' that night. We agreed that it was for the best … he had moved on … I was in the middle of law school …"

"I'm sorry."

Alexis looked curiously at Sam, "For what?"

"Well, if I hadn't come along, you two wouldn't have gotten caught."

"Oh, baby, hush!" Alexis playfully swatted at Sam's shoulder, "You're worth everything that we went through! I just wish that I could have kept you, you know?"

Sam nodded slightly, looking down to her hands.

"Sam, you do know that, right? That if I could live it all over again, I wouldn't in a million years give you up. Sure, life was easier without a child, but, baby … you would've given me more sense of accomplishment than any diploma or degree would have … you do know that? You know that giving you up was the worst mistake of my life, right?" Alexis took her hand and Sam brought her eyes up to meet her mother's.

"It was?"

"Sam," Alexis pulled Sam to her and hugged her tightly, "You were my first miracle, darlin', and you always have been."