Dearly Beloved

Chapter 17

A week after the funeral Rudy and his wife arrived in Sweetwater. No one felt up to having visitors stay at the ranch, so they took a room at a hotel in town. Beth was glad her brother had come, even if he wasn't the most sympathetic of men. He got right down to business after he came to the ranch to see her.

"I've come to bring you home, Bethy," Rudy stated bluntly, as they sat alone in the parlor.

"What?" she murmured, not expecting at the surety of his tone, as if the decision had already been made.

"You should come back to St. Louis with Claire and me. Grandfather agrees."

Beth sighed tiredly. She had not been sleeping well, still suffering from bouts of nausea throughout the day and night. Her face was pale, dark smudges under her eyes which matched the dourness of her dress.

"Do I get a say in this?" she retorted, unable to mask the irritability in her voice.

Rudy was surprised by her tone, used to her mild-mannered demeanor. "Of course you do. But you know it's the right thing to do. With Adam gone you can't stay here. You owe it to him to raise your child where it can receive the very best care and education. You need to be with your own family."

Beth got up and stood by the window. In truth she had already contemplated the very thing Rudy was proposing, but hearing it from her brother's lips made her feel like she was betraying Adam somehow.

"I don't know…" she said quietly.

"What would you do if you stayed here? You have the child to think of."

Beth parted the curtains in order to watch Ethan and Jake playing in the yard. "We made a home here."

"What, those rooms above the clinic? I've seen your home, Beth, and I cannot believe that's the best Adam could do for you. I thought he'd at least have–"

"Don't you speak of my husband that way!" Beth spat at him angrily, whirling around from the window.

Rudy was taken aback at her outburst, but he straightened his vest, reminding himself that she was grieving. He tried again.

"You need to do what's best for yourself and the child now."

"I'm not exactly destitute, Rudy. We had a little money saved and I have my inheritance from our parents."

He scoffed dismissively at her words. "That is hardly a sum of money large enough to look after yourself, let alone a child. Be sensible, Bethy."

She sighed again, returning her gaze to the window. "I've always been sensible."

Rudy opened his mouth to point out that marrying a man from a small town in the middle of nowhere and insisting on making her home there was hardly sensible, but he feared another scolding from her.

"You cannot be considering raising your child out here," Rudy said gently, trying a different approach. He moved to stand by her side and took her hands in his. "It's not safe. Look at what happened to Adam – shot by an outlaw when he was just to help an injured man. I shudder to think what might happen to you alone in this place. Or the child."

Beth pondered this thought, and it frightened her to her core. She rested a hand on her small belly, trying not to imagine that terrible scenario.

"Please, Bethy, come home," Rudy urged her.

She raised her eyes to meet her brother's, indecision etched in her features.


Jamie was tempted to throw Rudy off the property when he found out what he was proposing.

"She can't leave," he thundered, pacing the length of the dining table as the rest of the family sat trying to eat, but no one had any appetite.

Beth had taken Rudy for a walk to Adam's gravesite, giving them only a short time to talk in her absence.

"We don't want Beth to go," Jake piped up, Ethan nodding solemnly beside him.

"She has to do what's right for her," reasoned Kid quietly, but he was just as unhappy as the rest of them.

"What's right is if she stays here, she's part of this family!" Jamie replied angrily.

"Maybe she thinks she has to go, now that Adam…" murmured Charlie, unable to finish the thought.

"That's crazy, why would she think that?"

"She's gonna have a baby, Jamie," his father reminded him. "Maybe she'd feel safer with her own family."

"That baby is Adam's too, and it belongs here. They both do."

"It's not our decision to make," Kid said firmly.

Jamie threw up his hands in frustration, annoyed that no one else seemed to think Beth leaving Sweetwater was wrong. None of them wanted to her to go, but they weren't up in arms about it either. He glared at his family before turning his anger on his mother who sat at the head of the table, unspeaking.

"Aren't you going to say somethin'? Anythin'? Do you even care she might be leavin'?" Jamie yelled at her.

Lou looked up at her son but did not respond. She had said very little since Adam had died, and seemed not to care about much anymore.

Her silence infuriated him even more. "I guess you don't, huh? Maybe if you hadn't been so damn cold to her when she first came here, treatin' her like she didn't belong–"

"That is enough, Jamie," Kid shouted, rising to his feet.

Jamie swallowed the rest of his words, knowing he was being unfair in taking his feelings out on his mother. He looked regretfully at Lou. "Ma–"

But she ignored him and rose slowly from the table. Without a glance at anyone she left the room and climbed the stairs to retreat into her bedroom once more.


Later that night when the rest of the household was asleep, Beth sat in the rocking chair in her room, thinking about what she was going to do. She glanced around the glum, unadorned walls of the bedroom which was really Jamie's. He had moved into the bunkhouse once more so she did not have to stay in the room downstairs which she'd shared with Adam, and where his body had lain when it had been brought home. The pale light from her lantern cast gloomy shadows around her, which reflected her mood perfectly.

Beth was lost in thought and was startled when she heard a faint knocking on her door.

"Come in," she called softly, wrapping her shawl around her nightdress. She was surprised when Lou's face appeared around the door.

"I saw your light on," she said, but did not enter the room.

"I couldn't sleep." Beth rose from her seat. "Please, come in."

She had seen little of Lou since the funeral and had spoken to her even less. Both women were too consumed by their own grief to offer much comfort to the other. Beth didn't know what to say to her. Lou glanced around the room, avoiding meeting her eyes. It wasn't until Beth offered her a seat on the edge of the bed and she had sat down that she finally looked at her.

"Your brother came," Lou stated.

"Yes."

When Beth didn't offer any further explanation Lou continued, "I hear he's asked you to go home to St. Louis."

Beth bobbed her head. "Yes."

Again Lou waited, but there was only silence. "And are you?"

"I don't know." Beth didn't know where to look, and wished Lou would stop staring at her so intently. She sat down in the rocking chair opposite her.

"I'll understand if you do," Lou said with guarded empathy. "It must be hard for you, bein' away from your family."

Beth frowned slightly, wondering why Lou was making it easy for her to make the decision. Everything Rudy had said was true – she had little money, and no real way to support herself or a child. Perhaps she was being foolish, thinking she should stay.

Lou leaned forward to catch her eye, and this time she spoke with more difficulty. "But you need to know that, if you want to stay, you're part of this family."

Beth's vision grew misty at her mother-in-law's words, and her throat tightened painfully.

"This is your home now," she went on. "And you being here means part of Adam is too. I don't mean the baby. The memory of the two of you. It's like we still have him with us."

Lou reached out and took her hand, her own eyes filling with tears. "I didn't expect I'd lose my son," she whispered, her voice failing her. "And I would hate to lose you, too."

Beth smiled as she wiped furtively at her cheeks. She had not expected such a candid admission from Lou. "I don't want to be a burden."

"Beth, we want you here, all of us..." Lou said determinedly, squeezing her hand. "We need you here. Please stay…"

A small sob escaped Beth's lips as she nodded and moved into Lou's waiting arms. Her mother-in-law held her tightly as both women gave into their overwhelming loss. And for the first time, Beth felt like she was home.